As Tilly followed the receptionist into the headteachers office, she struggled with her emotions, trying to stay calm. She wasn't sure if she could trust herself in this meeting. Wasn't sure she'd be able to hold it together, and keep the anxiety and frustration at bay. She was realising now, more than ever, that she honestly wasn't sure if she could come back. Return to the college, day after day, after everything that had happened over the past few weeks. At home, she could hide away in her a little bubble, letting her emotions run freely. The only people she had to interact with were her parents. But here, she'd have to spend the majority of the day talking and laughing like her heart wasn't broken. And to make matters worse, the woman who had caused it to shatter into a thousand pieces would be dangerously close by. In the same building, but completely untouchable.
"Tilly, good to see you" the headteacher said, standing up and snapping her back to the harsh reality. Reaching a hand across the desk, he smiled warmly. Tilly stuck her hand out weakly, hoping he didn't notice the tremor moving through her arm.
"I'm Mr Blake, your new headteacher. Please, take a seat."
"Nice to meet you", Tilly said, sitting down and giving him a wobbly smile. Already she could tell how different this man was to Keeler. The professionalism oozed from him, and she felt slightly intimidated. She had no doubt in her mind that if he'd been in charge when Jen had made the allegations, that she'd probably never have been expelled in the first place. He would have followed proper protocol, investigated it, and possibly would have found out the truth. Tillys stomach jolted slightly at the thought.
"I'd like to get straight to the point. I've got work to do, and I'm sure you're looking forward to getting back to your classes." Tilly smiled tightly, nodding her head. If he'd known Tilly better, he'd have seen her eyes betray the smile. But he just glanced down at the file infront of him, scanning over it quickly before looking back up at her.
"Your teachers have put together a list of work and assignments you've missed. They're all confident you'll catch up easily. Looking at your file, I'm not surprised. You're a very promising student, Tilly." He smiled warmly at her, and Tilly began to relax. He was right. She was a promising student, and no matter what was going on in her head, or her heart, nothing could take that away from her.
"Now, I understand you are in Miss Gilmores class for Art?" Tillys stomach dropped at hearing Jens name, and her body rushed with emotion.
Nothing can take that away from me? Who am I kidding?
"For obvious reasons, I felt the best option would be to remove you from her class. That way, neither of you will find yourself in a... umm... compromising position." Tilly could feel her face burning with humiliation, and she worried Mr Blake would misinterprate her embarassment.
"Does this mean I won't be able to finish the course?" She asked, hoping he'd think her worry was the reason for her flushed face.
"No, ofcourse not. Miss Gilmore tells me you've nearly completed all of the necesary coursework." Tilly thought back to the day she got expelled. Tearing up her artwork, inadvertantly lashing out at Jen.
Shit.
"But I've made arrangments for you join Mr Rileys class for the remainder of the year and he's assured me he can help you through the rest of the course. Ok?"
No, it's not ok.
"Yes, that's great. Thank you."
"Tilly, I know I don't have to tell you this, but you're really very lucky to be back here. Although you're a valued student at this college, and I AM genuinely pleased that you've been given a second chance, I don't want you to forget the seriousness of what you did. I appreaciate that it was clearly completely out of character, but it doesn't excuse your actions. I only want to hear great things about you from here on in. Understood?"
"I understand... And I'm grateful. For getting another chance and everything." Tilly could feel a lump forming in her throat, and prayed the headteacher wouldn't notice the tears that had begun to glisten in her eyes. She couldn't believe she'd just sat there, and listened to him tell her how lucky she was. Lucky? Her best friends were dead, Esther was fighting for her life in hospital, and Jen...
Don't.
Mr Blake smiled at her and stood up, gesturing for her to do the same.
"Your teachers are aware that you're returning today, so I'll let you go. Don't let this set you back, Tilly. You've got an extremely bright future ahead of you. And you have my word that I'll do everything I can to help stop this effecting your progression to university." He walked around to the door and opened it to show Tilly out. She walked shakily out and turned to thank him again, before heading for the common room, keeping her head down. Her heart pumped eratically in her chest as she pushed her legs forward.
You can do this, Tilly. Just a few more motnhs, and it will all be over. Then you can get away from Hollyoaks. Away from Jen.
She kept telling herself this as she walked, trying to reassure herself. The problem was, she just couldn't convince herself that it was what she wanted. Couldn't convince herself that she didn't want Jen back in her life.