Chapter 14

Castle had a quiet evening at home and had sat down at his desk to work out a section of story he wasn't happy with. As he was reading it the third time, trying to decide where the problem was, his phone sounded, and he checked the text and saw it was from Lanie. 'She's okay, but skittish. Couldn't get her to stay here. She's home alone by now.' He texted back, 'Thanks. I'll check on her.'

He decided to give Kate a little time before he called to see about her, pretty certain he could pass it off mostly as just missing her, which wasn't an untruth.

Checking on them, he found that his mother and daughter were still watching TV, but the show was about over. He sat down and watched the last few minutes with them before he broached the subject he intended to bring up.

"I need to talk to you a minute," he said.

"What is it, dear?" His mother had watched his facial expressions for enough years to know something serious was on his mind.

"I know both of you are aware that Kate has had some problems since her shooting, but I don't think you know some are related to PTSD."

"Oh, Richard. It must be so hard for her."

"Dad, I'm sorry. It must be hard for you, too. How much does it affect her?"

"Not all the time. Most of the time things are pretty normal, but she can't predict when something will happen. The point of all this is that there was a little incident this afternoon. It wasn't too bad, but she wasn't quite herself for a while. I heard from Lanie, and it sounds like Kate might still be a little bit on edge. When I call her, if anything sounds off, I'm going to her place and not leaving unless I know she's okay."

"I know how you feel about her, son, but is she ready for you to take this much liberty with her life?"

"We've worked some things out in the past week. I think we understand each other better."

Alexis moved over and sat on the arm of his chair to give him a hug, and he wrapped an arm around her. "I'm really happy for you, Dad, but what about you? It's going to take a toll on you…worrying about her all the time."

"I already do that, Pumpkin," he said rubbing her shoulder. It isn't likely to get any worse. She worries about me, too. I think we'll both be better when we're together. We're not where we want to be yet, but we're getting there. And I'm good with that, problems and all. She isn't getting perfection, either…except for you." He pulled her head down to kiss it.

"No perfection here."

"Close enough," he answered with a proud smile, and Alexis gave him another hug.

"I should tell you now that whenever she's ready, I intend to marry her. I hope the two of you are okay with that."

"I think we both knew it already, dear," his mother answered. "Whenever she's ready, you have my blessings."

"Mine, too," Alexis agreed.

He nodded. "Good. That's important to me…to her, too. I'm going to go call her now," he said, pointing toward his office. "Make sure she's all right."

Martha and Alexis watched him as he walked back to his study, and they smiled.

"Do you think he knows he's already married to her…for all practical purposes?" Alexis asked as she plopped back down on the couch with her grandmother.

"Somewhere in there, I think he does," Martha answered and sighed. "Minus some of the perks."

"Teenaged daughter here. Not having that conversation."

"Sorry, dear."

"Kate already pays more attention to me than Mother does, Grams. She listens to me as if what I say is important…and she doesn't constantly change the subject because her mind wanders off in the middle of what I'm telling her. And conversation isn't limited to parties and shopping trips. The night I slept through dinner…she was still here when I woke up later. Something came up, and while Dad was out of the room, she asked me if it would bother me to have to share it. I could see how much it meant to her…how much she cares about him…but she was thinking about me, too. It's hard not to try to push them. He needs her, and I think she needs him, too." There was a thoughtful little pause. "And I might be jealous for a little while, but I might need her, too."

"And just how did you get to be so wise at your age?" Martha asked, swinging her arm around her granddaughter and pulling Alexis into a big hug. "When I was your age…well, on second thought, I'm not telling you about me at your age." They both laughed, and Martha gave her shoulders another little squeeze. "I could tell something had changed between Kate and your father when we had dinner with everybody. They seemed more comfortable with each other. I hope they work things out fast. We've had enough angst, don't you think?"

Alexis just chuckled.

"If I'm not treading too far into your territory, what would you and Kate have to share?"

"Always," she said gently from where her head rested on Martha's shoulder.

"Oh, my," Martha answered, sounding pleased.

"I know. Right?" Alexis agreed.

xxxxx

"Hi," Castle said when Kate answered her phone.

"I was hoping you'd call," she answered.

"I'm not the only one who knows how to make an outgoing call, you know."

"I hate to interrupt time with your family…or you could be writing..."

"Could you stand some company for a little while? I promise not to keep you awake all night."

"Okay…for a little while."

"I'll be right there."

"I'll be waiting."

Castle walked toward the door, telling his mother and daughter that he'd call if he wasn't coming right back, and he went outside and hailed a taxi.

xxxxx

When he knocked at Kate's door, he could hear movement inside. She came to the door, went back, then came to the door again and opened it this time. As soon as he stepped inside, she was in his arms.

"I could get used to this," he told her as she snuggled against his chest. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm okay."

"Then why are you watching TV with your gun on the table?"

"Maybe I'm not a hundred percent, but I'm okay."

Castle took out his phone and sent a text to Alexis. 'Not sure when I'll be back. We're okay.'

"What was that?" Kate asked after stepping back to give him better access to his phone.

"I told them I'd be here a while. They're not watching TV with a gun, and I'm not leaving you alone."

"Castle…"

He took her back in his arms and kissed her temple softly. "Do you want to be alone tonight? Wouldn't it be easier with company?"

"With your company…yeah."

"See? That wasn't so hard, was it?

"Yes. But not as hard as it was last week."

"That's encouraging."

"I said that out loud. I don't know where all this honesty is coming from," she said, surprised at herself.

"Me either, but I like it," he answered leaning slightly away with a smile. Sliding his fingers into her hair and massaging the back of her neck, he said, "You look tired."

"I am. The drinks Lanie and I had aren't keeping me alert, either."

"Neither is the stress. Come on. Time for bed."

