~sqsqsqsq~
Mal knocks softly on the partially open door, not bothering to wait for a response before shuffling into the office. Her eyes quickly roam over the expansive space, always appreciative of Regina's posh taste. She turns her gaze toward the woman herself and offers a smile as she makes her way toward the desk but Regina never looks up. Her posture remains in the same position, with a chin propped on folded arms that rest across the shiny polish of her desk. Her brown eyes continue to stay locked on something even as Mal pulls out one of the guest chairs and takes a seat directly across from her.
Mal can now see what has Regina so captivated and her features scrunch up in confusion as she follows Regina's line of sight. A small white pill. She leans forward, mirroring Regina's pose as she rests her chin on top of folded hands. Her eyes are level with Regina's now and the woman finally notices her and offers a half hearted smile and nod in return.
"So, what are we staring at exactly?" Mal's tone is playful and she watches as Regina rolls her eyes before snatching the little pill up and hiding it inside a closed fist. She leans back in her leather chair and Mal notices how she refuses to meet her gaze.
"It's nothing."
"Nothing, huh? Well, you sure seem awfully consumed by this nothing Regina." Worry lines stretch across the woman's features as she quickly asks, "Are you sick -"
"No .. no .. it's not .. I'm fine, Mal." She reaches out and squeezes her hand, offering a genuine smile that actually reaches her eyes this time. Mallory is her oldest and dearest friend. Aside from her mother, she is the only other person who knew Regina before she became, The Queen. She knows she can trust her with anything so she takes a breath and slowly unclenches her fist, allowing the pill to breathe again.
"It's my birth control." She chuckles at herself as she watches Mal nod her head once, feigning understanding but her friend's bright blue eyes give her away. They always do. "It's silly, I know. I've been sitting here, staring at this tablet for .. well, I don't even know how long for and it's just baffling to me, how this packed powder .. I've let it become my safety net."
Mallory stares at her for a moment and then glances down at the pill in question. She slowly shakes her head and her eyes once more express what she is thinking. This time she voices it out loud though. "I'm sorry, hon, I'm just not following you here. Safety net?"
Regina places the pill back onto her desk and pushes it away with her index finger before leaning back in her chair again. She shuts her eyes and whispers, "Daniel was the only person I saw myself having children with and now .. " She opens her eyes and Mal witnesses a sheen of unshed tears glistening among the color brown. Mal bites her lip and nods her head as the weight of understanding finally registers inside her gaze before Regina continues, "And now .. everything I envisioned with him, I see that with Emma. Even more so with Emma. Everything is just so .. amplified with her and with us and .. God, Mal, I loved him so much and when he died, I .. "
"Died too, in a way. I know, sweetheart." She whispers as she reaches out and grabs Regina's hand, giving it a tight squeeze. Because she does know. Her and Cora had to pick Regina back up after Daniels death and there was a time where she wasn't sure if that was even possible to do. Maybe because Daniels death came just three months after her fathers. It was just too much grief to take on at once and to say it put Regina into a tailspin would be the understatement of a lifetime.
"But you got through it, Regina. Look at you, now. You are happy and in love and you found someone who loves you for you. Whose face lights up whenever you enter a room." Regina blushes and shakes her head but Mal squeezes her hand again, offering one of her brightest smiles. "It really does, because I have witnessed it. She loves you and she's here .. she's right here with you, Regina. She's not going anywhere - "
"You don't know that." Regina whispers those four words so softly that Mallory almost doesn't even hear them but the pain held inside that whisper, well, she registers that as if it was shouted from the highest of rooftops. She feels her heart twist up for her friend as Regina continues, "If I lose her too .. I don't know if I could come back from that and what if something happens to her and we have a child or two or three or what if something happens to our children - "
Mallory stands up so fast it startles Regina as her brown eyes widen against the sound of the chair scraping back along the hardwood floor. She watches as her friend leans her hands against the desk and stares her down with what they have always jokingly called, her dragon eyes. Although, there is nothing humorous about this now as Regina finds herself being the one in the direct path of that dangerous gaze.
"If you want to spend the rest of your life, living in fear then so be it, Regina Mills but rest assured, you will hate yourself for it! Do you hear me? You will be miserable with your own soul if you let Emma Swan go and you do not have little Regina and Emma babies running amok!" She sits back down and crosses her arms in front of her chest. The glare doesn't go away not until she glimpses a few tears trek down her friends cheek and then her stern resolve crumbles like a cookie.
Her voice is soft again as she says, "Regina, you have to embrace each day as it comes and just enjoy the time you do have with Emma. You can't close yourself off from making future plans out of fear of the unknown. Because, if you do, then what kind of life is that, anyway?"
She studies her friend who just continues to quietly sit there and stare back at her. It's not like Regina not to say something in return. To not have an opinion especially about her own life and thoughts so Mal begins to worry. Did she push too hard? Overstep? She sighs, beginning to think a call to Cora might be a good idea when Regina finally speaks.
