"Christ on a stick Walt! I don't even know if I want the job!"
His voice was still that quiet serious tone "Wasn't talking about the job Vic, was talking about you."
Shit, was she turning into him now, was she becoming the job too?
She subsided back into her chair, at a loss for words, he had completely blindsided her and she hadn't have time to think, to process. Maybe it was a night for shared confessions of the soul, he had laid his bare after all he had trusted her with that, maybe she could return the favour.
She closed her eye and breathed out through her nose, gathering calm, building confidence, taking time to steady herself. Did she even really know what she wanted?
"I want a life, a home, somewhere to settle down long enough to feel comfortable. Maybe plant a garden. Get a puppy!"
A pause that grew as she stared into the mesmerising shapes of the flames and her voice changed, it was harsh and raw and heartfelt
"I want to feel whole. I want to stop feeling so broken and so out of control of my life. I want to stop being in pain all the time, where I feel like my soul is this giant black empty pit and nothing can ever fill it. I want my heart to stop hurting."
"I want someone in my life, someone who cares about me. Who takes me as I am, no compromises. Someone who doesn't need me to be weak or soft."
She huffed half a laugh and changed it up a notch
"I want long winter evenings in front of a fire, talking shit, listenting to music, playing cards. To watch silly romantic movies and eat popcorn. I want to feel cherished, I want to lie in bed and be bought pancakes on a silver platter."
"I don't think its really possible for someone like me to be happy, but maybe, like you, I can find something like peace instead."
The silence descended, broken only by the hiss and snap of the flames and she slumped in the chair, a little wrung out by the stark honesty of the words she had never really even admitted to herself in her most private thoughts.
Walt spoke quietly from his side of the fire "You might find talking to John helpful with some of that Vic. I know he has really helped me see things differently."
Oh no, like that was never going to happen
He spoke again but sounded almost too casual "Cady might have mentioned that about the only thing I can cook is pancakes…"
She snorted "Yeah she raves about them, something about some Canadian guy whose ass you saved a few years ago who sends you home made maple syrup and Canadian bacon."
"Vic…. I would happily make you pancakes anytime you wanted them."
Her brain froze for a long moment as she processed those words and said very carefully "Its too fucking far to drive out to your cabin for breakfast Walt."
His chair creaked as he sat back against it and his tone sounded a little smug this time "Wasn't expecting you to."
Shit Shit Shit Shit "If I didn't know better, I would think you had just propositioned me, Longmire?"
His chair squeaked again but she broke in before he could reply "And don't you dare say something like 'Do you want me to be?' or some such shit either!"
She could hear his smile in the darkness even though like a teenager she was refusing to look at him, but every inch of her body was poised to hear his reply which came softly through the darkness "If the answer is yes, then you heard right."
Holy Fucking Jesus Christ and the angels sing Hallelujah!
The serene silence of the evening was broken by an airhorn blasting out the Dukes of Hazzard theme. Momentarily relieved from having to respond to that most startling of statements she lurched to her feet and staggered in to the darkness, nightblind from staring into the fire "Oh good, the fire department are finally here"
Good natured curses were exchanged with the 5 strapping young men who erupted from the cabin, about how long they had taken to get there, and had they stopped for dinner while the poor Sheriff had sat starving, in the darkness. She and Walt put the chairs back in the shed, and left the energetic youngsters to the fun of manoeuvring the truck around the buildings in the dark and by silent consent loaded into the Charger and sped home down the lonely highway.
They talked casually about local gossip, Vic shared some stories about mishaps that the new deputies had gotten themselves into, and neither made any reference to the unfinished conversation still lying between them. Finally Vic swept into Durant and headed for the square "Do you need me to drop you off at the garage to pickup your truck?"
Walt shook his head, he had already organised with Harry to leave it out for him "Its only a couple of blocks, I could do with the walk."
She slid the Charger into the Sheriff spot opposite the office, and got out of the car and then started patting her pockets, trying to find her cell, hoping madly she hadn't left it behind in the dark. Walts voice close behind her saying her name startled her and she spun around, cursing as she dropped her keys "What the fuck!"
He stood looking down at her for a long moment and said in that deep serious voice that always sent a shiver to her core "You didn't answer my question?"
