We All Have Secrets
AU . Post 3x16. Sarah and Connor connect in the most unexpected way as he treats her father. Rheese twists to the last episodes of the season. Now a season 4 alternative version.
"Sarah?" His voice came as a whisper behind her. She was staring out the window from the second floor of the guest bedroom that had been set up for them. It was the morning after the wedding and they'd woke up early, the sun was just coming up and she had found herself staring out as it rose. She took his hands in hers as they wrapped around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder. "Everything okay?"
"What time do we have to be downstairs?" She asked, still not looking at him.
"About two hours." He said, kissing her shoulder softly from behind. "Why?"
"I wish we could freeze time," She replied. "To right now, as if the last year didn't happen and my father wasn't to blame for killing those girls."
"Sarah, hey, I thought we agreed this weekend was just about us." He spun her around so she was facing him. She didn't want to look into his eyes, because her mind would start racing and she would ruin the last day and a half and just how normal it all felt. "Babe, look at me. We are not doing this, right now is just us here and nothing else matters."
She bit her lip and nodded her head, smiling. "How big do you think that shower is?" She asked and Connor's eyes shined as she took his hand and led him to the bathroom.
"Well it's important we save water." She grinned and wrapped her arms around his neck. Grateful the conversation hadn't turned into yet another argument. She didn't want to be gloomy around Claire, she didn't need to.
Connor didn't need it either, he had tried so hard to keep her mind off anything but the wedding. She owed him at least to try.
He helped her undress and she watched him. Sarah thought of just how less than two years before, being with him like this, with anyone really would have never crossed her mind that she could be with someone like that, her relationship with Joey even that seemed almost childlike while with Connor it was all about commitment, although she knew he had trust issues and if she was honest, so did she but they seemed to have brought the best out in each other.
First as friends, then as lovers, partners and equals. It didn't matter if she was still younger, it didn't matter the people that had come before. What mattered was them and how much they cared for one another.
"What?" He asked as they were face to face in the shower.
"I love you." She leaned to kiss him.
"I love you too." He replied, pulling her closer and kissing her cheek before his lips descended to her neck and she lost all coherent thought. "So. Much." Connor added between kisses and Sarah felt herself calm down.
Yes, he was right, it was only them right then and she wouldn't want it any other way.
"How are you feeling Sarah?" Jay Halstead came into her room Wednesday afternoon. She had been in the hospital for 3 and a half days, Connor had been in the ICU the exact amount of time and her mind had been trying to process it all.
He had survived surgery barely, Dr. Abrams had told her it was only a matter of time, because they couldn't predict just how much damage had been done, so Sarah had been wondering if he'd wake up, if he'd be able to talk, walk or operate again. Connor wasn't even 34 years old. He didn't deserve this happening to him.
Jay took the chair beside the bed and sat down. "They told me Connor did well in surgery."
"They can't really know anything unless he wakes up." She told him. Jay didn't respond. "Are they taking my father soon?" She hadn't seen him. Dr. Charles had come to talk to her about it when she had first asked but she hadn't dared to. It had seemed that all the bravery she had gathered in the past year had suddenly evaporated. She needed to remain focused on Connor and she didn't have the energy to do anything else.
"I've come to talk to you about that. Is right now okay?" She nodded. "He's been discharged at the end of the week and we're taking him over to the medical facility once he's transferred." Jay informed her. "He's been charged with attempted murder. Four counts."
"So, I take the investigation isn't going so well." Sarah said. Jay leaned a bit closer to the bed, joining his hands.
No, they still hadn't enough evidence against Robert; given that the only person they could place in connection with him was Olivia and the monkey toy they had found in his apartment.
"No, but we're joining forces with the SVU team. They're coming tomorrow from New York. It seems that one of their open cases fits Haywood's MO."
Sarah sighed. Yes, this was like one of those Law and Order episodes she had watched reruns of after school. Except her father was far worse than what she had pictured growing up.
He was a monster and if she thought about it, she had been lucky he hadn't been around in her life, other girls, though, that had crossed his path were gone. She shivered at the thought. "I'll do anything to help."
Natalie had come back with Sarah's latest tests results. Her levels had gone up again, but she had run them twice. She found Will by the nurse's station working on a chart. "Hey what's up?"
"Does this seem normal to you?" She asked. Will took the tablet from her and swiped up. "I'm thinking it's just stress."
