The sun was setting…things were quiet now. Now I felt like I could breath and like I could think straight. I sat perched up against the railing outside on the balcony on top of the clock tower. I just kept my eyes towards the sun. It was amazing; the sky was brilliantly orange with glowing pink clouds scattered across the sky. Tris was sitting on the wooden crate she pushed me over with her eyes closed breathing deeply. Still seeing the crate made me chuckle.
She slowly looked up at me, "what are you laughing at?"
"Just thinking…" I said with a small grin, "About how pathetic it is that you pushed me over a crate and that's what made you win the game."
She grinned at it to…I wish I could make her smile more.
"I'm surprised I got past you at all," Tris shrugged looking out the window in the clock tower towards the sun set. She looked so beautiful right now, the sun shone in beams through the window. Her hazel eyes and skin were glowing in the light, her long hair fell into her face in a way that frankly looked sexy.
"I'm not," I said trying to sound sincere.
Tris seemed to sigh frustrated as she closed her eyes again, "really?"
I entered into the clock tower and bent down next to her. I used a finger to prop her face up but drew away…not wanting to get too physical. I already knew I shouldn't be here with her especially. It just felt so right and calming to be up here with her, better than being alone even. We didn't have to hide anything here…if only I could get her to trust me.
"Tris," I began softly, "you have what it takes, I really believe that. You can do this."
She shook her head; I could see she had a lot on her mind it was written all over her face.
"Where did you go?" I said decided to start smaller. I had to take it slow with her.
"To see my brother," she mumbled looking around at a pile of garbage next to us. She was avoiding me.
"In Erudite?" I asked, are you kidding me, "Why the hell would you do that?"
"What?" she said now was getting defensive.
Stop don't get mad, I took a deep breath and tried, "Why did you go see him?"
"I just wanted to talk to him," she said looking towards the ground.
I wanted to ask about what, but I assumed she wouldn't tell me.
"I can't believe Al," Tris said as her eyes began watering.
"You're moving up through the ranks and he's failing," I said simply, I've seen it before but no one ever got cut for it before, "It makes him hate himself, it makes him hate you. He's just a coward."
"He's my friend!" Tris replied angry now looking at my face but not my eyes.
"He's still a coward," I replied sternly, no one was going to convince me otherwise on this one, "fear does something strange to people like him. but not you, fear doesn't shut you down it builds you up. Like me."
I said that last part with a little sarcastic smile hoping it'd make her smile…and it worked.
Tris now shifted on the small crate she was sitting on, "my brother…he told me that he thinks that Erudite's planning to over throw Abnegation. Do you think they could do that?"
"I wouldn't put it past those bastards," I expressed angrily. So that's their plan huh… Caleb told her that…
"Aren't you working for Erudite?" Tris said nervously. I could see the worry on her face.
Now it was my turn to avoid her gaze. I glanced down to the ground sighing frustrated. I wish I could tell her…but that was in my contract to, absolute secrecy.
"Eric?" she asked again…she reached out and grabbed my hand.
I glanced up at her in shock as she placed her fingers in between mine. I felt a shiver run through my spine and butterflies were taking off in my stomach.
Butterflies? Did I really just think about butterflies?
Her hand fit perfectly in mine as she tightened her grip on me, I did the same. In that moment I felt a pull between us, I wanted to do it. I had to…I started to learn up closer to her face while my eyes fell down to her lips. For a moment she just stayed and stared at me but quickly pulled away turning her face away from mine.
I backed off quickly, feeling the heat rush to my face. Rejections a bitch, "I'm…sorry."
"No it's- it's uh…" Tris said shrugging and swallowed a lump her throat, "okay…?"
She made that last part sounds like a question. She still didn't let go of my hand so I didn't let go of hers. We sat there for a few more painfully awkward minutes as I felt the burn from my embarrassment trying to think of something else to talk about. Finally Tris piped up.
"I'm worried about my parents," Tris expressed, "I know you don't understand…but they're good people."
"Why wouldn't I understand?" I asked her curiously trying to get past the awkwardness of it all.
"Well…" Tris replied sheepishly, "I mean I remember you telling me that you didn't exactly…"
"Yeah my pops sucked," I said, maybe if I opened up to her she'd do the same, "him and me never got along. He was never satisfied with the grades I got. My mom was alright though. I still miss her from time to time."
"Can I ask you something?" Tris asked after a few more moments of silence.
"Of course," I offered. She was resting her hand on her knee…I really wanted to reach out and hold it.
"Did you ever think that you wouldn't make it?" Tris asked still avoiding looking at my face, "Like when you were training?"
"Nah," I said honestly thinking back, "Dauntless saved my life."
"Really? How?" she asked with a childlike curiosity.
I grinned at her as I started remembering, "well…when I was eighteen almost out of high school, failing most of my classes, and getting into fights all the time…well that was when things were pretty shitty at my house."
Tris was now watching me intently.
