Herschel Presents: Candlehead's DuMbEsT MoMeNtS

Episode 14: The Thirst Commeth

Thank you, thank you, thank you guys so much for making this my third story to reach triple digit reviews. And congrats to Smokescreen2814 for sending in the 100th review.

In this Episode, our favorite little Ditzy racer and a few of our favorite Sugar Rushers take a trip to Talladega SuperSpeedway where halfway through the race, Candlehead's thirst overtakes her….

(Talladega SuperSpeedway. Talladega, Alabama)

"Welcome race fans to the fastest and longest track in the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series, Talladega SuperSpeedway!" The track announcer declared, "right now, the winningest active drivers at Talladega, Jeff Gordon and Dale Earnhardt Jr are leading the pack here at the halfway point," he finished. Rancis Fluggerbutter and his girlfriend, Vanellope von Schweetz were sitting right at the start finish line, some of the best seats in the house. Accompanying them were close friends, Candlehead, Herschel Nougatson, and his girlfriend, Sticky Wipplesnit.

"C'MON JR!" Vanellope shouted as the pack of 25 cars roared passed the group. The red, white and blue colored car with golden 88s on the sides was leading the pack across the start finish line. As Five Time Talladega winner led the lap, EVERY Jr fan in a sea of green and blue stood up and cheered like wild Hyenas. In Second Place, pushing the son of the great legend of Dale Earnhardt Sr was none other than Four Time Champion and six time Talladega Winner, driving the #24 maroon and silver Drive to End Hunger Chevrolet, Jeff Gordon.

"GO JEFF! YOU'RE THE GREATEST!" Herschel and Rancis pumped their fists in the air. The two best friends were wearing their lucky Axalta and Drive To End Hunger caps and their Jeff Gordon jackets. Herschel offered a sip of his Budweiser to Sticky, who gladly accepted the drink. "Man, what a great race huh Wipp?" Herschel asked as the roar of the cars finally died down.

"You're tellin' me Hersch!" Rancis replied while munching on a burrito.

"Yeah, not a lot of cautions, but man they are racin' hard," Vanellope added while adjusting her Dale Earnhardt Jr hat. Her hair was matted down onto her forehead. Sweat made her bangs stick to the front of her face, and she had to continuously wipe her forehead. The fifth member of the group, Candlehead, was also enjoying the race. The loud car engines, insane fans and wrecks kept her entertained the whole afternoon. However, she didn't get a drink earlier because she wasn't thirsty. Yet, as the halfway mark of the race reared up, the insanely hot Alabama sun dried up her throat to the point that it rivaled that of the Gobi Desert.

"Uh, um, Vanellope," Candlehead croaked out. The other young woman ceased sipping on her Miller Lite and adjusted her sunglasses to see Candlehead. She had to wait for the pack of cars to zoom by again before replying. 'VROOOOOOOOMMMMM!' The cars zipped by.

"What is it Candlehead?" Vanellope asked after taking some of her earplugs out.

"I-I'm so thirsty, any suggestions?" Candlehead asked.

"Well, there's a beer tent right behind Jimmie Johnson's pit box," Herschel joked with his girlfriend.

"Hehe, you're so funny Hershey," Sticky kissed his cheek. Candlehead took out a pair of binoculars and pointed them straight at Jimmie Johnson's pit box. She had to adjust them to see the tent behind the Kobalt Tools box.

"Hmm, yep. All that ice cold beer, that sounds so good right now," Candlehead licked her lips, "oh but why does it have to be so far away?" She whined. Yes, Jimmie Johnson's pit box and the Budweiser tent were alllllllllllll the way down the front stretch tri-oval and out of turn four. Herschel and Rancis snickered at Candlehead's innocence.

"Well, the cars are on the other side of the track, why don't you just run across the track and down to the beer tent?" Rancis joked and nudged Herschel's arm. The Aussie chuckled and bumped fists with the Brit. Candlehead smacked her dry lips and checked where the cars were. They were entering turn three, so she had about twenty seconds to get across the track.

"Okay, I'll do it, and I'll bring you guys back a cold one," she declared and set her binoculars down and began to climb the catch fence.

"WOAH CANDLEHEAD!" Sticky shouted, "YOU GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW!" She shouted again.

"WE WE'RE KIDDING CANDLES, SIT DOWN!" Vanellope warned. But Candlehead ignored the warnings and started to go up the catch fence.

(Up in the broadcasting booth)

"And as Dale Jr and Jeff Gordon continue to lead this race, OH MY GOD!" Darrell Waltrip shouted.

"A FAN IS CLIMBING THE CATCH FENCE AND IS ON THE RACE TRACK AS THE CARS EXIT TURN FOUR!" Larry MacReynolds exclaimed. Candlehead huffed and puffed as she tried to run across the track. She began skipping her way, not notching the looming pack of cars. "La, la, la la la la Sing a happy song!" She sang. "OH MY GOD, THEY'RE HEADING STRAIGHT FOR HER!" Larry Mac added.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Dale Jr shouted and jerked the wheel to the right to miss the ditzy girl. The resulting action turned himself into the wall and collected 20 cars. Jeff Gordon was sandwiched between the wall and Dale Jr while Matt Kenseth was shoved up into the catch fence. Jimmie Johnson got turned and backed up into the wall. The other cars were spinning through the grass and Clint Bowyer began flipping. Candlehead didn't notice and headed for the beer tent.

"JEEEEEEEEEEEFFFFFFFFF!" Herschel and Rancis shouted.

"JUNNNNNNNNIIIIIOOOOOOOORRRRRRR!" Sticky and Vanellope screamed. Candlehead purchased five Budweisers and strolled along through the carnage on the race track and re-climbed the catch fence.

"Wow," she said as her eyes met the wrecked race cars and pissed off drivers climbing from their wrecked race cars. "And I thought NASCAR drivers were talented," she giggled and handed the beers to her friends. "Well, I guess I missed a big wreck, but here's your drinks!" She grinned. Herschel and Rancis' eyes twitched and they gritted their teeth as Jeff Gordon walked into the race ambulance with Dale Jr that brought the two drivers to the infield care center. Sticky and Vanellope had to breath into paper bags to suppress their rage.

"Candlehead," the four race fans darkly said to their friend.

"Good beer huh?" Candlehead obliviously asked, "COME ON! GET THOSE WRECKED CARS OFF THE TRACK!" She shouted. Herschel groaned and rubbed his face.

"Can this get any worse?" He asked.

"This just in folks, since the entire field is wrecked and out of commission for the day, the only remaining car is the winner. Let's all congratulate, DANICA PATRICK ON HERE FIRST NASCAR VICTORY!" the track announcer shouted. The entire grandstand started booing the winner as she clumsily began doing terrible burnouts.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU CANDLEHEAD!" Herschel yelled and ripped a metal post from the wrecked Catch Fence and started chasing the ditzy girl around.

"GET HER!" Rancis yelled at the other fans. All the fans picked up blunt objects and started chasing Candlehead around the grandstands.

"What did I do?!" Candlehead asked.

End Episode 14.

How was that? I thought that was funny. Please review.