* All original twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. Any original characters are my own.
* Rated M for mature content – self harm, suicide attempts, rape, possible smut later on.
"Bella!" he screamed as I felt no branch behind me, nothing to step onto but air and I felt myself begin to fall, twisting around and seeing nothing but the hard ground below me.
I didn't have time to process what was happening before my body slammed into the hardness, the ground not budging as I heard my wrist crunch and felt my knees slam down, the air being knocked out of my chest.
"Bella!"
"Are you alright?"
"What happened Bella?"
"I can't hear her or smell her?"
"Bella!"
"Carlisle?"
"I can't get to her."
"Bella!"
The voices were surrounding me as I scrunched my eyes closed and gasped for air, feeling the shooting pains in my chest, knees, hips, and wrists.
"Bella open your eyes Love," Edward's voice broke through the many as I finally began to regain my breath and I opened them slowly to see his face peering down at me with concern, Carlisle kneeling on the ground beside him and the rest of the family surrounding the three of us.
Groaning in pain I slowly shifted, rolling onto my side and then eventually my back.
"Don't move Bella." Edward spoke quietly and reached his hand out as though to stop me, but as his hand reached my shoulder he couldn't quite grasp it.
"I can't touch her Carlisle." Edward looked to his father figure and I watched as Carlisle reached out to touch my quickly swelling wrist, his hand stopping and hovering just above my skin.
"Bella, do you have your shield up right now?" Eleazar's voice rang out from somewhere to my left and I shifted my head around to look at him strangely.
"If you're shielding Bella, you're preventing them from touching you... did you do something different earlier when you put your shield up?" he asked me and I thought back, the memories jumbled from my fall. I had put my shield up when Alice had put me in the tree and then... I had doubled it over myself, the feeling of being further protected replaying in my mind.
"I doubled it..." I whispered before trying to find the edge of the film to pull it back.
"Don't take it off yet Bella, you're bleeding." Edward spoke as his gaze shifted down to my leg.
"Everybody needs to leave the area so that I can look at Bella," Carlisle spoke again and I watched as everybody disappeared back into the trees, leaving only Carlisle and Edward by my side.
"Okay, you can take your shield off now Bella." Carlisle told me a minute later and I flexed it, pulling the first layer off and then the second, shoving the entire thing into a back corner of my mind.
Carlisle's hands went instantly to my swollen wrist once my shield was put away, his icy touch soothing the sharp pains that shot through my arm at the slight movement. After he looked over my wrist he handed my hand gently to Edward to keep it cool and moved onto my head, feeling around, checking for any damage, looking over my hips and my ribs where I had pointed out various pains, rolling up my pant legs and looking at my knees.
"Here, I brought your first aid kit from the car." Alice's voice chimed and I watched as she handed it to Carlisle who immediately opened it and got to work cleaning out the multiple scratches and cuts, cleaning the blood out and bandaging anything that needed it.
"There's a pretty big gash on your leg here, I'm going to put some temporary sterile strips across it to keep it from bleeding too much and then when we get back to the house I'll stitch it up properly." Carlisle told me as he worked at closing the gash and taping some gauze over it.
"It looks like you were extremely lucky in the way that you fell and only your wrist is broken, although you're pretty bruised. Let's head back to the house and we'll get you cleaned up." he said with a small smile and Edward lifted me gently into his arms.
"Put me down Edward, I can walk." I looked at him and spoke firmly, not wanting to be treated like a complete invalid.
"Bella, you just fell out of a tree..."
"I know, let me walk, I'll get stiff if I don't walk it off." I cut him off and he set me gently down on my feet, keeping his arm around my waist while I steadied myself.
"Alright, let's get back to the house." he said and we began walking slowly back through the forest and to the door of the office where the entire family was still waiting.
"I'm so sorry Bella, I never should have put you up in that tree." Alice bombarded me as soon as I came through the door.
"I'm sorry as well Bella, I shouldn't have startled you like that." Eleazar also apologized to me and I shook my head at the two of them.
