The story so far
The story so far…
Reunited at last, the party (or the Shinsetsu Nonsense Team, as Bo-bobo calls it) meets Torpedo Girl, the descendant of the builders of the Ruins of Exodus. She explains on how to summon the ruins and that Heppokomaru has been kidnapped by the spirit who resides within the ruins. The team summons the ruins and enters, but within moments after, a multitude of sand falls into the room, threatening to drown them!
-O-kayy, this was painful…but the end of the desert trek is near…or is it?
Chapter 2
The mystery of the Ruins of Exodus
(Part 5: A legend of the kingdom like no other! Take to the skies and fly for the everlasting dream!!)
The sand was falling on everyone at a fast speed. Within moments, no one on the team could touch their feet on the floor. The sand began to fall harder and harder, making it even more painful.
"Gggh…Bo-bobo! Bo-bobo!" Beauty wailed. "Help me, Bo-bobo!"
Bo-bobo was on the far left of the room, far from where Beauty was trapped. He tried to swim over to her, but a giant rock fell on his head, causing him to black out in a comedic fashion. Beauty wailed a long "noooo!" in despair.
Don Patch stuck himself to the ceiling; for once, he did something smart. He smirked in pride at his "super accomplishment."
"Hahahah! Now Beauty's gonna die in the sands, and I will become the heroine of this tale!" Don Patch pulled out a camera phone and began taking sexy-looking pictures of himself, but began to lose his grip on the ceiling.
"Oh, noo! I'm gonna fall!" Don Patch screeched. He began to panic as he searched for something to hold on to. He noticed a tall beam that was attached to the ceiling, and grabbed on to it. Serviceman wasn't too far behind him.
"Patchi-mi, my darling! I'll save you!!" Serviceman shouted. He took his sheet and began to transform into a dramatic fashion into a particular sky pirate from a certain video game series (the latest in the bunch). As the fake Balthier stepped toward the pole, he whipped out his rifle, aiming at the Patch-in-distress!
"Okay, give me back my co-pilot Fran!!" Serviceman shouted.
"Co-pilot!? I'm in danger, and my underwear is chafing! Help me!" Don Patch shouted.
"TOO BAD! I'M THE LEADING MAN!!" Serviceman gunned down the pole (and Don Patch) and leaped down, grabbing a stuffed bunny doll along the way that appeared out of nowhere.
"Oh, Fran…" Serviceman began to make out with the bunny doll as Don Patch drowned in the sand. Beauty and Namero were sweatdropping at it all, and Bo-bobo was searching frantically for an exit.
"That ass! Give me back my Viagra!!" Don Patch shouted.
"Viagra!?" Beauty thought behind him.
"Serviceman began to hug the giant pole. "As long as Fran is with me…nothing else matters…" he cooed. Namero was on the verge of exploding.
"Okay, this is really getting-" Namero slowly cut himself off as he noticed the pole Serviceman was holding actually was…
"IS THAT THE SUPPORT BEAM TO THE ROOM!?" Namero screamed.
Serviceman gave a blank stare. "What's a support beam?"
The second he spoke, the entire room began to crumble, and the sand fell almost twice as fast. Namero grabbed Serviceman's stuffed bunny and ripped the head off by eating it. Serviceman wailed loudly.
"SERVICEMAN YOU IDIOT!! NOW WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE--!!" Bo-bobo shouted frantically as the sand and the ceiling closed in…
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"…………………………….."
"…………………………….."
"…………………………….."
"Okay, this is getting annoying…" Beauty thought as she stared at her unconscious comrades. She woke up from the massive collapse, but couldn't move for some reason.
"Gh….why am I…oh…"
Beauty began to blush, realizing that Namero was unconscious on top of her, arms spread out. Although it was unsteady, Beauty could hear his mellow breath and inhaled the scent. It warmed her up, and it had the smell of a fresh vanilla blossom.
"Ah…oh my…this is…I've never…felt this way before…" Beauty began to nervously moan as she slowly pulled his body off hers. She began to shake with a mysterious intensity she only rarely felt.
"What's going on!? This isn't how it's supposed to be…we're companions…and there are the others to consider…I just can't have feelings for him, I just can't…"
Beauty climbed away from the rest of the group and saw that they were in a dark chamber below ground. The building material of the ruins was still the same, but there were torches lighting the room with reddish-colored flames. Pedestals of some odd creature also surrounded the room.
"We're underground…and completely lost at that. Just saying 'what are we going to do now' would be predictable, so I think I'll just explore while I can…"
Beauty began to walk and realized:
"Great…I JUST said it…"
Beauty climbed over the steps that proceeded down the chamber and came across a small pedestal. She could see something shining on top of it.
"Oh…what could it be?"
"It could be the lost hammer I didn't bother using ever since I got it in the Prologue." Bo-bobo snuck up behind his female companion. She jumped in surprise.
"Speaking of hammer, what did you do with it?" Beauty asked.
"I sold it on . The guy who bought it thought it was a house. Total idiot."
"YOU SOLD MY HAMMER!?"
"Yep!" Bo-bobo bonked his head again. Beauty was close to losing it.
"You may never know when we may need it!" The second she said those exact words, a giant grey metal block crashed down and blocked their apparent only exit.
"Like right now!" Beauty shouted in Bo-bobo's ear.
