CHAPTER 14 – Almost A Nightmare
CALLIE'S POV
"D. Torres, you have another text message." My scrub nurse tells me. "Go ahead and read it to me please".
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I will be at Joe's with Teddy and Addison after work. If you feel up to joining us let me know, if not then let me know and I will head to the apartment when you are finished up. –xoxo A
"Go ahead and respond and tell her that I will stop by when I am finished Thank you Mary." I say. After what felt like forever in the OR, I make my way to the nurses station to finish up the last chart from my surgery before I can meet up with Arizona and our friends. I am sitting at the desk writing on the chart when I hear the nurses gossiping like usual. But what they are talking about catches my attention.
"Yes I know, it's unbelievable. I heard that she hasn't even told Dr. Torres yet. I can't believe she would do something that crazy. I wonder how Dr. Torres will take it". After hearing my name and knowing that they were referring to Arizona I feel the anger building inside of me. Sure I usually blow off the gossip I hear from the nurses, because more times than not they are usually spreading stories that are completely untrue. But hearing them go on and on only makes my blood boil. What could Arizona possibly be keeping from me. I automatically assume the worst, because lets face it. My luck always seems to run out, and I don't exactly have the best track record in past relationships. I close the chart and stand. The second I do, the nurses see me and scatter like roaches. Each going in different directions to avoid me I am certain. I reach for my cell phone to text Arizona, and then I decide against it. She said she would be a Joe's, so I am going to just go over there. I am going to ask her if she in fact does have something to tell me. God help her if she is cheating on me. Because that is the only thing that is going through my mind right now.
After a quick change into my street clothes, I walk down the street to Joe's. As I pull open the door, I see Arizona, Teddy and Addison all sitting in a booth in the back. The table has shot glass after shot glass sitting empty from what appears to be tequila shots. The three of them all are obviously buzzed, and are engaged in a fit of laughter. They do not see me come walking up until I am right on them. Addison is the first to speak.
"Hey Calllll, there you are. We have been waiting on you. How was your surgery? The red head asks me.
"It went well. But it looks like there was no waiting on me here. You three look like you feel pretty damn good." I say dryly.
Arizona stands and wraps her arms around my neck and gives me a kiss that she normally would save for behind closed doors. She has never been the type for public displays of affection. Except when she is either trying to make someone jealous, or when she has had too much to drink. And it's obviously the latter.
"Hey, can we talk for a minute? Alone?" I ask her.
"Sure Calliope, lets go over by the dart boards." Arizona says while smiling with her buzz.
We walk over to the area that is empty, and I cannot hold back. I have to know what is going on. "So, I overheard the nurses talking about something. Something that you have done that will upset me apparently. If you have something to tell me Arizona then do it. If you want out, or if moving in together is not what you wan-." I am cut off quickly as Arizona interrupts me.
"Oh God Callie, NO! No no no no. That is not what happened. I told you earlier in the text that I had something I needed to talk to you about, and I do. But first off, do not think that I don't want to move in together. I want that. I do. I REALLY do. I mean that. Okay? And I'm not real sure how to say what I have to say, so I'm just going to lay it out on the table the best way I can think of. So let me say it all before you respond. Ok? Please?" Arizona says.
I nod in response and lean up against the dart board. Arizona looks like she sobered up in the past few seconds, because she went from being ten feet tall, to shy and reserved.
"Calliope, a year ago when I was working at John Hopkins, I applied for the Carter Maddison Grant. I had no idea where my life was headed, and I honestly never expected to fall in love with someone, and make plans and commitments at the time I applied. But then I did. I made commitments to you, and starting making plans. But today the chief paged me to his office. When I got there I was not prepared for what he had to say to me. He was congratulating me Callie. Congratulating me for winning. I won the grant. And it is a grant that is to go to Malawi, Africa for three years with almost unlimited money to help the kids over there that would otherwise never receive medical care. Much less surgeries. It's next to impossible to win something like this, and I have to admit that I am very proud. I never expected to win this, but—"
I start shaking my head back and forth, placing my hands over my ear and running my fingers through my hair. I cannot believe what I am hearing. Arizona is standing in front of me telling me that she won the Carter Maddison Grant, to go to Africa for three years. Three fucking years. How am I supposed to react to this. We just told Addison at lunch how excited we were about buying a house together. We said we were going to start a life together. And now? Now she is telling me that she has other dreams. Other plans for her life. She tries to continue talking, but I pull away from her the minute she tries to pull my arms down and get me to look at her. I can't listen to this. It's happening again. Someone I love is leaving me. I suddenly feel sick in my stomach. I cannot go through this again.