"It's okay, I'm fine. It wasn't anyone's fault... I fell because I'm a klutz but nothing serious happened, a little bruising and a broken wrist is nothing." I shrugged and we continued through the office and out the front door to the car, Edward helping me into the backseat with him while Carlisle and Esme got into the front.
The car ride back to the house was relatively quiet as I leaned against Edward, keeping my wrist in his cold hands to try and soothe it, slowing the swelling.
"Thank you for today." I whispered the words as Edward climbed onto the bed beside me, wrapping his arms around my waist. We had arrived back at the house and Carlisle had stitched my cut and put a brace on my wrist to wait for the swelling to recede a bit.
"I'm sorry that I had to ruin it again..." Edward stayed quiet, resting his chin on the top of my head. He hadn't spoken much since we had gotten back aside from yelling at Alice for putting me in the tree in the first place and I was worried about his sullen behavior.
"Please say something Edward... are you mad at me?" I asked him and I pulled out of his arms to turn and look at him.
"I'm not mad at you Bella," he smiled a small tight smile and I felt my stomach lurch at the memory of the last time that he had used that smile on me.
"I'm sorry Bella... today just hit me... another reminder of how fragile you are and how you shouldn't be in this world..."
"Don't Edward." I interrupted his train of thoughts before he could say the words, the shadow of ache in my chest pulsing out as I remembered the feeling of being separated from him.
"This is temporary." I gestured to my body, "One day I will be as hard and durable as you and the rest of the family." I felt my heart plummet as I said the words and saw his eyes shift away from my scrutinizing gaze.
"I want to be changed Edward..." his eyes snapped back to mine frantically. "I want to set a date for it now Edward." my tone was forceful and his eyes betrayed the promise that he had made to me when I had first decided to stay with them.
"You promised me Edward... you promised that if I stayed... that if we were together... that you would change me..." the ache in my chest was getting stronger and I felt my own panic rising at his stubbornness, at the refusal that I was sure was coming.
"I know what you want Bella." he said simply and I felt myself pull further away from him, hurt and disbelief flooding my body.
"Please leave me alone." I whispered and turned my head away from him, locking my gaze on the wall.
"Bella... please..." he begged but I didn't want to hear it, hear more of his false promises.
"Just go away." I closed my eyes and pulled my shield down over my body, twisting it and pulling the second layer back over myself. I felt the shift in the bed as he got up and then heard the door close softly as he left the room, my heart cracking as he did so.
I fought the tears but eventually lost, allowing myself to release the frustration of the day, to release the physical and emotional aches that were plaguing my body. When I'd finally cried it all out, I stood and made my way over to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet to pee. When I looked at my leg and saw the large gash I felt the pull of my old habit calling me, my emotional pain wanting to seek a physical release. As I sat there long after I had finished my business I fought against myself, knowing that in the long run it wouldn't help, but for right now it was what I wanted.
Tracing the cut with my index finger I turned it carefully, my nail slicing into the cut, pulling at the first stitch, the cut loosening and fresh blood making it's way through the dry, dribbling slowly down my leg and towards my foot.
As I stared at the trail of blood it mesmerized me and I wanted to see more, to feel more and I made my way to the medicine cabinet, looking for the tiny pair of nail scissors that I knew was on the second shelf.
Sitting back down on the now closed toilet seat I held my weapon in my hand, taking a deep breath and knowing that I shouldn't be doing this, but wanting to feel any pain but the ache that was steadily growing in my chest. I looked at the ladder of scars on my left thigh before I slowly placed the tiny blade next to my skin, taking another deep breath before I pressed it into the soft flesh and dragged it from the outside of my leg all the over to the inside, several inches above the diagonal gash that was still dripping blood from the pulled stitches.
I watched as the skin separated and little drops of blood appeared along the fresh cut, one that had barely broken through the skin, watching as the cut wasn't quite deep enough for the blood to travel down my leg on it's own.
Taking the scissors and placing them back on the outside of my thigh just below the first cut I made a second, this time a little deeper, the blood quickly streaming out of the cut, making it's way in streams down my leg.
A third pull of the scissors.
A fourth.
A fifth.
