Here you go folks! I'm so happy people seemed to like the Buffyverse chapter, it was rough to see how the regular Scoobies are coping. Poor guys. Anyway, time to check back in with Willow in the Wishverse - who's not doing much better! :(

As always - enjoy and please review

Chapter Thirteen

'Come on, I'll take you home'

Home.

No. That was the one place she could never get back to.

That door had shut forever; cutting her off from her friends and her world, leaving each on opposite sides of the gaping divide. And she could scream and cry, and pound the sealed door with bruised fists and helpless kicks as much as she wanted – it would never re-open for them. Painful pangs of regret tore through her heart like barbed wire; yet there was nothing to be done. It would never be alright again. And she had been the one to walk through the breach willingly, letting it lock behind her. She had done this to her life; to all of them. And for what?!

A stupid misguided wish.

Willow sighed and rolled onto her back. Gazing up at the gloomy ceiling, she twisted the bed covers into knots. She couldn't go on like this. Her eyes lowered as she remembered the worried glances cast her way during the silent ride back through town. She felt guilty about not staying to help the others, but the thought of being around Oz - around him and her together…With a huff, Willow threw herself onto her side and buried her face into the pillow, trying in vain to get comfortable. Sleep had eluded her so far, and her frustration was growing and adding to her general melee of emotions.

Yet, she was going to have to start dealing with it soon. She could hardly avoid them without walking away from the only resistance standing up to the evil in this town. And Willow knew she couldn't do that. The fight was all she had to cling to now. Maybe if she threw herself deep enough into stopping the Master, she could get through it. Maybe she would stop feeling like grabbing this world between her clenched hands and tearing each thread of reality into bloody shreds, soaked with unfairness and despair.

She shook her head and fresh teardrops spilled onto her lilac pillow, staining the material in dark blotches. It felt like Fate was laughing at her; the sad joke that was Willow's life.

"Oh, I am fortune's fool!"

The quote from an English class a long time ago rang through her head. Boy, did Shakespeare have it right. It was surely some kind of cruel trick that Willow had given up so much to get here, only to be forced to watch him be with another. To keep losing the only one she had sacrificed her own life to find again.

She was stuck here. And it was all because of her. A rash choice of her own doing that had lost her everything.

Buffy would have known what to say. Comforted as only a fellow war-torn victim of love could do; before offering to kick his ass. Xander would have performed the wonderfully impossible and made her laugh. Would've wrapped her up in his big crushing hug like he had done ever since they were children. Giles would have consoled her awkwardly but the affection would have been heart-felt. But she had turned away from all of them, in a single act of thoughtless desperation that couldn't be undone. And now she'd never see them again. Willow's fists beat into the soft pillow as she struggled to stop the hopeless tears. What had she done?!

The thought of cursing the pretty dark-haired woman who had unwittingly ruined her life, suddenly flashed through her mind like a crack of ominous thunder. Her shining eyes widened slightly, sparking in fevered thought. She could do it easily. Willow was slightly shocked by the potency of that desire. How much the idea of using her magic against the one who had wronged her, no matter how unintentional, appealed to her. There were plenty of spells out there created for this very purpose; to aid lovers in revenge, to manipulate circumstances. Willow allowed herself to indulge in the vindictive fantasy for a long tantalizing moment before finally shoving it away. Her body slumped as she fell back into the bed. Reluctantly, she admitted no matter how much bittersweet satisfaction it would give her, it was still wrong and unjustified. She couldn't do it. Oz had a right to be happy, to make his own choices. And he'd chosen Annie.

But try as she did to convince herself she could eventually learn to live with her terrible mistake; to somehow deal with the loneliness of the dark world she was left in; and that one day she would be able to be around them without feeling like someone had punched her in the gut - the thought of someone else making Oz happy, still felt all wrong to her. That she had lost that place in his life, in his heart… She knew it was selfish and irrational to feel like that, but that didn't help her sleep any better and Willow continued to toss and turn for the rest of the night.

o0o

"Good morning. Are you feeling any better?"

Willow forced herself to smile as she poured a glass of orange. "Yes, thanks. I-I'm sorry about last night"

Jenny waved off her apologies and stood up from the table, clicking down the lid of her laptop. "Rupert called to ask if you felt up for patrol again tonight, but I don't want you to push yourself if you're still feeling unsteady"

Willow took a long drink, stalling her answer. After a moment she pulled the glass from her lips and looked over at the teacher, who was watching her closely. "No, I'll come. You don't have to worry, really. I was just a little woozy last night, but I'm fine now." She couldn't put off seeing them forever, and there was still evil to defeat. Better rip off the plaster now and get it over with, Willow thought grimly.

The perceptive gypsy noticed the slight grimace that flashed across her lodger's face. She had deep shadows under her eyes and the smile she offered was weak and tired, telling a very different story. But she clearly wasn't prepared to talk about it yet. Jenny decided to keep an eye on her for the next couple of days and have another word with Rupert when she saw him. Their inter-dimensional guest clearly carried her own heavy secrets.

