Stuck in love (trapped in love)

Ch. 14 Their Pain

0000A week later0000

We did what most teenagers do when they want to find out about something, we googled it. Yes, we went to Google and searched for any information we could find about Utau. And what we found was an article about the Music Festival she performed at. There was an interview that she had with a reporter and she kept her personal life on a minimum, but she did say what recording company she had signed with, and it was just our luck that it wasn't a long drive away to the town where the company was, unfortunately we haven't made a trip there yet. I finally returned to school on Thursday after my stitches had been removed. And if Utau was telling the truth about transferring, she hadn't yet, or at least none of us have seen her, but I am determined to find her.

Rima and Yaya are over seeing as in it's the weekend we decided we would all hang out and have a sleepover.

I'm sitting on my desk with my laptop open while they are on my floor with theirs. Rima was doing something on Facebook while Yaya was finishing up an essay. I decide I might as well go through my emails since I really didn't have anything else to do. Ikuto and his pals had gone out to play some basketball, so who knows when they will be back in.

I log into my account and see that I have a few new messages. Since it is the weekend I'm sure I have a few shopping coupons that were sent to me. I scroll down the page reading who they were from. I find an email that is from an unknown user and open it and instantly my heart stops and my fingers freeze.

Rima and Yaya must have sense something because they both look at me with wondering eyes. "Amu-chii, what is it? What's wrong?" Yaya asks as they both stand up to approach me.

I am re-reading over the message, and it all is familiar. It was a page from my diary. Rima and Yaya hover over me to read my screen. I scroll down once again to find more from my diary. How is this possible?

I finally realize that I am going to end up reading my personal feelings again unless I just scan through it to see if there was anything else. I finally reach the button of the email, and there in bold letters is THE message.

Dearest Amu,

I had taken pictures of the contents in your diary. And I am more than happy to say I will be sending them in a letter to your home address, unless you decide to meet me. We need to have a little talk. Oh and I'm sorry about your accident, I have a bit of a temper problem. So unless you want your family to know about your sick, disturbing feelings for your soon-to-be brother, I suggest you meet me. You have my number.

Yours truly,

Utau

"Amu-chii!" Yaya gasps as we all finish reading the message.

"You're not going to do it are you? It's obviously a trap!" Rima snaps, pointing at my screen.

"I have no choice," I admit defeated. "I have to or else…"

"You're going to have to tell your family eventually!" my petite friends growls.

"She might hurt Ikuto, or someone else if I don't; besides it's just a meeting, and I'm not afraid of her. I want to talk to her to remember? I have some questions of my own," I claim as I stand up and go into my closet to grab a jacket. "I'm going."

I can Rima is angry by her facial expression. "Let us come with you at least."

Yaya looks at me with pleading eyes and nods. "Please Amu-chii."

I look at both of them and sigh. "You can drive me there, but you're going to have to stay in the car. I'm going to see her alone."

Rima crosses her arms but accepts what I had just stated. "Are you going to just show up or text her?"

"I'm going to just show up, now let's get going," I proclaim as we start heading to the front door. She has had the element of surprise; it was my turn to pay her a surprise, unannounced visit.

"Shouldn't Amu-chii at least inform Ikuto…just in case?" Yaya questions as we head to Rima's car.

"No, I don't want to bother him with this, I have bothered him enough the way it is. And besides the person she is really after is Ikuto himself and I want to keep him far away from her as possible," I state as I take my place in the front seat. "So please no telling Ikuto, ok? You two have to promise."

Yaya bows her head before she agrees. "I promise, Amu-chii."

I turn my head to the driver, who is staring at me. I give her a look informing her that I was waiting and that if she doesn't agree I will just go by myself. "I promise, ok?" she sighs defeated. She starts her car, backs out of the drive way, and with that we're off. I pulled up an app on my phone that would give us directions to the studio where Utau records at.

00015 minutes later0000

It wasn't a long drive on the highway and it was easy to get there. Rima pulls up to the curb, stopping right in front of a large building. She looks at me as I open the door. "We'll go park, you let us know if you need anything and we will be there asap!"

I nod, before I step out and enter the doors of the building known as 'Easter Studios'. I look around wondering where I should start. I know I am going to have to keep a low profile in order for me not to be thought of a suspicious character. I hear a 'ding' coming from the elevator and decide my best bet is to go up. I plan to stop at every floor if I have to.

