Matsuri had to go shopping for something nice to wear and went to a salon to get her hair done. She had waited patiently while Harumin selected clothes and did her hair for the date at home.

The date didn't start until 1pm, an hour after they had originally planned. Matsuri was glad she could look her best. All the time she was getting her hair done, the stylists looked over at Harumin waiting in the corner reading a magazine, surreptitiously peeking over now and again with a blushing face. Why were they dressing so nicely on a Saturday and why was her friend waiting for her so conspicuously? But it was a passing fancy, they paid and left, holding hands on the way out, making them equally a new tone of scarlet.

"Thanks for waiting, Harumin. Let's start our date!"

"Right," replied Harumin.

They went to a couple little shops and looked at figurines, they thought about what they would buy, little penguins, tiny mice, mini cows or some other doodad. They went to a café and had snacks and tea, and then went walking together side by side through the city.

Overall it was a lovely day, blue skies and the sun's rays darted among the Saturday crowds. The two blended in with couples and families enjoying the end of the week.

Yet somewhere inside, Matsuri wasn't okay with how simple it all was. She had expected a kind of revelation about her love for Harumin in all this. It hadn't happened. It had been a typical date. Now she was worried that they had left everything in the bedroom and this whole thing wouldn't last. She desperately wanted their relationship to work because she loved Harumin deep down. She had loved her since the first moment she laid eyes on her, had wanted her desperately. Harumin was her goal, her everything.

She bit her thumbnail bitterly, "Damnit," she said under her breath. Nothing was going right, nothing had changed. How did Harumin really feel about her? Did they really have a future at all? In telling Matsuri that she loved her, Harumin had thought that she had communicated everything she needed to. But that didn't happen, Matsuri was still missing something. She was deathly afraid of being a semi-temporary girlfriend, a placeholder since Yuzu had chosen another. Matsuri was frightened Harumin would move on later, be it boys or girls. She was afraid this was a one-sided relationship, of which she carried most of the weight while Harumin floated along until finding something better. Matsuri's complexes of inadequacy, insecurity and jealousy were now carrying the most weight in her life. Perhaps it was from her parents moving on from her, divorcing and leaving her with just enough to survive as ordered by the Japanese court system. Her future was admittedly bleak, with few prospects unless she earned them through her own sweat. There was no sugar daddy waiting for her or family lineage like Harumin's. She was all alone once high school ended.

The financial and emotional pressure was getting to Matsuri. She wanted to know where she stood in this world. She desperately loved Harumin, she knew that. Harumin was opaque though, unreadable, confused about everything, uncertain. Matsuri was a bright girl but Harumin was one of those people she couldn't read, a perfect gambler by token of her own insecurities. The two were at a mismatch when it came to creating intimacy and sustaining it.

The two girls, one tall and the other only two thirds of her height at most, walked to the park together. Children were playing near a fountain and couples were getting tired from the heat and hanging out in the shade. That time of season where hot days intermixed with cold nights, a transition period for mister sun. This was the place of her downfall, Matsuri thought. It was too peaceful and quiet, endemic of her need for consternation and conflict.

Matsuri strongly ushered Harumin to a shady, secluded spot in between some trees and brush. They entered a nook in the park and spied the river downwind from where they stood. Matsuri had had enough and sat on a rock, sweating and starting to lose hope, breaking down and crying from the stress.

This shocked Harumin, who thought everything had been going well. They had laughed and played, held hands. What more could she do? She began to doubt the mental health of Matsuri and felt desperate.

"God Matsuri, what is it now?" Harumin said, putting her arm behind Matsuri's back and holding her side, "How can I prove anything to you if you're going to be like this? What's wrong?"

Matsuri looked up to her friend with tears streaming down. "It's true, I really am a devastated mess, Harumin." She laughed sardonically, trying to wipe the wet mess away from her face with her fingers and thumb, her pink nails straining to hide what was evident.

Harumin bit her lip, trying to hold herself back. "Damnit, we've had sex, I've told you I love you, I let you sleep with me in my own bed, not even worrying what my parents would've thought of it. But you're still like this, you don't trust me."

Matsuri looked up to Harumin, "I'm like this with everybody, I can't help it. I'm honest."

Harumin huffed, "Maybe I can't be loved?" Matsuri said doubting her own self now.

Harumin got up and walked around the small pink haired girl crying on the rock, not knowing what to do.

"Matsuri, you've had a tough time. I know it. But your grades are amazing, you have a top ranking in our class. You could go anywhere, you could do anything. If you need help with college, I'll be right there every step of the way. I'll even support you financially if I must. I love you."

