A/N:
I am so nervous about this chapter. You have no idea. I've tweaked it so many times.
Uhm, please be nice?
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Cloud had been a late bloomer.
When he had first arrived in Midgar at the grand old age of thirteen he been so overwhelmed and stressed that he had not truly noticed this fact. Oh, sure, he was aware of the fact that he was essentially his mother's Gaia-damned clone. All fine-boned, slender, blond-haired, and bright blue eyed.
Looking back, Cloud was incredibly grateful that he had not only made it to Midgar but that he had gotten into the Program only a few days after he arrived. He had been far too innocent and scrawny back then and he occasionally shuddered whenever he thought about what could have happened to him.
At any rate, life in the Barracks had been eye-opening in more ways than one.
Cloud had learned that sometimes boys liked other boys, that some people did not really like anyone but enjoyed watching or discussing sex-related things, and that you never asked why your bunk was shaking a half hour after light's out.
Basic Training was twelve weeks and it had been overwhelmingly miserable for Cloud. Cadet Training was six months and it had been during this phase of his life that he had had his first wet dream and begun to suspect that maybe he was not as attracted to Tifa as he thought. By the time he had been assigned to his Squad Cloud had been pretty certain that he held more of an inclination towards males than females. However even with that realization he still found it difficult to relieve himself, even when he actually wanted to. It was as if he could not focus hard enough or something, it was maddening!
It had been the gentle- though blunt- advisement of the Squad 'Mom' that had allowed Cloud to feel like less of a freak and eventually grow comfortable in his own skin. Well, the man's actual nickname had been 'Cookie', but Corporal Specialist, (a rare rank that was actually above Cpl but below Sgt), Christoph Dunan accepted the teasing doled out for his penchant to mother his squad mates with good grace.
The Squad was an established and favored one. While a few of them were married and technically were supposed to find their own housing when not on a mission the Squad mostly still stayed in their Shinra-supplied housing. The Squad was broken up into two groups of four with Sgt Tembly being given a private room that was at the end of the hall near the elevator. Each room had a bathroom and a small kitchenette, so it was not truly surprising that even when not on assignment everyone gathered in Cookie's apartment for dinner. The Squad spilt shopping duties, food costs and cleanup duties; but as they were housed in an older building in Sector One's original Infantry Complex, they felt it to be a fair trade to keep from having to visit the Mess Hall.
Not to mention Mess Hall food slowly rotted one's soul, according to Jonesy.
Cookie had commandeered Cloud to help with dinner- not an entirely unusual occurrence- and had asked Cloud what was wrong one afternoon after a particularly frustrating morning shower that had not gone as planned. By that time Cloud had been comfortable enough with his Squad to admit to Cookie that he felt a bit weird touching himself, like it relieved one tension only to create another. Cookie had listened understandingly and then had candidly explained that while taking care of oneself was nothing to be ashamed of, everyone was different.
"You need to figure out your own body, kid, but just because you don't feel the need to rub one out three times a day doesn't mean you're weird." Cookie explained kindly as he fluttered about the Squad's kitchenette, having put Cloud to work peeling potatoes at the small table. "And having a few problems with getting yourself to the point of no return doesn't necessarily mean you're defective or some shit."
"It still makes me feel kind of like a freak." Cloud muttered moodily, peeling the potatoes efficiently and setting them aside. "I mean, what sort of guy can't even jerk off properly?"
"You're more than just a body, kid, but your body's state of being is still important to your overall health. But everyone is different." Cookie turned to give Cloud a reassuring grin before going back to fussing with whatever was on the stove. "Explore, discover, and all that shit but just because you don't spend half your life in the bathroom with a bottle of lotion doesn't make you abnormal. I know that Jonesy had trouble until he met Lem, unable to really get any true relief until he had someone he cared about to focus on."
"That can happen?" Cloud asked, intrigued. "I mean, usually it's really hard for me to focus and it ends up being a mishmash of thoughts that eventually gets me there." Cloud quickly ducked his head to hide his embarrassed flush.
"Yeah. Some people are like that, they gotta have an emotional connection for the attraction to really go anywhere." Cookie took one of the pots of the stove and checked the oven as he continued. "Once you're comfortable with yourself, if you don't feel like relieving yourself often, then don't. But you gotta be careful with that shit because your sexuality is a part of you, no matter which way you swing." Cookie deftly removed something from the oven and adjusted the temperature. A dexterous turn later and Cookie had snatched up a wooden spoon and pointed it at the very embarrassed Cloud. "You just gotta figure out you, kiddo. Now, get started on the onions, that's enough potatoes."
After his accident Cloud had not had his head on straight enough to even consider that part of himself.
As he healed, though- meaning after he had met Aerith- his sexuality had slowly come back to the fore of his mind. Relieving himself still felt strange, but he was comfortable enough with himself to recognize a lot of his trouble came from not having a focal point. Cloud had had a few short-lived relationships- one with a woman and two with other men- and he had discovered that until he got to know someone no amount of aesthetic attraction translated into heady arousal until he had established a fairly solid friendship with them. Not to say that he did not experience short bursts of desire towards particularly attractive people, but those spikes usually petered out fairly quickly without any sort of emotional connection to sustain them.