I press a button for every floor and with that my search begins. Once I get to the second floor, I peak my head out of the elevator and notice it only contained people in desks. Not the floor I needed. The third and fourth floors were also duds. So that only left the fifth floor. Now hopefully Utau would be here.

The doors open and I step out, I look to my left and then my right. I could hear music so I decide to follow it. I walk down a hallway consisting of many closed doors that belonged to offices. As I continue the music I first heard becomes louder and I finally reach a door in the very back. I look at the label with the words 'Dance studio' across it. I was just about to reach for the knob before my phone vibrates.

I take it out and see that it is a message from Nagihiko. I decide to open it before I enter the room.

Amu, what are you up to? Rima told me she's worried about you.

I groan. Great, they broke their promise. It wasn't too big of a problem however, because I can trust Nagi. I type back my response.

I'm meeting this girl named Utau. She seems to have a problem with me and I want to know why. Don't tell Ikuto, please.

I press send and I make the decision not to wait for his response. I place my hand on the knob and take a deep breath right before I twist it.

And in a room full of mirrors is Utau dancing, however she stops once she sees my reflection. "Amu, what a pleasant surprise, I see you got my email. Aren't you looking good?" and once again her twisted smirk appears on her face. Why do I get a feeling that it's familiar?

My phone starts to vibrate and I can tell it's a phone call and not a text message, but I just ignore it. "You have some questions to answer blondie," I glare at her as she places her hands on her hips. I cross my arms over my chest.

She starts to laugh. "Ok, ok. What is it you that want to know? Hm? Why I pushed you down the stairs? Or maybe you want to know why I am threatening to reveal your secret? Or is it possibly that you want to know what I have against Ikuto?"

"How about you start with how you know Ikuto, hm? That would be nice," I state with a shrug. "What are you some fan-girl of his that he rejected or an ex-girlfriend he dumped?"

She glares at me, before turning on her heal so that she could turn of her stereo. Was it possibly and I am right? That she is some crazy fan-girl or ex-girlfriend?

My phone vibrates again and I know it's a text message, and it's from Nagihiko, and once I look at my screen I see he was also the call I missed and that he had sent me two messages. I look at the time he sent them, and I can't believe I have been here for fifteen minutes already.

"You have no clue do you?" She growls on the other side of the room, grabbing a bottle of water.

I open my messages from Nagi and my eyes widened as I read them.

Wait! What do you mean you are talking to a girl named Utau? Utau who?

That was the first message. The second made my heart pause.

Amu. Please. Are you talking about Tsukiyomi Utau? Please Amu, you must talk to Ikuto first. Utau has never been stable when it comes to him!

My phone slips from my heads; thankfully it is in an Otterbox therefore I know it isn't damaged. I look at the blonde who slowly is advancing towards me. This girl is related to Ikuto? How? What exactly is their relationship?

"What's that look for Amu-chan? You look like you have seen a ghost, or maybe your worst nightmare?" she taunts me, "What did that message say? Was it from Ikuto? Did you tell him about me?"

I shake my head. "I don't want Ikuto involved in this."

"He has to be involved!" she shouts approaching me even faster than before. "Don't you get it? I'm doing this because of him! He already is involved!" She grabs onto my shoulders with a strong grip, she then begins to shake me.

I observe her and I can tell she is really upset, tears were even slowly trying to form in her violet eyes. She was fighting the urge to cry. "Utau, stop, your grip is hurting me. And you don't really want to hurt me," I state, squinting my eyes from the pain her fingers were causing seeing as in her nails are digging into my shoulders.

"Yes I do," she claims. "It's the only way I can hurt him."

"Why? Why do you want to hurt Ikuto?" I question, as I pry her hands off of me.

She glares at me and she ignores my question. "Why does he care about YOU? Why! Why does he protect YOU! Why does he enjoy YOUR company? You're not even family! You're not blood related! What makes YOU so special? Tell me why! Tell me why you get to be a happy little family! YOU get his attention! It isn't fair!" she barks as she paces back and forth. She isn't making any sense to me.

