"I can't," I said, lowering my head and laying my ears. "I'm not supposed to exercise. No wrestling and no battling until I'm fully healed."

Topa froze in her position for a few seconds.

"Oh," she said, sitting down. "That is a bit disappointing. Are you still allowed to practice moves?"

"Yeah, I suppose. I mean, we're not going to move much, are we?"

"No. You can practice laying down if you want."

"Meh."

I wanted to move. I wanted to exercise, to use this body of mine that I had not yet been able to fully test, but I was stuck for another two weeks, until the final health check and hopefully the permission to start moving more.

"Now that you can make a fireball," Topa said, switching the topic abruptly, "the only thing left you need to learn is how to produce the unfire energy. This should be the easiest step."

"I'm not sure about that," I complained. "It's easy for you. But for me, it's completely new."

"Breathing fire was new to you, but you learnt how to do it remarkably fast!"

I turned my head away. I wasn't happy about Topa's compliments - I felt like I didn't deserve them. If anything, I should have been able to breathe fire even faster, since my body apparently already knew how to do it. I expected it to be the same for Ember. According to Topa, the vulpix I took the body of was old enough to know the move, so I should be able to learn it rapidly.

"Alright," she said, noticing I was getting gloomy. "Do you remember what the unfire energy feels like?"

"No."

I had no clue. How would I even be able to... sense it?

"Say, Topa," I asked, interrupting her as she was getting up. "Can humans... detect... er... sense those energies?"

"The ones we use for the unpowers? No, they cannot."

"Then how would I be able to sense it?"

"You are not a human, Ruby."

She stared at me with an obvious look of disapproval on her face, visibly tired of my ramblings about how I was not a vulpix. I knew she was right, but I didn't want to admit it.

"Let me show you."

Having said that, she fired an Ember at the wall. Just like the first time she showed me one of her moves, I felt a weird kind of excitement fill me. My heart was beating a bit faster, and I was full of energy, eager to spend it. I wanted to move, jump, run or do whatever I could. I felt extremely excited, and it was a very comfortable feeling. For a short moment, it made me forget my problems about being a vulpix and my current situation got lost in oblivion. I just wanted to battle.

"Did you feel it?"

"All I feel is... excited. Just like last time."

"Focus. This excitement is normal, but do not let it steal your concentration. Here."

She fired another Ember that flew past my head and crashed against a different wall. I was too slow to react, but the sight of a massive fireball aimed right at my eye scared me and I ducked. However, when the fireball was by my eye, I could feel no heat or no air movement from it - only a weird sensation that quickly overcame my entire body. I was unable to describe it, but I felt my inner flame more excited than ever.

"I felt something," I said. "It's... it's weird."

"Notice how your inner flame has changed," Topa said calmly.

I focused on it, only to notice that the changes I felt earlier were getting more important. The inner flame didn't feel like a flame anymore. It was still radiating the same comforting warmth, but it wasn't the same warmth as one could feel from a campfire. It was... different.

Unfortunately, after a few seconds of calm, the flame came back to its previous state, and the new sensation I could feel completely vanished. I felt disappointed, and the surge of energy I had just gained disappeared.

"Aw," I sighed, unable to hide my discontent.

"You have to be able to make your own inner flame switch from this state to the other one," Topa explained. "Remember how you felt when I fired my Ember, and remember that you have control over the flame. You can do it."

"Okay," I replied, unconvinced.

As expected, my first few attempts at it completely failed. I had no idea how to control my powers, and even less how to control my inner flame which I couldn't even see or locate. It was like trying to lift an object with my mind.

"Oh!" I shouted, surprising both Topa and myself.

"What is it?"

"Do I have psychic powers? Can I lift stuff without touching it?"

"We have already discussed that! I do not know if you do, and to know that we need the assistance of a pokemon who does have psychic powers. Please focus on Ember for now."

"It's just... I was thinking," I said, trying to justify myself. "I can't control my inner flame. I don't even know where it is. It's like trying to move an object I can't see."

"You can control the inner flame! That is what you do when you breathe fire - real fire. The only difference between real fire and unfire is the state of your inner flame."

"How do I switch it to battle mode?"

"Battle mode?"

"Yeah, how I felt earlier. You know... For pokemon battles."

"Battle mode," Topa repeated with a chuckle. "I like that name."

"What's so funny?" I pouted, unhappy with her amused reaction, thinking she was making fun of me.

"Sorry. Focus on what you felt when the Ember flew past your head. Do you remember how you threw your first flame? You just imagined yourself breathing fire, and shortly after you were already doing it. It is the same here. Remember how you felt, force yourself to feel the same way, and your inner flame will adapt."

