Chapter 14: Alone on both ends:
"Good afternoon Orion," Mrs. Garrison's soft voice said near Anica's head. Anica heard the woman come this morning, heard her cleaning and didn't care. She was tired, so very tired and this was the only place she wanted to be right now. In this bed, Roy's bed, wearing his shirt, smelling the fading smell of his scent. His scent was almost gone and she clung to it every second that she could. "She was up late studying again wasn't she?"
Orion barked standing up on the bed.
Anica felt the woman's age and work worn hands pull the blanket up around her. It was comforting but she didn't want anyone to touch her, no one but Roy. She was so afraid that if they did she'd forget what his felt like. "He'll come home soon dear. I doubt Colonel Mustang would leave someone that made him so happy, made him smile so true. Oh and Major Hughes dropped a letter off for you. It's from the Colonel, but I'll leave here on the bedside table for you so you can read it when you wake up."
She remained still until Mrs. Garrison left closing the door behind her only then did she dare open her tired eyes, searching for the letter. These letters, there were only three of them, this making the fourth, marking that Roy had written once a month since he'd left; they were almost her life line. She knew he was busy, he wrote as much, he was busy fighting, arguing, trying so hard to clean up the mess that idiot, Shiratori, had made and get home. But she wished he could write everyday. She wanted to know every detail though she knew there was some information that he couldn't disclose. She wasn't military yet and it might get intercepted. He could only pass on that he was well, his feelings, and a hint ever so slightly of what was going on to give her an idea of when he might be back. It was enough, it had to be.
Anica sat up and lifted the folded paper. Roy had to send his letter to her in the one he sent Maes's with to cut down on the amount of mail going out. Maes never read any of it out of respect; just dropped it off for her as soon as he could. Roy never really wrote much as it was but what he did write…Anica unfolded the sheet of paper and began to read.
Anica, things are looking better. I think I will be home very soon. It's getting hot here, some people say it's hotter than it has been for sometime for late spring but you know the territory since your mother was stationed here for so long. I did do some digging the other day to find that out.
I have to wonder if that damn dog misses me. I wonder how big he's grown. He'd better be behaving and guarding you else he and I will have a talk.
Anica smiled. Orion did miss his other master and terribly at that. The collie had roamed the house sniffing out all the places he knew Roy frequented. He whimpered and pawed at the door about the time she and Roy usually came home from the office. He brought Roy's boots to Anica as if asking where he was. It was sweet and pitiful and she hated telling the puppy who had grown to stand at her knee in the last months that Roy wouldn't be home those days.
Petting Orion's head she read on.
I still think about you everyday. I miss you, love you, wonder how far you've progressed in my absence. It's hard here away from you, but I know you're safe away from this mess.
I had some time yesterday, visited the cemetery here, saw your mother's grave. I told her who I was and that I am going to marry you. She didn't come back to life and kill or maim me so I assume she's okay with it. Or she's waiting to get me in my sleep, not that it comes easily. I think when I get home I'll take a nice long nap you're taking one with me so be ready.
Riza and Jean are fine, asked me to pass their hello's and wouldn't you know it, you were right, again, they are together. Surprising to me at least and some other people. I discovered it by accident and nearly got shot for walking in on a very privet moment. I'd tell you but I think I'll leave that to one of them.
I haven't forgotten my promise. Love Roy Mustang
Anica folded the letter and set it upon the bedside table. She lay down pulling the blankets around her shoulders. Orion crawled up and rested his head upon her arm, his brown eyes watching her. "Roy says he might be home soon." She whispered. At the sound of the Colonel's name the dog's ears perked up and he barked.
She smiled. "Not today, but soon. We have to wait a little more." She sighed turning over and hugging Roy's pillow. His scent was so faint but it was still there. She closed her eyes remembering their last night together. It was something she thought on often, more so than some of the other days they had spent together. That memory stood out vividly in her mind dwarfing some of the rest.
She remembered the feelings attached to it, could still remember what it felt like to have his warm breath caressing her skin. What his hands felt like, his warm mouth placing the gentle kisses almost everywhere. What his body looked and felt like, the muscles moving beneath his warm sweat coated skin. How beautiful he looked like some sort of statue from an art museum.
What he'd done to her had left her feeling so raw; her senses stripped bare to feel it all. Even the pain that had lasted for a minute or two had been powerful. She supposed it had been like that because one it had been her first time, two because she was so aware of every little thing, and lastly because she was so nervous.
