Chapter 14

Nyoka stared at the leopard. "Talk to me… about what?"

Amina looked around the area and saw a secluded place with trees and a stream. "Follow me."

She started walking and Nyoka turned to Hisani. "Why is she here?"

"Like she said, Nyoka, she wants to talk."

He opened his mouth then closed it. No use asking or clarifying. Hisani planned this. He sighed loudly in surrender and followed the shaman. They lay down in the grass near the stream of water, facing each other.

"Okay, Amina, seriously, what's this all about?" Nyoka asked.

"You tell me."

"I have nothing to tell."

The way he started rubbing his forepaw along the grass told Amina he did. Rubbing his paw idly was the sign, at least to her that Nyoka wanted to speak but was afraid. She leaned forward a little. "Nyoka, whatever it is you want to say, you can say it to me. You know I'll listen."

He smirked. "Yeah…" His thoughts started to gather. Should he? Go on, ask her. It's been two weeks; surely she has to know by now! And Hisani brought her to you! He exhaled slowly. It was now or never. "I take it you know what happened with me and Idhara?" He looked to the side, not wanting to see her face, afraid to see the shame he'd seen on so many animals already.

"Yes."

Her voice held no condemnation and Nyoka willed himself to relax. "Then I suppose you're here to tell me that I made a terrible, life changing mistake and that Idhara and I sinned. Well, I already know and I'm paying for it now and will also pay for it again when I die, which I am willing to do." Finding the courage, Nyoka turned and looked her straight in the face. "I am, Amina. I'm willing to pay before our Creator."

The shaman only nodded, mentally noting the serious stare in his eyes. He wasn't playing. A small flicker of hope welled within her. Lord, he's no snake, she prayed. He really wants to make amends in this life and the next. "I believe you, but I also hope you won't have to. Pay for it when you die, I mean."

"Yeah, well, we'll see in the end."

Amina's ear flickered and she closed her eyes for a second. She couldn't picture him before the Almighty. The subject needed to be changed, at least partly. "Hisani tells me you're doing well with your… demotion."

Nyoka shrugged. "I'm trying. I'll admit that it feels weird being back where I started but what's even weirder is Imani being leader. He's doing fine and giving me the cold shoulder. I don't blame him. I still feel lousy for the whole thing as it is and his attitude isn't helping."

Her adrenaline shot up. Yes! This was the moment she'd been waiting for. She spoke carefully, making sure her words didn't sound intrusive or that he would take offense and brush her off.

"Why do you feel lousy?" she asked quietly.

He turned his eyes to her and she saw them snap. He didn't speak and wouldn't take offense to her question. Compared to the others, she, like Hisani and Atiya, were trying to help in a way that didn't involve hurting him. "I'll tell you why, Amina." His words came out controlled. "I seduced my best friend's wife." The pain in his voice was evident and it was clear to Amina that he would carry it for the rest of his life. "I seduced the queen, a lioness already spoken for. I committed a terrible crime, so yeah, I feel lousy. I always will." His eyes fell on the grass and he shut them. "I wish I could take it back but I can't. Even if Hisani never forgives me all I want is to serve him and this kingdom. It's all I have."

"That's very noble of you."

"It doesn't change anything."

"No, but you're making an effort not to beg for forgiveness."

"Begging won't help and I'm trying not to."

"That's all you can do, but you know what I think?"

He opened his eyes reluctantly and met hers. "What…?"

"That you're not the kind of lion to seduce a lioness whether she's married or not."

Words of alarm sounded in his head. How can she say that? Of course I'm the kind of –

No, you're not, son. Come back from the lie and return to the truth.

His eyes widened. That voice… He hadn't heard it in months. The last time he did – Nyoka trembled. No, it wasn't possible… was it? The voice had warned him that fateful night but he didn't listen. Nyoka groaned and put his paws over his head, burying his muzzle in the grass.

Amina noticed. "Nyoka, are you all right?"

The yell that erupted from him was muffled and quickly he shot his head up, breathing hard and heavy. He could see the shaman looking at him with grave concern. He knew why, knew how he probably looked: like a lion at war with himself. And he was. Yeah, he was grateful for the second chance Hisani had given him, but what he had done to get it…

Return to the truth…

The voice's last four words ran all through his head, urging him to do the right thing. If he did, would there be consequences? Not just for himself but for Idhara? Would they be worse, not filled with the partial mercy Hisani had extended, like letting them stay? The questions continued until Nyoka remembered something his mother had once said when he and Imani were cubs.