"Don't fear, Beauty. I will do everything in my power to break down that block!" Bo-bobo shouted. He marched in front of the block, spat on his hands, tossed them back, and put them in front of the stone, shouting,
"Open Sesame!"
Nothing happened (obviously).
"Well, I've done all I can do…" Bo-bobo said solemnly. Beauty was about to scream.
"Hey, did you notice that bright, shining stone over there?"
Beauty turned around and saw Namero standing before her. Her cheeks turned a tint of pink. "I'm talking about that stone over there." He pointed at the small pedestal that held a glittering, aquamarine-colored stone.
The three of them walked over to it and gazed at the stone. It took the shape of a pyramid, and it was slightly levitating above the pedestal. Bo-bobo put his hands out and gently cupped it in his hands.
"I wonder what this is for?" he asked. When he spoke, something in Namero's pocket began to glow. He held his arm up in defense as he slowly reached for the glowing object, which turned out to be the mysterious will he had found in the desert.
"I found this while we were separated…it seems to be a will left by someone…hey, what's this!?"
Namero had noticed that the words on the will were appearing clearer.
The Will of The Third King of Don
It is here that I express my gifts and blessings to my fellow heirs and heiresses.
No matter where the road takes you, whether you are blessed or cursed, use the power of the throne, the crown, and the kingdom well. The most potent of that power lay in my tomb in the old castle ruins. I wish to apologize to my subjects, for I neglected them for my own sake of power that I did not receive through birth. It is here that……………………………………………………………………skies………………………………….I will forever be…………………………………………………..Leviathan III…………………………………………………………………………………….
"The will's words…appeared? But it's still not complete...there may be more stones in these ruins that may solve this part of the puzzle for us!" Namero resolved.
"Bleaaaaaaaaagh Bloogaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! Blebck!"
"Another voice!?" Beauty shouted.
"Where's my pockey!? Hand it over, stalking cosplayer!" Torpedo Girl began to beat Serviceman up with her mace.
"Master Hydrate has warned you once, fools! Turn back now, or forever be tortured by the power of the Ruins of Exodus! The darkness will haunt your souls and torture you night after night in a trance of doom, despair, and…and…uh…more doom! Hahahah! Blebck!"
"Wow, this voice is almost a sixty-fourth times as threatening as Master Hydrate's voice…" Beauty mumbled at the boy's voice.
"You will never find your way out of these ruins…their anti-complexity and their horrible foundation that withered over the years will surely kill you! Sure, it's an easy way out since the entire building is only five rooms in a straight line, but still! You're gonna die, and all that stuff! Bleckgh!"
"YOU MEAN THAT THESE ENTIRE RUINS ARE ONE STRAIGHT LINE!?" Beauty freaked out along with everyone else with massive impact.
"Yeah, the builders who made the ruins were lazy."
"So these mysterious ruins are…BUILT IN FIVE ROOMS!?"
"Yep! Sucks, doesn't it!? Hahahahaha! Bklugh!"
The septet team stared into space in disbelief as the voice departed. Bo-bobo slowly put the pyramid-shaped stone into his case and continued to walk into the next chamber (he destroyed the stone blocking the way with his sparkling charisma, much to Beauty's disdain) with everyone else, still staring in disbelief. The next chamber was like the previous, only this time, the platform nearby held a magenta-colored diamond-shaped stone.
"Boy, this is probably one of the most pathetic dungeons I've ever attempted…" Bo-bobo said in disdain as he grabbed the second stone. Another spiritual voice sounded over the ruins, and it was almost worse than the first one.
"Blaaaaaaaaaaa Blushggggh! Blecke! This is where you go no further, imbeciles! The ancients who rule these ruins will slay you to…HEY, ARE YOU LISTENING TO US!?"
"There seems to be no one ahead, according to my A.I. platform. Let's go to the next chamber, Bo-bobo." Don Patch spoke with sanity for once, and everyone headed in the same way they did last time. The chamber held an azure-colored lunar-shaped stone. The next voice was a bit more threatening than the previous two.
"I'm not going to bother with explanations…but since you've already made it into the third chamber, I may as well let you pass…"
The heroes dashed ahead without bothering to even listen to the voice.
"I figured they were going to do that…"
Within the final chamber, a golden, sun-shaped stone lay on the final pedestal, and now the team was ready (more or less) to seek Hydrate, who ruled the ruins. But the last voice wasn't so eager to let them pass.
"This is your final warning! If you do not leave now, you WILL face the wrath of the ruins, fools!"
Bo-bobo twitched at the womanly voice that spoke up above. "Wait a minute…aren't you the gardener who works in Crystal Town!?" he said in shock.
"So it seems that you figured me out. Yes, I am indeed the one you call LOVER'S BLOSSOM, although I am simply known as LOVE. I am one of the four guardians that have protected King Hydrate during his reign, and we too have waited in the ruins for the newest challengers to show up. Congratulations on getting this far. You have collected the four keys that reveal the king's will, and that is the key to unlocking the weapon that you will need to fight against us."
"What weapon would that be?" Torpedo Girl asked sternly.
"That is for YOU to find out. But…for having to go through the torture of the desert, the king himself wants you to have this to also make it a fair fight between us. Use her well. I will be waiting alongside his majesty."
