Why are we here?" Erik turned about, looking at women with exceptionally round bellies, solemn expressions, bad yoga outfits, and scared husbands.

"It's a childbirth class, so we can learn how to give birth properly, "Christine stated, while rubbing her six month bump.

"We? Christine, in case you are confused, I don't have a vagina, uterus, or any other parts of the female anatomy." Erik glared at her with his unidentified colored eyes. The way he had said it was so solemn, no one would even giggle when he said the v word.

"Shut it, Erik!" Christine looked at her husband.

"Hello!! " A cheery voice greeted them, "You must be the Destlers, we have been expecting you!"

"Uh, who are you?" Erik questioned, hesitant.

"Oh, we're trainers for book characters that are bound to get impregnated at some point in the fan fiction world. Last week, we had to tend to Jack and Rose from Titanic. Can you imagine that kid with his dad's HAWT looks?" She was talking in this talk show announcer tone, "By the way, call me Chad's mom!"

"Um…?" Christine stepped forward.

"Mr. Michael Crawford, you are in my fridge! You are the whole reason I lost seventy pounds!" She squealed.

"Enough with that sixty three year old man, IAM THE SEXY SONG GOD! " Erik's cape started flying powerfully around him to expose his shirt that read: Cats the World Tour 2006.

"But Michael Crawford IS the phantom!" She complained.

"Curse your effing son who doesn't appreciate it and stupid Troy Bolton doesn't even know WHAT the most haunting love story is!?!?!?! OR the longest Broadway runnin' musical? Michael Crawford may be a great singer, but he is NOT the only one who can wow a stage. What of Earl Carpenter, Gary Mauer, Hugh Panaro, Brad Little, or better ? The hot me! Ramin! And I hate the stupid bashers!!! People should love Erik more!" Erik cussed out and muttered about how horribly Zac Efron sang in that first movie and no one said anything, but noo…Gerard Butler wasn't good enough... From nearby, phangirls screamed ,hearing Ramin's name.

"Oh, but I have seen the musical almost thirty times!" She let out, "And I knew from the start that you two were meant to be, and now a little child is on the way to show your love for each other," She smiled as Christine looked at her husband and the lady in appreciation.

"okay, enough ranting from me," Erik rolled his eyes and was muttering about Sarah Brightman being Christine and setting the standard of curly haired 80s Christine and making everyone confused when Leroux fanatics talk about the blond Christine. Stupid Forsyth.

"Go get a mat," Chad's mom stated.

"What do we do now?" Erik asked as they laid down the mat on the floor.

"Honestly, Erik. I thought you, of all people, would know!" Christine flipped her hair behind her ear as she lay down on the red mat. Erik stood next to her because he would not sit on the ground with his skinny legs crossed. Then he remembered! Forsyth is stupid. Nevertheless, he tried to put the disgraceful writer out of his mind and listened to Mrs. Danforth, whose attention turned from fan fiction Annabeth and Percy and Troy and Gabriella to them. Erik scanned the room until the lights went down. He sighed.

"Ok, I know in the fan fiction, you have all been going through horrid food cravings—"

"Pickles. It's always pickles." A girl with bushy brown hair next to her husband, a redheaded, freckled guy, shook her head sadly.

"Yes. But, many authors fail to realize the importance of this class, especially Erik/Christine stories because she always manages to have a complicated birth. Besides from that, Forsyth thinks Raoul has no balls so…it's intriguing." Mrs. Danforth glanced at Erik several times and dreamed of Michael Crawford.

"Let us begin with an educational video, courtesy of Just Around the Corner! (Copyrighted)" Mrs. Danforth shook the VCR wildly. Erik immediately squinted at the sight of the disgust! Ugh! It was utterly disgusting, the lady…with the happy doctor and the little children running about. In nineties clothing! Erik shook his head at the corny music, the big, poofy hair, and the tacky outfits. Then, it got to the scenic part and Christine buried her face in Erik's chest, muttering that she wouldn't look like that.