"Dr. Halstead, Dr. Morrison was asking for you." Maggie said. Natalie instantly thought of Connor but Maggie was way to calm, way too stoic. "It's Haywood."
Will made it upstairs just in time to see James Morrison and Dr. Charles in Robert's room with the policemen that had been placed outside his room. "What have you got?"
"He complained of chest pains, shortness of breath." Dr. Morrison said as Robert eyed Will carefully. The hairs on Will's neck stood on end. Daniel shared a glance with Will and the both of them stepped out as James examined him.
"Did he really complain?" Will asked in a whisper.
"Yes, we were talking and he began slurring his words."
"So, he's still talking to you." It wasn't a question.
"I'm not done with him, so yes; he does still talk to me. Two can play this game Dr. Halstead." Daniel said firmly watching Robert. "I heard Connor pulled through." Daniel commented.
Will hadn't been working the past few days, his Dad had not been doing so well and with Jay working on the case and Pat refusing to come in, Will had been forced to miss work. In truth, his father had asked for Connor and whether he could make a house call and Will had told him what he could about the accident.
"It's still hard for me to wrap my head around it all." Will admitted to Dr. Charles. Daniel nodded his head. These last few days with his Dad had made him put himself in Sarah's shoes. Pat had his flaws but he had done his best for him and Jay to the extent of his abilities.
"Yes, it makes us examine our own existence, doesn't it? Our own capabilities as parents." Daniel said to Will.
"Tell me about it, Jeff's shoes, those are pretty big ones to fill but I'm trying, especially now that Owen is getting older. Natalie tells him about his Dad and I try not to be upset about it. I'm not his father but all I know is that I want to be the best parent I can to him. Does that make sense?"
"It does. It doesn't mean you are trying to replace his father, you just want to do your best to be one yourself, much like riding a bike, without any training wheels." Daniel told him. Will nodded. His pager went off, there was an incoming major trauma, a fire, and they needed all hands on deck. "I need to go, keep me posted?"
"Of course."
Claire found herself in the hospital chapel for the second time that week when Eric went to get her. "Your Dad is here." He told her sitting beside her. Cornelius had arrived at Med Monday night. Just after Connor had been taken to surgery. It was quite the sight to have him in the waiting room, holding his daughter's hand.
Much to her surprise, her father hadn't made any snarky comments about the hospital, the staff or Connor. He had almost seemed normal, especially when he'd gone to check on Sarah. "I'll deal with him. Are you sure you don't want to go home and get some rest? It can't be good for you, you've barely slept Claire."
"I'm fine. I'll go once Connor wakes up." She said, glancing down at her hands.
"Honey it could be months before…"
"No, don't. I don't want you telling me the statistics, that's what they used when my Mother died. I know them Eric and I refuse to believe them." She stood up and looked at the lit candles before walking away in search of her father.
She found him speaking with the Chief Operating Officer at the hospital, who she'd met the night of the accident. Gwen Garrett. "Dad, ."
"Hello Mrs. Robertson. Claire. Your father was telling me just how much he has contributed to the hospital, the ward in your mother's memory."
"Yes, but somehow Connor didn't seem to want to work here anymore." Cornelius said. "Such a shame really, I have a feeling you are just what this hospital needs Miss. Garrett."
"And so is your son. All I keep hearing about him are wonderful things." Gwen said. Claire huffed but not loudly enough for them to hear, only Eric was able to as they talked about Connor like either of them actually knew anything about him but Claire couldn't really make sense of much after that because all hell broke loose in the hospital and Gwen was called away.
Will thanked the heavens his father had been staying with him for the past few days because the fire had happened near where he lived. The day mostly passed in a blur for him from that moment on. He and the team worked on the multiple casualties. Including an old patient of Connor's who hadn't known he didn't work at Med anymore and who Natalie had been in charge of.
"He's back." Natalie said, referring to Connor's Dad. Will sighed. "Any update?"
"No. And Sarah? Were you able to figure out what those tests were saying?"
"I still think she could be pregnant, but I have to do some more digging, if it's too early, not even blood work would be able to detect it." Will sighed. "Her HG levels aren't high enough yet."
"I'm not even sure Claire has told her father about her own baby yet."
"Well, he's sort of intimidating."
"It's all for show." Will told her. "Hey by the way, I'm staying over with Dad again, after what happened today I don't want him to go back to his apartment alone."