"Callie, listen to me. Please baby, just listen" Arizona begs.
"Listen to what Arizona? What? Huh? Listen to all the reasons why you have to leave me? All the reasons why you have to go to Africa and help the tiny humans? Listen to you tell me that the life we have been talking about is not going to happen? Or are you going to ask me to wait 3 damn years for you to come back? Because I can't do that Arizona. I cannot wait for you to come back to me after THREE YEARS!" I find myself building up to a full yell. Arizona is standing there shaking her head. Trying over and over to grab my arms, but I keep pushing her away. I want to run out the door, to hate her. To never look back, but just as I start to walk away I hear it. I hear the words she says loudly.
"I turned it down Calliope! I told the Chief that I could not leave you! That I was not going to pass up the love of my life for Africa. No matter how honorable that grant is. I will not walk away from this. From us" she says as she points between the two of us.
Hearing that was enough to stop me in my tracks. Not to mention several people have stopped their conversations and are now staring directly at us. Addison and Teddy walk over to us to make sure things are ok. I finally find my voice and turn around to face Arizona.
"Your not taking it? You are staying here? Why? Because of me? Tell me that isn't why you decided to stay? Because if that is the only reason you are here then don't pass this up Arizona. I cannot live my life with you resenting me for passing up this opportunity. You would end up hating me Arizona."
"I passed this up for US. Not just for you. I passed this up because I want this. I want a life with you. Here in Seattle. This is what I want to do. Stay right here with you, and start our life. So get that straight right now. You didn't force me to turn this down. I did that on my own. I will not resent you Calliope. I could never do that. You didn't try to influence my decision. I made this decision on my own because Africa WAS my dream. But now? Now you are my dream."
I feel like such a fool. I was accusing her of choosing to leave me when in fact she was doing the complete opposite. She chose me. On her own she chose to stay here and make a life with me. I had never had anyone put me first the way she has. Nobody ever seemed to care about how I would be affected by their decisions. So this is all new territory to me. I feel the tears as they start to pour down my cheeks. Arizona has closed the distance that was between us, and is wiping the tears away with her thumbs. I don't even know where to begin to apologize for my breakdown.
"I'm so sorry Ari. So, so sorry. I panicked. I just assumed that you were leaving. Because that is what people do in my life. They leave. And I always managed to pull myself back together afterwards, but I am so scared of losing you because I know that I could never come back from that. I don't even know where I would begin with trying to get over you. You terrify me. Because you have the power to break me."
"Calliope, listen to me. Listen to me closely. I am not going anywhere. I am staying right here. Wherever you are is where I will be. You are my future. You are my life. Malawi was my plan before. But not anymore. You are my plan. This life we have is my plan. I'm here baby. And I'll be here as long as you want me to be. I love you so much." Arizona says as she pulls me in for a tight hug. Addison and Teddy are standing there silent. Just looking at us.
"I love you too. I am so proud of you. You won the biggest award someone can win in the medical field. You are amazing." I say as I smile and kiss my Arizona. My Arizona. I love the sound of that. And I couldn't be happier in knowing that she will still be my Arizona for a very long time.
Teddy and Addison walk over to us and Addison is the first to speak.
"You won the Carter Maddison Grant Arizona? Holy cow! That is amazing. I mean, I'm glad you made the decision to stay here with Cal and all, but that is still amazing. You should be so proud." Addison says excitedly.
"I am proud. I worked hard to get it, but I know I am making the right decision. Staying here is what I am meant to do. Chief Webber has notified the board to select the next person in line and I am sure they will make a great surgeon for those kids. I just could not pass up what I have here."