The painkillers that Carlisle had given me for my wrist were beginning to take effect and I could feel my eyes getting heavy as I sat there watching the blood, forgetting about Edward, feeling only the stinging of the cuts, the smear of blood that was covering almost all of my leg. Closing my eyes I leaned back against the tank of the toilet and let sleep come, not caring about anything else.
"Bella?" Alice's voice was soft as she called to me and I tried to pull myself out of sleep to reply, horrified at the dreams that had consumed me.
"Carlisle! Bella's cut! Come up here!" Alice's voice was alarming as I struggled out of sleep and blinked my eyes open, focusing on the room around me... the bathroom... I was in the bathroom... the cuts... my leg... it wasn't a dream... it really happened.
"Bella, let go of the scissors and put your shield down so that I can look at your cuts." Carlisle's voice was hard and disappointed as he appeared in the washroom in front of me.
I looked at him in confusion as I tried to remember what had happened and why I was in the washroom... Edward... Edward didn't want to change me... he didn't want me in his world.
"I... no..." I stuttered out as Carlisle spoke quickly to Alice, his words too quick and low for me to hear.
Alice disappeared and reappeared a minute later, his supplies to stitch my cuts in her hand.
"Bella, let your shield down so that I can look at these cuts." Carlisle's hand was hovering over my good hand which was still holding tightly to the nail scissors.
"He won't change me." I murmured, still not releasing the shield, not wanting anyone to try and fix me.
"I will change you Bella." I heard his voice from the doorway and saw Alice turn to glare at him.
"You promised me that you would accept my choice but you said..."
"I said that I knew what you wanted. Bella, I promised you that I would change you... I just wasn't expecting for you to want it so soon." he hung his head in shame as he came further into the room.
"If I asked you to change me now... tonight... would you?" I challenged his statement, my eyes focused on his face, looking for any hint of a lie.
"Yes. If you truly are ready and want me to I would change you tonight... I want forever with you Bella." he kneeled down in front of me as he spoke and his hand reached out to take mine, hovering over my shield before pushing through and taking my hand in his, causing the scissors to fall from my grasp.
"I'm sorry." I felt the tears well up in my eyes and I flung my sore arm behind Edward's back, pulling him into me as the weight of what I had just done flooded my system.
"I'm not ready yet." I sniffled as I pulled back from him, the tears still dribbling down my cheek lazily.
"I need a couple more weeks, but then I want you to change me." I said to him and he nodded at me.
"A couple more weeks." he confirmed before helping me stand up and leading me back into the bedroom where Carlisle and Alice were waiting for us. Making our way to the bed I laid down on top of the covers and Carlisle came over to me, ready to stitch up my mistake.
"I'm sorry... I know it was stupid of me... I didn't mean to do this... it just..."
"It's alright Bella, just promise us that you won't do this again." Carlisle smiled and reached down to wipe the blood off of my leg with a towel.
"Can you lower your shield please Bella?" Carlisle asked as his hand froze just above my leg, unable to get closer. I felt the flush rise in my cheeks as I realized that I still hadn't pulled it back and quickly did so, untwisting it and leaving it only covering my mind.
"How did Edward get through my shield?" I asked as Carlisle got to work cleaning and stitching the two deeper cuts on my leg and fixing his stitches from earlier.
"I'm not sure." Edward spoke, looking to Carlisle.
"I felt the resistance but I was somehow able to push through knowing that I needed to get to her." he explained and Carlisle looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Perhaps because she's your mate?" he suggested and I wondered if that could be true.
When Carlisle had finished stitching me up he left Edward and I alone again and I made my way back to the middle of the bed, Edward once again coming over and wrapping his arms around my waist.
"You know that I love you right Bella?" he asked cautiously as I closed my eyes.
"Yes... I know that... and I love you Edward." I replied, my eyes still closed, his arms tightened further around me.
"I want you to be with me forever." he whispered in my ear and it sent a shiver down my spine.
"I'm glad... I want to be with you forever too." I mumbled out as I felt sleep begin to creep up on me.
"I love you Bella Swan." I heard him say before I finally tumbled over the edge and into a deep and peaceful sleep.