CHAPTER FOURTEEN
She sank into the depths, her breath knocked away like in her plunge into the deep pool beneath Ahch-To. But in the next second she shot back up through the silky water, breaking the surface and flying up into the sky. Then she felt her body spin through a vast galaxy of black nothingness sprinkled with the gem-bright glint of suns and planets before falling back again. Falling into darkness…
But not alone. There was another heartbeat thundering beside hers. Another soul caught up in a net spun of pure energy. Something so powerful, she feared for her sanity. Something so terrifying and beautiful, its meaning could not be spoken. Could never be explained.
Could only be.
He swept her up into his arms and carried her over to the bed.
At first, Rey allowed the waves of passion to carry her past the shoals of her concerns. But as their kisses grew more intense, something deep inside of her fought back, battling her desperate longing for Ben's touch. Realization rose up like a firebreak—the flames of reason beating back the fire of desire.
No, she thought. We aren't prepared for this. We aren't ready for such a union. Not yet. Not yet.
Rey struggled against his gentle but firm hold. Using her will, and every bit of power she could draw from the Force, she shoved him away.
As Kylo Ren fell back against the rough stone wall that bordered one edge of the bed, he flung up his arm and knocked her blaster and the Jedi texts across the room. "What the hell?" he roared.
Rey sat up, crossing her arms over her breasts and clutching her upper arms with both hands. "We can't do this, Ben. Not now. We are still too far apart in the Force. It will obliterate one of us, or tear us both to pieces."
"Don't be ridiculous." Anger and hurt danced over his face, vying for dominance. "How can you sit here, so close to me, and spout that antiquated Jedi mumbo-jumbo? It's long past time to leave all that nonsense behind."
"It isn't nonsense." Rey leaned forward, placed her hands on either side of his face, and looked deep into his eyes. "Can't you feel it? I know you must, even if you won't admit it. The light and the dark pulling us apart? If we go on, go too far, I think…" She dropped her hands and sat back. "We will destroy one another. Not meaning to, of course. But if the Force rises in each of us, as I fear it may, what might happen?"
He dropped his head and stared down at his hands, which were shaking like a life pod entering heavy atmosphere. "No—the Force is merely a tool. A weapon to be used by those who can control it. If anything is tearing us apart, it's your belief in that ancient, false, religion."
"It isn't a religion to me," Rey said, covering his trembling hands with hers. "I don't see it that way, not anymore. It's part of the fabric of reality—no more, and no less, than the stars, or the sand on that beach outside. It just is. But because it is, it cannot be ignored. No more than we can blithely step out of a hatch and ignore the vacuum of space."
Kylo Ren lifted his head and stared at her. "Rey, I know you believe this, but you are wrong."
"No, I am not," she said fiercely, then shook her head, the hair he'd loosened falling over her shoulders. "You see, we are still fighting to see which of us is right, and which one is wrong. We can't move forward like this, constantly trying to drag each other onto another path. Seeking to best each other. Always trying to win."
"So"—he leapt to his feet and began to pace about the small chamber—"you do not want me then? You feel no love, or even desire, for me?"
"I didn't say that." Rey pulled her tunic back up over her shoulders and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "If you clear the anger from your mind, and recall things correctly, I think my response to your kiss pretty much answers that question."
He stopped short and turned to her. "All I know is that I feel something for you I've never felt for any other living creature. Something draws me to you, a connection that tortures me when we are apart. I need you, Rey, as I need nothing else. I only feel truly alive when you are with me. Do not abandon me." His voice, usually so strong and seductive, fell to a strangled whisper. "Please."
Rey flinched, recalling Leia's words. "But we can't be lovers, Ben. Not now. Not yet. Can you stay near me, and make peace with that?"
Resignation replaced the pain in his dark eyes. "If I must."
"Then I will remain connected to you. Either in person, or in our Force-bond. But we must work to learn how to be together, Ben. We must struggle to obtain the balance that will allow us, maybe, to be more." She stood and crossed to him. "Will you accept this challenge?"
"I will," he said, lifting one of her hands to his lips. "But I expect it will be the hardest training I've ever faced."
"Good," she said, with a little smile. "You require difficult challenges, I think."
His lips twisted into a semblance of an answering smile. "So, shall you be my master, then?"
"Only if you will be mine," Rey said.
Before Kylo Ren replied, he raised his hand and turned away, as if listening for something. "A ship. Coming in for a landing. Not Hux, though. Someone else." He spun around and fixed Rey with a fiery gaze.
Her fingers immediately reached for her light saber. "Who is it?"
"Don't you know?" His dark eyes mocked her in a haughty, yet now, she confessed, enticing way. "Rather clever of them to slip past the First Order ships, I must say. But also extremely foolish."
Rey took a deep breath and focused her thoughts, until the image of a familiar face filled her mind.
"No, no, what are you doing here?" she murmured. "You shouldn't have come. This is last place you should be, Poe."