As LOVE's voice vanished, Bo-bobo and the others stared in disbelief as they let her message brush over them. Silence befell the area, as a powerful presence took over.
"What…what's this feeling? I…feel like I've felt it before…" Beauty said.
"The room's cooled down so suddenly…it feels almost like…water…" Torpedo Girl commented.
"This happened when we freed the first High Spirit! So this means that-" Bo-bobo was cut off. A small star arose from the depths below, and just like the previous time, it stood in midair for a short amount of time before bursting into magical dust. As the dust recollected, a magical card formed, featuring a stain-glass profile of a female High Spirit, Aqua.
"The man we're about to fight…is freeing the High Spirit for us? I'm so confused…" Serviceman spoke while shaving his armpits.
"But why?" Beauty wondered.
"This man must be an honorable opponent to give his enemy an advantage like that. Or he's outrageously cocky," Namero commented.
"It doesn't matter anymore. Point is that he's giving the High Spirit to us, and our most important goal is to free the High Spirits, am I right?" Bo-bobo asked.
"And we're saving Princess Patches too." Beauty chimed in.
"Aw, let him die. He can land in an erupting volcano for all I care."
"Bo-bobo, are you really that heartless?" Beauty asked.
"Hey now, he doesn't need to be so sympathetic to a fake princess, Beauty," said Torpedo Girl with scorn.
"But you said that was just a rumor."
"Sure, but even if it wasn't, I would still get him dethroned somehow anyway. He's a disgrace to the entire kingdom."
A look of slight worry fell on Beauty's face as Bo-bobo approached the floating card. He touched it gently like he did before, and the card spun rapidly as a massive light lit up the chamber. The power of the card faded and the High Spirit of water, Aqua, was now free, and another High Spirit was rescued!
"Sir Bo-bobo…thank you for coming to find me…"
The High Spirit that Bo-bobo had just freed was a lovely female with milky white skin and blonde hair the color of goldenrods, split into two low pigtails accentuated with water droplet gems. Her robe was colored with baby blues and faded pinks, her eyes were the deepest shade of sparkling azure, and small wing clips accented her hair.
"Aww, it was nothing, Aqua-sama. But do you know why that Hydrate III freed you intentionally?" Bo-bobo asked with seriousness.
"It…is not so easy to explain why he did what he did, but…he…wished to help you, so to speak…"
"Wait…he wanted to help me!? He works for Softon the wizard! Why isn't he trying to kill me or whatnot? And why are these ruins so small!? And what happened to my soap opera channels back home!?" Bo-bobo moaned. Torpedo Girl was ready to kill the idiot, but was constrained by Beauty.
"He and Softon are in the middle of some kind of disagreement, but I do not know the full detail of it. The fight you are about to battle with him is more of a test of skill than anything else. He wants to see if you are worthy of rescuing the Don Kingdom."
"Worthy?"
"These ruins are so complex and mysterious, but the real mystery lied in the former homeland of the castle, the Crimson Desert. That's why he used magic to…dumb down the ruins…and make it only five rooms wide…"
"WAIT, SO HE TURNED THE RUINS INTO A PATHETIC DUNGEON ON PURPOSE!?" Beauty shouted.
"Yup. He wanted to cut to the chase and fight you in a ship battle, and then one on one. Besides, about 85 percent of these ruins are a tomb for dead bodies…"
"So the legend of the Ruins of Exodus…is absolute horse dung…" Namero said with a blubbered look on his face (His face is white, his eyes are pale circles, and his mouth is wide open, and the shape of it is deformed)
"Well, not completely…all the legendary stuff's hidden in the desert, not the ruins…"
"Wow…my ancestors…are a group of terds…" Torpedo Girl melted out of horrible revelation.
"Well, all that aside, both Ignis and I can assist you during the battle you are about to fight. Allow us to assist you, Sir Bo-bobo." Aqua bowed her head, and Ignis was suddenly at her side as well.
"Sir Bo-bobo, as the greatest swordsman in Gloria Heaven, I, too, wish to assist." Ignis bowed himself and drew his Don Patch Sword (A.K.A the green onion on fire), which made Beauty freak out.
Bo-bobo took one look at the duo, raised his head, and shouted, "Let's go and face this king!"
"YEAH!!"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
In a skyship above the Ruins of Exodus
Above the Ruins of Exodus was a ship flying high in the sky, cast of solid iron, ivory, and gold. The emblem of the Don Kingdom was emblazed on a flag and a banner that were both above and below the ship, and birdlike wings acted as oars to steer the ship. Within the ship were the four owners of the spoken voices that spoke before, as well as two other men. On the throne of the ship was King Hydrate himself, adorned in a lavish ivory toga adorned with shining gems and platinum shoulder guards. A mysterious arcane symbol accentuated his forehead.
"Sir Bo-bobo…I hope that you fight me well…" he said in speculation.
As he and his comrades looked over the horizon, they could see the top of the ruins rumbling and shaking. Hydrate grinned in expectation.
"Well well…they have the four magical stones that translate my will…and my will is the only source of power to activate the skyship that can transverse to places even I can't reach…"
Hydrate could see something float out of the ruins. He was expecting the skyship, but instead, he got…
"WHAT THE F-- IS THAT!?" Hydrate screamed, freaking out along with his henchmen.