I sighed. Although she was right, I had no idea, even now, how I even breathed fire. I just... did it. I couldn't explain how. Yet... this felt strangely comforting to me. I was already using my fire breathing powers without having to focus on them. I was clearly getting better at it - and it would be easier for me to pass as a real vulpix.

However... did that mean that I was actually turning more into a vulpix than I thought? Was I losing part of myself by learning how to use these powers? What would eventually remain of my human self?

"Ruby?" Topa said, poking me with her muzzle.

"Nothing," I said, turning my head away. "I don't want to bother you with... that stuff. I'll try again. Sorry."

I focused on my inner flame again. It felt like it was crackling inside of my body. I couldn't locate it precisely, but I knew it was there and I could feel its effects. It felt... stronger than before. When I first felt its presence, it was weak and full of hesitation, but it now felt a lot more vigorous and determined. Was it a sign that my condition was improving, or was it caused by the excitement from Topa's Ember?

I could remember very well how Topa's Ember felt. I remembered how the area around my heart radiated a strong comfortable warmth and how my entire body was getting excited, making me want to jump or run. If I learnt how to do the same, I would eventually learn to battle. I remembered what I saw in the anime and I was already seeing myself battling other pokemon, jumping unrealistic heights into the air to dodge my opponent's moves before landing on the ground and throwing fire of my own. I imagined myself in an arena big like a football stadium, being cheered for by hundreds of spectators as I was swarming my opponent with dozens of small fireballs. I saw myself rushing at them while they were still dazed by the sea of fire I unleashed upon them, then jump onto them and fire one last ball directly into their chest, causing an explosion of vapour and smoke, and when the smoke was finally clearing itself, I saw my opponent laying on the ground unconscious and I saw myself standing victoriously on them. The announcer called my name and Agnes rushed to me, picking me up to congratulate me for my victory. She was smiling widely, satisfied with my performance, happy to be the winner of the match. And I was happy too, not only because I won, but also because by winning I made Agnes happy.

Coming brutally back to earth, I caught myself smiling like an idiot. The joy on Agnes' face and the euphoria of the victory all felt too good. I was looking forward to feeling those for real, after a hard battle, hopefully against an opponent better than me. I felt excited - I wanted to fight.

"Try now," Topa said, concealing a smile under her noble face.

I focused on my inner flame. It was radiating a completely new kind of energy, one unlike any I felt before. I gave myself a few seconds to properly form a cold fireball in my muzzle, and when I threw it, I was surprised to notice coming from it the same energy I felt flying past my ear.

"See?" Topa said, unable to hide her smile anymore. "You did it! You threw your first Ember!"

I should have felt proud, as proud as I was when I threw my first flame, but my body was longing for more and the only feeling I had was an overwhelming excitement.

"Try again," Topa said. "Make it bigger."

I obliged. My second Ember, while bigger than the first one, didn't last very long and vanished into thin air before hitting the wall I was aiming at.

"Why?" I asked.

"You can summon the correct energy," Topa said, "but you need to make it more consistent and more dense. You will learn that by practising, but you have already done the hardest part. You will be able to throw decent Embers by the end of the week, if not before. Congratulations!"

As my excitement faded away, my earlier thoughts about the loss of my humanity came back to me and I started feeling depressed. Was this one more step towards being a normal vulpix?

I didn't share my thoughts with Topa and asked to stop. Despite the surges of energy I felt earlier, or maybe because of them, I was exhausted and I only wanted to go sleep. Topa agreed to it, but asked me to stay awake at least until dinner.

I met with Agnes randomly in the corridors as we were going to eat. All of what happened the day before came back to me. I could remember her tears. I could remember what she said. She looked as happy as usual, and greeted me with a joyful "hey Ruby" that I failed to answer to.

She was entirely right. She had made a difference. For me at least, she had saved my life. Or... was it mine she saved? What would have happened if the vulpix I was now had not met Agnes? Would I have turned into her? Did that mean that Agnes was indirectly responsible for my transformation? What did she mean with "we have seen enough of death"? I remembered she stroked the top of her head while saying that. Did she face death in the past too? If so, when, and how?

I looked at Topa from the corner of my eyes while we were eating. She knew. All I had to do was ask and she would tell me what happened to Agnes. And yet... I had the feeling there was something more. Agnes talked about Topa during her rambling about death. There was something the ninetales was hiding from me. Would it be sensible to directly ask? If even Agnes could not continue, would Topa, who seemed to be directly implicated, agree to tell me? And what was it about the Glossy Hills? What were those hills?

