Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!

Chapter 13:

Mileena, having searched the whole palace for Kitana, found her standing in the middle of the large, empty throne room.

"Well, well, well," said Kitana, "If it isn't my half-Tarkatan clone, Mileena. It was very foolish of you to drop the key near my cell like that. After I got free, I set all my friends and allies free as well. They are all out there, fighting the battle against Shinnok's troops!"

"Enough," said Mileena, "I came looking for you so we can settle our score. I will kill you as punishment for what you did to me, and when you're gone, I will take your throne and become queen!"

"Idiot!" snapped Kitana, "Don't you realize that even if I'm dead, no one will ever give you my throne?"

"Fine," said Mileena, "If I can't have the throne, then no one can!"

Mileena then pulled out her sais and charged towards Kitana. Kitana defended herself by pulling out her steel fans and blocking the oncoming blow. Mileena attempted to stab Kitana many times, but Kitana quickly deflected each shot. Mileena proceeded to jump over Kitana's head to avoid another blow. Mileena was about to stab Kitana from behind when Kitana suddenly delivered a kick to Mileena's face. She then successfully knocked the sais out of her hands.

"You bitch," muttered Mileena.

Kitana tossed her fans away, opting for a fair fight. The two girls raised their fists and ran towards each other, delivering punch after kick after punch. Kitana jumped into the air delivered two pretty kicks to Mileena, and this time, Mileena did not dodge them. As she staggered backwards, Kitana dropped to the floor and did a roundhouse kick that knocked Mileena to the floor. Kitana then wrapped her arms around Mileena and attempted to subdue her.

"Get off me, you slut!" shouted Mileena.

She then pushed Kitana off of her before turning around delivering a violent uppercut that sent Kitana flying across the room and onto her throne.

"Damn," said Kitana, "Wiping the blood from her mouth. I didn't know you had so much power in you!"

Mileena ran to where her sai fell and picked them up before stepping in the middle of the throne room.

"Now, where was I before you rudely beat the shit outta me?" said Mileena, "Oh, right! I was gonna kill you! Once you're gone, Baraka and I will flee this place and start a wonderful life together. "

"You'll never get away with this!" snapped Kitana.

"Too late," said Mileena, "I guess I've proven just who is superior in Mortal Kombat!"

"Idiot," said Kitana, "There is only one way to win in Mortal Kombat...BUTTON MASHING!"

Kitana raised her fist in the air and slammed it down onto the armrest of her throne, which conveniently held a large button. As she pressed this button, a trap door beneath Mileena opened up.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" screamed Mileena, as she disappeared into the darkness, "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!"

Kitana approached the hole and stared into it.

"For your crimes against Edenia," began Kitana, "You will spend the rest of your days in Edenia state prison!"

The trap door then closed. Kitana ran outside.

"...Guitar, piano, trumpet, kazoo, drums, congas, bass, violin, saxophone, bassoon, mandolin, cello, accordion, and harp," said Tanya, "Though I'm admittedly a bit rusty on the violin."

"Wow," said Liu Kang, "You can play all those instruments?"

"Well," said Tanya, "When you have a life-span of like, a million years, you tend to find time to learn a lot of things."

"True," said Liu Kang.

Tanya lead Liu through a long, dark cave underneath the palace.

"Um," began Liu, "Where exactly are you taking me? I mean, I doubt my friends would be down here..."

"They're hiding, you fool," said Tanya, "Don't worry, though. Once you meet up with them, we can go and take out Shinnok."

"By the way, what's all that noise outside? It sounds like there's a war going on."

"War? Nah, it's just...um, construction! Yeah, they're building a Taco Bell across the street. I'm so excited for it!"

The long path eventually ended and Tanya and Liu found themselves in a small, circular room.

"This isn't right," said Liu.

All of a sudden, there was an explosion of green smoke, and the Fallen Elder God, Shinnok, appeared before Liu.

"Hello, Liu Kang," said Shinnok, "I've been expecting you!"

"What the..."

Tanya then laughed.

"You're so gullible!" said Tanya, "I really don't know what Kitana saw in you. Can't you see? This is a trap!"

"I can't believe I was fooled by a woman dressed like a bumblebee!" said Liu.

