Beta: noscrubs12345
From: thematichp First Round
Summary: Harry's a succesful Quidditch player that enjoys a very casual lovelife.When sudden paternity suits arise and accusations are flying,an old fashioned Ministry decides to auction him off in Marriage to the highest bidder. HarryDraco slash AU no Voldie
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters do not belong to me.
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"Now why did you have to do that, Malfoy?" Fred asked mournfully, grabbing onto his older brother's waist and holding him up as George mirrored his on Percy's other side as they Apparated back to the twins' flat above their joke shop.
"You didn't honestly believe that I would ingest anything that you infamous pranksters gave me did you?" Draco asked them graciously and used his wand to levitate the various boxes off the couch where they meant to lay the unconscious Weasley.
"I don't see the problem with number three confessing himself to Wood. You gave the man an excuse to do something he's probably been yearning to do since Hogwarts." Draco smiled. "What was in that sweet anyway? Veritaserum?"
Fred turned around to face him after he finished arranging Percy's limbs comfortably and George went to grab a blanket for him.
"A little bit of Veritaserum, but mostly it was an inhibition reliever with a dash of an aphrodisiac," he admitted.
"And you were giving that concoction to me why?" Draco asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, Malfoy, you are a newlywed," George answered, smiling widely. "We figured it would be a nice gift."
Grey eyes rolled beneath dark blond lashes. "You didn't seem to think so when your brother took it."
"Because Percy isn't ready for something that strong yet. He's a lightweight," George explained with a shrug.
"And Mum would have killed us if he had done anything 'naughty.'"
"Who knows--maybe this will be the catalyst that will start a romance between Wood and number three," Draco mused.
"He's right, and at least we don't have to tip toe around the subject anymore now that Perce finally confessed," Fred told his twin.
George looked thoughtful then nodded eagerly.
"So is this where you concoct your love and lust potions?" Draco asked surveying, the vials on the surface of a cluttered table and being careful not to touch anything.
"They are more than just silly love potions--" disagreed Fred.
"we create laughter--"
"--and enable mischief making everywhere," Fred finished with a flourish and a grin.
"Do you want to see the work shop?" George offered.
"Why not?" Draco replied, shrugging his shoulders and following them down the stairs into the door of the shop.
After being given the grand tour, he wisely declined the offered Canary Creams and Ton-Tongue Toffees with narrowed eyes.
They shrugged and replaced the sweets back in their respective bins, as if saying 'Can you blame us?'
Draco was impressed by the imagination behind the vast selection of their wares. The store seemed to invite you in and had stands filled to the brim with colourful sweets labelled for the "Adventurous," "Risk Takers," and-- most comical of them all--"Playing It Safe" with a bright yellow chicken hiding behind the word safe.
Draco was pleased to see his own favourite sweet, Blood Pops, tucked neatly away in the "Adventurous" bins.
'There is so much potential here,' Draco decided as he slipped the wrapper off the lollipop and brought it to his lips. It looked like they looked like they were running out of space, with their "orders" boxes filled to the brim and even more merchandise that was not kept in the front of the store for lack of space.
"It's a bit of a mess," George shrugged, noticing the blond's interest.
"We need more space," Fred admitted.
"Do you have any plans to expand your business? Maybe open a second shop somewhere?"
"That would take money, Malfoy, and we're not quite there yet," Fred answered simply and crossed his arms.
"What if I gave you the funds to do so?" Draco asked, picking out another Blood Pop.
"We don't take money from family," George replied.
"Or hand outs," Fred agreed.
"I'm not talking about a handout. I'm talking about investing in your venture and making sure that all of us are amply compensated. A new facility, maybe another employee or two and the eventual opening of another store," Draco corrected, secretly touched that they considered him part of the family already.
Fred held up a finger and motioned George to follow him into the far corner, where they turned their backs to him and whispered to one another.
Draco unwrapped his treat and savoured the tart taste of artificial blood; he had never understood why he loved these things. Maybe it was the shocked reactions he got from people that saw him enjoy them.
"Okay, Malfoy. We agree," they both announced, appearing suddenly in front of him with hands extended.
He didn't answer because his mouth was full but he extended both of his hands to shake theirs.
"Now you owe me fourteen sickles for those lollipops, you vampire," Fred teased, extending his hand to Draco.
Draco just smiled.
X x x X x x X
Harry resisted the urge to tug on the upturned collar of his long frock coat. After Apparating from his flat, he had made a couple of random stops all over the countryside and in different towns in the attempt to shake off anyone that might have been following him.
