Sidenotes: I am slowly warming to the DW5 version on Zhou Yu. Before, his deep voice bothered me. Now it seems to suit him. Random note there. Also, I rewrote this about fifty billion times. So it came out later than expected. This last version feels about right though, so I'll leave it at that.

Thank you's: This is beginning to sound a bit repetitive but … reviewers! Those of you who R n R deserve muchos credit. So, with that said, I HUGGETH YOU ALL! KairiLuv, Valiowk, lilswtchibi, sage-serenity, xq-of-wu, Justinian14, Kaze ni Tenshi, Sunflower, stackles, YKH, RWT, and Empowerism … you rock my, um, chicken pox. :D And thanks for all your constructive criticism. It really helps! I'm still acquiring this writer-y knowledge and stuff xP

Warning: The author is feeling extremely evil at the moment. Be warned, wary travelers.

Style names in this chapter: GONGFU- Huang Gai; GONGJIN- Zhou Yu

Disclaimer: I don't hold any claim of ownership over Dynasty Warriors, Koei, or any related parties. But that would be pretty sweet.

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A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY

Chapter Fourteen: Gossip Quee.. er, King

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Sun Ce's shoulders sagged as he pulled a pair of loose red pants onto his legs. "I can't figure him out. He's so … complicated. And bookish."

Da Qiao sighed, unwrapping the towel from her husband's head. Thick, wet clumps of hair fell over Sun Ce's shoulders; any fangirl who would happen to witness the sight would probably faint in sheer joy. Sun Ce? Half-naked Sun Ce? Half-naked Sun Ce, fresh out of the bathhouse? Squee! But Da Qiao loved Sun Ce for other reasons, namely his good heart and … okay, because he was hot, too. That had helped. Now she was becoming acquainted with the fact that Sun Ce knew everything that went on in the palace. No other woman in Wu got to hear as much gossip as Da Qiao!

"Don't worry about them." Da Qiao gave Sun Ce one of her small, secretive smiles.

"How can I not worry, with Ma in the picture?" Sun Ce's eyebrows furrowed. "What happened last time was bad enough! This is, like, that times two!"

Da Qiao's smile deepened. "What neither Zhou Yu nor Xiao Qiao realizes is that they are perfect for each other. Do you want the red-and-gold robe or the red robe?"

"Red," replied Sun Ce. "How are they perfect for each other?"

Playfully, Da Qiao slapped her husband on the head as she slipped his arms through his robe's sleeves and fastened the ties on the front. "Silly. Haven't you ever heard of opposites attract? –where's the comb?"

"On your desk, in one of the drawers, pumpkin. But the opposites thing … old stuff. Yu hates that. And I learn all my philosophical wisdomish things from him."

"Have you asked the Lady Sun yet about Gan Ning?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll do that later. You know. When I'm done being freaked out about this whole Ma thing. Plus, I'd rather not think about--"

"—your baby sister with a man." A comb ran through Sun Ce's hair. Da Qiao smiled as she worked her magic on all of his knots and tangles.

"She's too young," Sun Ce vented. "And stupid. I mean, come on. Gan Ning? Of all people? Even Yu was a better choice than that! And Yu has, like, girl-phobia or something. Except with Ma, of all people. These guys have no taste. Unlike me, of course." The couple walked to the bed and sat on its edge. Ce cuddled Da, smiling. "See? I'm the luckiest guy in the world. At least I know how to pick a spouse."

This time it was their lips that met. "I love you too."

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"You're training hard today, Xia—Lady Xiao, I mean."

"You can call me Xiao." Xiao Qiao launched a particularly severe charge attack on Huang Gai, who easily parried the move and threw the girl a bit aggressively onto the ground. Dirt and dust entered her mouth; Xiao Qiao gagged and spat out a mouthful of wet sand.

"Try again. You're putting too much strain on your arms. Propel your whole body forward; maybe you'll even knock me over, Xiao."

Xiao Qiao tried again. This time Huang Gai was thrown back about three inches, while Xiao Qiao again tasted the dirt as her face met the ground. "Good. Now try again."

As Xiao Qiao sighed in displeasure, trying to wash her mouth with saliva to somehow get rid of the grit, she heard the swift whirls of a blade spinning through the air towards her, finally hitting the ground with a sharp though slightly muffled clang! Xiao Qiao looked at the dagger that lay a foot from her head, then sat up to see the Lady Ma flashing her an obviously feigned smile. "Lady Xiao Qiao! What a surprise to see you here!"

Huang Gai growled, swung his Shadow Rod through the air, and barged towards the slender beauty. "What are you thinking? You could have killed her!"

"Do you distrust my skills, General Huang?"

"I doubt Gongfu does not trust your skills, Lady Li Mei; rather, I would say he does not trust you," Zhou Yu intervened. Immediately Huang Gai dropped to one knee, lowering his head in respect. The strategist seemed to materialize out naught but air particles, colder than ever. As Xiao Qiao regained her footing, she was yanked down onto her knees by Huang Gai, who flashed her a glare. Right. Something about status, ranks, respect … probably another lesson Xiao Qiao had slept through.

Something caught Xiao's attention: the Lady Ma did not kneel. Rather, she advanced closer to Zhou Yu, who nearly stumbled back with a startled expression on his face. Smiling ever so cunningly, the Lady Ma stroked the side of his cheek with the back of her delicate hand. "Lord Gongjin, what brings you here?" she purred.

"Aren't you supposed to be practicing archery today?" asked Huang Gai, standing up and challenging Ma with virulence in his eyes. "You know. Seducing other defenseless men."

"Defenseless? Are you talking about him? … because he surely wasn't defenseless yesterday!"

"Yesterday?" Huang Gai turned to Zhou Yu. "Master Zhou Yu, of what does the young fool speak?"

"Nothing of importance," Zhou Yu forced through gritted teeth, staring straight into Ma's eyes with such a perforating gaze that he might as well have been sticking swords into her. He was daring her to speak, and, by the Heavens, did she take that chance.

"Did it mean nothing to you then?"

"Well, truthfully … yes. It meant nothing."

"It meant absolutely nothing?" Ma's voice hit a register that even dogs might have trouble hearing.

"What meant absolutely nothing?" Huang Gai was practically taking notes by now.

Ignoring Huang Gai, Ma drove a finger forcefully into Zhou Yu's chest. "I challenge you to a duel, Master Gongjin. And let's see if it truly meant nothing."

"And I accept your offer, Lady Li Mei." Zhou Yu spun around, dismissing the conversation and drawing his steel sword from its sheath.

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End of Gossip Quee.. er, King

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A/N: I know you guys were probably dying to see how Zhou Yu explains himself, but I cut that part out due to the fact that a) it was extremely lame, b) it didn't feel right, and c) the tone was MUCH too serious – I mean, two serious chapters in a row? My head is exploding! Gaahh!

Oh, and don't you love Sun Ce's eloquence and articulation? XP Actually, he's difficult to write because I spent about five minutes playing his character in DW (I cheated using the second-player option, choosing to employ Zhou Yu's mad skillz on level whatever instead).

(I made the fourth page this time … sowwee.) Also more apologies for the shortness.