CHAPTER FOURTEEN

I spent most of Saturday with the pack. I didn't work for once and when we passed the shop in the truck it was locked up so it was clear Jacob hadn't gone in either. I told the others he would soon be joining us, probably within a week or two at most. Embry and Jared were happy about it, but Paul not so much. He had never particularly liked Jacob and wasn't really looking forward to having him with us.

I didn't see Jacob until Monday. He just didn't seem to be around anywhere and much as I longed to call him or go over to Billy's, I stayed away. I told myself if he didn't come to work after school that day I would go and see him. So when he turned up at the shop ten minutes after I opened the doors, I was surprised.

"Jacob?" I stared. He had cut his hair. I'd thought I would be disappointed when he did it because I'd liked his long hair, but the new short style suited him.

"Hey."

"Looks cool," I said, pointing at my own hair.

"Thanks."

"No school today?"

"No. I left."

"What? You have exams in a couple of months!" I exclaimed.

He just shrugged. "What do I need exams for? I'm going to work here, right? Unless you don't want me..."

"Of course I want you," I said, wondering if it sounded like a double meaning to him the way it did to me. "I mean, we got enough work for you to be here full time and I can start paying you a decent wage now. Your Dad's not going to be happy about it though."

Jacob shrugged again. "He can't force me to go to school. Besides, I could phase at any time, couldn't I? That'd go down well if it happened in class." He grinned suddenly. "It could, I suppose. My math teacher winds me up all the time, he's got it in for me."

I was amazed. He was joking about it now?

"Ok. Well, we better get started then. The blue truck outside needs a new handbrake cable and a silencer, you can start on that," I said.

As predicted, Billy wasn't impressed that Jacob quit school. He called me that evening and asked if I couldn't talk him into going back. However, he could see Jacob's point about possibly injuring other students and since Jacob was obviously happy working with me and would at least have a good job right on his doorstep, he backed down.

By the weekend, Jacob was finding it increasingly difficult to stay calm. He constantly complained he was hot and took to working in just shorts and boots, which was an awkward distraction for me. He had the perfect six-pack which even I hadn't quite achieved and the rest of him was all firm skin stretched over rippling muscles. In addition he was often slick with sweat and I found that much to my embarrassment, what had been a mild attraction was rapidly turning to desire. I was somewhat surprised that it didn't bother me to feel like that, I was only concerned that Jacob would notice the way I was looking at him.

The following week it rained heavily for four days and every chance he got, Jacob would go and walk about outside. The water ran off him while steam rose from his skin and still he continued to fight what was happening to him. Then on Saturday when we finished the morning's work and locked up, he punched me in the guts.

"I'm going to see Bella."

"What? Why? I thought you wanted to keep away from her?"

"Yeah, well I can't do it any more."

"You'll get hurt again," I warned, feeling shaken. I'd really thought he was beginning to move on from her, but all he'd been doing was suffering in silence until he couldn't stand it any longer.

"Maybe." He shrugged now.

"You could hurt her. Isn't that why you've stayed away?"

"I can control it."

"You won't always be able to do that," I told him.

"Well, I can try." He grabbed the t-shirt he hadn't bothered to put on yet that day, pulled it over his head and then wheeled his motorcycle out of the shop. Moments later he was tearing away in the direction of Forks.

"Damnit!" I exclaimed, slamming the door closed. I just knew he was going to get another kick in the teeth and once again I'd be picking up the pieces. I got in the truck and drove home where I stayed for the rest of the day, waiting to see what happened.

My phone rang just before six o'clock and I jumped so violently I almost fell off my bed. I snatched up the receiver.

"Yeah?"

"Sam!" Embry's voice came down the phone, sounding on the verge of hysteria. "I'm at Jacob's. You have to come now!"

"What's going on, Embry?" I demanded, panic filling me. Had something happened to Jacob? My heart clenched and missed a couple of beats before it carried on thumping raggedly.

"He phased, Sam. He's run off."

"Shit. I'm on my way." I slammed the phone down, grabbed my keys and rushed from my room. "Going to Billy's!" I shouted at my Mom as I crashed out of the house.

I arrived in under ten minutes and burst in through Billy's door. He and Embry were waiting in the kitchen, their faces pale and worried and Embry's arm wrapped in a towel which appeared to be blood-stained.

"What the hell happened? Are you alright?"