"That took you all of three minutes or less," she smirked. "What happened to dog-paddling?"

"We're still there. No funny business. I'll sleep fully clothed and on top of the covers if that's what you want. But we'll both sleep better. You'll know your partner has your back, and I won't have to lose sleep worrying about you all night."

"You do that?" Seeing the questioning look on his face, she added, "Stay awake worrying about me?"

"Sometimes." There was a little pause before he amended mischievously, "Other times I'm just fantasizing."

"It's a good thing I trust you," she chortled. "Really, Rick, you can go home. I've managed to get through the night by myself before."

"That was before. You're stuck with me now. It could be worse, remember?"

"That's a low blow, using my own words against me."

"All's fair in…"

That was as far as he got before she pushed him away, but she was wearing that little smile she always had when she was trying not to smile.

"Go change for bed. You should get some sleep. We have to work tomorrow. And I'm not going anywhere, even if I have to sleep on the sofa."

"I can't believe I'm letting you get away with this."

"Not answering that one," he said, holding his hands up in front of him.

"Good decision," she shot back over her shoulder as she went to her room.

While she was gone, he got himself a glass of water and then took stock of what was available for breakfast the next morning.

Kate came back wearing leggings and a loose T-shirt. Your turn," she told him. "There's a new toothbrush on the counter for whenever you want it.

When he came back, he asked, "So how do you want to do this? Entirely your call. Which side of the bed is yours?"

"The side away from the door. A little clinical, aren't we?"

"Trying to respect your limits." He sat down on his side of the bed and toed off his shoes, then he turned, moved the pillow back, and leaned against the headboard.

Kate walked around to her side of the bed, pulled back the covers and did the same. She watched as he slid down the bed and adjusted his head on the pillow. He was actually going to sleep in his clothes on top of the covers?

"Come on, Castle, we're grown-ups. Take off your shirt and pants so you don't have to leave all rumpled in the morning…and get under the covers."

"Where's your gun?" he asked suspiciously.

She couldn't help laughing, even though she rolled her eyes. "In the chest on the dresser. I told you I trust you."

"Just checking," he teased as he swung himself up to the side of the bed and unbuttoned his shirt. He folded the shirt and turned out the light before he removed the pants and socks and put them on the chair with the shirt.

"Bashful, Castle?"

"Not me," he answered, getting under the covers. Just didn't want to throw too much temptation in your path. "You might take advantage of me."

"In your dreams, writer-boy."

"Frequently," he agreed, propping on one elbow and grinning at her as he lifted the covers on her side for her to slide down from where she sat.

She turned her back to him and pulled the covers over her shoulders; then, from behind her, she heard, "We've done what we usually do and joked our way through the uncomfortable parts of getting into bed. Now tell me how you really are," Rick insisted. "Give me something to compare it to so I know how to judge next time."

"I knew it couldn't be that easy," she sighed. "I don't want you to have to…"

"If you don't, then we'll be dealing with my imagination instead of yours. I need to know, Kate. I can't help if I don't know where I am."

"I don't like feeling weak…or dependent…or out of control…or…or…pitiful…"

"You're none of those things. You're the extraordinary Kate Beckett," he said softly, stretching his arm out across her and taking one of her hands in his. Everybody needs some help now and then, and I want to be here when you do." There was a little pause. "Take advantage of me," he whispered, nuzzling near her ear, a smile in his voice.

She turned to face him, staying on her own pillow. "When you called from the bank…before the robbery…you said 'Tell me you need me.' I thought at first that this was what you meant. It scared me that I wanted to say it so much. Depending on anybody else hasn't been a part of me for a long time, but I do need you, Rick. I don't know what I'd do without you. How you can have this much patience is beyond me."

"I love you. Nobody besides Mother and Alexis has ever been this important to me, so whatever you need. Just let me in. Now back to the original question," he insisted. "How bad has it been?"

"Pretty bad." She described the night during the sniper case…the drinking, her arm being cut, hallucinating, panic. She told it as quickly as she could, and told him how long she felt the residual effects, but she knew Rick could usually read between the lines to fill in the blanks.

He had pulled her closer and rubbed her back gently as she spoke, and asked, "And today? If that was a ten, where was today?"

"When it happened, it felt just as bad, but I recovered a lot faster. By the time we got back to the precinct, I was just jumpy."

"And?

"And I still am, but you were right. This helps."

"Good."

"And on a scale of one to ten, what was today? You kept up a brave face, but you weren't yourself."

"About two and a half, I guess. It's a little un-nerving that you know me so well." She was quiet for a moment. "But it's kind of nice, too."

"Will you start telling me…when you need me to take care of you?"

"God, Rick, how much progress do you expect in a week? I'm lying here in my bed with you, telling you I need you. I've agreed to try for a life together…watched a couple of fan girls mooning over you without getting jealous…because I've finally admitted to myself that I can trust you. That may be all I can work out for now. You may have to give me a little time and keep being perceptive for a while. The words 'help me' don't come easy to me."

"Sorry. Things were going so well… I don't mean to push too hard."

"It's okay," she said, snuggling closer and closing her eyes. "I'm kind of impressed with our adult selves."

"Me, too," he said, smiling into her hair. She was obviously relaxing in his arms, getting sleepy, so he kept rubbing her back.

"Thank you for wanting to take care of me."

"Always." He kissed her forehead.

She sighed and melted into his arms, burrowing her face into his chest against his soft cotton undershirt…content and finally beginning to think she might sleep well. His arms felt so good.

"I love you," he said, closing his eyes.

"I love you, too," she said, a sleepy sound to her voice, and adjusted herself even closer to him as she reached out to drape an arm across his middle.

He opened his eyes in surprise, then smiled down at her and pulled her still closer. She sighed contentedly, and both of them gradually drifted off to sleep.