Topa looked at me and smiled when she was done eating. Realizing I had been staring at her and had not eaten anything, I hurried up to finish the contents of my own dish, almost embarrassed to have been caught staring. Something had happened to Agnes and Topa, maybe the both of them together, and I had no idea what. It made me realize that, even if my situation felt pretty bad, I wasn't the only one with problems and with a busy past, and I felt ashamed of acting so selfish by throwing my own issues onto everyone as if they would be able to help me solve them, when they had issues of their own to fight.

Topa was right: by the end of the week, I was able to switch my inner fire to battle mode in the blink of an eye and to throw respectable Ember. She seemed to be very happy with my improvement, but at the same time, I could tell she was looking forward to battling, or at least wrestling, and my crippling wound was a nuisance for her. Nevertheless, she remained very careful and watched over me to make sure I wouldn't disobey Nurse Joy's orders. Agnes too was being very careful, but I felt like something changed in her behaviour towards me. She became less indifferent, and although she didn't spend her time with me since I was always in the pokemon fighting room, she did seek me out often in the evening, when she was watching TV or playing console games before going to bed, and I would happily hop on the sofa with her to cuddle for a while before we both went to sleep. The fact I spent my days in a closed room seemed to worry her a bit, but she knew Topa was with me and making sure I was not overdoing my exercise. I felt a bit jealous of Agnes' trust in Topa, but I tried my best to convince myself that she was just making sure my recovery was going well.

The rest of the family didn't seem to have noticed anything. Melissa, while clearly interested in me, stayed away, probably on Agnes' request. She greeted me when she met me, but didn't try to pet me, but I had the feeling she was making great efforts to achieve that. Her parents were still as distant as ever. I had the feeling they didn't care about me at all and only agreed to let Agnes adopt me because they didn't want to be bothered with that. In a way, I was thankful for their attitude, because it meant I didn't have to deal with them and unlike Agnes and Melissa I had no idea if they were good people or not. The father seemed to be very kind, but his wife made me uncomfortable just thinking about her. That one time we met when I was brought back from the pokemon centre, there was something in her eyes that scared me.

In the evening on Sunday, after a rough day of practice, Topa and I were laying on our respective pillow, enjoying a well-deserved rest. Agnes' words had been echoing in my head through the whole week. Not a day went by that I didn't think back about it, especially the cryptic way she talked about some past event where she or Topa had faced death. It was very clearly of utmost importance to her and marked her enough to change her views on life, but no amount of thinking could even get me close to guessing what had happened. Looking at Topa felt a bit weird: I couldn't see her for who she was anymore, and I kept trying to read through her as if there were something in her body that could give me a clue. I felt like she was wearing a massive sign that said "death has visited me" and it was all I could see.

"You changed," Topa said abruptly.

"Pardon?"

"You changed," she repeated. "Compared to last week. You do not feel happier, it is something different. As if you had... matured. You used to be constantly thinking about how you are not a vulpix and do not want to be one, complaining quite often about your current situation and overall feeling extremely depressed, but... Over the past week, you have been practising Ember diligently without a word. You seem to have more energy, or to be more motivated. You act more natural with the humans than you used to. You spend your evening cuddling with Agnes. I do not know what she told you last Sunday, but it makes me happy to see you being so much better."

"Well..."

I wasn't sure whether or not to raise the subject. This was a golden opportunity. Topa had basically brought the subject herself. I just needed to mention what Agnes said and surreptitiously inquire about the events she was referring to.

"I've been thinking," I said. "I... I feel ashamed. I've been so selfish and so childish. I've been acting like this... transformation of mine was all that mattered and I've been annoying you with it all the time. I realized that... I'm not the only one with things on her mind. When I was a kid and I got whiny about my problems or complained about people not giving me attention, my father used to say 'everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing of' and I've been completely ignoring that. I don't know if it's because I've been overwhelmed by what happened. I don't know if it's because this body is still very young and it is affecting me. All I know is I feel bad about being so selfish and not thinking about you all this time. I'm sorry."

"Well, er... That is a surprise. You have nothing to apologize for. I cannot understand your situation, but I can understand that it would be too much to deal with. Now that things are set, you seem to be doing better. I assume you had time to sort out your feelings."

"Honestly... No. I still don't know where I stand with the... the transformation. Am I a vulpix? Am I a human? Will I become a vulpix or will I remain human? And... I still feel embarrassed acting like a normal pet."

"Those will go away in time, I am sure of it. How long has it been?"

"Twenty-two days."

"Oh. I was not aware you kept a precise count."

"Well..."

I turned my head away, embarrassed.

"I promised myself I would. I... Oh god it's so stupid. I feel like... it's going to help me. I don't want to turn into a vulpix. I want to remain human, at least as much as I can, and I feel like keeping count of days will help."

"I do not know what will happen," Topa admitted. "This is the first time I or any pokemon before have faced this kind of situation."