Promise me my sons that you will grow up wise, strong and gentle. But most of all, and most important – never lie. Always be honest with and to one another and others. Once you lie, it will either come back to haunt you or become more than one. It will trap you. Honesty is always best because it holds truth and truth, however painful telling, will ultimately set you free.

When they were young and growing, Nyoka and Imani kept the promise. It was simple for Imani since his name meant honest. But for Nyoka something about it stayed with him, always did until eight months ago. Was it the deep sincerity of its meaning or how sweet it sounded? Imani was a thinker but not a deep thinker like him. Nyoka was, some would say, an idealist; the one who believed that life had a deeper meaning and had to be lead in a way that pleased the One who created it. And one of the other things he loved, but rarely did anymore, was looking at the stars. Just take time away from sleep to look at their majestic beauty, to reflect on life and how important and wonderful it could be.

The shaman's voice drew him from his thoughts.

"Nyoka, are you okay?" She waved a paw in his face. "Can you hear me?"

Without warning, his body jerked and his eyes looked up at her. "Huh, what…?"

She drew her paw away. "Are you okay? You looked like you were in a trance."

Nyoka's breathing was slow and his heart pounded. He waited until it calmed then said, "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine…" He sighed deeply, but the words – the voice's and his late mother's – came back on the cool air.

Come back from the lie and return to the truth.

Honesty is always best… it holds truth and truth, however painful, will ultimately set you free.

In that moment he understood. Why would the voice's warning and his mother's special reminder about the importance of honesty come back unless – "You know I lied to Hisani."

Amina nodded once. "Yes."

"Then Hisani knows too, right? He must have been thinking about my confession, my change, then he told you and you started putting two and two together. Then he brought you here to talk to me." He scoffed but not negatively. "You know I wasn't sure he would go for that false confession. I thought he'd see right through it."

"There's a reason you lied, isn't there?"

He lowered his head. "Yes," he said quietly. "But you're not going to like it… neither will Hisani."

"He should be here. If you want to tell me what really happened."

"I should and if I do this might be the last time you see me."

"I highly doubt Hisani will banish you for telling the truth."

Nyoka started to stand. "Shall I get him?"

"Only if you want him to know what really happened with you and Idhara."

He turned and looked in the direction Hisani and the pride was. He inhaled the cool air through his mouth. "He needs to know. He's my friend and my king. Telling him will be painful… but it will ultimately set him and all of us free." His eyes grew distant as he started walking and for a split second he could see his mother's face.

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Princess Adaeze stood on a small hill with Nabila at her side. Below were an antelope and a wildebeest, the representatives of their respective species. She could feel the adrenaline coursing through her. This was probably how her father felt before beginning a case. She stared down at the animals. So far they hadn't seemed to mind her presence, and Nabila told them about the king.

The herbivores were unsure, having their king's daughter taking over his duties for the day.

"But," the wildebeest had said, "she is our princess and next in line to the throne."

"Yeah, so she'll be dealing with us and the other representatives eventually. It's always good to start early." The antelope bowed. "My lady…"

Adaeze had smiled a little at that then shook her head. Enough pleasantries and down to business… "What seems to be the problem?" she asked, hoping her voice sounded with authority.

The antelope stepped forward. "The wildebeest have invaded the territory of my people, your highness." Quickly, he shot a look at his opponent.

"For what reason have they done this?" Adaeze asked.

"They claim that the grass on their side of the kingdom is drying."

The wildebeest kept his eyes on the princess as he responded. "It is. There are hardly any healthy looking blades left and when we taste it…" He shrugged and stuck out his tongue a little, as if he could still taste the foulness. "The waterholes are fine, it's just the grass. We can't eat it, plain and simple." His ears fell. "One of the calves got sick a few days ago because he ate it. He's fine now, mainly since we moved but…" He stopped.

The antelope was quiet.

Adaeze thought over the words. She glanced at Nabila, leaned over and whispered, "What do you think?"

The cheetah shivered. "I've been to the side in which the wildebeest live, my lady. He's right; the grass is drying up."