"Oh, okay." Natalie said. "Helen is keeping Owen for the night, so I'm going to stay and check on a few of my patients."
Will's pager went off again and Maggie called him over. "I gotta go, keep me posted on Reese?"
Natalie entered Sarah's room as she was flipping through the channels on the TV. "So, I went to check on Connor. His vitals look good. Sam is optimistic about him waking up soon."
Sarah looked at her. "Yeah, he told me." Vitals didn't mean anything, she wanted him this to be over. And for him to be okay.
"Sarah, honey we're not giving up. None of us are." Natalie said, standing beside the bed and reached for the chair. "And you don't get to either."
"Why not?" Sarah let out. "This is all my fault…"
"Sarah…"
"No, don't, stop. I don't want to be treated with kid gloves. I'm done." She didn't dare look at Natalie.
"Okay, well maybe you would want to look at that another way." Natalie said patiently. "When was the last time you had your period?" Sarah froze.
Her heart sank down to her feet as Natalie glanced down at her chart.
"I did a few tests when you first came in but they were negative." Dr. Manning said. "But could also just mean it's too early to tell."
Then it hit Sarah, she hadn't taken the pill since the week before Claire's wedding and with everything that had happened, it could very well mean she could be pregnant. It fell on her like a ton of bricks even though it would still be two weeks before she would know and her period was still days away.
"So, it's possible?" Natalie asked. Sarah nodded slowly. She found herself touching her flat stomach and Dr. Manning noticed.
Sarah then pictured it all in her head, the house, the dog, the white picket fence, but somehow her fantasy had one thing missing. Connor.
She remembered the first time it had happened. The first time he had made love to her. It was more than just sex, even though she had known his history, of easy relationships, his trust issues, a few she had herself, but that didn't make it less special to her. Or him, he had later admitted.
This was more serious than they both anticipated and it scared the hell out of her.
"We're going to take it one day at a time, alright Sarah?" Natalie suggested when she noticed her demeanour change. "But I promise you, you are not alone, we're going to get you through this." Natalie's voice pulled her away from her thoughts.
"Can I see him?" She asked. Natalie looked at the time. Gwen would probably be gone for the day and when she wheeled her over to Connor's bed in the ICU, Ms. Goodwin who was there simply offered both women a kind smile, placing a hand on Sarah's shoulder. "His sister and father were just here." She told them. "Dr. Abrams has informed me there's been good progress."
Yes, Sarah had heard him say that too, she had heard the statistics but Sam hadn't sugar coated it for Sarah, she was a doctor and she had done her homework being stuck in bed. Her mind of course had trailed off and she had read all she could on the side effects of cerebral edema surgery and what it could entail for his progress, what his time table could be.
She knew and she wasn't ready to give up. Now she had something else to fight for. She grabbed his hand; it was warm and she placed it gently against hers. Natalie stood by the door as Will had arrived with Dr. Charles and Jay in tow.
"We thought she might be here." Dr. Charles said. "How is he?"
Natalie shrugged. "It's hard to say. Sam insists no sign is a good sign but I'm not convinced."
"Well, his brain does need time to heal itself." Will commented. Natalie turned around to the boys.
"How good is your friend Peter, Jay?" she asked.
"He's the ADA leading the SVU team now. Why?"
"Because Sarah might be pregnant after all."
She could see them watching and talking about her, but she brushed it all off. "Connor, I need you to open your eyes babe, for me." She reached to brush his hair, her other hand still holding his and then she lowered it to her stomach. "For us."
It was still just an assumption, a what if, but it was something that made it real, the idea that she wasn't ready to give up on him. She felt something on her hand, just ghosting there as if his had moved, but as she glanced up, his eyes hadn't opened.
"Sarah?" Natalie was back beside her. "We need to get you back to bed." She sighed, watching the three men from the glass. She turned her attention to Connor though and kissed his cheek, standing up a bit from her chair with the other doctor's help, she kissed the side of his mouth like he did occasionally, playfully.
"I want to see him. Robert." Sarah announced as they all walked her back to her room and Jay asked why they had all been called down there after she had admitted to them that she had asked Natalie for all them to be present. "Before he's transferred."
Sooo Sarah might be pregnant! And ohh she's willing to see Robert and yeah I'm planning my SVU crossover just for a bit. Please review guys!