HELLO MY WONDERFUL ADORING FANS!

I am sooooooooooooo sorry that I haven't been able to update sooner. I have had soooo much that I've had to do. I had the school musical "Guys and Dolls", which was a whole lot of dancing and singing (and yet, very little sleeping on my part), and then we went to Washington DC on Wednesday. So I literally just looked at my laptop for the first time in 3 days. Yes, I am aware that that stinks.

And thank you to "RandomCUZISIDSOluver", who pointed out to me that Exie was like Alice. I hadn't made that connection before, I just wrote about Exie. Hmm, Interesting... Wonder where I could take that later...

Anyway, this chapter takes a more in depth look at Valerie, and how she came to be who she is now. Hope you enjoy!!!

Disclaimer: A girl can dream, right? But for now, I only own Valerie, Demon, Mira, Shawn, Hope, Jinx, Blaze, Skye, Exie, Gina, A.J., Collin, Drex, Nate, Niara, Gem, Mini, and Ray. I'll get the others eventually, so James Patterson, watch out...

And now, now that that little breaking off and ripping apart of my soul is done and over with, ON WITH THE STORY!!!

I stepped through the threshold and closed the door gently on Demon's face. I'll feel badly about that later. But now wasn't the time to have been worrying about how Demon felt. Val, quite frankly, looked like crap.

Her hair was all over her face; her eyes looked extremely blank, and were still dark. She looked tired, and she was just staring blankly at the wall.

After I went over and sat next to Val on the ground, we sat in silence for a long time. Eventually, she spoke. "I guess I do sort of take up space, don't I?"

I snapped my head to hers, which was still staring blankly at the wall across from us. "Don't you dare," I growled, ready to attack her if she thought of herself as any less important than we thought she was.

Val didn't respond. "We need you, Ivy. Don't you dare let her get to you. You help me keep the others in line, you're my favorite sister, you're mother hen to everyone, and Demon would die if you tried to run away." She flinched at the mention of his name.

She opened her mouth again, her voice still soft. "Ever since I got here, it has been the personal goal of Niara to make my life a living hell. I never did anything to her, but she wants me to suffer for every day of the rest of my life. So she tries to take my best friend, and drag him over to the dark side. She knows he's my most valuable lifeline, no offense to you guys, and plans on snatching him out from under me and watching me fall. Demon's the only one that really gets me besides you, Max. And he was my first friend ever. But sometimes I think the best thing would be to just let her win. Maybe he'd be happier without a mentally and emotionally unstable freak dragging him down."

I was ready to slap her since she sounded so defeated and just… un-Val-like…

Also, due to the fact that the only way that I can deal with any emotion is that I smack the other person. Seriously, here's how the situation would probably go if anyone came to me as an emotional therapist:

"Max! I'm in love!"—5 second pause then a smack—"Feeling better?"

Focusing back on the task at hand, I turned back to Valerie. She started stretching, and it was then that I realized that she had taken her jacket off. I froze.

"Val, please tell me those aren't what I think they are," I said, my voice sounding hoarse to me as I stared at the many little scars that seemed to decorate both of Ivy's forearms.

Her eyes trailed my line of vision, and stopped exactly where I had been staring. Immediately, she jumped up from against the wall and tried to get out of the room, out of my sight. I jumped up as well and grabbed her arm, holding her firmly in place. Val started trying to twist and turn to get out of my grasp, but I held tight until eventually she stopped fighting and just stood rigid, going limp.

Once again, awkward turtle.

I hesitantly pulled her closer to me and wrapped my arms around her awkwardly. I guided her over to the wall again, and we slid down it to lean against the wall once again. Then I realized that there were a few tears running down her cheeks. Awww, crap.

Val's sniffling slowly quieted, until she was just breathing slightly heavily. I decided to jump straight to the point. "Valerie Ivy Shadow, when did those scars happen? And don't you dare lie to me."

Val was silent, and I tried the calmer approach. "Val, what happened?"