"Aaaaaaaand!" the announcer did his best talk show voice, "The baby is comin' out of the canal!" After a few screams that Erik wished he never heard and some annoying guy trying the best to be cheery and going," Come on, just a few more pushes!"

Erik put his arm sadly around his wife, as a screaming, bloody baby popped out of the scene. Everyone looked a little disillusioned after the video as the lights went back on and Mrs. Danforth smiled at all of them.

The two went home, both in their own worlds. Erik sighed and silently whispered thanks that he wouldn't have to do the birthing process.

"Erik, I have one thing to tell you," Christine put her hands on her hips.

"What is it?" He shrugged, hoping she didn't want more spam; he received enough everyday in his emails.

Christine began to sing a familiar tune

Anything you can do, I can do better!

ERIK

Fuck, yea right!

CHRISITNE

Anything you can do,
I can do better.
I can do anything
Better than you.
ERIK
No, you can't.
Yes, I can. No, you can't.
Yes, I can. No, you can't.
Yes, I can,
Yes, I can!
CHRISTINE
Anything you can be
I can be greater.
Sooner or later,
I'm greater than you. I'm the one giving birth and I HATE you!
ERIK

AGH!

Well, I can speak several languages
With a fine taste of age

CHRISTINE
I can look pretty
Just by sitting there

ERIK
I can live on bread and cheese.

CHRISTINE
And only on that?
Yes.
Well, I'm eating for TWO!
Any note you can reach
I can go higher.

ERIK

Talk to the hand!
I can sing anything
Better than you.
No, you can't. (High)
Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you can't. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you can't. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you can't. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you can't. (Higher)
Yes, I CAN! (They randomly duet)
CHRISTINE
I can say softer.
I can say anything
Softer than you.
No, you can't. (Softly)
Yes, I can. (Softer) No, you can't. (Softer)
Yes, I can. (Softer) No, you can't. (Softer)
Yes, I can. (Softer)
YES, I CAN! (Full volume)

ERIK
I can write a whole opera
in less than a hour

CHRISTINE
I can uh…
I don't know…

ERIK
I can open any safe.
Without bein' caught?

CHRISTINE
Sure.
That's what I thought--
you thug!
Any note you can hold
I can hold longer.
I can hold any note
Longer than you.

No, you can't.
Yes, I can No, you can't.
Yes, I can No, you can't.
Yes, I can
Yes, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I No, you C-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-N'T--
CA-A-A-A-N! (Cough, cough!)
NO, you ca-a-a-an! (HAHHAHAHAHA)

Anything you can wear
I can wear better.
In what you wear
I'd look better than you.
In my coat?
In your vest! In my shoes?
In your hat! No, you can't!
Yes, I can
Yes, I CAN!
Anything you say
I can say faster.
I can say anything
Faster than you.
No, you can't. (Fast)
Yes, I can. (Faster) No, you can't. (Faster)
Yes, I can. (Faster) Noyoucan't. (Faster)
YesIcan! (Fastest)
I can jump a hurdle.
I can wear a girdle.
I can knit a sweater.
I can fill it better!
I can do most anything!
Can you bake a pie? No.
Neither can I.
Anything you can sing
I can sing sweeter.
I can sing anything
Sweeter than you.
No, you can't. (Sweetly)
Yes, I can. (Sweeter) No, you can't. (Sweeter)
Yes, I can. (Sweeter) No, you can't. (Sweeter)
Yes, I can. (Sweeter) No, you can't, can't, can't (sweeter)
Yes, I can, can, can (Sugary)

Yes, I can! No, you can't!

After all that, They confirmed it. Erik could give birth if he wanted to, he can do anything better than her! Yea!

AN Cherios here and er…likin the the phantom? THIS IS FAUST!! Watched Charles DANCE! And SONG AT MIDNIGHT! WOOOO………..