"Well, since it's Saturday, I was thinking we could do that shopping we were talking about. I'm sure you're getting fed up of wearing my wardrobe!"

Willow hesitated; she was still feeling inclined to mope after her restless night. But Miss Calendar was making an effort, even if her tone was a little too bright to be completely natural. And it might be nice to do something as normal as shopping, for once in her time here.

"Okay, thanks. That sounds like fun"

o0o

The shops were quieter than Willow had ever seen them, even the usual Saturday rush had slowed to a light stream of hurried customers. As they moved past a group of students and into one of the more popular clothes shops, Willow noticed the absence of excited chatter and laughter that used to accompany young friends out in town. The mood was sombre and subdued, even in the bright sun of midday.

Willow browsed through a railing, trying to find something light amongst the dark shades. Miss Calendar had told her that vampires were attracted to bright colours, hence the dull outfits sported by most of the town's population, whether they were fully aware of the reason or not. But Willow had always liked colourful things and she wasn't prepared to rule them out of her wardrobe entirely. She was stubborn like that. Exclaiming happily, she pulled out an Indian style shirt of a deep forest green with yellow embroidery around the hems and at the edges of the long, floaty sleeves. She nodded, pleased at her find, and dove back into the racks.

A couple of hours later she had amassed quite a bundle, topped off with new shoes and a waist length plain dark jacket with deep pockets, good for holding supplies. Against Willow's objections, Miss Calendar took the respective piles from her and paid for them at the tills. When she tried to intervene, the teacher gently swatted her hand away.

"Willow, unless I'm mistaken, I don't think cash was on your list of travel accessories when you came here." She gave the girl a pointed look and smiled again as Willow opened and closed her mouth in embarrassment. "It's okay, think of them as a gift for now. You can pay me back some day if you really want to."

The young witch grinned and hurriedly expressed her thanks.

They went to two more shops to pick up all the necessary supplies so Willow could begin to settle in more at the apartment, before they decided it was time for a coffee break. Miss Calendar led them to a much altered and barely functioning Espresso Pump, where Willow dropped her bags down and perched at the table that looked out onto the street. It kept hitting her unexpectedly, how everything was the same here, but not. She was pleased the popular coffee place was still open, even though its current atmosphere was bleak and cold compared to the warm friendly spot it had once been to them all. Memories played across Willow's mind like faint reflections; chatting away with Buffy for hours across hot mochas; donut runs with Xander; meeting Oz for a drink before joining the others at the Bronze…

Willow's gaze dropped as she swallowed the lump in her throat. At that moment, her companion re-appeared and set down two cups on the table. "Here we go. Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?"

The quiet red-head reached out and drew the cup towards her before meeting the other woman's eye with a small smile. "I'm fine, thanks. And thanks so much for everything Miss Calendar. The clothes, the room -- everything"

Miss Calendar settled on the chair, sweeping back her dark hair and pulled the handle of her own coffee round. "It's not a problem. And you can call me Jenny y'know. You're not a student in the school, well not officially. You don't have to be so formal"

Her eyes twinkled as she smiled across at the girl. Willow suddenly saw how young she looked; a spark and playfulness shone in the teacher that made Willow warm to her even more. She couldn't help but grin back. "Oh, okay. Jenny." She tested the name out. It sounded funny, but she could get used to it.

"So, how long have you been practicing magic?"

Willow's eyes darted up over the rim of her raised cup, but Jenny's face wasn't suspiciously innocent; she looked genuinely interested. She could probably talk about it, just as long as she watched her answers. The witch carefully lowered her drink.

"About a year and a half."

The gypsy raised her eyebrows. "You're powerful for one who's not been learning the craft for that long"

Willow smiled nervously and fingered her cup. "I like learning about it all. I wanted to be able to help Buffy and…people. When I started studying magic, it was like it - just spoke to me. I'd only ever felt like that with computers before. It's like this whole world just opens up and lets me in"

Jenny nodded in understanding as she watched the girl's face light up. "It is a very enticing domain to explore, but it needs to be handled with great care. You may find the deeper in you get, the more you risk exposing yourself to the darker aspects and complications that riddle all things magical. You need to know of the dangers to better avoid them."

Why was Willow feeling like she was getting a lecture. "I'm aware of the dangers" she muttered a little resentfully. "You talk as if you know everything about magic." Willow suddenly grimaced as she realised she had spoken without thinking. Of course Jenny knew about magic – she was a Wicca long before her. The teacher eyed her for a moment before answering.