Adaeze gave her a small faint smile and turned her attention back to the representatives. She locked eyes with the wildebeest. "I have not been to your side of the kingdom, representative, but the royal advisor has. I know she is not one to lie… and I agree with you. You and your people need healthy grass to eat, so here is my decree…" She paused for a moment, took a deep breath, let it out slowly then said in an almost commanding voice, "The wildebeest shall stay in the antelope's region."

The antelope's eyes grew and he stomped a hoof angrily. "Madam, this is outrageous! They cannot stay in our territory. My people need the grass as long as it's healthy."

The lioness narrowed her eyes. "And so do the wildebeest, sir. You will let them stay."

"Yes, my lady," the antelope grumbled. He couldn't argue with his future leader.

She looked at both of them strongly. "We are in the middle of the dry season so that is why the grass, at least in the wildebeests' territory, is drying. The rain season will take care of that but even when it comes the wildebeest will have to stay with the antelope until the rains have gone. How long that will be is unclear so until that time your species will have to learn to get along and share the grass and waterholes evenly and fairly. You may be different but you do share the wealth of this kingdom and the shelter it gives. And we lions also share the wealth and shelter with you, but we also protect you from intruders. We must not turn on each other in good times or bad. When there's solidarity there is strength."

Next to her, Nabila smiled. Even the princess's decisions and speeches sounded like her father. Hisani, you'd be proud.

"Any questions," Adaeze asked.

The representatives looked at each other then back to the lioness, shaking their heads.

"No, ma'am," said the antelope. "We'll try getting along."

The wildebeest moved towards him. "You know if the same thing happened to your side, I'd invite you and yours to stay."

"Treat others the way you'd want to be treated," the antelope replied, the anger in his eyes and voice gone. He nudged the wildebeest. "Come on; let's tell our people about the new arrangement even if it is temporary." He turned and stared at the princess, bowing deeply. "Thank you for your help, Princess Adaeze. You will make a good queen one day."

Adaeze smiled. "Thank you."

"We've been lucky to have your father," the wildebeest added. "We'll be even luckier to have his daughter." He dipped his head. "Princess Adaeze…" He joined the antelope and the two left.

When they were gone Adaeze hung her head. "How does Dad do this every day? I mean, I've seen him do it but…"

Nabila chuckled softly. "It takes patience. In some cases, the bigger ones, it takes time. Thankfully some of the representatives have patience. Some anyway…"

"Great…" Adaeze stretched. "Anything else…?"

The cheetah eyed her. "Before I answer that let's find you a waterhole. You look parched."

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Hisani wasn't surprised when Nyoka told him that he had something to say. He sat down beside Amina and the two looked at Nyoka, watching as he prepared.

At a length the guardian lifted his head. "Hisani, before I begin I want you to know that I am so sorry for lying. To be honest, and I mean it, I did not intend for any of this to happen or to let it get out of control. I didn't know what to do, didn't know which way to go or who to turn to."

The leader's ears flickered, his expression unreadable. His tail tapped the ground. "Hmm… continue."

Nyoka paused and bowed his head. Be honest… and tell the truth. It'll hurt but it'll also help… He cleared his throat. "Eight months ago I made a terrible mistake and because of that I have changed the lives of those I love and grew up with." Slowly he looked towards Hisani. "As I told Amina, and Atiya earlier, I will spend the rest of my life atoning and I'm willing to atone even in the afterlife." He stared at his ruler, eyes begging all the while inwardly he prayed. "Hisani, humbly, I ask you to listen to my words with a clear conscience and heart. Afterward, please consider and think in your heart that I am not the lion who could do such a thing. I know you know this and have been inwardly raging about it for two weeks, but even so, remind yourself… just in case you are tempted not to believe me."

Hisani sat there, listening. It was as if the lion knew what he was thinking. And he was right about everything. After a few small heartbeats, the king nodded. "Okay, I hear what you're saying. Tell us what happened."

Nyoka uttered a silent prayer and meeting the faces of his king and the leopard shaman, he began. Even as the first words left his mouth he shivered as the memory of that night played once again in his mind…

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For as long as he could remember Nyoka loved looking at the stars, especially when no one was around, when everyone was asleep. It gave him time to be alone and reflect on his life and how precious it was, even if he had no one real close to share it with other than his brother, who had a family of his own. But Nyoka rarely worried about that. Sure, he wanted a family one day, but if it wasn't supposed to be, then he wasn't going to complain, not even to the heavens.