Matsuri's tears were starting to subside. "Please don't cry, my little one, I beg you. Don't you know how it devastates me? I'm confused when you're confused, and fearful," Harumin put her hand on her friend's shoulder.

Matsuri looked up plaintively, "I know. I'm not doing it for sympathy. I can't help it."

"Well then why? How can I show you that I love you? You won't give me any straight answers. I don't understand your confusion…maybe we moved too quick."

Matsuri reaching out and gripped Harumin's wrist like a vice, shaking into white, "I've been in love with you since I saw you. Now that I have you, I can't bear the thought of losing you." Tears started to form again. "Please understand, Harumin. You're so important to me. I see a future with you. I want to give you all of myself. But I can't figure out how."

Harumin was scared but didn't dare pull away from the Matsuri's hand. "The way you started falling for me suddenly, pushed my careful plans to the foreground. I've been flirting with you this whole time and suddenly you claimed me. I WANT you and NEED you. I've told myself this every night since we've been hanging out, every time I went home. I always wanted MORE OF YOU. It was NEVER ENOUGH. But my stars have fallen out of orbit. Maybe since I got everything I wanted so quickly, it's stunned me. I don't know how to fully accept and appreciate you for who you are because I haven't truly gotten to know you as well as I'd like."

Harumin's wrist hurt but she was caught in a daze. Her vision was so focused on Matsuri's eyes that she got tunnel vision. It was a brutal onslaught of love from Matsuri. She had never considered their relationship this seriously before, she had to admit to herself then that she might have been playing with her emotions in a way.

"And if it's not you Harumin, then it will have to be someone else. My future isn't set like all the other students at the prissy school we go to. I must find someone, I need help. But I get scared when I think of how desperately I will have to search for your replacement. I don't know why but I see something in you I can't ignore."

Harumin wrenched her wrist away at last. She wasn't going to take this craziness anymore. Her lack of communication skills was drowning her right now and the things Matsuri was saying were moving too fast for her mind to contemplate.

She felt the shock evaporate and got on her knees and hugged Matsuri's lap. "What can I even say, Matsuri?" she started to cry.

Matsuri stroked the girl's long mane of hair. "You're everything to me, Harumin. My whole universe. I'm sorry I'm putting this pressure on you right now, but I'm serious."

Harumin spoke up, the side of her head still in Matsuri's lap, "I know I don't always say everything I'm thinking. And I didn't do a wonderful job with Yuzu, in your eyes. But she told me 'thanks for waiting.' I couldn't interfere no matter how much I wanted to. I had to stay faithful to her as a friend, I had to wait until she could tell me herself. I have motherly instincts with people, I will protect Yuzu, but only if she asks for it. And I want to protect you as well." She rubbed Matsuri's thigh.

This was news to Matsuri, Harumin had never told her about her true thought process with Yuzu during the time when Mei had left. "I want to be there for my friends and lovers, but you have to be blunt with me. Hit me over the head with it, I'm obtuse. Otherwise I'm a little kitten getting lost in your eyes and drowning in a bowl of milk. I need help with communicating things. We can build this relationship."

Matsuri held Harumin's head in her arms, softly hugging her, "Then I have a question for you, and please don't take it the wrong way, ok?"

"Yes?" Harumin replied.

"Why do you love me? Why did you choose me? I'm barely on your level physically and I'm such a nuisance. I bully people, I bullied you, but it was out of affection. Just what did I do to deserve you? I'm surprised by all of this."

Harumin looked up at the girl's face. "Silly." She reached up and cupped Matsuri's cheek in her hands and then kissed Matsuri right there, a peck on the lips.

She stood up then and rubbed the dirt off her knees and skirt. Harumin held out her hand, "Come with me."

Harumin led Matsuri down a hill into a shady glen near the river. They were still far away from the crowds fishing, swimming and sitting by and lazing around on the Saturday afternoon. She led them behind a big fern bush and hugged Matsuri.

"I make love to you and you still feel insecure. I tell you I love you and you don't believe me. Do you want to be in love with me?" Matsuri gasped in shock but she couldn't pull away because of Harumin's strength. "Yes, of course I do! I just…"

Harumin hugged her tighter. "I trust you completely. I wish you trusted me too."

Matsuri couldn't get away.

"Is it because we're both women? Or your messed-up parents?"

Matsuri tore herself away. "How dare you!" she said. Harumin could see the hate and venom in her eyes. She collapsed in silent tears at the shock. "The right words won't come, I'm sorry. They won't they come, and I can't fix this."

Matsuri paced in front of her. "Don't talk about my family! You—" Harumin was weeping now.