Anica hugged the pillow tighter as the image of his face seeped into her thoughts. The look in those dark eyes was filled with more love and passion than she'd seen before in anyone else's. He had burned her that night, scarred her so deeply with every fiery kiss, every gentle touch, every whispered word. It was a good scar but god help her if he died after showing her what real love was, giving it to her, making her feel it, letting her give hers to him in return, she'd never forgive him. She swore it to the open night air over and over when she awoke alone and cried.
Roy Mustang had bitter sweetly wounded her again the day he'd asked her to marry him and left. For Anica and she felt even for him, it wasn't about sharing one night together making love, it was all the nights sleeping in the same bed. It was all the days, all the little arguments, all the kisses, all the words, all the promises, and all the nights of comfort after the nightmares. And he threatened to take it all away by leaving her like this, wondering if he'd come home, if he'd come back to take her as his wife.
In some ways she felt it wasn't fair to give her something so wonderful, make her feel so happy then leave with the possibility of never returning. It wasn't fair to ask her to be his forever then get on the train to fight. It wasn't fair to leave her behind to deal with Gran alone once he'd heard the news and Gran had not been pleased in the least. He'd in fact been furious but didn't tell her no, not that he had the right.
After a month to get used to the idea he'd settled down and asked if he could give her away on her wedding day or in the very least be allowed so see her happy because that was all he really wanted. He'd said he knew he couldn't be her father but he did love her like the daughter he'd never had. That sort of confession didn't make too much sense to her since he'd spent so little time with her. A few years when she was little then a few months now that she was older. She could only give him that she'd have to think about it for awhile. From then on he never asked again but did ask to see her once in a while, offered his help should she stumble across something alchemically she didn't understand.
Thinking of a day that might never come to be, she and Gracia had gone looking for dresses and spoken of plans. Anica didn't want anything big and fancy. She didn't need or want a spectacle. She didn't think Roy would either.
Gracia had her decide on a dress. It wasn't too expensive and with the money her mother had left her, since her mother was such a penny pincher there was a sizable amount, so she'd bought it. It was currently being stored in a closet at the Hughes' residence. It was made of fine white linen, sleeveless, low cut, but modest with dark crimson trim and a dark crimson sash about the waist that ran down the back. When Maes saw it, not on her of course, but hanging up, he said Roy would love it.
The next thing Gracia asked of her was to plan who she wanted her brides maids to be. Well there would be Gracia of course, she'd become the best female friend Anica had ever had besides her mother. Gracia had helped her so much in the last few months seeming to know exactly when to bring Elicia over or come to see her or call even.
Then there was Riza the only other female she was considerably close too. Elicia was going to be the little flower girl and was so excited about that. Anica had asked her if she would like that position on her third birthday.
Location, date, food, who would perform the ceremony, and guest list was left in the air for when Roy returned. He would have to have a say in all of that.
Anica had to get out of this bed. It wasn't doing her any good to lay here when she had her own promise to keep, her own goal to achieve. Not that she needed to her promise to Roy as motivation, but it certainly helped. She just couldn't lay here feeling depressed and lonely anymore today. It wasn't helping her and it wouldn't help Roy if he came home to her like this. He was dealing with so much as it was. She had to be happy, smile, comforting when he came home, make him feel safe. Besides delving into the studies would be good for her, get her mind centered upon something else for a bit. Tomorrow she'd go visit people.
Sighing she got up and dressed then left the bedroom, Orion on her heels.
Maes glared at his desk surface listening to the young man upon the phone. He barely noticed the sound of his office door opening and closing or that someone had sat down. "I'll be with you in just a moment," He said not bothering to look up. He adjusted his glasses. "Just tell me." He tapped his pen upon his desk worriedly. He knew something had happened out there, he'd seen several people rushing around as if they were preparing to leave, but what the hell was it!
Maes's hand froze as a chill washed over him when he heard the words. It just wasn't possible, not with what Roy had written. "What do you mean they lost contact with the western command center!" He shouted. "How, when, what happened?" He demanded.
He listened to it all. A radio operator named Fury had been reporting at the time, reporting everything was going in their favor, everything was under control, and peace was restored to the region when suddenly there was a loud explosion. There had been a lot of yelling, gun fire, more explosions and then the line had gone dead. That was it, end of story. Now the Fuher was sending extra reinforcements to ad to the one's he'd sent last week.