A massive hot-air balloon advertising for "Vote Heppokomaru as biggest emo in history" rose above the clouds, and Don Patch and Serviceman were screaming into megaphones as a form of advertising.
"Vote Heppokomaru of the Maho Kaze Squad for biggest emo! He's emo and doesn't deserve to live! Vote for him and get a free 'stuff these electric eels down the emo's pants' carnival game!!" Don Patch shouted.
"I'll vote!" Crosk appeared out of nowhere and cast his vote, getting himself the free game.
"HEEY!! I'L KILL YOU FOR THAT, DON POOP!" Heppokomaru shouted from the ship. Don Patch and Serviceman squawked and their balloon blew up. The explosion blew them away to the great beyond.
As the balloon exploded, the real airship that Hydrate was expecting arose from the ruins. If one were to look at it, it heavily resembled the Rainbow Cruise ship from Super Mario 64. Beauty raised the sails and looked out from the lookout post, noticing a very familiar friend on board the opposing ship…
"Bo-bobo! It's He-kun!!" Beauty shouted. She pointed to the end of the mast near the plank, where Heppokomaru was tied up, dangling madly above the edge of the ship; if the rope were to snap, so to speak, Heppokomaru would fall splat on the ground and gain his halo within seconds.
"Bo-bobo-saaaaaan! Help meeee!" Heppokomaru wailed frantically as he squirmed in his bound place. His eyes were bulging tears.
"Heppokomaru!" Bo-bobo shouted. "Hydrate, I'll never forgive you!!" Bo-bobo screamed while hacking up a Heppokomaru voodoo doll.
"Bo-bobo! What are you doing!?" Beauty wailed.
"Uhh…yeah! We'll rescue you, Heppokomaru!!" Serviceman screamed while cutting the rope Heppokomaru was dangling on. Heppokomaru was close to losing it.
Hydrate stared at the buffoons and Bo-bobo himself. He raised an eyebrow. His companions were giving dumb stares with open mouths.
"Hmmm...this is the legendary knight, hm? Seems a bit…odd if you ask me. This is probably how he distracts his opponents…better keep my guard up…" Hydrate stood tall and headed for the ship's mast with a stern look on his face.
"What a loser…he's like one of those mimes who think they're stone silent but they aren't…" Hydrate's red-headed second-in-command snorted as he thought. Unlike his companions, he was the only one who wore a full white robe adorned with gold and blue. A large golden earpiece adorned with a turquoise stone was on his left ear.
"Well, I've been the gardener of his hometown for a while now, and I've seen what he's done. I hope he does okay…and I do must admit…he's very muscular…very sexy, nice, firm, circular biceps…just how I like my men…hot beef jerky!" LOVE placed her hands on her cheeks as they flushed blush pink. She had on a long white draped skirt adorned with pink and yellow, and a looped sash to cover her breasts with a keyhole to expose cleavage. Large golden earrings dangled from her ears.
"Okay Master Hydrate, you better not mess this up…this asshole ignored my warning! No one gets away with that!" A tall muscular man shook his fist. He wore a long toga that exposed the right side of his chest, adorned with orange and green. He also had gold armbands and a gold headband worn on him, and he had a mysterious third eye that never blinked.
"Duuuuh…I wonder when The Sopranos are coming on…hopefully I can catch the next episode after the newest Strawberry Marshmallow…and maybe I'll watch some Code Geass tonight after the South Park kill Kenny marathon…" A teenage boy heavily resembling Heppokomaru wearing a white dress cloth of purple and yellow completely topless was picking his nose and drooling.
"Okay brothers, so what do we need to get on Broadway?" a jewelry-adorned sack asked his younger brothers.
"I heard some songs that said you need to be fat to get on Broadway…or was it girls in tight pantyhose?" said the middle brother.
"I need to go to the bathroom!" the youngest brother wailed.
"WELL GO USE A BUSH OR SOMETHING!!" Bo-bobo screamed, punching the youngest sack in the face. The eyes of the king's guardians bulged out upon noticing Bo-bobo's being on the ship. The first of the king's men was gone, having just fallen off the ship and landing right next to Giga Bowser, Ganondorf, and Mewtwo, which meant that things were going to be extremely unpleasant…
"There goes one of my henchmen, and the battle's barely begun. Sir Bo-bobo, if you please…go back to your ship. We will engage in a ship battle," Hydrate announced.
"But why not fight you one on one? And besides, it'll put Heppokomaru's life in danger!" Bo-bobo retorted. Heppokomaru was still dangling from the rope crying.
"That, my friend, is for another time and day. Oh, and I also have a hostage that you may want to consider." Hydrate lifted up his cloak and saw that his left-hand man was…
"Be-bebe-onii-sama!" Bo-bobo freaked out in fear. His beloved older brother was donning a robe similar to the red-haired man's, and he had an icy presence, being absolutely still, bearing an ice blue aura.
"He cannot hear you; he is under my control. Now if you want him and the boy back, you will engage in ship battle against my ship, the Reverse Empire. I want to compare its standards to the ship I have given you, the Lapis Lazuli." Hydrate stated while pointing at his and Bo-bobo's ships.
Bo-bobo grunted; he couldn't refuse. "Fine. Very well." He drew his hand out. "A ship battle it is! May the best man win."