"I have two older brothers and one younger," I told her, "the older two are prized Erudite minds and the younger brother from what I heard transferred to amity."
"Really?" Tris asked with a small grin.
"Yeah, I saw that coming a mile away though," I replied laughing at another memory, "I remember one time me and my younger brother we found this puppy in the street. It was super tiny, must've been abandoned by its mom. I always wanted a dog, and my little brother loved anything that breathed. So we took the puppy and hid it under my bed for weeks. Me and my brother took care of it and hide him for a long time until he got big enough that he went through and chewed up mostly everything that was in our house."
Tris smiled again.
"God our mom was so pissed at us," I said with what I realized was my first real smile in a while.
Tris smiled and got a dreamy look on her face, "you know I remember about a few weeks before my choosing ceremony, really early in the morning I climbed up the pipes to my house to get to the top."
"You mean those gray boxes you live in?" I teased her.
"Yes Eric," Tris laughed rolling her eyes.
I like the way my name sounded when she said it.
"I climbed up the gray box right before the sun rose because I hardly ever get to see the sun rise or set. I just wanted to see it one time."
"You wanna see the sun set now?" I said to her raising my pierced eye brow.
"I can see it right now," Tris said indicating to the window.
"I know," I said standing up, "but I mean do you really wanna see it?"
"What do you mean?" Tris asked now getting a nervous look on her face.
I held out my hand to her, "Come with me."
She sat there, with a growing worry on her face. She looked very torn.
"Today initiate," I said with my trade mark smirk.
She rolled her eyes at me and took my hand. I pulled her up and went out onto the balcony with her at my side and strategically stood in front of the sun.
"Close your eyes," I commanded.
"What?" she asked nervously.
"You heard me," I replied, "close em."
Tris still stood there silently.
"Can I ask you something now?" I decided to challenge her.
She glanced up at me, her eyes answering the question for her.
"Do you trust me?" I asked letting the question hang there.
It felt like an eternity of waiting while my shame was slowly resurfacing. Now I feared her answer.
"Aren't you working for Erudite?" Tris asked again quietly.
I stepped closer to her now, only a few inches away from her, "Tris…I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. I promise…"
"You know I'm not going to pass that final test," Tris murmured with a shaky breath.
"Why?" I asked her.
Now she looked up at me with tears in her eyes and whispered, "You know why."
Feeling braver than usual, I took her chin in a few of my fingers and leaded down so my forehead was against hers.
"Tris," I whispered to her staring straight into her glowing hazel eyes, "I promise you on my last dying breath that I'm not going to let anyone hurt you. I'm here for you…more than you know."
I stayed close to her face waiting for a reaction, she seemed to only stop breathing as her mouth opened. God I wanted to kiss her.
"Close your eyes," I whispered again.
This time she listened to me. with her eyes closed I grabbed her hands and led her over to the railing. There was a small gate that opened up out onto a small ledge only about foot wide. From there, the building ended with nothing but open space and a long fall down.
"Step up," I instructed still holding her hands as she raised her boot and stepped onto the ledge.
She began to wobble as light wind blew past us.
"Hold on," I said to her as she tried to take one step to many. I grabbed onto her hip quickly pulling her back while held onto her hand with my other. Her hand around mine tightened as she drew in a scared breath.
"It's ok," I said to her as I pulled her to the left so she could be directly in front of the sun set.
Once she was where I wanted her to be, I closed the gate. I put both my hands on gently on her hip and pulled her back so she was leaning against the gate. Now I stepped up on the ledge on the opposite side of the gate and peered over her shoulder. The sunset was perfect; I got her out here at the perfect time. It was just as the sky was fading from orange to pink to purple to blue. Even a few stars started to appear.
"Don't let me fall ok?" she murmured as the wind picked up again and she wobbled around nervously.
"I'll never let you fall," I whispered to her as I tightened my grip on her waist, "open your eyes."
When she did there was huge sigh of relief from her…and a smile worth a thousand stars in the sky.
"Eric…" she said breathlessly, "it's incredible."
I couldn't stop staring at her now, "Yeah…"
She turned to face me and seemed surprised at how close we were…but she didn't pull away this time. I felt the surge growing this time, and now I knew she could feel it too. We both just hovered there for a moment, knowing that on this surface this was wrong. I could feel her breathing on my lips…I had to, I couldn't resist it anymore. There was no denying it.
I leaned in and she met me for what little of half way there was. From the moment her soft lips met mine, I felt like someone had lit off a thousand shooting stars within me. I kissed her soft and sweetly, unsure of how much I should push it assuming that she really did live up to the abnegation reputation. Still I needed more, feeling her mouth on mine made my head feel like it was spinning and my heart was soaring. I wrapped my arms tighter around her waist as she placed her hands on top of mine. I felt her tongue graze against my lips making moan. I opened my mouth feeling daring as my tongue met hers and collided together perfectly.
There was definitely no denying it at this point. I needed her and I would do anything for her. Only it was Caleb who had given me and idea on how to help her…