At any rate it made relieving himself something of a trial. Usually it happened while he was standing underneath the spray of the shower, eyes closed and his good hand wrapped securely around his length. Cloud would have to focus fairly intently as he struggled to hodgepodge together enough arousing thoughts to reach completion. Once- if- he managed to reach completion he would be left slightly relieved but just a bit lonelier than before.
It was a frustrating conundrum.
Still. Cloud thought as he watched his pearly white essence slowly disappear down the shower's drain. At least I don't feel like a freak of nature. It was really bad there for a while in Cadet Training and during my first few months in the Infantry. I mean, what kind of guy can't even jerk off without a struggle? As he reached for his washrag and soap, Cloud wondered if his former squad mates ever realized just how much their guidance had meant to him.
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Cloud grunted in annoyance as he struggled to hold on to the rope he was using to try to lever a section of catwalk into place at the factory in the Sector Eight Slums.
Cid was off on the other side working on the area that would be used to process plastics, but Cloud really wanted to get the metal fabrication area started. There was an area to melt down the metals and keep them in a liquid state not to mention several presses where the metal could be formed into all manner of shapes, lengths, or thicknesses. From what they had gathered this factory had done a lot of the fabrication for the construction of the Plate and Shinra Tower, so there was plenty of flexibility for Cid and Cloud to exploit.
The catwalk just needed to catch on the bracket that Cloud had installed and then Cloud would be able to begin work on the second level. The second floor held a series of split conveyor belts that took smaller metal pieces- such as old brackets or tire wells and the like- and ran them to separate holding containers. The platform where pallets of parts could be lifted up by forklift was thankfully intact, but the catwalk had apparently received some damage at some point and the original brackets had snapped off. Fixing the brackets had been a bit tricky, but doable as Cid had helped Cloud rig up a portable torch to a ladder.
"Shit!" Cloud snarled as the rope slipped a bit and the catwalk pitched precariously, canting dangerously to the side and straining against the support ropes he had set up.
A leather-clad hand shot out and helped Cloud regain control just as he decided to let the damn thing fall and try again.
"Wow! This thing is heavy!" A male voice yelped in surprise as he helped Cloud maneuver the stupid catwalk into place.
"Mostly just awkward." Cloud grumbled as they finagled the catwalk onto the brackets and the metal holders took the weight of the catwalk off the ropes. "Tha-" Cloud stared to say as he turned around, but his voice cut out on him when he realized just who was behind him.
Aerith was off to the side- he had seen her out of the corner of his eye, which is why he had not reacted badly to the unexpected help- looking at him hopefully. Tifa was to Aerith's right, holding a basket of what Cloud idly assumed was dinner as it was most likely getting on in the day.
However Cloud's attention was fully captured by the man before him. Spiky Black hair, bright violet eyes, and a tentative but optimistic smile. As the moments passed and Cloud continued to stare flatly at the man the smile dimmed and he reached up to rub at the back of his neck sheepishly.
"So, I'm-uh, Zack, and I'm really sorry and- wow you have a great poker face, do you play poker? You should! I totally can't-" The man continued to babble, his eyes sliding shut as he shuffled backwards nervously. After cracking open his eyes a sliver and noticing that Cloud's expression had only grown stonier, the man's smile dropped completely and he bit his lip nervously. "Well, uh, I just saw the girls-" He gestured to Tifa and Aerith. "-and thought I'd escort them. Not that they need an escort or anything and I totally wasn't stalking you but-" The man's eyes snapped open as he pasted on a painfully plastic grin and his cheeks slowly grew redder as he continued to dig himself deeper into the metaphoric hole. "-and I swear I wasn't being a creepy stalker or anything, but I was just worried about you and- I should go." He turned to Aerith and Tifa. "Uh, see ya later Aer! Nice to meet you Tifa!" The man turned to leave, shoulders drooping with resignation and discomfort.
Then a sound made him stop and whirl around to look at Cloud in confusion.
"I can see why Aer described you as a puppy." Cloud managed to say around his amusement.
The man looked slightly offended.
Cloud smiled at him. Sweet and shy and vastly amused. "I'd run if I were you, SOLDIER boy." Cloud drawled, his Nibel twang seeping into his tone unexpectedly. "If you stay, I might just put you to work."
The man's whole being seemed to brighten as he bounded a bit closer. Then he dropped down and did a few squats for some reason Cloud could not comprehend. "Sounds great!" The man cheered as he bounced up on his toes a bit and grinned brightly.
Aerith's beaming grin and Tifa's proud smile soothed Cloud's lingering insecurities and helped him give the man a cocky smirk. "Yeah, just remember that you volunteered, Puppy."
Zack Fair squawked in offended outrage, but Cloud blithely ignored him and sauntered over to hug Tifa and Aerith, much to their amusement.
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Feel free to leave me a note on your way out~!
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A/N Part II:
Also, feel free to journey over to Tumblr and check out the AMAZING fanart(s) waifujuju did for this story!
(I would link them from my profile, but the profile links keep being weird.)
Both of them are on my blog or you could just check out hers- whichever way you should go appreciate the visual awesomeness~!
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