"And you as well." The two men shook hands and went back to their perspective posts. The two ships faced one another in the sky, ready to clash.
"The rules of this battle are that not only can you use the ship's features, but your own powers as well. There is no boarding the opponent's ship. And finally, don't even try to save the boy or your brother during the fight. They are your potential prizes, if you win."
"And if we lose?" Bo-bobo shouted from across.
"You return the High Spirits to me, and these lovely men will stay with me. Simple as that." Hydrate took Be-bebe to his side and snickered. Heppokomaru began to caterwaul in despair.
"Hydrate, prepare to lose!!" Bo-bobo screamed. He outdid himself by biting the head off the fairy Dengaku-man, who appeared out of nowhere!
"Kyahh! Dengaku-man's dead!" Beauty screamed.
"All right! Battlestations! Let's start that damn refrain!" Bo-bobo commanded. His teammates readied the cannons, the High Spirits were taking Bo-bobo's side, and Serviceman served as the lookout (otherwise, he'd have to join the sack that was with Giga Bowser and those other two).
"Ready, everyone!? Then let's go!" Hydrate commanded.
"Ready…"
"FIRE!!"
"HAMA NO NEGI!!" (Literally, "way of the onion")
Ignis lashed forth his Don Patch sword, and the green flame that lit it burst into a million colors, spiraling forth toward the Reverse Empire, lighting it on fire! Within seconds, the frontal half of the ship was burnt to a crisp and crumbling! The members of the enemy vessel began to freak out and panic. Heppokomaru's eyes were bulging out crazily as a piece of his shirt caught fire.
"HE MEANT TO LAUNCH THE CANNONS, MORON!" Namero shouted at Ignis, not taking into consideration that he was one of the supporters of their world.
"Ummm…Sir Bo-bobo said 'fire'…and I launched the first attack, which JUST so happened to have destroyed half of the enemy vessel. We can use our own attacks too, silly doo-doo head. Get a grip, boy." Ignis playfully ruffled Namero's hair, which caused the count to boil and his eyes to shadow out.
"Yay, we got rid of half of their ship! Ignis, you rock!" Serviceman shouted from above while reading a Jump magazine.
"Serviceman, get back to your damn post and do your duty!!" Bo-bobo shouted, punching Serviceman in the face and ripping his magazine, making him cry.
"Waaah! Sowwy!" he wailed.
The Reverse Empire crew rose from the massive flame that burned their ship. Comically enough, the boy of the crew stood their picking his nose the entire time.
"Wow…is that the power of the Lapis Lazuli!?" the white-haired man exclaimed.
"No Crimson dearie, that was Ignis' power. He has the power of fire at his side." LOVE explained.
"It must not be so impressive then! Hydrate, do we have permission to ready the Choo-Choo Cannon?" The red-haired man asked.
"Go right ahead, Byakkyo."
"Okay!" he spoke as if he were a cheerleader. The others stared at him, which he flipped them off in response as they readied the cannon.
"All right…cannon to power…turbine at top speed…we're ready!" Byakkyo exclaimed. The Choo-Choo Cannon resembled a massive harpoon-like structure with metal petal-shaped plates surrounding it.
"FIRE!!"
The Choo-Choo Cannon fired a massive golden ray of photon light. The crew of the Lapis Lazuli laughed at the cannon's power.
"How threatening is a cannon named the Choo-Choo Cannon!? It sounds like something a diaper-wearing kiddie wears!" Serviceman shouted, reading a new issue of Modern Sperm magazine.
"My A.I database indicates that the cannon's velocity is faster than the average speed of a roadrunner and has 6.8 megawatts of power…that's enough to wipe out 500 Tokyo Towers at once…" Don Patch indicated via test runs. Everyone stared at him in despair as the cannon fire came right at them. A massive, generic explosion overcame the ship, leaving its occupiers burnt to a crisp. As the smoke rose, silence befell the skies. One of Don Patch's spikes crumbled off.
"That…really sucked for us…" Beauty stuttered.
"Good thing that Ignis and I are godly spirits, so we didn't get hurt…" Aqua said with a bit of a boast. Shadows hung above everyone's heads.
"Okay…that was awful…we need to strike back…" Bo-bobo said bluntly.
The enemy vessel began to celebrate. "Hah! That's what you get for mocking the ancient royalty!" Byakkyo taunted.
"Ah, how satisfying! Maybe they are weak after all!" LOVE taunted.
"Okay, so after the Kill Kenny South Park marathon, I'll watch My-Otome, Teletubbies, The Real World: Smash Mansion, and that really long Japanese show about that cop guy where the name is too long to remember…" The boy kept on picking his nose.
"Brother, I want ice cream now!!" One of the sacks whined.
"Aw, go grow a pair."
The Shinsetsu Nonsense Team was still aghast at the Choo-Choo Cannon's power, but managed to pull it together. The team positioned themselves at the cannons, ready to fire.
"I'll steer the ship while Bo-bobo gives the commands! Serviceman, are you still on lookout?" Torpedo Girl shouted.
"What!? Uh, yeah…" Serviceman said with a hiccup, reading a magazine with teenage male models posing.
"Good! Let's gooo!" Torpedo Girl began to steer the ship outwards toward the Reverse Empire; in return, they began to drive forth with Crimson steering and Byakkyo on the lookout.