I got the nearly silent answer sooner this time. "Right after Demon's death, when I had shut down and been thrown into the mix with the rest of my flock, your extended family, I went completely numb. I functioned just enough so that people knew that I was alive, but I didn't really do anything. I didn't know if I could feel anything, if my brain was processing anything anymore, so I tried to test myself. A few cuts, just a few each day to make sure my body didn't slowly die." A deep breath. "After we escaped from the Institute for the last time, I started to wear clothes with longer sleeves, and fingerless gloves to cover the evidence. By this point, I was almost suicidal. I sort of missed the Institute, because back there you were worked so hard that when you collapsed and fell asleep, your brain was too tired to try and think of anything for you to dream about. I didn't have that… luxury when we escaped, so the memories came back in the form of dreams." Another deep breath.

"Every time I started to fall asleep, I would keep one hand on the knife in my pocket, and then as soon as the nightmare woke me up, I would turn away from the others and make a fresh wound. They weren't suspicious, and somehow the pain made me feel better; it distracted me from the other pain.

"I remember the day that the others found out very clearly. We had been free for almost 2 years. It was another nightmare, and this time the memories were so vivid that within a few minutes of falling asleep I jumped back up and started running. Now, granted, I wasn't as fast a runner as I am now, and I was really unaware of my surroundings, since my mind and heart were both racing. Also, Skye was on watch, and Blaze was not going to go sleep without knowing that she had first. So almost as soon as I jumped up, they jumped up and started following me. I bent down about 15 yards away, leaning against a boulder, and then took out the pocket knife and pressed it to my skin." Another deep breath.

"As soon as the blood started to run, Skye was in front of me wiping frantically at the wound. Her eyes were wide and terrified, but she said nothing. Blaze, on the other hand, was a different story. He started screaming and yelling, but under all the anger I could see the honest concern and sadness that I would do that to myself. The last thing he said before we all went back to camp was, 'You die when we die.'

"After that, I wasn't allowed to do anything unsupervised. I'm guessing that the news that I was a cutter had spilled so that now everyone knew about it, because no one looked at me the same way again. I felt like I was in a showcase, and everyone was staring in at me. No one left me alone to myself, and I felt like screaming. Although I guess it meant they cared. But I'm still unstable, so not much has changed."

I couldn't help myself as I whispered, more to myself, "So that's what the others meant when they said that you did some other things they didn't approve of,"

Val nodded her confirmation. Then she sighed. "I know this is going to change everything," she trailed off.

I pulled Val closer to me, and genuinely hugged her. "We all have our flaws. Let them see what they want to see." I whispered into her hair.

Oh, crap. I'm going soft and soggy. I feel like a Frosted Flake that's been drenched in milk.

No, Maximum. You're growing up.

…We'll interpret it as we like.

Eventually, Val's adrenaline rush came crashing down, and she just fell asleep on my shoulder, lightly breathing. I gently lifted her and put her on the bed. And then I started to think.

How do you recover from that? All that pain and no relief. You think your best friend is dead for years and you have to pretend like everything's fine so that you can lead and not have anyone questioning your authority due to the fact that you show emotion. She was bound to have gone a bit crazy sometime or another. She had no one to turn to—not like she'd turn to anyone. Val's strong-willed, stubborn, and independent. Sometimes I can't help but think that that could be her downfall.

Max, Valerie's like you in a lot of ways. You're both strong-willed, stubborn, independent, authoritative. And yes, you both do have your flaws. Remember the Beach Incident?

I flinched. I try not to. The memory of the blood flowing over the wound into the sand; the smell of blood and seawater mixed together; Fang's look of both terror and anger; my breaking down and crying.

I'm aware of that Max. I'm just trying to say that even leaders are human too. And then the presence in my head faded away.

About 15 minutes later, I heard the door beginning to click, and then it fully swung open. Everyone who knew Val, besides Niara, rushed inside.

"Is she okay?"

"Do we have to kill Niara?"

"Did anything get damaged by Val's temper?"

"Would anyone like to tell me what's going on?"