Maes slammed the phone down. What the hell was he going to tell Anica? He couldn't tell her, she was already shutting herself up in the house enough as it was. She had grown quieter, said less and less, favoring her alchemic studies to human contact. The plain and simple truth was that the young woman was worried sick about his best friend, he was too, terribly so, but more worried for her if Roy didn't come home. She'd not looked happy, oh there were smiles like always but not like the one's she smiled when Roy had been home. In fact she looked more worn out than anything else. He could tell, read it in the way she moved though she was hiding it pretty well, almost no one else seemed to notice.
"Damn it!"
"I know you can't really tell me, but what happened?" A soft voice asked across the desk from him.
Maes looked up and closed his eyes. He was such an idiot. He should have checked to see who had entered, made sure it wasn't her since her visiting habits had become so erratic as of late. Well so much for not telling her, not when she'd witnessed his fit. Still he smiled. "Everything's fine, no need for you to worry."
Anica's calm face changed to deep annoyance and she stood up, placing her hands flat upon his desk. The icy stare she gave him sent chills up his spine. At this moment she looked ready to kill something, someone, him even. "Do not lie to me Major Hughes. I am in no mood to put up with it and I was under the impression that you were enough of my friend to not do it."
Maes sighed. "Do you really think Roy would want to see you upset?" He asked. "Or wearing yourself out studying. I know you stay up late doing it and spend most of the day studying."
Her eyebrow rose. Mrs. Garrison had been prying and informing Maes of her movements. "Yes I miss him so much it hurts but I grew up around the military. I knew what I was getting into. I am used to the waiting, the nights and days filled with worry for the wellbeing of those fighting. Major Hughes I made Roy a promise and I intend to keep it no matter how long it takes, no matter how many nights I stay up to study. I will pass that exam, I never break a promise. It was because of this exam that I met him in the first place. I heard enough to know he's in trouble so tell me damn it. I think I have a right to know."
There was enough lighting in her cold gray eyes and enough of a dangerous edge in her calmed icily toned voice to make Maes cave in. She was right she did have the right to know she was Roy's fiancée and if Roy was in her place he'd be right her demanding the same of him.
He sighed motioning to the chair. She sat very ladylike as always but kept her gaze firm. "I can only tell you that there was an attack and the person in contact with Central…Well Anica the line went dead after several explosions." Maes was a little startled to see Anica smile, really smile.
"And don't you think that some of those explosion if not all might have been Roy using alchemy? He is the Flame Alchemist after all Maes; fire sometimes equals explosions especially if a pipe line is hit." She paused turning the ring upon her finger around several times. "Roy will be home, alive. He promised me he would be and I believe him. So maybe it's you who shouldn't worry." She sighed getting up. "Well I have some errands to do this afternoon. I'm sorry for being so rude." With that she was gone.
Maes glanced at the photo of he and Roy, it was a couple of years old but even back then, in the beginning Roy had determination in his eyes. Perhaps Anica was right; Roy would be home and alive at that.
Anica closed the front door behind her and locked it tight. She stood looking at Orion who she'd left at home today. It had been one week since she'd received the letter of hope from Roy, one week. A lot can change in a matter of one week; a lot can change in a day, in a few hours or minutes even. But this attack, this horrible turn of events was…
She closed her eyes sliding down the wooden door to the floor. Tears escaped her. God why! Why be so cruel to her what had she ever done to deserve this. Was this some kind of game? Give her parents but steal her father before she'd had a chance to really know him. Take her mother violently less than a year ago. Then let her feel so safe, so loved, find happiness once again, real happiness and love. Let her find Roy then rip him away before her life had really begun again. What had she done to deserve this, she had to wonder, had to try to rationalize this. Orion was there at her side licking her hand, her arms, being the caring and loving friend he always had been.
Anica wracked her brain for a good half an hour trying to think of every single bad thing she'd ever done and ended with a head ache so terrible, cried so hard she couldn't cry anymore, and a stomach so nauseated she couldn't stand it.
"No I'm not going to do this. He promised he'd come home and he's coming home." She whispered looking at the collie. "Orion, I'm scared." The dog whimpered a nuzzled her arm. She smiled wiping her flushed warm cheeks and pet him tenderly. "Here's what we're going to do."
She moved taking the dog's head in her hands, sniffling. "We're going to get up, study, and get some sleep. Tomorrow we'll get up and do it again and keep doing it. We'll help each other right?" She sighed. "Why am I talking to a dog it's so silly, but you miss him and you love him too don't you?" She pressed her forehead against Orion's and received a lick. "He won't leave us, he won't."