"Ready the cannons at port-bow! Fire!!" Hydrate commanded as their cannons launched.
"Ready the cannons at the stern! Fire!!" Bo-bobo commanded as their cannons launched from behind, blowing up the home of the narrator (again).
"Bo-bobo, what are you doing!? You have to aim at the enemy!" Beauty shouted.
"SHADDAHELLAP!! I'M THINKING!!" Bo-bobo screamed as he shot himself in the foot with his pistol, making the others scream.
"Sir Bo-bobo's distracted! Let's let loose another round!" Byakkyo shouted. More cannons fired out of the Reverse Empire, and Torpedo Girl used innovated handling to steer the lightweight Lapis Lazuli out of the way. It gracefully dodged all of the cannon fire with unmatched swift agility; its oar wings beated in the winds madly as Torpedo Girl herself launched herself, aiming to smash herself into the cockpit of the Choo-Choo Cannon.
"ALL HAIL SIR ROBIN, THE NOT-QUITE-SO-BRAVE-AS-SIR-LANCELOT!! THE KING OF MUSICAL THEATRE!!" Torpedo Girl let out her war cry as she slammed her body into the cannon, causing massive red sparks to fly away, and her body went with it. The enemy ship's best weapon was rendered useless.
Hydrate stared at the female torpedo's efforts. He snorted in retort.
"So that's how it's going to be, is it!?" he shouted. He stood up, climbed up to the top of his ship, and shone a massive purple aura near the soles of his feet. His boots disintegrated, revealing two tattoos on his foot soles, one a dragon, one a phoenix. He leapt high into the sky, his body silhouetted by the sun, and began to foot-dive onto the Lapis Lazuli!
"Ashi-no-Ura Shinken Ogi!!" (Secret Fist of the Foot Sole!!)
The king's feet landed hard on the allying ship, causing the boards to splinter and shatter. Everyone was taken in by the power of his feet, both shocked and baffled by idiocy. In a deja-vu situation, the frontal half of Bo-bobo's ship broke off!
"OMG NOOOOO" Don Patch shouted as if he were texting someone.
Hydrate shot back to his own ship. "Now the field is even."
Bo-bobo's aura flew outward in response. "Hydrate!! If this is how it's going to be, then why don't we ump the rules a little!?"
"Why not? What do you ask for?"
"This ship fight will call for extreme handling and use of the crew's powers on all sides, ya dig!?"
"Awesome!" The boy picking his nose broke his trance for a moment to comment, then went back to picking his nose.
Hydrate thought for a moment. "Agreed! It sounds a lot like fun anyway." He faced his crew. "All right everyone! New plan! Get to the remains of the front bow and we'll fight the opposing team from there!!"
"Yessir!"
Bo-bobo faced his team. "Okay team, you know the plan!?"
Beauty nodded her head, and Namero simply sighed. Torpedo Girl was blazing for the fight, and Don Patch and Serviceman were killing one another.
"Okay, the battle begins in 5…4…3…2…1…GO!!"
And when the signal was given, the brawl began!
"Oh, before I fight, I better tattle these guys…Torpedo Girl, can you give me a hand, please?" Beauty shouted.
"Sure thing, dearie!" She handed her a stackload of notes for Beauty to record. After an amazing 2.5 seconds of writing, she gave them to Bo-bobo for info.
(Note: These are Torpedo Girl's notes, not Beauty's)
They are the ancient guard and ministry of the third king of the Don Kingdom, King Hydrate III. There are seven on the team, one of them being your brother!
The teenage boy in the rear who resembles Heppokomaru is Halon Oni. He likes to watch TV a lot once he discovered it.
Status
Level: Level 24
Max HP: 977/977
Max MP: 566/566
Max SP: 22
Attack Power: 29
Defense Power: 20
Magic Power: 55
Magic Defense: 45
Class: Black Mage
Equipment: Nirvana Staff, Silk Robe, Rose Corsage
Regular Skills: 17
Special Skills: None
Unique Skills: 1
Due to his tendency to slack off, he's the weakest of the bunch. He's a pretty good mage, but he's weak physically, and he doesn't have any sort of special black mage skills. I think we should just leave him to keep on picking his nose and throw him overboard afterwards…I hate kids like him…
The next three henchmen are the Three Sacks. I've combined their stats together because they typically fight as one unit All three are of the same class, are at the same level, have the same equipment, the same amount of skills, and each of them have 500 HP, 200 MP, and 6 SP.
Status
Level: Level 27
Max HP: 1500 (Current HP: 1000/1500, due to that the youngest of the trio is dead from being thrown down to the three Smash Villans)
Max MP: 600 (Current MP: 400/600)
Max SP: 18 (Current SP: 12)
Attack Power: 45
Defense Power: 30
Magic Power: 40
Magic Defense: 25
Class: Gladiator
Equipment: Heavy Lance
Regular Skills: 23
Special Skills: 15
Unique Skills: 1
All three of them are pretty close, and at the same time, pretty stupid. They never seem to agree on anything, either. But the worst part is that they only have weapons! They have NO armor or accessories! How stupid are they!? They're GLADIATORS for the love of God!
The white-haired man is Crimson, a brutish, fine-looking man if I do say so myself.