"Well, I won't say I know everything, or probably even as much as you do now. But I do know about the traditions of magics. I think you know that already"

Jenny watched Willow jerk up quickly. Upon seeing the barely hidden panic flaring in those green eyes, she smiled reassuringly though she chose her words carefully. "Don't worry. I know you're not ready to share your story and I won't make you. There are probably some things we shouldn't know anyway. I only meant that you'd obviously met me in your dimension and there's a good chance you knew that too"

Willow pushed the surge of unpleasant memories back down and managed a strained smile. "Well yeah. Actually you were kinda…the one who got me into magic in the first place"

"Really? Well, then I'll take some pride by association in the promising witch you're becoming"

The shy girl beamed and blushed slightly with the praise. Jenny watched her with sharp but smiling eyes.

"So tell me how you discovered the daylight spell. I didn't think a workable translation from the Latin existed"

Willow leant forward in her chair excitedly. "No! I mean, it didn't – but I found a Nordic interpretation in the Lyxa, and then it was a matter of translating and tweaking that and then lots of practice. I've still not perfected it – big spells still tend to wipe me out a bit," she admitted with disappointment.

"It will take time to build up your body's strength in channelling the magic's power. Just don't push yourself. Have you read the Book of Gentz-Byer?"

"No, but I've heard of it! That's the one about the Byer Coven in 14th century Germany right? The ones that excelled in elemental spells?"

The two women talked for the length of second cup of coffee each. Willow was thrilled to finally speak to someone about magic and fascinated by everything the young teacher had to offer on the subject. Jenny talked and laughed so easily, that Willow felt like she was chatting with an old friend. She'd always liked the smart computer pagan but they'd never been especially close. And then the whole thing with Buffy had divided loyalties – and then Angel… Now as she observed Jenny raise her eyebrows and laugh at the giddy enthusiasm Willow knew she was letting run away with her, the young witch was glad she had this chance to get to know her properly. She was probably the best friend Willow had in this place; and there was no denying she had enjoyed their day together immensely.

Eventually, Jenny pushed her empty cup away from her.

"Are you ready to go? We need to drop your shopping back before heading over to the school"

"Oh, yep. Just let me get-"

Willow leapt off the stool and gathered up the bags at her feet. It wouldn't be dark for a couple of hours; maybe she would have time for a shower before they began to get ready for patrol. At the library. With Oz and…

Willow gripped the plastic handles with tight fists, as the good feeling that had built inside her during the day, fought not to be swallowed in the wave of sorrow and hurt that swelled up. As she followed the teacher out and onto the street, she tried to unclench her jaw enough to speak.

"So…are the others meeting us there again?"

"Yes. Rupert spoke to them after we left last night"

They walked in the direction of Jenny's small car, as the afternoon sun began to dip in the hot clear sky.

"It's got to be exhausting on everyone though"

"Well, we do everything we can. Although people do still need to take care of themselves – it's no good if they're too tired or injured to help"

Willow noticed the slight frown on her features and remembered her chastising of Giles. The Watcher did tend to over-extend himself in Willow's experience. However, her thoughts were on someone else. "Well it's always nice to have someone to take care of you I guess"

Jenny nodded absently as she unlocked the car. Willow dragged her bags into the back before sliding into the passenger seat.

"Annie's a…lucky girl"

The car started as Jenny glanced over at her passenger distractedly. She was twisting her hands in her lap.

"How so?"

Willow made a big effort to sound casual. "Well, I mean, she h-has Oz. Doesn't she?"

The teacher stole a curious look at the girl beside her. Her voice was deceptively calm though her tone trembled under the words. She turned back to the road and was quiet a moment before speaking.

"No. Actually Annie's not seeing anyone, as far as I know anyway"

Willow nearly gasped. She stared at Miss Calendar for a beat before quickly averting her gaze out the side window. She managed a small, "Oh."

Willow's heart was racing and dancing little dizzy circles in her chest, making it hard to draw steady breaths. She had made herself sick over nothing! All that worry, all that distress and jealousy and it was all in her head. Willow took a moment to mentally scold herself for her rash reaction. The heady relief spread like a euphoric drug throughout her body and a small giddy smile pulled at her lips as she watched the scenery go by. After a moment it faded, as Willow came back down from the brief high and forcefully reminded herself that this didn't mean Oz didn't have someone. Still, she couldn't temper the hope that burst through her. Willow knew now she couldn't ever stop her feelings or change her heart– no matter what her head told her or how much she tried to insist he wasn't the same Oz. All she saw when she looked at him was the boy she fell in love with – there must be something in that. There could never be anyone else for her. She'd given him her heart a long time ago and he'd always own it. Willow chewed her lip; he just had to realise how careful he had to be with it.

o0o

AN Wow, Willow kinda bounced from one extreme to the other in this chapter! In her defence, her emotions have pretty much been put through the mangler with everything that's happened! And it's not over yet…not by a long shot *evil cackle!* If you want to see some Oz in the next chapter – cast your vote here! He's been a bit quiet lately hasn't he?

Thanks so much to everyone who's reviewed so far – you guys are why I keep going! :D