Thank you to those of you who reviewed on the last chapter … replies below.
Raquel – I'm evil everyone knows that, you'll have to wait and see when Barry finds out.
AReiss215 – Barry will wake up when I tell him too and yes Baby Allen 2.0 is happening. I told you it would be soon.
Boba – yes she is!
Bluestriker666 – thank you… enjoy this chapter.
Fgfgmyfgtr – I guess he does.
Ecb523 – that was the hardest part to write.
TheFlash6260 – Ok… not even going to take you on because I know what you're trying to say and you're wrong.
LovesDragons – who doesn't love a farther/daughter bonding moment, the wedding was a pain in the ass to write, I wrote that about six times and finally settled for that.
Foreveryoung07 – I did tell you all that it would happen soon and it has, start planning the baby shower now. no she can't but someone else can.
A week, a whole week, 7 days, 168 hours, 10,081 minutes Barry has been unconscious. The more time passes the more I want to know what happened out there, if we had of gotten the video feed up in time could we have avoided this or would it have made this agony worse because I would have seen what had happened and I couldn't do anything to stop it from my chair here in the cortex? For the past week these questions have been running around my head. What if I had of begged him to stay here, tried hard to make him stay – would he have?
If I could do that day over would I beg him to stay here in the lab with me? With Maddie and me? I know these are questions I'm never going to get answers as it's now history, it's in the past I just hope he wakes up soon.
Looking over towards the medical bay from my lab to where Barry lay with Maddison by his side. I couldn't help but smile as I watched Maddison lie on the bed beside him, his tiny arms hugging Barry's arm while her chin rested on his shoulder. Her mouth moving at a mile a minute while she recalled her night at Grandpa Joe's house, I know just like everyone how much Joe spoils her when he is there, he spoils her just as much as he spoils Jamie. I had already heard the story when Joe dropped her off here this morning before his shift at the precinct.
Feeling my breakfast about to reappear I grabbed the trash can and emptied my stomach into it, the joys of pregnancy I told myself as I sat on the chair behind my desk, hugging the can to my chest. I know morning sickness is all part of pregnancy but they never tell you that 'morning sickness' last all day freaking long. Over the past week the sickness has been getting worse but I'm putting that down to the stress and worry. Once Barry wakes up and everything is back to normal then it will all settle down again – I hope.
"Mommy" Maddison shouted while running towards my lab. Quickly I disposed of the trash can under the desk as the last thing I needed was her thinking I'm sick as well.
"What's wrong?" I asked stood up slowly so I didn't upset my stomach again by moving too quickly. I made my way to the door to meet her.
"Daddy is annoying me" she pouted which made me smile as she has the exact same pout as Barry; almost every part of her is Barry.
Her eyes, nose, mouth, her smile, her impatience and most defiantly her ability to get into trouble.
"And why is daddy annoying you" I took hold of her hand and made my way back to the medical bay with her, so I could sit with Barry for a little while until I actually need to do some work. Tess said I didn't need to do any work until Barry comes round but after three days of sitting here doing nothing I was driving myself insane, I needed to do something.
"Because he will not wake up and talk to me, I'm trying to tell him about all the fun I had with Grandpa Joe"
Quietly laughing to myself, picking her up I sat her back on the bed beside Barry and took the chair at the side of the bed. "Baby, you know daddy is sick and he's still getting better. So when he is all better again you can tell him everything and he will listen to you but right now just talk to him because he might not reply but he is listening. Just because he doesn't speak to you doesn't mean he doesn't know you're here"
"Ok mommy" she flashes me the Allen smile and turned back to face Barry. "I forgot to tell you, I'm sleeping at Uncle Cisco's tonight"
If Barry was awake right now I could imagine the horror on his face at the idea of Cisco looking after her for the night but I can't ask Iris again as she's already stayed there four nights this week, she's spend one with Dr Wells and Tess and Two nights with Joe. I couldn't ask them to do it again even if I know they'll happily accept to doing it. I want her in her own bed at home but will Barry is here so am I and it's not like I came make her sleep in the lab so Cisco is my only option, he's looked after her before but never overnight so how it's goes I have no idea.
"Can I go and play in the basement please?"
"You can't, you know you're not allowed without daddy" I told her, I know she is probably going mental inside not being able to have her anklet off and to let off energy for the past week but I can't send her down there alone and no one else is fast enough to keep up with her so it isn't safe for her.
"Can I go to Uncle Cisco's lab and colour?"
"If Uncle Cisco says it's ok then you can, if he's busy then you have to come right back here. Do you understand" I told her, I know she likes going into Cisco's lab because he has pens in all different colours for when he is designing something, he likes to put everything in different colours and he allows Maddison to draw with them but if he's busy and doesn't want her in his way then she knows she will have to come back up here.
"Thank you" jumping down from the bed she ran out of the door and out of sight but I know I don't need to worry about her in the hallways as they're all covered in camera's so I can see exactly where she is going.
Moving my chair closer to the bed, I laced my fingers between Barry's and rested my head on his arm. Out of nowhere tears started running down my face, I know they say your hormones go crazy when you're pregnant but I know it's also a contribution of the emotion I have held in for the past week knowing I had to be strong and finally all the emotion has built up to the point where it's broken through the barrier and is finally being released in tear form.
After the initial shock of seeing Barry in the state he arrived back at the labs in, one the shock had worn off I've tried to show little emotion around people especially Maddison, so I have held it all in and I knew it would all bubble over at some point I just never expected it to happen now.
"If you were awake right now, you wouldn't be happy with me. I know you don't like seeing me cry but what else can I do at this point?" For the past week I have been trying to focus on the positives but I can't do that any longer not after a week when I have no idea why he hasn't woken up.
All the body scans, the blood work and every other test I have performed has come back clear so why he is still unconscious I don't know and that is why I hate the most, being a doctor and a scientist I reply on evidence and results but they're letting me down right now because there is no evidence to show that he should still be unconscious.
"I miss you" I whispered through my silent tears.
I miss everything about him, I miss the way he tells me he loves me every time he leaves the house – even if it is just to run to the store for milk. I miss cuddling up with him on the sofa watching TV, I miss the way he sends me random texts when he's working in his lab – just because he's bored. I miss falling asleep in his arms and waking up to a good morning kiss from him, most of all I miss his voice. I miss the sound of his voice so much even if it is just him singing to himself in the kitchen or while in the shower – I miss him!
Running my hand over my stomach, a part of me wished I had told him that I'm pregnant the moment I found out, would he have still left then? That way he knows he has to come back to meet his baby son or daughter – to be part of his or her life because I don't think I can do it alone, not without him.
It even come to the point where I thought he was faking it and was running around the lab at night while I slept in the chair beside the bed, so convinced I was right that I sat up all night two nights ago – Only to the proven wrong, he did nothing all night and I spent most of the night watching his chest rise and fall.
"You so stubborn why couldn't you have not just stayed here and left Snart to the cops, He's not even a Meta he's a thief who stole a cold gun but you always have to play hero. You always put others before yourself and your downfall is letting your emotions cloud your judgement and I hate you for being so selfless. I used to love you for that but right now I hate you because of it. You always have to see the good in people and I hate that, there are bad people in this world but you believe there is still good in them" I spoke through my tears. Usually when I go on a ramble like this he kisses me to shut me up but I know it isn't going to happen this time and I hate it.
"Why can't you be selfish for once?" I asked placing my head onto the bed beside him, allowing the sheets to absorb my tears.
"You know I don't like it when you cry"
I know you hate me for ending the chapter there.
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