Chapter 14

Ella Pov

The first thing that Ella was aware of when she woke up was the pounding in her head. She groaned, clutching her head on either side, wincing at the pain. When she opened her eyes, the second thing she was aware of was that she wasn't in her tent.

Rolling onto her side, she came face to face with a peacefully sleeping Murphy. He snorted in his sleep, and despite the pain she was feeling, and the emptiness she had felt since the other morning, she laughed.

It was a choked laugh, one the came from someone unexpectedly. It made her head hurt even more, but she didn't care. It felt good to feel something again.

Laying there, she tried desperately to remember the night before, but her memory was only coming to her in flashes, not forming into one solid memory: her, smiling a dead smile as she wrapped an arm around Miller's neck - Jasper telling her that she should take it easy on the drinking with concern in his brown eyes - Monty, saying that he couldn't believe that she had beat them all in a drinking game seeing as she never drank with the others before.

But, something in the back of her mind was bugging her, like she had done something she would regret. Something she would regret more than drinking enough to make her feel as bad as she did at the moment.

Why couldn't she remember anything? She had never drank before last night, and the feeling that it gave her wasn't like she had expected and it was something that she knew she would never do again.

She hated this feeling. This feeling of desperation to know a portion of her life that had been taken from her by consuming a drink that made her burn and feel like she was going to throw up.

Her face turned pale as the last thought made her bolt out of Murphy's bed, still in her gray tank top from the night before, though her jacket, pants, boots, and socks had been stripped away, leaving her in her tight black shorts that she always worn underneath.

She ran around the back of his tent facing the fence that surrounded camp, and doubled over, retching burning liquid into the bushes. Tears came to her eyes from the force everything came up with, and she collapsed to the ground, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, then wiping her hand in the dew covered grass, and rested her back and head against the wooden fence, looking up at the sky and watching a large black bird fly high in the air.

The image reminded her of the night in the woods she had ran from camp, unconsciously rubbing her still bandaged wrist.

And, her blood ran cold.

Her jacket was gone. She had put it on despite the warm weather to cover up the bloody bandages around her wrists, but Murphy must have taken it off when he had removed half of her cloths after she had passed out in his bed to make her more comfortable.

She could almost picture his face when he had removed her jacket to reveal what was hidden underneath. Disappointment, mixed with worry and fear – the very expression he tried to cover up every time she had done this in the past. That look always filled her with shame, and made her feel even worse than she had before. He thought that he had let her down, but honestly, he was the only thing keeping her from falling to pieces.

It was very early outside, the sun only just peaking out from behind the trees on the horizon. Not a single person could be seen walking around camp, and she figured that it was going to take a while for them all to bring their foggy heads to full wakefulness after the night they all had, let alone getting started on their chores.

Ella took in a lungful of air, trying to settle her stomach, though throwing up helped to ease it a bit, and closed her eyes, listening to the sounds of crickets and birds chirping on the other side of the fence, a sound that she only now was getting use to hearing every morning.

It was funny how, after just a short amount of time being on Earth, how fast even the smallest things and sounds could seem so normal, like she had heard and seen them her whole life.

The sound of a rustling tent from her left sounded in the still air, making Ella snap her head around in time to see Jasper running out and around the back of the tent he shared with Monty and making it just in time to throw up behind it, like she had done a moment ago, hands braced on knees, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. She smiled despite herself as the boy groaned and tried to straighten up again, looking around to make sure that no one had seen him.

His eyes landed on Ella, and even from two tents down, she could see the blush on his face, bringing some color back into it.

She smiled kindly at him and patted the ground beside her for him to sit with her.

She hadn't known Jasper before they were all sent to Earth, she had seen him in the halls, but had never actually talked to him. But, once they landed, he had been one of the very few people down here that never gave her a hard time. It was easy being around him. He was kind and respectful to her, and she now counted him a close friend.

Besides Murphy, he was the only one who really talked to her on their hunting trips. He treated her like their equal, the other guys eventually following his lead and including her on their conversations, not excluding her as the only girl on the team.

Jasper was well liked around camp by everyone. There was just something about him that made it easy to like him. He was funny without being annoying, nerdy without being pathetic, strong without being cocky, and charming without even knowing it.

Flipping his hair out of his face, Jasper walked over to her, hunched slightly, obviously trying to easy his own pain without trying to show that he was feeling any at all.

He practically threw himself down beside her, relieved to be able to sit down and relax his aching muscles. He rested his head against the fence as well, tilting his head to the side to look at her.

"Hey," he breathed, smiling a lazy smile at her, his eyes drooping in exhaustion.

She smiled back at him. "Hey."

"Out her enjoying the morning air?" he laughed, a miserable, humorous laugh.

She shook her head, smiling wider. "No, just beat you out here to do what you just did to those poor plants over there."

His eyes closed all the way as he tilted his head back up to the sky.

"I really hope you don't feel as bad as I do right now. If I roll over and die right here, tell people that I was attacked by a Grounder – went down fighting, not laying in the grass in a puddle of my own vomit," he said dramatically.

Ella laughed, and Jasper opened one eye to look down at her smiling, pleased with himself for making her laugh.

"I must look like a mess," she sighed.

He opened his eyes all the way then, glancing sideways at her.

"No, you look beautiful."

She felt her face grow hot at that, and she looked down at the ground another breathless laugh escaping her.

No one had even told that she was beautiful before other than Murphy and Raven and she knew that both of them loved her and were just being objective, knowing that she had low self-esteem.

But, hearing it come from Jasper's lips, someone she hadn't known very long at all, made butterflies flutter around in her stomach and her cheeks turn a brilliant shade of pink.

She was achingly aware of his lack of clothing, which only made her grow hotter. And, in this moment, she forgot how completely in love she was with a guy who would never love her back in that way. She was only there with Jasper who thought she was beautiful and made her feel happy.

Ella placed her hands discreetly behind her so that he wouldn't notice her cut wrists.

"Thank you," she said shyly. "I'm sure we must be a sight to see, two teens sitting behind a tent, smelling like vomit, half naked.

He laughed at that, a carefree laugh that was very contagious.

"Uh, I'm never drinking again," she said, holding her aching head, that seemed to be slowly feeling better the more fresh air she breathed in.

"Yeah," said Jasper, scratching his head. "I don't like it that much either."

"So, why do you do it?"

"I like being a part of the group. On the Ark, people passed right by me everyday, my only friend was Monty. No one gave me a second glance up there. But, down here. I don't really know why, but down here, they think I'm a hero, just because I was in the right place at the right time. I don't know," he said, shaking his head. "I guess I just don't want to mess it up. I like feeling important. I liked being liked."

Ella stared at Murphy's tent in front of her, wondering why he was telling all of this. Wondered why he would let her see the imperfect side to him that he hid from everyone else.

"I'm sure everyone would still like you if you didn't do these kinds of things. I know I would. You're fun to be around, everyone loves you, you have nothing more to prove.

Jasper looked at her as she met his gaze again, the expression on his face hard for her to read. She stared into his eyes, seeing him – really seeing him for the first time. Just a boy trying to belong.

The sound of someone tripping over something followed by a string of curses broke their gaze, Ella blinking and smiling back down at the ground.

Maybe she could get over Murphy.