There was a loud heavy knock upon the door startling her and Orion barked. "Who is it?" Anica called trying to compose herself.
"Gran," came the gruff reply.
Anica snorted. If Roy knew Basque Gran had been here at his home he just might have a fit. "Just a minute," She said getting up. "Orion go to the kitchen," Orion stood his ground disobeying her for the second time in his life with her. She shook her head too exhausted to bother arguing with him and smoothed her clothes.
Slowly she unlocked the door and opened it. Gran looked her over, frowning. "What's wrong?"
She sniffled a little. "Nothing really, head ache, lack of sleep, that sort of thing."
"I don't believe you." He replied. "May I come in for a minute, I have new information."
Anica stepped aside letting him pass. She smiled noting that he looked around studying Roy's home as she closed the door. Orion sniffed at him then backed away as Gran began to move further into the house. "If it's about Central losing contact with Western command I know. I overheard a phone conversation today…This way, would you like something to drink?"
Gran shook his head following her into the den. She offered him a seat moving the alchemy books off the sofa and placing them upon the coffee table. Gran picked up some notes Roy had written, looked them over, and then set them aside. "It is true; we did lose contact with Western Command. The reinforcements the Fuher sent last week should have arrived this morning though. Mustang's pretty resilient." The last part she could tell he was a little annoyed to admit.
Anica smiled smoothing her hair down. "I highly doubt you'd come to his home just to tell me something I could have guessed on my own."
Gran's dark brown eyes watched her. "I came to inform you that the exam date has been moved up. It will be Monday next week. That leaves you with four days to prepare. Do you need any help?"
Four days? Four bloody god dammed days! She smiled despite her shock and mild panic. "No, I think I will be fine. I like a challenge."
Gran smiled. "In that way Anica, you are very much like your mother. She always worked best under pressure. I am not too familiar with flame alchemy but other things, the basics…But your mother probably taught that all to you didn't she?"
Anica nodded. "Yes and I have been studying it all as a refresher. I'll be fine."
"It's not easy; much will be expected of you."
"I wouldn't expect anything less." She replied.
"Mustang told you there are three parts; a written, an interview, and a practical?" He asked.
"I was well informed yes." She said getting up. "I was going to make some dinner soon would you like to stay?"
Gran smiled. "If that is alright yes,"
Anica smiled. "I wouldn't have asked if it wasn't just be nice to Orion."
Gran looked at the dog and nodded.
The gusting wind blew the remnants of loose, light debris across the yard. Smoke still rose in the air from the fires yet to be put out filling the sky with the putrid smell that he remembered so well, stinging his nose. Bodies either shot down or charred, littering the scarred ground before him. All around him was the destruction he and several others had caused friend and foe alike. A different landscape, a different time, but still it looked the same, maybe a little less destroyed but he'd never forget. He could still hear the noise in his ears, the sounds of gun fire, explosions, screams. He could still feel the ground quivering beneath his feet; feel the heat from the flames, the debris hitting his body how ever big or small.
Roy watched some of his men finally coming out to separate the bodies, military from the people who had attacked them. Roy was not cruel or unfeeling. He knew that those who had shattered the peace he'd worked so hard to establish out here in their last desperate attack, had families too. He wouldn't stand for anyone to go unburied, it wasn't right to just leave them out rotting in the hot sun, letting the birds pick at their flesh. It would be so easy to separate them from the military that'd been slain. People of the city had come to collect those who'd been foolish enough to cross him.
He sighed adjusting his gloves and rubbing the soreness from his hand. He'd been so angry, an anger held in check to keep calm and clear headed in battle, but angry none the less that he'd snapped a with a little more force. Roy hadn't had to do this for a few years; it made his middle finger a little achy, not as much as his heart though. With this recent attack, though the Fuher had sent in replacement staff, reinforcements even, it meant he couldn't go home tonight as planned. He had to stay and reestablish order all over again. He had to clean up yet another mess. He couldn't see her face in person, smell her hair, touch her skin…
"Chief," Havoc said from behind him.
"What is it?" Roy asked a little annoyed and not wanting to hear anything else depressing.
"We got the phones and radio back up. Fury's already contacting Central but wants to know what you want him to say."
"The last resistance group we were looking for found us, has been taken care of, Western Command is in need of repairs. The new staff Fuher Bradley sent is still enact and safe. We won't have an accurate death toll until later this evening." Roy replied. That was some good news, good news indeed.