"I promised myself that I would stop bitching and start working on getting better. The first step for that is to stop complaining and to start doing shit."

"Is that the reason why you have been so silent? You were reluctant to bestow your problems upon me?"

"Well... Yes."

"I appreciate your solicitude," she said. "However... I think there is a right middle to find between talking too much and not talking at all. I would rather you share your thoughts with me if you think I can help you. Your silence had me pretty worried, but I did not dare inquire about it because you seemed to be getting better and I thought it was part of the process."

"Sorry. I'm fine now, so if there's anything you want to know, just ask. I'll do my best to answer."

"I am curious... What did Agnes tell you?"

A shiver travelled down my spine to the tip of my tails. How much could I tell without feeling like I was spilling the beans?

"She... She got very serious and personal. She started talking about herself. And me. And..."

I felt the back of my throat clenching. My vision became blurry and my voice started hesitating.

"She said that every life matters. That had she not happened upon... upon me when I was dying, I wouldn't have survived. That anyone else would have taken me for dead and left me to agonise. But she didn't. She stayed with me, called the pokemon centre, and eventually... I survived. She said it made her happy. Really, really happy. And it really does. But... She was so sad. She said..."

My speech was interrupted by a sob. Topa stood up and laid down around me, covering me with her long tails. I knew I should probably stop speaking, but I couldn't. I felt like I wasn't in control of myself anymore.

"She said she wanted to matter. To make a difference in someone's life. She wants people to continue fighting thanks to her. It's so important to her, I could feel it. And that day... She made a difference in my life. Thanks to her, I can continue living and fighting. And she said... she's happy that I survived. Because... she made a difference. And she asked me if I was thankful for that."

"Well... are you?"

I didn't answer and simply broke down in tears.

Topa didn't insist after that and we slept together, cuddling closely. The day after, I felt full of energy again, and the breakdown the night before didn't seem to have affected me. My questions about Agnes' past were however still unanswered, and I raised the subject again while in bed.

"Topa, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure!"

"About what Agnes said... She said that... That 'people and pokemon like you and me have seen enough to know what a life is worth' and..."

I could clearly see Topa's spine shiver.

"Topa, what happened?"

I could see the debate in Topa's eyes. She was clearly not willing to tell me, but she was still considering it. After what felt like hours, she took a deep breath.

"Agnes has..." she started.

She hesitated again. What was so special about this event? Why was Topa so reluctant to talk about it?

"Let us say her encounter with you was not the first time she faced death."

"Why? Did someone she knew die? What happened?"

Topa sighed. It was obviously too late now and she couldn't back away. She had to tell me.

"When she was young... Huh, I was just a few months old at the time. Agnes was... I do not remember. Eleven? Twelve? Melissa was not very old either. Still being taken care of full time by her mother. She could not even speak yet. I was a nameless vulpix, but Agnes already loved me. She cared for me, but I was to become Melissa's pet, not hers. She did not have a pokemon. My mother was still alive at the time too. Agnes would spend her free time with us. Sir was too busy with the company to do anything, and Madam was taking care of Melissa. We were just... All three of us, a small group of outcasts, living together as we could. One day..."

She hesitated again. I could clearly remember Agnes mentioned Topa in her speech. Did something happen to her while she was still a young vulpix? Was that why Agnes had been so shocked when she saw me and why she insisted on taking me home? Was my encounter with her, on the contrary, what caused her to want to become a police officer? No, that couldn't be. She had only met me three weeks ago and she was clearly already a police student.

"What happened?" I insisted. "She mentioned you. Did something happen to you?"

Topa's heart skipped a beat. Her eyes widened so much that I could see her entire pupils.

"She mentioned me? What did she say?"

"Nothing. She just said... 'When Topa' and then stopped talking. Come on, tell me. You're scaring me. Did something happen to you?"

Topa sighed, but it was a sigh of relief.

"No, no, nothing happened to me."

"Then what? Tell me!"

"Okay, okay."

She took a deep breath.

"At the time... It was a Wednesday. That is when pokemon battling classes are in Agnes' school, and now Melissa's. She had taken me to school to practice with me. I was still a vulpix, so there was no unfairness about me being evolved. Poor Melissa, she has to use the pokemon the school lends pupils because they do not want her to battle with me. Being evolved is not always an advantage. Maybe she will ask to use you?"

I almost yelled at Topa. I couldn't take this habit of hers to constantly change the subject.

"What happened?" I roared.

"We were going back home. Sir and Madam were too busy to pick her up by car, so she decided to take a bus. Only..."

Topa hesitated again. It took her time to gather the resolve to continue, but she eventually said:

"She got hit by a bus when she crossed the road. The very bus that was supposed to take her home took her to hell instead."