Status
Level: Level 28
Max HP: 1872/1872
Max MP: 1002/1002
Max SP: 30
Attack Power: 67
Defense Power: 50
Magic Power: 52
Magic Defense: 56
Class: Fighter
Equipment: Titanium Gauntlets, Demonic Mail, Focusband Plus, Opal Ring
Regular Skills: 33
Special Skills: 17
Unique Skills: 1
He's the physical man of the guard. He likes his women. And finally, he has a third eye. A third eye. I mean, how weird is that? It never blinks, it just seems to stare at you. You know, like Tien's eye from Dragon Ball Z? Ah, good times, good times…
The last of the big 4 is LOVE, the lone female. Oh my god, do you think her boobs are real?
Status
Level: Level 27
Max HP: 1773/1773
Max MP: 1006/1006
Max SP: 28
Attack Power: 51
Defense Power: 51
Magic Power: 70
Magic Defense: 59
Class: Enchanter
Equipment: Rose Whip, Jade Crown, Arcana Sash
Regular Skills: 30
Special Skills: 20
Unique Skills: 1
Oy, she has such a gorgeous body, don't you agree? And she's not like one of those cretins who make money by sleeping around, either. I've also heard that she has a green thumb. Oh, despite not being a sleeper though, she still loves her muscular men, or her "hot beef jerky" as she calls them…
The red-haired man is Hydrate's right hand man, Byakkyo. He's a sadistic surgeon, and when the word "sadistic" comes into play, that's probably a good indicator to run from his doctor's office…
Status
Level: Level 30
Max HP: 2834/2834
Max MP: 989/989
Max SP: 31
Attack Power: 60
Defense Power: 54
Magic Power: 87
Magic Defense: 50
Class: Green Mage
Equipment: Caliper Measure, Reaper Cloak, Genji Gloves, Ruby Ring, Chakra Torture Box #3
Regular Skills: 35
Special skills: 25
Unique Skills: 1
He uses Green Magic, which targets vital body points and causes harmful status alignments, so look out! Seeing how he's a surgeon though, it kind of suits him. And is it just me, or does he appear…attracted to you…and moreover your brother?
Hydrate's left-hand man by force is none other than your brother, Be-bebe!
Status
Level: Level 42
Max HP: 4567/4567
Max MP: 1200/1200
Max SP: 37
Attack Power: 102
Defense Power: 88
Magic Power: 206
Magic Defense: 87
Class: Light Mage
Equipment: Rod of Hope, Lordly Robes, Nihopaloa Ring
Regular Skills: 50
Special Skills: 35
Unique Skills: 1
Aw, crap…Hydrate probably recruited him because he's at a way higher level than he is! He could wipe us out in one shot! He's a Light Mage, and they are mages who have mastered the forces of light, good will, and the seven Holy Virtues of the World, the hardest forces to master! Oh yeah, he uses a hair-style shinken like you too, right?
Finally, we have the big king himself, King Hydrate Cidolfus Hikaru-no-Kami III, the third king of the Don Kingdom. I am the descendant who built his damn castle, so he better thank me at some point!
Status
Level: Level 35
Max HP: 3330/3330
Max MP: 1300/1300
Max SP: 32
Attack Power: 103
Defense Power: 80
Magic Power: 111
Magic Defense: 83
Class: Biskmatar
Equipment: Argyle Blade, Maximillian Armor, Caligula Boots
Regular Skills: ??
Special Skills: ??
Unique Skills: 1
A Biskmatar is the name given to a royal mage of the royal family, as far as I know, but I have no idea what kind of power they use. As far as Hydrate goes, the only reason he became one was because his older brother, who was supposed to take the throne, died of illness. He has a powerful shinken and abilities unknown to us, so we better be careful…
As Bo-bobo finished reading Torpedo Girl's notes, he put a blank face on his face, tucked the notes away, and walked over to the remains of the bow of the ship.
"Uhh…Torpedo Girl? Look…as you were explaining your notes to me…"
Bo-bobo pointed to the enemy ship, and Torpedo Girl glanced over. She let out an ear-piercing scream, upon realizing that almost everyone on the Reverse Empire, even the king himself, was bleeding and defeated. The Nonsense Team was returning to the Lapis Lazuli heavily bruised. Namero carried the still-tied up Heppokomaru with him.
"As you were reading, we managed to beat them, Bo-bobo…but…" Beauty pointed at the sky. A shadow cast itself in the sun.
Bo-bobo looked up, shocked to see…
"Be-bebe-onii-sama!"
Be-bebe lept high upward, readying an attack for Bo-bobo; he appeared to be still under Hydrate's control!
"Ex abundantia enim cordis,
(For out of the abundance of the heart,
os loquitur, ex amino, ex lege, ex Deo…"
the mouth speakth, from the heart, from the law, from God…)
Be-bebe chanted the light spell in a melodic tone. His hand and his Rod of Faith were charged with alice blue and white sparkles that responded to the heavens above. Bo-bobo was on his guard, even though it was futile, considering he was only at Level 29.
"Extra omnes!!" (Out, all of you!)
A massive wisp of whitish smoke surrounded Bo-bobo, and he was about to be overcome by it. It was about to cover him over, until…
"Watch out, Bo-bobo!!"