"It's nothing. Just a scratch," Embry said and launched into an explanation. "I came over to see Jake, but Mr Black said he was out and that I could wait. When he came back he was... I don't know... weird. Kind of in shock, but at the same time so angry. He went in his room, slammed the door in my face. It sounded like he was breaking things. I went in to see if I could do anything and he phased right in front of me."

"Did he hurt you?" I asked.

"Like I said, it's just a scratch."

I felt cold and shocked, but inside my anger began to build up. Bella Swan - she was lucky she was fifteen miles away from me at that moment, because I wouldn't have been able to help myself. I turned away from Billy and Embry now and went to Jacob's room. It looked as if a tornado had been through it; the furniture demolished, quilt torn and feathers covering everything and the window was smashed where he had broken out of it.

"Fuck," I said under my breath.

"Go after him, Sam," Billy said quietly from behind me.

"I'll come too," Embry said at once.

"No." I turned around. "I'll find him." I began to head for the front door, pulling my shirt off and Embry caught me up as I stepped outside.

"Will he be ok?" he asked.

"I hope so." I removed my shoes and began to unbutton my jeans. "How badly are you hurt, really?"

Embry unfolded the towel to reveal three deep claw marks running from elbow to wrist, all oozing dark blood. "I didn't want Billy to see it," he said. "He's upset enough."

"Go over to Jared's," I told him now. "Don't be on your own. There's something I found out a while back which should help if it works for you too. Phase and it'll heal fast."

"Ok." Embry wrapped the towel around his arm again and I passed him my jeans, then walked away from him. I phased before I reached the end of the drive and then turned left, passing the front of the house until I picked up Jacob's scent. He was heading towards the woods. I broke into a run and followed.

It didn't take me long to find him. He was perhaps ten miles away and I felt his rage the minute I reached the trees. It only grew more intense as I got closer and I slowed down when I was within half a mile of him, approaching more cautiously. He was in a clearing that I remembered passing through myself, pacing backwards and forwards, snarling at nothing every so often.

"Stay away." He didn't look in my direction, but he knew I was there.

I halted amongst the trees and watched him. It was dusk, but with the moon rising it was still quite light. He was russet in colour with a pale, almost silver throat and belly. His muscles rippled under the thick fur as he prowled up and down and I did the best I could to squash my thoughts and concentrate only on his suffering. He was a stunning wolf and it was completely inappropriate for me to be noticing at that moment.

I sat down where I was and just waited. The moon rose higher and stars appeared and still Jacob paced. I couldn't even hear what he was thinking; his emotions were too high and he was blocking it. I could feel his anger and pain and it battered my senses, draining my energy. I lay down, breathing deep, until finally he stopped roaming about and stared at the ground. He didn't look at me, but his thoughts gradually started to become coherent.

"She's gone. I went to see her and she seemed glad to see me. I thought maybe...I can't just be her friend, it's not enough."

"Oh, God," I thought. "What has she done to you now?"

He didn't answer me, but I saw what happened as he went over it in his own mind. He spent perhaps an hour with Bella and went home feeling like things would be ok. She had missed him, she asked him not to be silly and avoid her any more.

He found Embry waiting for him at his house and they chatted for a while before the phone rang. Bella, calling to tell him Edward's sister Alice had contacted her. Edward thought she was dead after she jumped off the cliff; he didn't know Jacob had saved her.

I was startled at this. What on earth had been going on? He'd never mentioned that. He must have had some courage to jump off the cliff after he almost drowned that day. I forgot about it immediately as his thoughts continued to replay in my own mind almost like a film reel.

Bella said Edward was in Italy and intended to kill himself because he couldn't go on living, thinking he had caused her death. She and Alice were on their way to the airport, going after him to stop him. She didn't know when or if she would come back. Jacob hung up the phone, then smashed it into the wall, momentarily crushed again until his temper overtook misery. He charged into his room, slamming the door in Embry's face as he followed. He smashed his fist into the mirror, shattering the glass, swept items off the shelf above the bed. Embry opened the door. Jacob swung around, horrified.

"Get out!"

Embry froze, watching as Jacob phased, splitting his clothes apart, the huge russet wolf almost filling the small bedroom, then snarling, turning around and around, clawing at the furniture, the bed, one swipe ripping open Embry's arm. Embry let out a yell and clutched the wound, blood oozing through his fingers. Pain lancing through Jacob as he realised he had hurt his friend. He turned away, bounded up onto the bed and launched himself at the window, wooden frame and glass exploding outwards as he hit it with full force. Then fleeing to the woods, growling, hoping no one would follow.