"I almost lost it when Emma got hurt a few months ago. But then, she has a way of just looking at me and I find myself letting all of the fears go. And yesterday, we started discussing our wedding. We were sitting on the couch, beginning to make plans, looking at our calendars, figuring out a possible date and .. "
Mallory patiently waits for Regina to continue as she watches her once again push around the white pill for a minute before brown eyes meet her own again. "And then we somehow got on the subject of baby names." Regina laughs at the memory but she makes sure to leave out the detail of how baby names led to them making love. She still feels herself blush a little from the memory and when her eyes meet Mallory's again she can see it in her friends face that she's already figured out what has been left unsaid.
She clears her throat as she clasps her hands together in front of herself before saying, "The point being, baby names led to me sitting here, the next day, in my office staring at this damn pill and wallowing in all of this self doubt."
"Yes, and I'm sure it didn't help with what yesterday was and all. I'm sorry for lashing out like that at you, Regina. I didn't put it together until just now what yesterday was and of course, everything is going to feel magnified and that certain fear with rise up in you. It's to be expected .. I know time helps but still - "
"What on earth are you talking about, Mal - " And then it hits her. It hits her like a freight train and she feels the air rush out of her lungs as she slowly stands up from her chair. She watches as Mallory's face turns white and she raises her hand up before Mallory can begin to speak again. "It's fine. You didn't say anything wrong." She walks around the desk and pulls her friend in for a hug and Mallory still feels the need to whisper an apology into Regina's ear. Both women's eyes are glistening as they pull away from the embrace before Regina offers her a quiet nod. Mallory takes the hint and leaves her then, exiting the room quickly.
~sqsqsqsq~
Emma turns the key in the lock and enters the penthouse, juggling a couple of bags of groceries in the process. She still refuses to leave them for the hired staff to bring up. She doesn't think she will ever get used to that idea. Regina isn't much of a shopper but when she does hit a few stores, it still baffles Emma how she just leaves her address with the shop owners and by the time they return home all of her purchases are already downstairs locked away in the holding room, just waiting for Regina to give the go ahead and have them all brought up. Emma's eyes still widen in amazement at just how ritzy Regina's lifestyle can be at times.
And she doesn't miss the smirk that passes over the doorman's face every time he holds open the door for her as she enters the lobby with her own hands full. Like he's just waiting for the day when she finally concedes and starts following along with this certain lifestyle; leaving her old blue collar status behind. She gives the man a determined look every damn time, mentally saying, 'It's never gonna happen, pal' while walking by him. It's come down to the principal of the whole thing and Emma will never budge. She's much too stubborn for that. She pushes the door closed with her back and makes it a few steps toward the kitchen before she glimpses Regina curled up on the couch, sipping a glass of wine. She has a fire going and Emma feels her heart jump a little inside her chest as she watches the shadows from the firelights glow dance across Regina's features.
"Hi baby .. you're home early. " Emma says and Regina meets her gaze and feels her heart pitter patter inside her chest as Emma's bright smile warms her better than any fire could. She notices the bags and quickly stands but Emma's voice stops her movements.
"Stay relaxing .. I'm just gonna put the cold stuff away and I'll be right back." Emma is already gone around the corner before Regina even has time to nod her head. Regina takes comfort in the sounds coming from the kitchen. The refrigerator door opening and then the hum of the appliance turning on as Emma rummages through the bags. Simple sounds that most people wouldn't think to acknowledge but today, Regina is taking stock in every little detail that etches across her life. It's like she is in tune to this special frequency that most people have no idea how to even turn on for themselves let alone be able to listen to. She feels fingertips brush across the nape of her neck before Emma sits down next to her and rests a hand on top of her thigh. She instantly clasps her right hand inside Emma's left, and pulls her in for a kiss.
Emma's lips are soft and gentle against her own as fingertips brush across her cheek. The pad of a thumb tickles underneath her chin as Emma pulls away and loving eyes stare into her own. Regina cant help but pull her back in for another kiss as she whispers, "I love you .. " against Emma's mouth.
Emma says those three words back and Regina can actually hear the love residing inside the melody of her voice. She can hear Emma's soft breaths as they whisper against the skin of her cheek. She can hear the scratching of fabric as Emma traces her fingertips up and down the side of her blouse. And then Emma is cupping her face and looking into her eyes and Regina watches as her brow furrows with worry lines before she asks, "Hey, are you okay? You seem .. you look sad."
Regina twirls a few loose strands of Emma's hair around her finger before she hears herself quickly mutter, "Yesterday was the anniversary of Daniels death and I .. I forgot." She wasn't looking at Emma when she announces this but now her eyes seek Emma's gaze. She watches as her eyes widen and she knows Emma is trying to think of something to say. But what can one say, really. She knows it's a touchy subject, a subject that she hasn't shared with her much. She goes to pull back from Emma but fingers curl around her wrist and bright eyes plead with her and Regina knows it's finally time to fill Emma in on that part of her life. She also knows that in doing that, when it's all said and done, it means that chapter will finally be closed for good and a part of her needs that.
