"You're joking, right?" She asked, completely convinced this was some sick game he was playing.

Christian ran a hand through his hair, his eyes not meeting her's. It had been years since he felt as awkward and exposed as he did now. He wrung his hands, taking a deep breath and shaking his head. He felt regret, assured that letting her know his secret had caused more problems instead of alleviating them. Would she think he was a freak? He sure sounded like one. Felt like one.

"No," he answered quietly, still looking down. His stomach twisted, small pangs of anger and embarrassment coursing through his body. He felt completely unmasked in front of this mousey, awkward girl, who had the power to intrigue and enliven him - so much so that he confessed his darkest secret to her, only to have her shocked and disgusted by him. It was mortifying; and he was enraged by the fact she had so much power over him that he actually cared what she thought.

Ana let out a small giggle. Of all the possible secrets he could be harboring, the biggest and darkest one he had was that he's a sex sadist? It was outlandish; completely comical - and completely devastating. Her heart plummeted with the realization. This man whom she had grown to love had an urge to beat her. He got off on inflicting pain on others… How could he ever love her back?

"So what, you're ashamed of me now?" He growled, his fists tightening. He stood up, letting his anger mask his hurt. He wanted to flee, to never speak or think of Ana again. He could forget this whole ordeal. He could forget that their time together was one of the best of his life. He could forget how she made him feel.

Ana backed away slightly, frightened by his change in demeanor. What had she done to anger him? Was he expecting her to be fine and dandy with his confession, to welcome him with open arms? That wasn't possible for her. The things he enjoyed doing weren't possible to her.

"Why?" She blurted out, ringing her hands.

Christian frowned. "Why what?"

"Why are you like this?" She breathed, her chest tightening, "why did I fall for someone like this…"

He crossed his arms, trying to control his heart rate. So she was ashamed of him, and that made him want to explode. "Explaining why I do the things I do would be a long and drawn out process," he barked, "and I faintly remember I only have five minutes to explain myself to you."

"Those five minutes are most likely up."

"So you want me to leave?" He asked, his tone becoming colder. He immediately started to distance himself from her, to shut her out and never let her back in. "Do you know how hard this was for me?" He growled.

"Do you know how hard it was for me to say that I love you and to not hear it back?" She shouted, rage shooting through her veins. She covered her mouth, shocked by her outburst. She bit her lip and looked down, her cheeks reddening, her anger dissipating. "Obviously, we both lead very different lives and feel very differently about one another, so maybe you should leave."

"You think that is what this is about?" He asked, shocked and appalled. "I don't want you because of my lifestyle, Ana. I told you about what I do because I need you to understand…"

"To understand what?"

"Why I can't say what you want me to," he answered with a tone of finality. They both wanted each other, but not under the same circumstances. It was impossible for Christian to have a vanilla relationship, to be the 'model' boyfriend a girl like Anastasia wanted; but he still needed her. They needed each other.

"Well that's it, then, isn't it?" She said, turning away from him. "The door is over there."

"Why does it mean so much to you?" He pleaded, grabbing her arms, forcing her to look at him. "I'm telling you I want you, why does those three words matter so much?" His eyes bored into hers, grey orbs meeting blue orbs. He looked desperate, saddened, and broken down. It was a complete transformation from the man she had met two months ago.

"Because," she spat, shoving him away, "without those three words I'm no different than any of those other girls you've been with. Without those three words, it makes it okay to beat me. Without those three words I'm just… Someone you know."

"That's how you feel? You think I'll treat you like my subs?"

Ana furrowed her eyebrows. "What do deli-meat sandwiches have to do with any of this?"

Christian rolled his eyes. "Sub is short for submissive. I'm a dominant."

Ana stared blankly at him. He sighed, "It doesn't matter about the terminology, Ana, what matters is that you are different to me. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be trying so hard for you to trust me… To give me a chance. Those three words are just words. They don't change how I feel."

"Yeah, that's the point," she rebutted.

"I feel… Attraction to you. Not just sexual, but emotional. I… like how you treat me. I'd like to treat you like that, too. If you'll let me," he stated, awkwardly trying to explain how he felt about her. He was never good with opening up, never good with explaining himself. He couldn't blatantly tell her that he had never felt this way about any woman - about anyone in general. He couldn't tell her that she made him contemplate what it would feel like to have a normal relationship. To go to the movies, to hold hands…

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "How would this even work?"

"I don't know. I've never done this before."

"Me neither… And if I'm being truly honest, this scares me. You kind of scare me.'

"Why?" He asked, his heart panging in a way he was unfamiliar with.

"Because you're the polar opposite of everything I know. You're not predictable, you're not passive… You're not safe."

"That can be a good thing," he argued, not even believing himself.

"Not for me," she responded.

He took a deep breath and crossed his arms. He felt like pulling his hair out. Anastasia was so frustrating. It was like up was down and down was up with her. He couldn't tell what she wanted from him, despite that he was blatantly throwing himself at her.

"Alright, then that means we're done?" He huffed, his resolve chipping. Christian was not a patient man; it seemed like Ana was dragging out the whole ordeal.

"Weren't we already done?"

"Not if it was up to me," he mumbled, pushing past her. "Enjoy your dinner."

Ana's stomach churned as she watched him walk away. She suddenly felt panicked, like a cornered animal. Was she being overly stubborn? Was she deliberately pushing him away? She bit her lip, debating with herself on what to do next.

"Answer one question," she called out, hoping he would turn around. To her satisfaction, he turned, half of his body facing her. His right hand gripped the doorknob, while one of his feet stood in the threshold of the door.

"What is it, Ana?"

"How many other people have you had this talk with?"

"None," he answered, not missing a beat. He had tried to stress how out of character it was for him to open up to someone, but it seems she had missed the point.

"Then… What do you want? From me?" She asked, wrapping her arms around her torso. She felt shy all of a sudden, not like the harsh and stubborn girl she had been a minute ago.

He turned all the way around, shutting the door. His arms dropped to his sides as he shrugged. "I don't know… What do you want from me?"

"I don't know," she replied. They stared at each other, both of them trying to read the others' mind. They were two completely different people, with not much in common. They came from different worlds, they viewed the world differently; but for some reason, they felt like doing anything just to keep each other around.

"We could wing it…" Christian suggested, inching closer towards her. His feet softly shuffled against the floor, his eyes roaming over the curves of her body.

Ana's heart sped up, a rose colored flush emerging over her cheeks and neck. She didn't move away from him, instead she anticipated what would happen once his body was near her's. "I guess that's what we've been doing all along, isn't it?" She whispered, breathless.

He stood before her, peering down at her between his lashes. He reached out to run a hand across her cheek. Ana sighed contently, leaning into his touch. She felt like she had cheated herself. She had made a promise two weeks ago that she would forget about Christian and their complicated relationship, but here she was… Right back where she started.

She grabbed his hand, halting his movements. "If we do this, am I going to regret it?" She asked.

"Not if it's up to me."

Thanks for reading.

Xoxo