"I'm sorry," she said in gasps. Matsuri was mad at Harumin but especially herself. They were like two scorpions stinging each other in a desperate attempt at love.

"Harumin, just communicate with me. I can't alleviate these worries if you don't talk."

Harumin looked up at Matsuri, "But what should I say? I'm confused."

Matsuri rolled her eyes. She was getting ready to walk out on this date.

"I'm really just like Mei, aren't I? A deaf dumb mute when it comes to love. I can't get two words across."

Matsuri stopped. "I really do like you, Matsuri. I told you I think you're cute, I…"

She was shaking and trying to coax something out of herself. "I got used to you being there. Every time Yuzu didn't show up to hang out, you and Nene were there. I got used to your presence." She was on all fours now in the grass, gasping to come up with something before Matsuri walked away. "You were always touching me and fondling me, and eventually it made a dent, I guess. I woke up one day to find out that a part of you was inside of me. I got used to your warmth and comfort. You penetrated my soul and it just came out naturally."

She was breathing heavily, "I needed you, in my hour of need, you were there. It meant a lot to me."

Matsuri was standing there with her arms crossed. "But how do I know you need me like I need you?" Matsuri said, with all the force of her body. Harumin crawled to Matsuri on all fours, putting her hands on her shoes. "What can I tell you so that you believe me," she muttered, shaking her head. She was like a big shaggy dog now.

"I want you and need you. I don't have another close friend like you. Yuzu won't be by my side now. So, I've chosen you."

"That's not good enough. I need more."

Matsuri almost back off. "I like sleeping with you, and hearing you moan in the night when I incidentally touch you. I like watching you turn over in your sleep, hugging me in the morning."

"Yes…" said Matsuri, not satisfied.

"I like having breakfast with you, talking to you, getting to hear all about you. Kissing you."

"So?" Matsuri said indifferently. Harumin looked desperate and Matsuri almost relented.

"I'll lick your shoes to make you stay. I'll kiss your feet, I'll do anything, just don't go," she said, trembling now, holding onto Matsuri's shoes to stop her from walking. "Huhh," said Matsuri. She wanted to walk away.

"You're a mystery to me, Matsuri. I want to find out what's inside of you. I like prodding the box to see if it jumps or moves, do you know what I mean? You're… interesting. I'm not as smart as you are. This feels cruel, really. If you had to you could probably trick me into doing a few things. Look at me, I'm begging you to stay with me, but I have no idea what's going on right now."

"Why me?" said Matsuri again, losing all her patience.

"Boy…" muttered Harumin, "You could tie me down in leather straps and whip me, and I probably still wouldn't come up with the answer."

Matsuri sighed. "Don't you know anything, Harumin?"

Harumin looked up at the girl, the glaring sunlight right behind her stinging her eyes. She thought and thought, trying to put two brain cells together. "Why do two people need such a reason? Are you afraid I'll leave you, with me trying so hard to keep you here? I'm desperate!"

Matsuri felt tired. She had put Harumin through enough of this, she thought. She sat on the ground cross-legged. "You're important, Harumi, but you're so hard to read."

Harumin crawled up to her and kissed her on the neck longingly, "My body says yes, my mind says yes. I feel assured with you. Why do you doubt it? Do you long for somebody else, my love?

Matsuri could barely stand it. "You're my everything. I guess I wanted some kind of love confession or something."

"Me going down on you and making you cum wasn't a love confession?" Matsuri was starting to shake now, Harumin was doing her absolute best to turn her on, and her big puppy dog-tongue was slathering her in Harumin's saliva, driving her utterly crazy.

"Such love is unintelligible. I want something concrete."

"Why can't I just fall in love with you?" Harumin asked, pushing Matsuri on the ground by her shoulders, looking ready to devour her prey. "I don't know why you're with me though. Why would you stay?"

With that, Harumin looked truly puzzled. "I think you fail to see your own beauty, my child," she smiled.

She pushed Matsuri's legs apart and licked her thigh a little behind her knee. Matsuri just tried to look nonplussed.

"Lick me all you want, you rascal, you won't get my lucky charms."

"Where are they?" grumbled Harumin, "where are those damn lucky charms. Here?" She lifted Matsuri's shirt and licked around her bellybutton. It was driving Matsuri totally crazy, little nips of Harumin's tongue darting around the center of her stomach, going over every nook and cranny. "How could a girl-crazy girl like me love anybody else but a mysterious, bullying, hazardous wench like yourself, Matty?"