Perhaps one day, when he least expected it the right lioness would come along, a lioness he felt a deep connection with, much like the way Imani felt with his wife. But if it wasn't supposed to happen, he wouldn't worry. Even without a family of his own he still had his brother, sister-in-law, and nephew. That was enough.

Nyoka searched the stars, wondering if his parents were watching. He'd been missing them lately, his mother more than his father, who was a hard lion but with good reason. At least he didn't abuse his sons or his wife. From Nyoka's point of view and character judgment both his parents had their special qualities. His father taught him and Imani political discipline when they walked around the lands and his mother taught them social discipline when they played with their friends.

Over the years Nyoka considered himself and Imani lucky to have parents who took care of the kingdom and their family, and Imani, along with his wife, were doing the same. Nyoka often watched his brother and growing nephew.

"Like father like son," he said quietly, breathing slowly. "Lord, I hope one day your plan for me is to have a family, to be the kind of father Imani is to his son…"

He closed his eyes. He wasn't jealous of his brother, but at times he did envy him. That wasn't real jealously, was it? Nyoka scolded himself. Maybe it was. To have what another has… Then there was the king, Hisani and he too had a family. So, did that mean Nyoka was to spend the rest of his days a bachelor, a brother, an uncle, and a servant of his king, never to know the happiness Imani and Hisani had?

Nyoka bit his tongue to keep from lashing out to the heavens over the unfairness he was feeling. Lashing out wouldn't do any good. He would just have to wait.

"Ah, there's our guardian and philosopher of the stars. What are they saying tonight, Nyoka?"

The voice made him turn and, for just a moment, forget his personal inward struggle. He managed a smile. "Evening, my lady, and might I ask what brings you out here?"

Queen Idhara smiled and sat beside him. She glanced at the stars then back to him. "I couldn't sleep," she replied. "I take it it's the same with you?"

He nodded and returned his gaze to the skies. "Yeah, but looking at the stars soothes me and makes me want to sleep."

"Hisani says the stars do the same for him," Idhara said. "He's been taking Adaeze out to look at them, giving her the 'Spirits of the past, those who have done good, watch over all creatures' speech. She believes it." Idhara scoffed.

"Isn't that a good thing? That she knows all good animals will guide her throughout her life just as the Lord will? Not to mention you and Hisani?"

"I don't believe in that stuff, Nyoka. Never have. I was hoping Hisani wouldn't pass it on to her, but he has…" She growled softly. "Our own daughter…"

In all the years Nyoka had known her, even before she became queen, he had never seen Idhara act and talk this way. He wanted to say something to bring some sort of comfort and to justify Hisani's actions, but he couldn't, not even as a friend. She was, after all, Hisani's mate, and he didn't want her to get the wrong idea. Before he could think of something to say, she leaned over and her head fell against his shoulder. He was taken aback by her action and swallowing hard, he slowly moved away.

"What?" she asked.

In the dark, he thought he could see her smiling. That was impossible, right? She wasn't coming onto him was she? "I…" He felt the blood rush through him, his heart pounding and his legs shaking. "I-I think I should go back to the cave now. Another early day tomorrow…" He prepared to move but Idhara ran up and stood in front of him. He turned his head away to avoid the look in her eyes. If he was right, if it was that look…

"Why leave, Nyoka?" she asked, her smile close to being seductive. "It's such a nice night…" She nuzzled his mane.

Nyoka shivered at her touch and stepped back. "Idhara, no… you can't. You're married to Hisani."

"Hisani and I don't have the understanding we once had. Ever since Adaeze started growing up, he's been taking her around the kingdom, showing her what he does." Her eyes snapped and she near hissed. "He wants her to be like him!"

"I'm… sure that's not true. He just wants her to be a good ruler."

"Her name means 'king's daughter', Nyoka and she's living up to it!"

"Shouldn't she…? She is the heiress." Nyoka paused, hoping that what had just happened was a figment of his tired mind. Please let it be that, Lord. "Have you tried talking to him?"

"He wouldn't understand. He was in the same position with his father when he was Adaeze's age…"

Nyoka looked at the grass, flexing his paws. "Are you two alright? I mean, you still –"

"Love him? I don't know." She came closer and whispered. "Like I said, he doesn't understand. But you do… what you've said…" She shuddered. "It's helped."

