7

Scotch Thoughts

Sour Grapes

He just hadn't been quite ready to go home. He had finally found Buck dancing the limbo with some older woman in the middle of the street around the corner from Amanda's house. He had made sure that Dotty West was nowhere to be seen when he took the W.C. Fields mask off to hand it back to him and made a hasty retreat to his car and out of the neighborhood. He had been slightly concerned that some of those older women who feigned senility would recognize him as the Mr. Samson who had briefly rented the furnished house in the neighborhood, but mostly he had just wanted to flee Amanda's mother and find a place that didn't remind him so much of Hong Kong on Chinese New Year. He had driven past Monk's as he approached his Georgetown neighborhood and had decided to stop by for a nightcap. It had been so long since he had been in there, and he had thought that it would be just the thing to settle his rattled nerves.

Scanning his old haunt as he walked in, he was actually relieved to not recognize anyone, so he sat at the bar and ordered a scotch. Sipping the familiar drink, Lee was aware that it felt like his insides were vibrating. It was similar to the way he felt right before he was about to begin a serious mission. He couldn't decide why he was like that tonight. Maybe it was the raucous party he had just escaped in Amanda's usually stayed and subdued suburban neighborhood. More likely it was the fact that he had just had Amanda in his arms again. He had been looking for a way to return her "not exactly" for days now, and he thought he had found the perfect opportunity. Of course, Penny hadn't told him to give Amanda a kiss, exactly. Just to say "thanks". But he thought he could use it to his advantage. He could recall the glint in her eye as he had leaned in closer to her, and he could still recall the feel of her breath on his face and the way it felt to have her arms around him. Oh yeah, lately thoughts like that could make him vibrate.

Of course, these crazy nervous sensations could also have been caused by the fact that they had been abruptly interrupted by her mother. Something like that hadn't happened to him since he was in high school, and he had felt a bit like the cat getting caught with the family canary. Oh, hell. He wasn't sure exactly what was making him so jumpy at the moment, but being back at Monk's wasn't doing what he had hoped it would either.

He put his glass down and took a quick survey of the people around him. There had been a time, not so long ago, when he would have walked into this bar and immediately been able to pick out one or more women as a possibility for the evening. He could always tell if there was a woman in the room that would be interested in him, and he knew exactly how to get things going in a direction that would be interesting. There were a couple of women present tonight that were attractive enough, but not one of them came anywhere near to capturing his attention. In fact, he felt completely drawn to contemplating the golden scotch and the way it clung to his glass.

It was like the way images of Amanda throughout this last case were clinging to his mind. It didn't matter that he was at a busy bar full of Washington DC socialites who happened to work in the intelligence field. The only thing pulling at his attention tonight was a suburban mother surrounded by some crazy street party, her mother and two young sons. He really wasn't quite sure what to make of himself.

He did, however, know exactly what to make of Amanda during this last case. Francine had been worried about his flawless reputation when Billy had suggested he take Amanda with him to check out the auction. Lee had found that humorous. The days when he had worried about having Amanda at his side had ended a long time ago. Amanda was the perfect person to have with him. A bit too perfect it turned out. It might have been much more pleasant if she hadn't previously known Jill Holzman. It had been just a little too easy for Amanda to pawn that lecherous woman off on him in order to get a look at the contents of her clipboard. Ok, it had worked, and true, in the past Lee would have enjoyed the tactical approach. But the other day all he had wanted when he had reunited with Amanda was to take a shower.

To be perfectly honest with himself, he had been rather focused on finding a way to convey to Amanda that her "not exactly" hadn't fallen on deaf ears. He had been very eager to show her that his attempt to dismiss their intimate connection that night in the swamp had been a mistake. Being thrown as shark bait to Jill Holzman by Amanda was not what he had hoped for as he had embarked to pick her up that morning. He was determined to make every effort to be the gentleman. In fact, he had been so hasty to get out of the car and open the door for her that he had left the keys in the ignition more times than not. Now it had become a running joke between them. Only Amanda could take his clumsy attempts at gallantry and turn it into a humorous routine between them.

But there was so much more that he had discovered as he worked with Amanda on this case. He wasn't quite sure when the change had occurred. Maybe it had begun as they had worked together to figure out what Peter Sacker had been up to the other week, maybe it was her "no guts, no glory" comment. He was more than happy to let Amanda call the shots in areas that she was good at. She was great with people, and so it was natural to let her do the talking with the inspector at the O'Neil residence. And Amanda was the perfect person to interact with Penny. She was a natural at comforting people and getting them to open up. He was more than happy to let her lead the way there.

He did not, however, expect her to do the snooping, at least on her own. It had made him nervous to know that she was the one who had snuck up to the Escoffier office - alone. But he had been completely blown away listening to her rattle off that list of word associations as they stood there outside the Escoffier, their clothes dripping with wine. He almost couldn't anticipate her next move because she appeared to be growing bolder and bolder with her new skills. Attempting to follow Jean Pierre Henri on her own in order to find out why he was following her was crazy; he was glad he had found her before it was too late. But she had tried it and for the most part had succeeded at it. She had come so far from the nervous woman who blundered at everything during Station One training a year ago.

The mental picture that clung to him the most was watching Amanda as she explained to Billy and Francine how she knew where the wine was. He loved watching the baffled looks cross their faces. But his insides were vibrating again as he remembered exchanging glances with Amanda across that table. He was impressed by Amanda. He was drawn to Amanda. He could recognize now how his hand was always gravitating toward her; it was around her waist or on her arm or hand as they discussed something. She was like a magnet for him. He had rushed to open the car door for her, eager to extend his hand to help her in and out of a car. It wasn't some action he did because he wanted to give a signal to the woman who was his choice of company for the evening, he valued her. He didn't want something from her; he wanted to let her know she was special to him.

He was attracted to Amanda, and the way it was making him vibrate all over was completely unnerving to him. He was scared by what all of these new sensations might lead to, Dotty West and all. Never before had he taken an interest in a woman who had a mother around that could interrupt a moment or sons for that matter! Not to mention a partnership and a friendship that could be ruined by one wrong move. Thoughts like this could completely paralyze him, but he had never been one to get bogged down by introspection. What he experienced when he was with Amanda seemed completely natural and right. And he was a man of action. He just didn't know what action to take in this situation.

He had been so engrossed in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed the woman who had slipped into the bar stool next to him. Becoming aware of her presence, he had turned and looked at her. His thoughts had been so intent on Amanda's open, smiling, honest face that looking at the painted woman in front of him whose hair color had definitely come from a box and who had been poured into her clothes completely jarred him. Before the garish blonde could open her mouth to form any words, Lee had placed his bills on the counter and had exited the building. Monk's was not the place for him, not tonight. He was better off at home with his thoughts. He was happier shooting the breeze with Amanda in a deli eating a BLT than anywhere else right now. Maybe tomorrow they could check out that new sandwich place around the corner from the Agency during their lunch break.