The wig he wore was itching something fierce but he didn't attempt to scratch it in fear of dislodging the shaggy dirty blond strands that clashed horribly with his dark eyebrows. His glasses were exchanged for a pair of sunglasses and a bowler hat completed his disguise.
He hastened his steps, glancing unnecessarily at the worn parchment in his hand, having memorised the directions the evening before. Harry made his way down the unfamiliar streets, trying to find his desired destination as quickly as possible and growing apprehensive to being exposed to the bright sunlight for fear of being recognised.
"Get it together, Potter," he muttered to himself. "No one knows you here. It's a Muggle community in bloody Wales, miles away from the nearest Wizarding village. Nothing to fear."
Regardless of his reassurances to himself, he was never happier to see a place before. The two story white building was quaint, with red, slightly crooked letters down the side that identified it as the 1789 numbered building he searched for.
Blessedly, the waiting room only contained one other person, an older man who seemed to be dozing with his head on his chest and didn't turn to look when Harry entered, for which Harry was grateful.
"Can I help you, sir?" a nurse asked after she had slid her frosted glass window open.
"I'm Shunpike. Stan Shunpike. I have an appointment with Doctor Stern," Harry introduced himself, proud at not stumbling on his alias.
"Hmm, let me see," she replied glancing at her appointment book. "Oh, yes here you are at 12:30. You're early," she commented, smiling up at him.
"Yeah, I didn't want to be late."
"If you can fill these out for me, please," she said and handed him a long sheet to fill out. "Please make sure you answer all the questions to the best of your ability the doctor will be with you soon."
Harry nodded and took a seat on the opposite side of the room, away from the man sleeping in the corner.
Name, Sex, and Age. Those were easy, but Reason for Visit? Did he really want to write down that he hadn't been able to gain, let alone maintain, an erection? Deciding he didn't need to see it in writing on top of everything else, he scribbled "Personal issue."
X x x x x X
Dr Stern was an all right fellow, kind of portly, but very polite and an all around nice guy. But at that moment, Harry wanted to choke the life out of him.
"What exactly is the personal issue, Mr Shunpike?" Dr Stern inquired.
"I'm having an issue with my... you know," Harry motioned vaguely towards his lap.
"Excuse me?" the doctor asked, confused.
"When I was being intimate... it didn't…" Harry trailed off, hoping the man would catch on.
"I'm sorry. I don't quite understand what you're trying to say," Dr Stern apologised with a kind smile.
Maybe it was a bad idea to come to a small town with a general practitioner who seemed naive and a little wet behind the ears.
Throwing all caution to the wind in light of his impatience and frustration, Harry decided to explain it simply.
"My dick is not working."
"You're not able to urinate?" Dr Stern tried to clarify.
"No. As in, it's not participating in the act of fucking," Harry dead panned.
"Oh. Oh! Okay," Dr Stern breathed out. "Let's see what we can d-d-deduce, okay?"
Harry rolled his eyes but held out his arm so that he could draw blood.
Hours later, Harry returned to the office after sitting through a cheesy science fiction film at the decrepit, cramped cinema, not sure if he was ready to hear the results.
He had been lucky it seemed, because the lab specialist was a cousin of Dr Stern's and was able to process his blood work relatively quickly.
"Mr Shunpike, with these tests we have not been able to determine any possible cause for your sudden case of impotency." Dr Stern's tone was apologetic and he seemed more collected.
"Don't call it that!" Harry said in exasperation, running his hands through his hair and dislodging his wig a bit.
"Mr Shunpike, this is nothing to be ashamed of. Many men suffer from the inability to perform, even young ones," the round faced man told him comfortingly.
"I've never had a problem with performance before. Do you know how many people are petitioning me for child support right now?" Harry demanded.
"N-N-NO!" the doctor stumbled over the word, blushing and looking scandalised.
"We can start on more extensive tests, but they don't process the results here in this town. I would have to send it to Cardiff and it would take a bit longer," Dr Stern apologised.
"Fine, take what you need. Just get it done as soon as possible." Realising how rude he sounded, he rubbed his eyes tiredly and added, "Please. It's important."
"Of course, Mr Shunpike. I'll send it off in a little bit."
There was only one solution to all this mess really, Harry thought resignedly as the GP grinned at him idiotically.
X x x X x x X
"You still live here, Master Potter? Dobby made food for Master Draco but there's none for you," Dobby informed Harry when he stepped into his flat.