Again he swallowed hard and this time silently prayed. "Lord, please give me strength to resist. She doesn't know what she's doing."

She licked his cheek.

"This is wrong, Idhara," Nyoka said as he pulled away and leapt around her, hoping to make a run for the cave. "I don't know what's going on with you and Hisani, but you're…" He groaned quietly. "It's not the answer."

Idhara turned, rounding on him. "I need you, Nyoka."

He sighed through his nose and halfway turned. "No, you don't, and certainly not in the way you're implying. It won't happen. I can't and won't."

"No one would have to know."

"But I would. Hisani is my king and my best friend. You are his wife, his queen. And you and I are just friends. What you want from me is an escape." He sucked in a breath through his mouth, the cool air sensitive to his teeth. "I'm not going to be part of it." He made another run to the cave.

Idhara watched. She couldn't let him go. He could give her the one thing Hisani was unwilling to lately. "Oh yes, you will."

He stopped. "Why is that?"

She smirked and walked up to him, resting her head against his side, rubbing him all the way up to his neck. "Because if you don't I could easily make your life miserable." She angled her head, eyeing him. "And there are many ways I can do that. The choice is yours."

He stood there, unmoving, his mind buzzing. She was bluffing… wasn't she? She wouldn't. Hisani would never go for it, he wasn't that gullible, and yet… Again, he silently prayed. "Lord, help me out. I know Idhara… would she? Are things bad between her and Hisani? And if I don't do this, will she holler –" The word stuck in his throat and he waited for a silent answer. "God, please tell me you're there…"

My son, resist temptation and it will flee…

Nyoka groaned. Wasn't that what he was trying to do? Avoid and resist the temptation before him? He had to, by any means! He stood firm and strong, willing her seductive gaze to have no effect.

"I won't go for this, Idhara. If you want to make my life miserable, go ahead but I will not do what you want of me. It's a crime and a sin. You belong to Hisani. He is your husband, not me!"

She laughed. "You really mean that, Nyoka? Come on now, your name means snake and after all these years I've never seen you act like it. Besides, in case you've forgotten, I am the queen and you're just a guardian, a servant; not just the king's, but mine too. You don't do this and I will make your life miserable. Of course if you try to defend yourself, who do you think people will believe? You, a servant, or the king's wife…? You don't want to cross paths with me on the other side of plains. It wouldn't go well."

Nyoka felt himself being torn. He wanted to resist her, but was she right? If he didn't, would she tell everyone that he – He couldn't let the word come to mind. It wasn't evil but what it meant and represented was. If he didn't and she kept her word, he would be ruined. He'd be kicked out of the pride or worse, killed, if Hisani went that far. And his family: his brother and sister-in-law… His friends… His whole life's work would be undone.

Resist her, son. Flee… flee quickly. Go into the cave…

The words echoed in his soul. He wanted to, had to, but her words stayed with him, rolling around in his head. He gritted his teeth, bit his tongue and with his front claws he gripped the grass. What was more important? What was more dangerous? If he followed her way, how long would it last? And if he didn't, his life would end. He closed his eyes, feeling his heart sink. He knew what he had to do, even if it meant turning from his good nature and God.

Lord, forgive this weak creation… forgive… this snake…

He slowly looked up at her, his eyes dull and pained. She'd threatened him and this was the only way to ensure she didn't see it through. Instead, he would. Weakly, he bowed. "I… I am at your service, my queen," he said, his voice matching the weakness his body felt.

She smiled, saying nothing and together they walked into the night's shadows.

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The memory was gone. Carefully, Nyoka raised his eyes. Neither Hisani nor Amina spoke and from the looks on their faces they were in shock and trying to process what they'd heard.

Nyoka continued. "I knew it was wrong. How I succumbed was also wrong…" A sob filled his throat. "What could I do? She blackmailed me; I was trapped. It was either follow or have her carry out the threat. I was afraid." He chuckled dryly. "Imagine me, a grown lion afraid of a lioness…" His body stiffened and the pain in his eyes grew with such intensity Hisani and Amina felt it. "Not just any lioness but the queen, your wife, Hisani. You know her better than I ever could and, I think, deep down you know what she would have said if I hadn't gone with her."