I realised I was panting, my breath coming in shallow gasps as I relived it with him.

"Embry..." He turned to look at me at last, letting out a sorrowful whine.

"It's alright, he's alright. Just a scratch." I blocked the image of what Embry's arm looked like.

"I could have killed him. I could have killed my Dad. I don't want to be like this. Sam..." Another whine and his head dropped low, his muzzle almost touching the ground.

I got up slowly and took a few steps towards him, stopping when I was just close enough to touch him if I were to stretch my neck out.

"You can't blame yourself for this; all you can do is face it and accept it. I know it's tough, but you're not alone."

"I hurt Embry! What if it happens again? What if I can't control myself?"

"You will; you'll learn to. It's only been this hard because you were so upset to being with."

Jacob raised his head slowly and looked at me. The pain I saw in his eyes made me flinch.

"What do I do now?"

"We go back and talk to your Dad. He's worried about you."

"I can't face him. What must he think of me?" Jacob's eyes squeezed shut and he lowered his head again.

"He understands. He loves you. I'm not going to just leave you on the doorstep, Jacob, I'll be there too."

He didn't reply for several moments, going over what I said in his head, shivering as he repeatedly pictured Embry hurt and his Dad worrying.

"Ok." He snorted his breath out through his nose and then shook himself vigorously.

I turned and began to lead the way slowly back down the path, hoping he would follow. After a brief hesitation, he began to walk with me. Although we stuck to a walk all the way back to La Push, with the length of our strides compared to that of a human, it took less than two hours and gave me ample time to talk to Jacob about my own phasing, about Embry's and Jared's and Paul's, the latter one having been the most violent except for Jacob's own.

By the time we reached Billy's house he had calmed down somewhat, but was as worried as ever about facing his Dad and Embry. Now he lurked beside my truck which was still on the driveway while I phased back and let myself into the house.

"Billy, it's Sam!" I called out.

Embry appeared immediately.

"Oh, shit," he said. "Hold on." He vanished back into the living room and then reappeared with my jeans, tossing them to me. I pulled them on.

"Where's Jacob?"

"Outside," I told him. "He'll be ok. Tell Billy we'll be in soon." I ducked into Jacob's room, which was somewhat tidier than it had been when I left, although there wasn't much that could be done with the broken window and furniture until the morning. I grabbed a pair of cargo pants from the wardrobe which had somehow survived and then headed back out of the door.

"Jacob?"

I saw his ears sticking up above the hood of the truck and I went around the other side.

"You're not going to be able to communicate with me until you phase back. Listen, Embry and your Dad are fine. You're going to have to relax; let go of the anger enough so you can change back. Imagine yourself human again. It might take a few tries, so don't get worked up about it if it doesn't happen straight away. Here's some pants." I put them on the hood of the truck and walked away from him, although I stayed on the porch listening.

It was about twenty minutes before he phased back. It almost seemed as if it wasn't going to happen and then suddenly he was human, grabbing the cargo pants and pulling them on, then leaning against the truck, breathing hard and shivering. I stepped off the porch and went to him.

"You ok?"

"Yeah," he said shakily. He had tears in his eyes, but he blinked them away and walked ahead of me to the house.

Billy and Embry were in the living room watching a chat show and when we went in Billy merely adjusted the volume, rather than turn the television off and make it look like the beginning of a conference.

"Are you alright, son?" he asked.

Jacob sank onto the sofa next to Embry.

"I guess. I'm sorry," he said. "I could have hurt you. God, Embry, I did hurt you." He groaned and turned to look at his friend. "How bad is it?"

"It's nothing, it's just a scratch, see?" Embry rolled his shirt sleeve up and revealed the three narrow red lines. It looked as if the skin had never been broken. Jacob looked puzzled, but he heaved a sigh of relief.

I stayed another hour chatting with them, noticing Jacob gradually beginning to relax although he still looked as miserable as sin. Eventually I got up to go home.

"Can I get a ride with you?" Embry asked.

"Sure. Jacob, I'll see you Monday," I said. "If you don't feel like working, just call me."

"Ok. Thanks, Sam."

As soon as we were in the truck, Embry glanced over at me.

"How is he, really?"

"Not good. It was harder on him than on any of us. Damn Bella."

"Isn't there anything we can do about her?" Embry asked.

I shook my head. "He's got to work through it. It's just going to take time. A lot of time if she keeps on screwing with his head."