"Yes sir," Havoc replied pulling something from his pocket. He tapped Roy's shoulder. "Here I found this on the floor in the hallway, figured you might want it, it was the only thing left undamaged over there."
Roy turned his head to look at what Havoc had in his hand and smiled. It was the only picture of Anica he'd brought. He took it thankful that it wasn't ruined. "Thank you Jean," He said softening a little.
Havoc nodded leaving him alone as Roy's eyes graced the captured image of his fiancée. Roy sighed slipping the photograph in his breast pocket carefully and closed his eyes. Though all of this, at least he still had her waiting for him back home. He missed her so much he could taste it. He missed her smile, what her sleepy voice sounded like in the morning, what her warm body felt like resting in his arms, how her hair smelled, how she tasted…
Roy's heart ached for more than one reason, ached so terribly and he was so tired. He just hoped that Anica was alright, safely tucked away in the blankets of their bed with Orion curled up beside her at night. He hoped she wasn't worrying too much and focusing on her exam, her goal. As soon as he got orders to go home he'd be one of the first ones on the train. He prayed he could get there in time for her exam, prayed he could finally sleep for once in a warm bed that didn't feel so cold with her beside him. Sleeping for the last four and a half months had been difficult since he'd grown accustomed to sleeping with her. Even now he found himself reaching for her.
It was a little amazing and scary to him that he'd become so attached to one person. He never ever thought he would, didn't think he deserved to have something special and good after all the sins he'd committed. Still he was happy, thankful for Anica, Orion, all his friends.
He sighed for what seemed the hundredth time that day thinking over everything he'd discovered while here in the West. He wondered if Anica knew what her mother was really doing. If she knew that her mother had a goal, was actually closer than he in becoming Fuher. Lila was actually up for a promotion before her untimely death. She was also up for a transfer to Central.
The most disturbing thing Roy had discovered was that Lila was actually covering for General Shiratori, a man who was slowly going insane. She wasn't actually sleeping with the man, just used that as a cover to hide that she was the one running this place, keeping him from doing rash things. They had been friends and from what Shiratori's new second in command had reported, once Lila had been killed, it finally did him in. He didn't have his friend to lean on, didn't have his friend to chase the demons away. He went on a privet mission to find the one's who'd taken her from him targeting the people here. Before anyone could do anything to stop it there was a rebellion.
What Roy did know for sure was that it wasn't the people who'd killed Anica's mother. Why would these people, people who had spoken so highly of the woman for her efforts to make things easier, help them when she could, respected her so much, been utterly shocked at her death want to kill her? He knew this from speaking with several civilians before the attack today. Some one, an elderly woman who owned a little restaurant that Lila had frequented, said that Lila felt she was being watched, felt like she was in trouble. That Lila had confessed this to her one evening before Anica had come that last time to see her. Lila had been a little unnerved.
It just didn't make sense to Roy. The military highly prized Brigadier General Skyler and the people here did as well. So who would want to kill her? Was it some one she'd pissed off at an earlier time or was there something hidden beneath the surface that he couldn't see? The people who had witnessed the shooting, had not recognized the culprit at all. They weren't in uniform that much they knew and they were mostly focusing on Anica's despair at the time.
Apparently it was the only time they had ever seen Anica act with so much emotion since she was always so calm. They said they'd never seen anyone look or sound so lost and scared. The restaurant owner said Anica was always the grown up little lady but when that tragic day happened she had reverted to a terrified screaming child who begged for help, for her mother to stay. Anica had tried so hard to help and her mother just wouldn't let her in the least even fought with Anica physically to make her stop. That's why no one had ventured close until Lila was dead, they could only watch in confusion.
That was another thing that just didn't make sense to Roy. If Lila was so close and wanted to become Fuher why wouldn't she fight to live? What made her give up and what had her so worried? He couldn't think about that right now. He had to think about getting things turned right side up again, here at least.
Colonel Mustang stood there upon the front steps of the main building until the sun had set and the outdoor lights or what was left of them had been on for a few minutes. He stood there until Hawkeye found him. "Sir we have new orders." Her voice was soft and strong, reassuring.
"And what are they," He asked almost with a hint of annoyance.
"The Fuher says come home sir." She replied.
Roy couldn't help the smile that touched his lips, or the relief that filled his soul. "Then what are we waiting for Lieutenant, let's get on the train before it leaves without us."