I watch as she walks around angrily, and I start to feel sorry for her. "YOU! Why is it YOU? I'm still alive! I'm still here! But no, it's like I don't exist! And he falls for a girl who is going to be his sister! His sister! No! He already has one! Why! Why am I being replaced? Why am I not good enough?" she stops, and then she starts crying. Her body shaking violently as she lets her feelings spill out. Utau's heart must be full of pain for her to be breaking down like she is.

I look at her curiously, and there is one question I am dying to ask. "Utau," I say calmly, as I start to reach out for her. I rest an arm on her shoulder, causing her to look at me with rage filled eyes. "Are you…Ikuto's sister?"

And with that question she jumps, tackling me to ground, pinning me to floor as she sits on top of me. "You baka!" She shouts as she punches me with all her might in the face before she grabs a hand full of my hair, pulling my head off the floor so she could shout in my face. "Of course I am! Has he really not said anything about me? What about my mother? Is it like I don't exist? Like I actually died the day Ikuto tried to kill me! Huh? They wanted to get rid of me so they could replace me with YOU! You!"

I do my best to fight back, struggling to get out of the position I am in. I will admit she had the element of surprise, but I'm not about to be her punching pillow. She is just about to punch me again before I speak, causing her to pause. "I know you're hurt and confused, but I'm not here to replace you! I'm sure Souko-chan and Ikuto love you very much!" I try to reassure her.

Tears were streaming down her flushed cheeks. "What do you know, huh? You don't know anything!" Her balled fist punches the floor, inches away from my face. By the way her body is trembling I can my words had gotten to her.

I do my best to squirm out from beneath her; however it just pisses her off more. "No Hinamori Amu, your life ends here. I'm going to take away Ikuto's most treasured item, like he did me. It's called revenge. He's going to pay!"

"He's your brother!" I scream at her. "You don't mean that, Utau! I've seen the way you've looked at him, the time at the mall and the time you visited our school. That's not the look of hate! It is called longing! You miss him! I bet he misses you too, and I know you two can overcome your past and become brother and sister again! Please, I will help you! I want you both to be happy! Utau, don't do something you will regret for the rest of your life, please listen to me," I do my best to plead with her, not because I'm trying to save myself, but because I honestly meant what I had just said.

Her hands snake around my neck and her grasp tightens as she shakes her head. "No, no it can't be fixed. Once Ikuto finds out that I pushed you down the stairs he will never forgive me! He wants me gone!"

I-I w-won't tell h-him, Utau, I p-promise," I choke out, I can barely breathe but I know I can get to her. She's a broken mess like Ikuto, and they need each other to heal. I now understand a little bit more of Ikuto's life. If he protected Lulu all those years I'm sure it was because he couldn't be there to protect Utau, he was trying to be a big brother figure to someone because he probably feels like he failed his real sister. There's no doubt in my mind, I know Ikuto misses Utau, he has to.

She looks at me, with the saddest expression I have ever seen. "Why? Why are you being so nice? I have done nothing but try to hurt you? I have hurt you! You have to hate me! Hate me!"

"I…w-won't give you w-what you w-want," I gasp for air before continuing. "T-this is how I'm going to fight b-back."

She growls before she squeezes my neck as hard as she can, causing me to try my best to gasp for air, but I can't get any. "I'm sorry Amu….this is how it has to be, I'm sorry," and with that more tears pour out of her eyes.

My mind is about to go black for the second time in my life as I'm about to lose consciousness, however I watch Utau be thrown off of me. It was all happening so fast that I can barely make it out, but I make out the figure that pushed Utau back. It was Ikuto and now I can see Nagihiko and Daichi behind her, holding her arms back, preventing her from hurting anyone else.

Ikuto kneels down and places his hand on the back of my neck, slowly lifting me up as if I was a breakable doll. "Amu, are you ok?" he questions with a soft voice.

All I can do is nod as I start coughing as he positions me to sit up, I breathe in air before I attempt to speak. "F-fine," is all I can mutter out. I rub my neck to soothe away some of the pain.

Ikuto stands up and glares at the girl who is staring at him with wide eyes. "I-Ikuto," she stutters, she tries to approach him but Nagi and Daichi hold her back, forcing her to stay where she is.

"Don't ever come near Amu again," Ikuto warns. "Or…"

Utau finally glares back as she interrupts him. "Have you forgotten who you're real sister is?" she snaps, trying again to approach him.