Questions were flying everywhere, and I tried to answer everyone as best I could. "She's okay. No, we are not getting charged with murder, Gazzy! No, nothing's damaged. Niara, get the hell out of here."

Everyone immediately stopped talking and turned to glare at the pretty figure standing in the door frame. "Get out of here, Niara. You're the reason this happened in the first place." Gina snarled. In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion ain't sleeping tonight…

Angel, trying to keep a glare on her face, failed miserably.

Niara had the nerve to look confused. "I just restated what she already knew. What's wrong with that?"

A soft rustling noise came from behind me, and I turned around to see Val sitting up and glaring at Niara. "Only you, huh?" She asked, voice drowsy.

"What do you mean "only me"? I'm a lot more than you'll ever be," Niara screeched, looking pretty eager for a rise out of Val.

Val, even after all of our conversation before, got up from the bed, and then--

Holy shiznits.

--She flipped with no momentum straight into Niara's chest, pushed back off her with her feet, and flipped back onto the bed.

The only evidence that the flip had even been done was the fact that Val was smirking, Niara was 2 feet back out into the hallway…

…And there were two dark footprints that were slightly smoking imprinted on Niara's shirt. And now everyone looks at Valerie…

"Since when could you do that?!" Demon asked first.

Val shot him a confused look. He rotated his arms once around each other, as if in some sort of Latin American dance, and then kept openly staring at her. She shrugged. He looked at her like she was crazy, then repeated the shrug gesture. Val nodded enthusiastically. Demon shook his head, but shot her a look I couldn't read, and then Val gulped.

"You two still do that?" Gina asked. Everyone's head turned to hers.

"Do what?" Val and Demon asked in perfect unison.

"Nothing. Apparently the answer is yes." She said, shaking her head and smiling. "Now, onto other matters. Val, why the hell is Niara's shirt smoldering?"

Valerie took no pity on the poor people who weren't used to this yet and opened her wings, and set them on fire. Smirking devilishly the entire time.

"HOLY FRICK!!!" Gina, Exie, Gem, Mini, A.J., Drex, Nate, and Collin all screeched at the same time. I chuckled a bit.

Val sing-songed, "Told you not to screw with me! And now I want sleep. SO GO!" Everyone shuffled out of there except Iggy, who had just fallen asleep on the floor when we weren't looking.

Niara was still standing with an idiotic look on her face outside the door. I smirked, skipped --yes, skipped. Deal with it--over to her and said, "Try to hurt her now, you're dead! Better keep that mouth of yours under control. Because Val has been known to let her temper get the best of her!"

And with that, I felt the need to reward myself, and walked down the hallway to the kitchen to get myself a cookie.

And how was this chappy?! I know, I didn't even plan out to have any of that happen, but it just took off like that. It's a bit darker than what I usually write, but hey, we all gotta be flexible. Except for my friend Daisy, who every time she attempts to bend over backwards, ends up lying on the floor screeching about her back. Hmm...

But I hope that I got Max's character right in this. I've been trying not to make her seem to unlike herself in the books, so review and tell me how I'm doing with that goal.

Now, can you find the other Maximum Ride quote in this chapter? In the last one, it was from Max, when Brigid was trying to convince Max to stay in the submarine and not go after Angel and risk her own life. Right before the gigantic Fax epiphany. "...endearing bull dog tenacity"--Max, Max.

I slipped another quote from the series in here too. Review and tell me if you found it or not! It's pretty obvious.

Oh, and for old times sake,

Sincerely,

Daisy, after seeing that I stole her stuffed fox which she re-specied a wolf which she named Jacob: Zee, please! I need to fill him with my tears. I always cry at the end of Clueless!

Me, not paying attention to the conversation: He's dead!

--10 second pause--

Daisy: Zee, no! I'll flood the bus with water. With a foot up to here! (--Holds hand up to above head--)

Asprey: I'm so glad I have no personal attraction to any stuffed animals.

a.k.a. Skittles31, who sends you salsa-ing, grape jelly-filled donuts in the rain to keep you company.