Long luxurious kisses lapped at the skin below Matsuri's bra, driving her even crazier. "I love when your little hairs stand on end when I lick you, it lets me know I'm doing my job." Licking, kissing, slobbering. "Your body responds instantaneously. It always salutes my big tongue when we meet each other. So responsive."

Matsuri couldn't stand it anymore. She carefully guided Harumin's face to hers and sucked on her tongue, until Harumin's whole tongue was in her mouth, tasting the other girl's teeth and gums, above and below Matsuri's own tongue. Matsuri had this gigantic tongue stomping around in her mouth, making her eyes bulge at the sensation of how much Harumin was giving her.

After a couple minutes of this Harumin left her mouth, strings of saliva linking between their mouths, a voracious look on Harumin's face and eyes. Her brows were furrowed seductively.

"I…" mumbled Matsuri, starting to tear up again, "I want you like crazy. You drive me wild. You're so attractive, my dream."

Harumin awoke from her trance slightly, "Have you always been gay, Matsuri?" Matsuri looked off to the side. "Yes, but it doesn't really matter. I just like to play," she blushed.

Harumin inspected Matsuri, "My sister is probably dating a girl right now. If my parents found out both of their daughters were lesbians they'd probably go nuts with grief. And yet here I am," She lay next to Matsuri, head on hand, elbow in grass, looking at Matsuri and seductively casting her fingers and long nails over Matsuri's body.

"I'm right here for you." Harumin smiled. Matsuri looked concerned and anxious. Harumin hugged her stomach. "I would never have let you near me or touch me if there hadn't been something inside myself that said it was okay." Matsuri's ears perked up. "You never would've gotten an inch close to me."

Harumin was rubbing her jaw line over Matsuri's stomach, a snake with a panda bear in its clutches. "I understand if you're afraid that you'd be just a replacement for Yuzu. But I think I knew all the time I couldn't ever have her. She was never interested."

"You, on the other hand, were." Harumin was biting Matsuri's nipples tenderly through her clothes. "What if I'm a big dominant lesbian who was waiting for you to drop the ball, so I could have you? What if I saw something of myself in you?" Still playfully biting.

Matsuri was going crazy from the contact, almost shattered by how amazing Harumin was being right now. "Look at this giant girl-body on top of you. I already have a lot of the figure of a woman. I'm still growing. I could date a guy, and yet I'm all over you."

Matsuri was frustrated, "I don't doubt your sexuality, I doubt your consciousness, Harumin."

Matsuri got up and started to walk away. Harumin looked sad but quickly collected her things to follow.

"Matsuri," she said out of breath, chasing the girl up another hill with a dirt trail. "I honestly don't know why. This just happened. It had to happen."

"Not buying it," said Matsuri, as she slipped on a rock and banged her knee in the dirt, "Damnit!" She was trying to climb up and away from Harumin, who was not very athletic and losing her way. "Wait, bitch. I'm not done with you." Harumin was very tired. She wanted this to stop. Couldn't they do it over dinner?

Matsuri got to the top of the hill and was breathing heavily. Harumin was still ambling up the hill side, "Haa haa haaa," Matsuri smiled, "You stupid…" Harumi was out of breath and rolled onto the top like an over worn sausage. She almost fell face first and was covered in dirt. "Whyyy-"

"It's pretty up here," said Matsuri. Harumin huffed and got up, hands on knees, sweating. She looked around, it was nice up here and the city was pleasant. "Playing with you Matsuri, is always rough," she breathed hard, exhausted.

Matsuri grabbed Harumin's arm. "I just don't get why you like me now. Why we're in a relationship. It makes my head spin." Matsuri had a troublesome look in her eye, precocious, finger on her lips, being a kid as usual. "Matsuri-," Harumin slipped a bit and Matsuri helped her stay balanced. "Why are you being like this? How can I prove myself to you?"

Matsuri grabbed both of Harumin's arms, "Why me? Why am I so lucky? Who's to say you won't leave me for somebody else?" Then it dawned on Harumin, "You're special, Matsuri. We've known each other an entire year. I like playing with you."

"So, I'm a playmate?" Matsuri precociously joked. Disgruntled, "No! Aargh, that's not what I meant. I mean, I like it rough." Matsuri smiled and showed surprise, "So you like rough girls!"

"Uurgh, Matsuri…" Matsuri was playing with the older girl again, treating her unfairly.

Matsuri walked a distance, Harumin concentrated. "I like you for who you are—"

"No."

Harumin focused more. "You're cute—"

"No!"

"What can I say to convince you that I love only you?" gasped Harumin, at the end of her rope with this date but knowing the sex was worth it.

"I'm a nosy brat, Harumin. I don't know how to love or receive love. I don't even know what love is."