"That's in the past," the blue-haired boy claims, coldly.

I look at Ikuto in complete shock. I cannot believe he would say such a thing to someone who is family. Someone you should love no matter what. You can't change your blood, they would forever be siblings and here he is acting like an emotionless jerk in front of his very hurt sister. What kind of brother does that?

"So you really do want me gone? You really wanted me to disappear that day…" she mumbles, her body going limp forcing the two that were holding her to force her to actually stand.

"I did," Ikuto answers, and as he speaks I see Utau's heart break even more.

"Ikuto! How dare you say such things! You'll hurt her feelings!" I bark, trying my best to stand up on my feet, struggling along the way.

"No Amu," he looks back at me. "She's right. That day I caused her accident, I did want her to disappear. She was always following me, bothering me, breaking my things, and always getting our parents' attention. I wanted her gone. I felt that way."

My eyes widened, I saw his eyes express a form of pain I have never witnessed from him. I never thought a boy like him could have those kinds of feelings. I can tell that he regrets whatever it was that he did. It's written across his face.

"I knew it," cries the blonde. "You wanted to end my life that day. You finally admit it."

I sprint towards her as she breaks and I swing my arms around her, hugging her tightly. "No, Utau-chan. He doesn't mean it. I promise," I say out loud before I whisper in her ear. "Let me help you. We can fix your relationship. I know you just want your brother back."

She looks at me with shocked filled eyes. "Amu…"

"I forgive you for today, just please, don't hurt you or anyone else again," I state, tears forming in my eyes. I feel sorry for her, truly sorry. I know there is a lot that I still don't know, but I do know Ikuto protects the people he cares about, not hurt them. He's trying to push her away, away from him. I'm going to find out why. "Don't give up, please. And please, let me be your friend."

"Amu!" Ikuto growls, I feel a hand wrap around arm and drag me away from the girl I was trying to comfort. I don't even have to look, I know it was Ikuto. "Let's go." With those words he heads to the door.

"Utau-chan, please, believe in me! I want to help," I shout right before Ikuto and I are in the hallway. I look at the boy who is forcing me to leave. "Ikuto! Why would you say those things to hurt her? She's your sister!"

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming here?" he snaps back at me. "How do you even know Utau?"

I look at the floor. "I meet her at the mall a few days before Rima's party," I answer his question, leaving out other details.

It doesn't take us long to get to the bottom floor with the way Ikuto is storming the halls. He heads out a back door and I can't help but have a feeling that he is familiar with this building. Nagi and Daichi catch up with us in no time, and we all four exit 'Easter Studios'. Outside waiting by the cars stands my two best friends who seem to be nervously waiting on my return. They see us and rush over.

"Amu!" Rima sounds relieved as she wraps her arms around my body. "Thank God!"

"Amu-chii!" And then Yaya joins in, hugging me as well. "We called Nagihiko, you didn't say anything about him in the promise!" I can't help but wonder which one of them has Nagihiko's number, and I never thought they would find a way around our promise.

"I'm fine, really," I claim and I know they don't believe me, seeing as in I have a bloody lip. "Nothing too serious," I turn in their hold and glare at Ikuto. "Why didn't you tell me you had a sister, huh!"

"A sister?" Yaya questions, cocking her head to the side. She is always the one that takes longest to catch on.

"Wait a damn minute!" Rima barks, "The bitch that pushed you down the stairs is his sister!"

I flinch at her words and give her a look that claims she has said too much. I didn't want Ikuto to know that part. I was going to keep it from him. I slowly look back at the teen that stands in front me; he is staring at me angrily.

"Utau-chan caused your accident?" Nagihiko questions in shock.

"She was there the moment it happened," I claim, trying to keep the truth from being known.

"She's also the one who shoved you! Don't try to protect her Amu!" Rima growls angrily.

"Is that true?" Ikuto asks, still looking at me.

I look into those sapphire eyes of his and I know I cannot lie to him, Rima has already said too much. Before I was just leaving out details, if I were to tell him 'no', it would be a real lie. "Yes, yes it is."

His eyes express so many emotions at once that I cannot keep up with them, I was about to open my mouth to speak but he turns to the other boys before I can say a word. "Let's go," and with that the three of them get into Nagi's car, leaving Rima, Yaya, and I to watch them go.