Beauty barely pushed him out of the way in time, before being consumed by the mist. In a flash, she was completely gone!
"BEAUTY!!" Namero and Heppokomaru shouted in unison.
"My penny!" Don Patch shouted.
"You bastard!" Serviceman responded.
Bo-bobo stared at the scene in horror. "Onii-sama…what have you done!?"
"That is the Vanish Spell! A powerful form of Light Magic!" Torpedo Girl shouted. "Whoever is caught within it is banished to another dimension until the wielder demands! A truly terrifying spell…"
"Be-bebe-onii-sama!!" Bo-bobo shouted. He began to charge at his older brother with his sword in hand. Be-bebe was ready to strike himself, this time preparing his own Fist of the Leg Hair!
"Hanage Shinken Ogi…"
"Sunege Shinken Ogi…"
The light of their auras blazed as their ships went out of control, ready to crash into the Fynbos Outpost!
"Thousand Hanage Ha!!" (Thousand Nose Hair Wave!)
"Tsubasa no Yume!!" (Wings of Dream!)
Bo-bobo's nose hair wave and Be-bebe's flashing wings emerging from his leg hairs clashed and collided, and the two were in a struggling deathmatch. Only one would win!
"He's stronger than I thought…" Be-bebe thought as he pushed himself.
"He's too powerful…there's no way I can win…" Bo-bobo thought in despair as Be-bebe's wing-like attack began to overcome the nose hair wave. Bo-bobo began to think in desperation. How was he going to win and save his brother at the same time?
His thoughts ran wild.
He thought about the love Be-bebe gave to him when his other siblings didn't. He thought of all the love that his current friends gave him. And he thought of the happy times in his life that really made it count.
And those thoughts of love and justice would turn into a legend like no other.
"That's it!!" Bo-bobo thought in triumph. He shot his hands forward, and let out a huge sneeze!
"AH-CHOO!!"
In an instant, the nose hair wave overcame Be-bebe's wing attack, enveloping Be-bebe with its powerful light! An immense explosion emerged from the two ships, ultimately putting both of them to their demise.
"Is it over!?" Heppokomaru yelled.
As the light dissipated, Bo-bobo saw his wandering brother, bruised and beaten. Be-bebe appeared agog as he watched his younger brother come to him.
"Bo-bobo…?"
"Be-bebe, it's okay now…it's over. You're free from his control." Bo-bobo spoke with the kindness only two brothers could connect to.
"…Bo-bobo…!!"
Tears overcame Be-bebe's face. He reached to his sibling, and the two embraced a loving embrace as they fell from the sky above.
End of Chapter!
Sir Bo-bobo and his dear teammates went into the depths of the Crimson Desert to discover the mystery and legendary past that their kingdom possessed. And after freeing the High Spirit Aqua, Bo-bobo rose to the king Hydrate's challenge and defeated him, and at the same time, freed his brother from his old master's control. Yet there was still no sign to see of Princess Patches. While another chapter of Sir Bo-bobo's adventure closes, another one begins…
…but before it does, can the Shinsetsu Nonsense Team save themselves from falling from several million feet in the sky? And is the rumor of Princess Patches not being the true ruler of the kingdom really true?
The horizon is lighting its way to discover the truth…
-If this seemed a bit anti-climactic, I apologize. I do admit I rushed the end a bit, and I delayed due to pure laziness.
But after the road trip I'm taking on Sunday, the updates will quicken! I swear this true!
Now that the mystery of the desert is almost solved, what awaits for the Shinsetsu Nonsense Team next? Can they at least save themselves from turning into splattered blobs on the ground first!? Read on and find out!
FOOTNOTES
-A lapis lazuli is a semi-precious stone that is generally an intense blue in color, and it is actually a rock, not a mineral, unlike most precious gems and stones. It is mainly existent in Afghanistan.
-The "really long show about the Japanese cop guy where the name is too long to remember" that Halon Oni mentions, is a very famous anime/manga released only in Japan named Kochira Katsushika-ku Kameari Kôen-mae Hashutsujo, which literally means, "This is the Police Station in front of Kameari Park in Katsushika Ward." The anime is 367 episodes in total (divided into several series), and the manga has begun its run in 1976 and is still ongoing in the Japanese Weekly Shonen Jump, even today! As of current, 160 volumes have been released, making it the longest-running manga series in history. There is only one basic premise, where the main character, Ryo-san, invents a new fad or gadget which gains popularity and through intense yet innocent humor, quickly loses popularity. The series' buffoon-like nature made it one of the most popular manga series in Japan. The manga-ka of the series made a 30th anniversary chapter where Bo-bobo and Don Patch had starring roles in! For more info, go to Wikipedia.
-The "Vanish Spell" ignition that Be-bebe chanted (Extra omnes) is actually a phrase spoken by The Master of Papal Liturgical Celebrations, someone who serves the Pope. When the time comes to elect a new Pope, whoever is not a Cardinal (or bishop) or anyone else who must be at the election (Conclave), must leave the Sistine Chapel where the Conclave takes place. The master who serves the Pope speaks those words to those who must leave.
(Uh…I'm not too keen on the things that go on in Vatican City, so if the third footnote is wrong in anyway, someone feel free to correct it…I'm nonreligious, but all religions of the world will be respected and tolerated in my eyes)