Yes, this story's all yaoi / slash / m/m / whatever you wanna call it. So just go ahead and skedaddle if you don't wanna deal with all that, cos I don't wanna hear about it.

This was the chapter that started it all! Back in March 2007, I was visiting my family in California, just having played my dad's copy of Dirge of Cerberus, laying in the bottom of my little bro's bunk bed, unable to sleep. So I started writing for the first time in years.

Also, this chapter may or may not be finished. Meh.

(Characters belong to Squeeeeenix.)

(But Felix and Smith are all mine!)

(The thoughts. They look like this)

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14. In The Time We Spent, Forever After Beyond This, When Will Our Nightmare Ever End?

(Vincent's POV)

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Couldn't sleep.

I used to be okay with it. Used to just lay there and resign myself to staring through the dark at the ceiling, top bunk, stars, whatever happened to be above me.

Now though...

Every night that I fail to sleep, I feel like it will drive me a little bit crazier.

Lucky for me, it doesn't happen all that often anymore.

I carefully slid out of the small bed and slipped on my pants. Walked silently towards the television and pressed the on/off button with one finger, making sure to immediately force the volume button down with another.

I guess we were famous now. They'd made a video game of us, of all things.

Though horrified at first, I eventually got a kick out of playing it and picking out all the incorrect details that completely surrounded the plot.

I hadn't gotten far enough to have Cid or myself join the team yet. It was a bit of a let down-we were my two favourite characters after all.

Until then, I was forced to rely on Cloud for the majority of the team's strength. I suppose I didn't mind so much. He's confused and troubled and sad inside, but aren't we all? He's a good kid, his heart's usually in the right place. But he can really be a whiny little bitch sometimes.

I was also told that I would be able to take on Hojo near the end of this game. That sort of excited me, but I worried about huddling up in the corner screaming as soon as his blocky, heavily pixelized figure appeared on screen.

It had taken a while to adapt to the game controller with that damn claw of mine, but I fared pretty well. Completely oblivious...I could feel my eyes glazing over as I was totally sucked into the game, pressing buttons methodically.

"Daddy!" I felt a finger poke at my shoulder and just about jumped out of my skin. Once I started to breathe again, I realized that it could have only been one of two little boys. "Sorry, Smith."

Smith's eyes were wide with fear. "I knocked." He felt guilty for startling me. That's funny; I felt guilty for startling him. I tried to give him a comforting smile. His expression didn't change though. "I had bad dreams," he confided quietly, looking shamed. It broke my heart to see his little face like that. I hugged him tightly. "It's okay, Smiffy. It's all over now. You're safe." Smith nodded, but didn't look convinced. "Do you want me to come tuck you in?" I offered. He nodded again and I wiped a stray tear from his cheek.

It is slightly tricky to carry a child to the top bunk.

"Are you alright now?" I pulled the blankets over Smith's shoulders.

"Don't go," he looked as if he might start to cry again. I climbed up the ladder and laid down beside him. "Will you tell me a story?"

I thought a moment, trying to remember these bedtime stories. I closed my eyes, remembering being small, listening to my mother's voice telling a tale about chocobos and moogles racing each other. I struggled to recite the words. It was silly, but I worried a lot about whether I was able to be an adequate father. Even with something as simple as telling a story...Could I do it right?

Smith kept coming to me though, when he was hurt or scared, needed comforting, company, or somebody to simply colour with. It surely didn't make me feel like a failure.

They never talked much about their mother and father. Cid and I had been open about the whole situation; they knew what had happened to their previous family. Felix seemed to be alright with it, and so did Smith for the most part, except that he was scared to death of fiends. Though it was extremely rare to find any around Rocket Town, he had a hard time going to sleep, afraid they were hiding in the closet, waiting for him.

One evening, I went to dig up my old Peacemaker and cleaned it up a bit. Before bedtime, I talked to Smith.

"I may have found a way for you feel safe from those monsters," I said, showing him the gun. "You're not old enough to have normal ammunition, but I have special bullets you can use." I opened an empty box of bullets, pretended to load the gun, and aimed toward the wall. "You see, these bullets can't ever hurt you or me," I pulled the trigger, though nothing came out. "But they'll take out a fiend in one hit."

"Like my own Cerbus?" Smith had to use both hands to hold the gun.

"Yes," I laughed. "Like your very own Cerbus."