"You better explain," Rima warns, making it be known that I wasn't going to be able to get out of telling them what all happened in the dance studio.

I sigh and nod my head. "Yeah, yeah. But before you two start to judge, Utau isn't bad. She is just really hurt and confused. And I am going to try and be her friend, and don't you two dare try and stop me. She needs a friend and I think I can help her, and after I tell you what happened today, I want your support." I know as my best friends they will listen, they might not exactly agree with my plans but I know they will support me. They are not going to understand at first and they probably won't like Utau for awhile, but I plan to make them all friends. For the sake of Utau I am going to try my hardest. Watching her pain filled eyes hurt and I want to help her, and if she has the much hurt, I wonder how much pain Ikuto has buried deep within his heart?

000000Back at home0000

Rima and Yaya had dropped me off hours ago, and here I am sitting in my room, alone since we decided to cancel our sleepover. In the room next to mine, Ikuto is blaring music and I can't help but think he is trying to distract himself. I know he and I will have to have a talk with Souko and my father, and if Ikuto doesn't want to participate then I will do it without him. I want to try and bring Utau in our new family. I don't know why she isn't with her mother, but I'm sure Souko would love to have her daughter back in her life.

I take a deep breath and gather all my courage. I AM going to talk to Ikuto; I AM not going to back down. I get off my bed and head towards his room, and as I approach his door. I wonder if I should knock or just enter. I'm going to take my chances and just go with it. I turn his knob and enter his room, stepping in I call out to him. "Ikuto?"

I see him seating on the side of his bed. I notice two things; 1) he is shirtless which causes me to blush, and 2) he has his head in his hands and I instantly start to worry. I walk over to his bed, standing before him; I decide to wrap my arms around him, hugging him with all might. "Please don't hide your pain. I'm here; let me help you. You don't have to do this alone Ikuto. You're not alone."

"I'm a monster, Amu," I hear him mumble.

"No, you're not," I disagree. "You could never be a monster, Ikuto."

He places his hands on my sides, and he pushes me away slightly so he can look me in the eyes. "I am. I did things in my past that are unforgivable. And it's better for Utau if she just hates me."

"Don't say such things," I plead as I kneel down on the floor, grabbing his hands with my own. "It's too sad, just sad. Please, don't say that."

"I pushed her down the stairs because she made me angry, what kind of good person does that?" he asks. "And as my punishment, you shared the same fate."

I shake my head. "Utau was just upset; she did that to reach out to you. She needs you. Don't even think to blame yourself for what happened. No one is to blame."

"Because of me, she has a scar on her body, a scar she is ashamed of, a scar that will never go away. And because of what I did, my parents finally decided to get a divorce, causing Utau to be taken away from her mother," he states, hate filled in his voice. Hate for his self.

"Ikuto, your parents got a divorce because it was what they wanted," I argue, trying my best to make him feel better. "You are not to blame for that. And you can you can make up for your mistake; you can be in Utau's life now. She still loves you, she doesn't blame you. But she does think that you want nothing to do with her, she's blaming herself. Please help me help her." My right hand goes up to his head, and combs through his blue locks. "Forgive yourself." I feel tears building up in my eyes. I had no idea he felt this much pain.

He grabs hold of my hand that is combing his hair and brings it to his lips; I feel them gently kiss my palm. I stare up at him, wondering what is going on through his mind. "You always get me to open up," he states. "How come with you I want to talk about my feelings? How come I feel comfortable? That it's easy to just let go? Why are you not judging me for my past? Why are you still here? What is it…"

I cut him off by crushing my lips onto his. Tears start pouring down my face because I too am hurting from his pain; I just want to ease his suffering. I just want it to go away, so I do the only thing I can think of to distract him. His hands cup my face and he pulls me up, leaning back onto his bed so that I can join him on it. He then pushes me down, causing me to lie on my back. His lips leave mine and I look up at the boy who is hovering over me.

I glide my hand across his cheek and smile up at him. "It's ok, Ikuto, you're going to be okay. I promise."

His eyes are full of gratitude and I know he is glad that I came into his room and interrupted his thoughts. He then leans back down and reunites our lips. My hands reach up to start playing with his hair as we kiss.

