He didn't know what to say, looking at Ara. She looked right back, one so used to facing things that made her uncomfortable. He wondered for a brief moment if it had been the kiss itself that had been so bad it was chasing her away. He might have been a 900 year old Time Lord but he was still a man.
When pride faded, it left other, much more likely reasons in a wake. She wasn't ready to be kissed, they both knew it. He hadn't meant to put that kind of pressure on her, he really hadn't. He had always had an impulsive streak and it had often left him full of regret. But what he felt right now…it wasn't regret exactly.
She might also not see him as anything more than a friend, and he knew as well as anyone that the heart loves who it will. And no amount of wishing could change that. Maybe he should let her go, let her find her own path in this universe.
He knew that was the last thing he wanted though. He would much rather have her in his life, rather he learn to be her friend only, then watch her walk out that door. She was different; she was like him, only much less jagged. She was where his healing seemed to take root and he couldn't bear to lose that.
"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "It won't happen again."
An odd look passed over her face. It disappeared too quickly for him to be certain, but he thought it might have been traced with disappointment.
"You don't need to be sorry," she said softly.
He sat at the table, unsure of what more he could say. He wished he had all the right words, wishing that more and more since he had met her. What could he say to make her stay?
Rose liked her; she had fallen into an easy rhythm with them all. You didn't always get that when you tried to get several people on the TARDIS, especially when some had already been there for a while. That hadn't been a problem with this group, and he rather liked having the extra company.
"Please stay," the Doctor asked. "We like having you."
He didn't say I like having you, he assumed the kiss was enough that she already that he liked having her around. The last thing he wanted to do right now was give her any reason to want to go.
She looked down, staring into her cup as if it had all the answers. For Ara's sake, the Doctor found himself wishing that it really did. He could really use a cup like that right about now.
"Good morning," Jack said, walking in, bright as he usually was.
They both looked at him at once, and for the shock he saw cover Ara's face you would have thought what they had been doing was a lot worse than just talking. It wasn't until Jack spoke that he realized that perhaps he was wearing the same expression.
"Am I interrupting something," Jack asked, heading for the coffee maker.
"No," the Doctor said quickly.
He gave a look at Ara, who was still looking at Jack. He could almost see something there. Affection? He might be wrong; he did lean toward jealously more often than not. He stood quickly and did what he was good at. He ran.
DW
Jack looked Ara over. He wasn't sure, but he thought she had shed some tears sometime recently. If the Doctor had hurt her, he thought he might lose it. He liked Ara, and as far as he could tell, she hadn't been set off limits by the Doctor.
If he had gone after Rose, he thought the Doctor might accidently find a planet and lose him there. Ara though, she was available. Maybe not ready, but he thought he might like to wait.
"Are you alright?" he asked her, soflty.
"The Doctor…he kissed me Jack," she said, looking away.
Oh. He wasn't sure what emotion that filled him to deal with first. So he thought the best course of action was to find out how Ara felt the kiss. He strongly suspected her anger would become his, so he sort of hoped she wasn't all that upset.
"Alright," he said, going to sit across from her. "And how do you feel about that?"
She looked him right in the eye, but didn't say anything for a long moment. His heart thudded inside his chest. He knew that the Doctor wouldn't have forced her to do anything, so he could explain the fire that was burning through his while he waited on her answer.
"Confused," she finally admitted. "I like the Doctor well enough, but I just…"
He watched her.
"Not ready?" he asked kindly.
"No," she agreed. "But it's more than that. I though…he was with Rose."
Jack had to fight back a laugh, not because he wasn't taking Ara's concerns seriously. It was more because he suspected that the Doctor thought his attraction to Rose was kept hidden.
"They are…complicated," Jack said finally.
She sighed, and he wished he could say something to make her understand. Although, he thought maybe she did, perhaps too well.
"Let's go to the library," he suggested.
He had only found that the library on the TARDIS had comforted him when his soul was at its most troubled. She stood when he did, still a soldier despite the location.
He took her hand, gently, making sure to keep his grip loose. Jack led her to the library in silence, enjoying the feeling of her warm hand in his. She was always quiet, even when she seemed at her most relaxed.
Not he could feel the tension pouring from her.
"You asked to go home, didn't you?" he said as he opened the library door.
"Yes," she agreed softly, going inside and sitting in a chair near the fire.
He took another chair, staring at the fire for a while.
"Do you still want to go?" he asked, his voice catching.
She looked over at him and shrugged.
"I don't know," she admitted.
It was then that the TARDIS shuddered around them, shaking everything from the books to them. Ara looked at him with wide eyes, and he was on his feet at once.