Harumin walked up behind her, face to the back of Matsuri's neck. "That's true. I didn't think of that, I'm sorry. You've always been stubborn so that figures."

Matsuri turned around, "That's a good start."

Harumin took her hands, "I'll try harder. I'll convince you that love is something you can feel. I'll show you love. I will."

"Yes."

"I'll care for you."

"Yes."

"I'll be there for you."

"Yes."

"I'll put your concerns above my own."

"And I'll put yours above mine," said Matsuri. This was the partner she wanted.

"I want you to be there for me, to spend time with me, get to know me better. I want intimacy."

Harumin blushed, "Tell me your secrets, Harumin. What do you really desire?"

Harumin coughed a bit, awkwardly with her arm behind her head, "I want to go to college. I'd like to be a nurse or a doctor. I'd like to be around kids."

Matsuri was surprised, "Really?"

"Yes."

"Wow, you are a good person, aren't you?"

"I don't try to be. I just want to be the best I can. I care for little ones. I like kids."

Matsuri nearly broke down, she hugged Harumin deeply. "I love you."

"Yeah?"

"I want to go to medical school to. I like the idea of doing that. Or if I fail, then maybe finance."

"Be whatever you want to be, Matsuri."

"I want to be by your side."

"OK."

"And tell you about everything at the end of the day."

"Alright."

"I want to care for you and only you."

Harumin was smiling, "I want to be there when you fall, get hurt and stumble."

Harumin smiled more, "I want to spend nearly all of my time with you."

"As much as I can bear, okay?"

"We don't have to tell the others until you want to," added Harumin.

"Okay."

"I want to play games with you, because it's fun."

"It's always fun being around you, Matsuri. Don't you know that's why I fell in love with you?"

They hugged, then held hands, and descended the hill into their future. It was wide open for two brilliant girls who had agreed to love and understand each other. It was a bright, sunny, open future.

The date concluded with dinner, even though they were both filthy from playing outside and their hair was a mess. They had dirt and grass stains all over them and people gave them weird looks but they both knew it was worth it. They kissed in a dark corner by a tree heading home off the side of the street. Matsuri grabbed her stuff to get back on the train when they got to Harumin's house.

"Don't forget about me for one second, Harumin."

"No, never."

They French kissed, then walked to the open platform for the train, holding hands. "Today was nice," said Harumin.

"I want to live with you when you graduate." Harumi was surprised. "What if I go to a college far away though?"

"Then we'll work something out."

"Alright." They held hands and rubbed their noses together, and Matsuri departed for the train.

It would be wild to live with Matsuri, and something told Harumi that she would never quite get tired of it. Matsuri's surprises were the best part of her life, otherwise she was doggone bored. "Damn," she said, she had just thought of another reason.

She laughed openly, "I want that silly girl in my life for a long time. And the sex, too!" She skipped her way home, knowing her future was certain and she had only to wait for graduation for something very nice.

Matsuri arrived at her apartment once again, but now she could deal with it knowing she wouldn't be entombed there forever.

"I want to fuck Harumin right now," she said to the gloomy walls of her apartment, staring at her grey and cold surroundings.

She made dinner and got into bed. No masturbation tonight, she would save it for when she met Harumin again. She had a plan to stick her hand down her pants at school and make her cry from joy when no one was looking. It would be the finest sex event ever and there was still time to get it done while still being in high school.

"The rest of the year is meat and potatoes, as far as I am concerned. One fun, bumpy ride," she told the walls of her solitude which had always bothered her but now felt like an extension of herself, ignorable but still always there. She could finally let go her ego and be with someone who would take her mind off it.

She went to sleep and dreamed of dark hair and Harumin's body parts that she could suck on. It felt filthy and thrilling. Matsuri was deeply in love with the ample parts of Harumin, her witchy attitude and excited fervor. She might be the only one alive who could match it, Matsuri thought. The perfect partner in every way for her, there was always more to explore with that girl, figuratively and literally.

She slept contentedly. In no time at all, she would be sleeping with the girl she liked every night of her life and make a home in her new abode. She would have someone to come home to, someone to love, to love her back, not like her missing parents or the walls that surrounded her. It made her squeal with joy in her sleep, even though the room was cold. Her past had always haunted her, the sins of her parents, random people on the street downtown where she spent all her time. She had thought she was headed the wrong way in life and for once she had actual direction. She never slept so well in her young life, not since her parents had thrown her in this place so they could pursue other partners.

She had Yuzu to thank for all of it, and she couldn't wait to share her new gift with the girl. Yuzu was one of those gifts that kept on giving.

Maybe a 4p? Nah.