Fireworks are going off again and I can't think of any way that this could possibly get better, however he proves me wrong by licking my bottom lip. I let out a soft moan, something I didn't know I was capable of. His warm tongue then enters my mouth, sliding against mine, tempting me to play with him. I comply and thus the war begins. He presses his body down on mine as he turns my face to the side, making him have more excess. I am in complete heaven. Ikuto and I have yet to kiss like this and here we are, making out in his room, on his bed while he is shirtless. My hands leave his hair and rest on his back, right on his shoulder blades.

His lips leave mine and move to my neck, kissing and slightly biting my skin. My body is on fire. He is making me feel so good. I thought only feelings like this existed in dreams. Thankfully, I am completely awake. My nails slightly dig into his back as he reaches my collarbone. I don't want this to ever end.

I let out another soft moan, not meaning to, but I can't control these feelings or these urges. I feel him smirk against my skin, and I can just imagine how he is going to tease me for this later. He rolls over onto his back, causing me to be on top of him.

I can feel my cheeks burning and I know I must be as red as a tomato. My hands move themselves to his cheeks, and I cup them this time. I sit up so I am straddling him then I lean down and place my lips back onto his. He opens his mouth and our tongues start to dance with each other once more. My mind is going crazy; this is all exciting and new. I can't believe I am doing such things!

Our tongues are moving against each other, and I feel proud of myself that we haven't bonked heads or that I haven't hit his teeth with my own. For my first make out session things were going smoothly. Ikuto's hands grip onto my hips, earning another soft moan from me. I just want his hands on me, and he must get the hint, because they start move up my sides, actually going under my shirt. I gasp from the feeling of his cold hands on my hot skin. Everywhere he touches is left with a burning, tingling sensation.

His hands sadly stop their journey right where my bra begins and he pulls away, so that he can look into my eyes. "Amu," his voice sounds so sexy that it sends chills up my spine.

"Ikuto," I whisper back to him, touching his face. He leans into my touch and I start to believe he is enjoying it.

"Stay with me," he finishes causing me to blush again. His eyes are begging me, and I can't believe this is happening. One of his hands leaves one of my sides and exits my shirt. It roams to my face so that he can caress my cheek. And because of reasons like this, he is making me fall in love with him. I'm not sure what he means by 'stay with me', but I know there is no way I can leave him be. I'm trapped now. He has me trapped.

"Always," I promise, and with that I lean back down, letting our lips be together again, and I peck his with my own. "Always." As I finish speaking I snuggle against him, resting my body against his. His arms circle around me as he nuzzles his face in my hair. We both take in each others' scents, breathing in slowly. We lay there for what seems like hours, just holding each other, cuddling like we are madly in love. And that's when a thought enters my mind, what if Ikuto and I are meant to be? That what is happening right now is fate and we are just stuck in a twisted game? Is it really wrong to fall for your step-brother? Why did we have to meet under these circumstances? Why can't we have your normal teen love affair? I don't know any of the answers to any of those questions, but I do know that I want to be with Ikuto. We have to find a way to make this work.

00000End of chapter0000

Is it hot in here or is it just me? Well that was a good chapter, and decently long. –smiles- I hope you all enjoy it! And I hope you stick around for more! I write my stories for loyal readers like you! Thank you, thank you!

The next chapter will have a little bit of a time skip. It's time to be getting to that wedding after all. Because a lot of things are to happen after it! And with how things are going I think my story will be about 25-30 chapters ish. –tears- I don't want to think about it ending, but I am going to finish it. It is going to be my first one I actually finish. And then I will release a new fic. It's bittersweet really.

Please review and make my day! I want to know what you thought of this chapter. I want to see how many ppl like Amuto moments like this one. I can write more if you want it. So let me see those reviews! My goal is 155 reviews! So I would like to see 10 for this chapter! So please you wonderful readers let me feel the Amuto love!

Amu: 17 (Junior)

Ikuto: 19(Senior)

Kukai: 17 (Junior)

Ami: 8 (3rd grade)

Rima: 16 (Junior)

Yaya: 16 (Junior)

Nagihiko: 18 (Senior)

Kairi: 17 (Junior)

Daichi: 17 (Junior)

Ran: 17 (Junior)

Lulu: 18 (Senior)

Utau: 17 (Junior)

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