She blinked at him for a long moment, brain focussed on finding her phone and keys in the dark, until she registered what he was referring to, and she cocked a hip, and leaned back against the side of the vehicle and said with as much attitude as she could muster "You didn't ask me a question Walt."
They were so close she could see the expression in his face, partially lit by the orange light of the sodium vapour street lamp beside them. It only took a step, and he was raising a hand to cup the side of her face, then hold the back of her head as his lips closed on hers, lightly, questioningly and when she froze in shock he hovered, holding the two of them there, suspended for the longest second, until she moaned deep in the her chest, bought both hands up to grab handfuls of his jacket and pull him in hard, to seal the deal.
After a long, slow seductive kiss, with a gratifying amount of tongue, they pulled apart and she gazed at him, eyes hooded and lips bruised from the force of the kiss before whispering "Pancakes. With real maple syrup."
He smiled tenderly, and kissed her forehead and murmured "On a silver platter." They held each other for a long moment then he strode away into the night, leaving her there, phone and keys forgotten as she sunk to the ground on legs that would no longer hold her up.
She decided that the paperwork could wait til tomorrow, she was STARVING, so headed home to rustle up toasted sandwiches from whatever was inside the fridge. Cady was up, doing paperwork on the dining table and exclaimed as Vic walked in the door
"Jesus Christ Vic, are you OK?"
"Yeah, its just been a long day, and I'm starving and I really really need a beer."
"I made a stir fry, there's a plate in the fridge, help yourself." Oh thank god for housemates who could cook! Reheating the stir fry in the microwave, and sucking down on the beer like it was her last one ever, Vic devoured the food in record time and was working on her second beer and trying to get her thoughts in order.
Cady enquired lightly, looking up from the notes she was scribbling from a hefty stack of documents covering half the table "Long day?"
She sighed, spinning the bottle and making wet condensation circles on the table top "Yeah I was out at the VA and got a call out on the way back. Had to baby sit a bonfire cos the fire trucks were busy. Only just got back now."
"That sucks, no wonder you were so hungry. Must have been bored sitting out there all that time by yourself though."
She barked a laugh "Oh your father was there too, he needed a ride back from the VA cos his truck was being serviced. Just like old times!"
Cady eyed her being overly jolly for a long moment before putting her paperwork aside "Vic are you OK? You sound odd."
Vic glanced at the daughter of the man she had so thoroughly kissed only minutes ago, the woman who had reluctantly taken her in, and somehow had become a friend and wondered what to tell her and decided there was nothing to lose and possibly everything to gain
"Your father offered to make me pancakes."
Cady smiled and nodded "Yeah, he does make great pancakes."
Vic slitted her eyes a bit and said with more emphasis "He offered to make me pancakes. For breakfast….."
Cady said slightly vaguely "Oh." Then she thought about it some more, and her eyes rounded and jaw dropped "OH!"
Cady sat forward, avidly asking "What did you say?" and Vic smiled for a moment in memory, she hadn't needed to say anything in the end and Cady clapped her hands in delight before rushing round the table and pulling Vic up for a big hug "Finally! Oh this is good news, wait til I tell Henry." She was vibrating with energy and excitement, much to Vic's relief "What will you do now? Oh I know…."
Making a long arm, she snagged her laptop from the other side of the table, sat down and typed briefly on the keyboard before spinning around the screen "Lets go shopping!" Vic choked on her mouthful of beer, Cady had pulled up the Victoria's Secret website. Not quite certain what was going on, she sank down into her chair and allowed herself to be pulled into a discussion about the benefits of satin over lace.
She didn't have the heart to tell Cady that nothing could move forward between her and Walt until his case was settled by the FBI, and no one knew how long that would take
Most wonderful of readers, sticking with my little story for so long. While there is more I could write on this, right now its wrapped up to a nice tidy place to stop. I really need my muse to take a break while I finish writing my thesis but I didnt want to leave you all hanging with half a story. Thankyou for all the lovely comments, they really do help inspire me to write more and to write better. This group here are the ONLY people who see the words I put down for my little stories, so every word I get in feedback is very precious to me. In July, after I have submitted my thesis, I will rewatch S4 and will see what it inspires, and then S5 will not be far away hopefully!