Hisani nodded numbly. He looked and felt like his heart had been ripped out and in its place was a scar that would never heal. He'd heard it, heard what he knew to be true. The hurt in Nyoka's eyes as he spoke was no joke, figment or lie. He knew that the lion's confession wasn't right and here was the proof, just as Idhara's refusal to tell him the reason. Questions filled his mind. Why would she seduce Nyoka and threaten him if he didn't comply? All through the story Hisani had a feeling about how she would make Nyoka pay if he didn't sleep with her and the very mental idea made him sick. Nyoka would never do that! He was too kind, gentle and caring when it came to lionesses. He treated them with respect and honor.

With all this, Hisani had the need to forgive Nyoka. Yes, he had followed Idhara and slept with her for eight months, but really, what choice did he have? Idhara would have carried out her threat to make his life horrible otherwise. Hisani now understood why Idhara kept distancing herself from him and how she'd let her love for him grow cold. Maybe he never really knew her at all. She betrayed him and seduced his best friend because he was training his daughter, their daughter to rule justly and fairly?

The whole thing was too much to take in and the truth settled on his shoulders. Idhara's cold, selfish attitude and Nyoka's change in mannerisms and attitude for the last eight months all made sense!

At last he managed to speak. "Is… is there anything else, Nyoka?"

The guardian swallowed. "Yes…"

Hisani gave Amina a quick glance who responded with a weak one of her own. "We're listening."

"After that night I found myself in the same situation for a week and once it was over, I didn't argue or fight. There was no point and even if I had done something, she'd go to you and tell you the worst." Nyoka paused and shook his head. "I went along with it for two reasons. One, I didn't want to lose everything I have: My job as your lead guard, my home, and my life. And two, I didn't want to put Imani and his family through such pain. None of you would have believed me if I defended myself. It would have been my word against the queen's. A he said she said thing. I didn't want others getting hurt."

He met Hisani's eyes through his own narrowed. "I'm not selfish you know that. The more Idhara and I kept meeting, the more I found myself actually liking it." A few tears spilled down his face. "Eight months ago I walked away from everything my parents ever taught me. I treated my own brother, sister-in-law and nephew like dirt, and most of all I began having thoughts of getting rid of you."

He saw the king stiffen but he pressed on. "In spite of cold behavior and immoral thoughts I truly believe that the moral part of my true self was slowly coming back and as weeks and days passed I started telling Idhara that our actions were wrong and that one day we would get caught. Well we're caught and the whole affair has been over for two weeks, never to happen again just as I said and boldly promised before you and the pride."

Silence filled the atmosphere and each feline's body was still. Nyoka's eyes fell to the grass. He flexed his paws, hoping and praying that Hisani would continue to believe him.

"Nyoka… I understand why you didn't tell me the day I confronted you. Your reasons for following through are understandable but I will not justify it."

Nyoka nodded. "That's okay."

"Be that as it may, I don't know if you were in the wrong place at the wrong time or that I was blind to Idhara, but no matter the questions we can't change it now. We can only move forward and I can make amends to you."

"Hisani, don't. It's not needed. I'm fine being a low ranking guardian."

"I'm not. It's not fair to keep you under your younger brother now that I know the truth."

"Hisani, please, Imani is too angry with me. Don't make it worse by giving me the lead position. I don't want it. If you give me the lead guard position again that will show everyone you favor me and they will lose respect for you. I don't want that to happen either. I have to atone for making Imani and Atiya work themselves for eight months because of my selfishness and the only way to do that is for me to stay where I am and rise up to the position by myself. You can give it to me when I have earned it and in the meantime I'll do whatever you want me to do. I'll even watch Adaeze for you. Please, just let me atone, even if it means suffering gossip. I can take it."

Hisani could only stare at Nyoka in astonishment. There was no sign of foul play and he had a point. He couldn't show favoritism, especially to a lion who just laid the truth at his paws. Now he was a lion who was openly willing to follow his younger brother's orders to make up for being selfish and willing to watch over the princess too, and do anything he wanted? Hisani glanced at the ground for a moment then returned his eyes to the lion in front of him.

"Very well, Nyoka, you shall remain a low guardian until you earn the leadership position again."

The lion smiled gently and he bowed his head graciously and in respect. "That's all I ask, your majesty."