"Hey!" said Tanya, I was on Edenia's best dressed list two years in a row!"

"Leave now, Tanya!" said Shinnok, "Let Liu Kang and I have our battle in peace!"

Tanya then ran out of the room. Liu attempted to follow her, but a large steel door closed in front of him, locking him in with Shinnok.

"So," said Shinnok, "You are the champion of Mortal Kombat! I'm very excited to test out your skills!"

"You know," said Liu, "You really look like my tenth grade history teacher."

"Really?" said Shinnok, "Well, thanks, I guess."

"Actually, it wasn't a compliment. This teacher was a real bastard! He gave me multiple detentions for not wearing a shirt!"

"Well, you know, you really should consider wearing a shirt every now and then."

"I'm a frickin' Shaolin Monk! I do martial arts and shit! I get sweaty and stinky! You feelin' me here?"

"No," said Shinnok, "As a god, I do not stink and I haven't taken off my shirt in so long that my skin turned pure white...Like milk."

"From your mother's tits?"

"Yes, like milk from my mother's...DAMN YOU!"

Liu Kang burst out laughing.

"There's nothing funny about me killing you!" yelled Shinnok, "Now let's begin our battle."

"Hey," said Liu, "What's the name of your general again?"

"You mean Noob?"

Liu Kang starting laughing again.

"Aw," said Shinnok, "That is real mature!"

"Yeah, yeah," said Liu, calming down, "Okay. Now, let's fight!"

Back in the dungeons, Quan Chi watched Sub-Zero and Scorpion duke it out. Scorpion delivered an uppercut to Sub-Zero that sent him flying. Sub-Zero immediately stood up and fired an icicle at Scorpion, which he blocked by shooting a fireball. Scorpion then fired his trademark spear at Sub-Zero.

"Get over here!" ordered Scorpion.

Sub-Zero, however, jumped over the spear and sliced it up with his kori blade.

"Damn!" said Scorpion.

"Too good for you?" said Subby.

"OH MY GOD!" yelled Scorpion, "Look over there! An oily fat chick in a thong is waving at you!"

"Where?" said Sub-Zero, turning his head.

Scorpion then shot a fireball at Sub-Zero, knocking the ice ninja down.

"Toasty!" yelled Quan Chi in a high-pitched voice.

"Damn you," said Subby, "You got me with my one and only weakness: Fat chicks!"

"Yeah," said Scorpion to Quan Chi, "He has a fat fetish, but it's supposed to be a secret. His brother had one too, but I think he turned gay after descending into the Netherrealm. Oh, well."

"Whatever," said Quan Chi, "Just finish him off!"

Sub-Zero tried to stand up, but Scorpion kicked him down.

"Once I kill you," said Scorpion, "I will have avenged the deaths of my family clan. My soul will finally rest!"

"Your soul will never rest, Scorpion," said Subby, "My older brother may have been responsible for your murder, but your family and clan were killed by none other than him!"

Subby pointed at Quan Chi.

"I don't believe you!" said Scorpion.

"Look," said Sub-Zero, sitting up and pulling out a laptop, "It clearly states on the Mortal Kombat Wiki that Quan Chi is the murderer of your family. Besides, I couldn't have done it, because I was South America saving a rainforest.

Scorpion gave Sub-Zero a weird look.

"I used to be an environmental activist back in the day," said Subby, "Long story."

"If this is true," said Scorpion, "Then I have wasted my time! I should be killing him!"

"True," said Chi, "But as long as I have the amulet, you can't hurt me! I shall now send you back to the Netherrealm and finish off Sub-Zero myself!"

Quan Chi pulled out his amulet and activated it. Scorpion began to fade away, one body part at a time.

"Damn it," said Scorpion.

Scorpion ran to Quan Chi with all his might as more body parts began to fade.

"Stupid amulet," said Quan Chi, "Can't it teleport people faster?"

Eventually, there was just Scorpion's crotch left. The floating crotch made contact with Quan Chi, teleporting them both to the Netherrealm.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Quan Chi, as he disappeared from the scene.

"Finally," said Sub-Zero, "I'm alone."

Sub-Zero then pulled out a bong.