"Of course I live here. It's my place," Harry answered him, confused.
"Oh, you didn't come back, sir, for so long. Dobby thought you went away."
"I was gone for a day and a half," Harry muttered.
The small elf shrugged uncaringly. "You want something to eat?"
"No, its fine," Harry replied. That elf was free and he wouldn't put it past him to spit in his dinner if he chose to judging from his behaviour.
"Your house elf is rude," he told Dobby's blond master, whom he found lounging in the living space watching television.
"He's just spirited," Draco contradicted nonchalantly, not looking up at Harry.
"Yeah, spirited." Harry rolled his eyes. "Draco, let's call it a truce--"
"I wasn't aware we were feuding," Draco replied, raising an eyebrow.
Harry knew he had to stick to his plan.
"Well, we weren't. Not really. Listen, we just got on the wrong foot."
Draco just watched him impassively.
"I never wanted to get married. Merlin's beard, you bought me, Draco!" the brunet exclaimed, grabbing his head between his hands.
"Not for a cheap price though. You were highly valued," Draco replied seriously, bringing his knees up to his chest.
Harry started to feel anger pool in his belly.
Draco sighed and, seeing the look forming on Harry's face, turned off the television and set the remote aside. "You're right, Potter. We got off on the wrong foot. My parents have been on my case for the longest time about me settling down. They kept insisting that I needed to get married and most of the acquaintances they suggested are at least ten years my senior and not appealing in the least." Draco frowned.
"So there you were, the Ministry coming down on you and forcing you to commit, and I'd always found you attractive and a smart enough bloke. It seemed like a perfect solution." Draco shrugged. "You were going to be married anyway and I don't think I'm too hard on the eyes."
"You're gorgeous," Harry stated matter-of-factly. "So what is this," he asked motioning back and forth between them "to you?"
"Frankly, a marriage of convenience, Potter."
"Oh," Harry answered.
"Isn't that good for you? What did you think? That I loved you or something?" Draco asked, eyebrows furrowed together.
"No, of course not. It's good," Harry answered, a little taken aback by the blond's casual attitude.
"Shall we discuss the terms, then, now that were on the subject?" Draco asked seriously, uncurling his legs and summoning Dobby. "Potter, do you want a cup?" he asked after he requested his tea.
"No, thanks," Harry shook his head watching the house elf warily.
"Suit yourself. So, is our sleeping arrangement to your satisfaction? We could have separate bedrooms if you wish," Draco asked.
"Um, no that's fine," Harry said, having got used to the warm body next to his over the past two weeks.
"Alright, so how does this sound to you? We both go on with our lives as usual, see our friends and such. As far as other extramarital pursuits, I trust that you can be a little more discrete than this," Draco asked, pointing at the newspaper on the coffee table. There was yet another sordid picture of Harry on the cover and an article full of ugly insinuations.
"I, of course, will also endeavour to make sure none of my amorous pursuits come to light."
Harry swallowed that unwelcome tightness in his chest appearing once more at Draco's words.
"All in all, you'll be free to lead your life the way you please, as I shall also be. Do you agree, Potter?"
Harry was shocked. Draco was giving him everything he wanted. Well, almost everything. A divorce would have been welcome as well, but here he had been trying to figure out a way to discuss this very thing with him and Draco was offering it to him on a silver platter.
"Not to say we can't enjoy one another--I thought our bodies at least were rather compatible," Draco said smoothly, laying his hand on Harry's upper thigh and leaning forward a bit. The blond held back his laughter at the look of near panic on Harry's face, knowing full well the reason for his reaction.
"Actually, I think in light of our agreement we should learn to be friends first," Harry replied, gently grabbing the hand from his leg and forming it for a handshake. "For appearances and all that rot."
"Sounds agreeable enough," Draco replied lightly, running his trimmed nails along the inside of Harry's palm as they released hands.
Harry barely held back the shiver that ran down his spine. This was going to kill him, that he was sure of. There was nothing wrong with his libido; the sensation of arousal had not disappeared. That feeling of pressure still existed even though his cock did not seem to respond.
He ached to have Draco but his equipment was not cooperating with him.
This was perfect though, Harry thought, watching Draco grab the remote and turn the television set back on.
Pretending to be a good husband would help him save face until he was able to fix his problem and once everything was back in working order, he could also enjoy this free agreement.
He wondered briefly if Draco would seek Blaise out to warm his bed and then told himself that he didn't care.
X x x X x x X
A/N:
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