"Well, it looks like we have worn off our buzz. Time for shots to celebrate! Come on Cal, you have a way to go to catch up!" Teddy yells over the music.
I turn and face Arizona. She gives me a wink and I feel like all my anxiety leaves my body instantly. She chose to stay here with me? I can't believe it. For the first time, someone chose me over something else. I am not sure how to process all of this. Because it is a brand new feeling. It feels amazing none the less. And I am beyond happy. After we returned to the booth, Arizona slides in first followed by myself. Addison and Teddy are on the opposite bench, and the waitress comes over to take our drink order. Teddy quickly orders us each two shots of tequila and a beer. As soon as the drinks arrive, we each take a shot glass and I raise my glass.
"To Arizona. The most amazing woman I have ever known. You deserved that grant more than any other surgeon in the entire world, and I am proud of you for winning it. I am also thankful that you chose to stay here with me. I promise to make sure you never regret it. TO ARIZONA, and TO LOVE!" I toast.
Teddy and Addison say in unison "To Arizona and To Love" right after me. We all clink our glasses together and then the shots of tequila are taken. The hot liquid burns my throat, but feels amazing. It has been too long since I was able to simply sit next to my girlfriend and enjoy her company. And even though we both work tomorrow and are going to feel like complete shit after drinking, we will keep slamming the shot glasses on the table. We have spent a couple of hours just laughing with Addison and Teddy about so many random things. I feel Arizona's hand on my thigh slowly moving higher and higher. Her hand even grazes across my center a time or two and it makes me inhale quickly. But I manage to hold it together so that Teddy nor Addison were the wiser. We continued our little girls night with our best friends for much longer than we anticipated, and finally Arizona speaks up.
"Well girlies, we better call it a night. I have a surgery at 7, and Callie has one at 730. So as much fun as this is, we have to get going. I am sure we are going to feel fantastic in the morning as it is." Arizona says.
"Nooooooooooooooooooo" a very drunk Teddy slurs.
We make our way out of the bar after making Addison promise that she will call a cab for her and Teddy to share. Luckily we live only two blocks away, so we are able to stumble our way back to the apartment. Arizona being further gone than myself, leans on me to help her walk. She is singing some song that was stuck in her head from the bar, and talking about some off the wall things. Most of it I just blew off, knowing she was drunk and rambling. But she said one thing that stuck out. And even though I didn't call her on it, and I let it slide, does not mean that I didn't hear it, and that it wasn't currently the focus of my attention.
During her drunken rant, she said "I'm going to marry you one day Calliope. I'm going to marry you and put a ring on that finger so the whole world knows that you are married. Calleeopppe Robbinzz" she slurs.
I get us safely inside of my apartment, and get Arizona undressed and tucked into bed. I sit on the side of the bed and tuck her long blond strands behind her ear. She is sound asleep, and I just sit there and stare. The way her lips look so kissable. The way her mouth is slightly parted while she sleeps. I love her so much. And even if she doesn't make a big deal about the choice she made for us, I will never forget it. And I will never take it for granted. She continues to find a different way to amaze me. Just when I think that there is nothing else she could possibly do to shock me, she pulls another rabbit out of her magic hat. How did I get so lucky? What did I finally do right in my life to have someone so wonderful pick me over their previous life dream? I didn't understand, but I was not going to question it. Because I am beside myself knowing that I have her and she isn't going anywhere. I am so lucky.
I stand and cover Arizona up the rest of the way before I make my way to the restroom to wash my face and get ready for bed. Once I finish, I walk over to my side of the bed and pull the covers back to climb in. I scoot over to Arizona to lay behind her like we usually sleep, and I feel her turn her body to face me. Tucking her head under my chin, and wrapping her arm across my chest. Her leg tangles itself in between my own. And I smile so wide. Knowing that I am holding the woman that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I have her. The one. My soulmate. The love of my life and the woman who will be the other mother of my children one day. I hope Saturday gets here quickly I say to myself. I want to be able to go home to Arizona. Home to her in our home. I just cannot wait to start my life with her…