Been away for a week, sorry for the delay! Short one today, we'll have a longer one (with more people's stories) next time. Let me know if you like!

-This story uses a NON-CANON TIMELINE, it's sort of a mishmash of all three games so I can keep all the fun characters/make good jokes. You have been warned!

CGO WILLIAMS

TO

ALL CREW

1036, Day Cycle Alpha.25

RE: Drunk or a kid?

Everyone has to post one, winner for most accurate guessing gets double dessert ration tonight. (Thanks Gardner!) Ready?

- One time, I decided it would be a good idea to ride a unicycle down the stairs at a friend's house.

And go!

COMMENTS ENABLED.

1040, CMDR SHEPARD. How big was the staircase?

1043, CGO WILLIAMS. A full flight between floors, and steep because there was really no space for a staircase there.

1047, LT ALENKO. Can you actually ride a unicycle?

1051, CGO WILLIAMS. I ran away to the circus when I was five and have travelled the land performing acts that will astonish and inspire…No, Alenko, I cannot ride a unicycle.

1059, CMDR SHEPARD. DRUNK. I'M CALLING DRUNK, YOU WERE SO DRUNK.

1103, TALI Z'ORAH. How does one ride a unicycle? They look very unstable.

1105, CGO WILLIAMS. I am yet to figure it out. Let's just say it did NOT go well.

1110, URDNOT WREX. I'm going with kid.

1112, FL MOREAU. Drunk, I can totally see drunk-you doing that after your antics on the Presidium last shore leave…

1115, CGO WILLIAMS. I still haven't forgiven you for posting those videos… how the heck did you get a hold of C-Sec footage anyway?

1120, FL MOREAU. Hey, don't complain at me, you definitely got your own back… Garrus called me Cindy for a week afterwards.

1121, G VAKARIAN. I still have that squeak you made as my omnitool alert tone.

1123, CMDR SHEPARD. Yeah, I learned this much to my dismay during a Council meeting. I don't think Sparatus was impressed at the influence a mixed species crew and rebel human Spectre commander is having on you, Garrus.

1125, CGO WILLIAMS. I take it back, it was totally worth it just to hear all of that.

1127, FL MOREAU. Eat me, Chuckles.

1128, CGO WILLIAMS. UGH I am SERIOUSLY REGRETTING telling you that story.

1130, TALI Z'ORAH. Getting back to drunk vs kid, what actually happened with said unicycle escapade?

1133, CGO WILLIAMS. My head went through a prefab wall and I got a concussion. Was sort of cross-eyed for a few days but otherwise fine.

1137, LT ALENKO. Ok, last call people, place your bets!

1140, CMDR SHEPARD. I'm sticking with drunk.

1142, FL MOREAU. DRUNK OFF YO ASSSSSSSS

1143, G VAKARIAN. Kid.

1144, TALI Z'ORAH. I think you were a child.

1145, URDNOT WREX. kid.

1145, LT ALENKO. Mmm I'm going with kid. Who has a unicycle as an adult?

1150, CGO WILLIAMS. Alright, no other takers? Ok then, drumroll please…. I was…

1151, CGO WILLIAMS. DRUUUUUUUUNK.

1151, CMDR SHEPARD. YES, SUCK IT ALENKO

1152, LT ALENKO. Hey what did I do?

1153, FL MOREAU. Hahaha what the hell were you doing that night?

1154, CGO WILLIAMS. It was the night we finished basic training so we were all letting loose in a house someone had near the base. I spent the remaining three days of shore leave bumping into doorframes and seeing double. My CO was not pleased when the docs said I had to delay shipping out for a few days hahaha… not the most promising start to my otherwise illustrious career.

1155, CMDR SHEPARD. Hehehe

1155, CMDR SHEPARD. Alrighty, who's next!

Let me know what you think!

Have you got a good drunk/kid story? We have Tali, Wrex, Shepard and Alenko coming up...