So, she takes a reassuring breath and begins. "We were high school sweethearts .. we met our freshman year. Daniel and his parents had moved here from Chicago. His father was transferred for work; he was in financing. Anyway, we met, had a few classes together and he just wasn't like the other boys. He was .. an old soul if you will. He had this way about him. He was so kind and had this all knowing knowledge of how the World actually worked that no fourteen year old kid should have, really." She chuckles to herself and Emma squeezes her hand, kissing the top of it before she continues, "He had the most piercing blue eyes and warmest smile. We just .. clicked. By sophomore year, we were dating and from then on, we were always known as Daniel and Regina. Some kids were jealous of what we had but for the most part, because it was so very hard to actually dislike Daniel, most kids thrived to have what we had. Even some teachers too. Our connection was magnetic and sometimes it felt like what we shared was magical even." Regina tilts her head to the side, shaking it softly. "It's silly, I know."
"No, Regina. It's not silly at all." She smiles at her then and Regina leans forward, brushing her lips against Emma's for a moment because being near Emma calms her. Emma's touch brings her a peace, a tranquility that she hasn't felt since Daniel. And as Emma cups her face and pulls her in for a deeper kiss, she knows everything is going to be okay. She just knows it and finally accepts it.
When they pull away, Regina cuddles into Emma's side, leaning her head against her shoulder. Emma laces their fingers together and gives them a squeeze, beckoning for her to continue. "We went off to the same college together .. we both wanted to pursue teaching. Daniels dad was hoping one of us would take a liking to finance but we both found that career a bit boring and stuffy. So, we were college sweethearts, crazy in love and pursuing our respective educations. Those four years I spent with Daniel, well, I didn't think life could get much better than that. Our last two years in college, we lived together in a townhouse with two other students and it felt like we had the world at our feet. Like anything was possible for the two of us."
Regina stops talking and takes a few deep breaths, she hadn't thought about that time since she had started dating Emma. A lot of the memories she had shared with Daniel has slowly begun to evade her since meeting and falling in love with Emma Swan and she's finding it hard to place herself back into that frame of mind. In a way, it feels like she is talking about someone else's life. Someone else's memories entirely.
"I think I understand now what you were talking about when you told me about Natalie and how it was hard to put yourself back in that time for yourself, Emma. I struggled today with .. after our talk last night, today I found myself riddled with anxiety about losing you and all the bad things that could happen to us down the road and Mallory came into the office, and she was the one who reminded me what yesterday actually was. Daniel .. he died five years ago now and I've never forgot the date before. Ever. And I also realized, that I .. I can't remember the sound of his voice anymore."
Her voice breaks and she buries her face into the crook of Emma's neck as she begins to weep. Emma doesn't try to say anything, she just holds her and runs a few fingertips through Regina's hair and it's more than enough. It's one of the things Regina loves about her, Emma's quiet strength and understanding. She can't help but think it's one of the reasons they fit so well together, because Regina knows that she can be a force of nature, she knows this all too well about herself but Emma is always the calm before the storm.
Emma's voice fills the silence that has fallen around them as lips brush across the top of Regina's head. "How about I draw you a bath and then start on dinner, hmm?" It's Emma's way of giving Regina an out because she knows Regina is tapped out emotionally for the night.
Emma's fingertips gently scratch along Regina's scalp and she hears herself purr a quiet, "Yes," in response which warrants a chuckle from Emma. She begins to disentangle herself but Regina stops her with a hand to a wrist before she can fully stand up and tugs Emma down for a kiss. It's chaste, just a sweet peck but Emma knows what it means. She knows it's Regina's way of reminding her, that she, Emma Swan indeed possesses every inch of her heart and soul. The smile that brightly reaches her brown eyes confirms this as Regina gives her ass a playful smack before she leaves the room.
~sqsqsqsq~
They eat dinner on the couch, both women already donning their sleep wear. Emma in a t shirt and boy shorts and Regina wearing one of Emma's long t shirts with just a pair of underwear covering her up underneath. She doesn't miss the way Emma's eyes roam over her naked legs as she curls up on the couch with a plate of pasta on her lap. She sends the younger woman a wink and Emma blushes in response before looking down at her own plate while swirling a forkful of spaghetti into her mouth. The rest of their evening together runs like any other casual night. Regina leans back on one end of the couch, with her legs draped across Emma's lap, her head buried in a book as Emma absently massages her feet while watching a television show.
A show that every Monday night, Regina teases her to no end about. The newest episode of the Bachelorette is playing across the screen and Regina can't help but chuckle to herself as Emma's own mocking commentary fills the room at times.
"Sweetheart, if you find this show so comedic, why do you insist on watching every single season of it?" Regina chuckles at her and Emma tickles her foot in response.
"Because, every once in a blue moon, the process of the show really does work and you can actually witness two people like .. finding each other and even falling in love."
"Mm, yes .. I believe in the television world, that's what one calls editing, dear." Regina laughs.
"Oh, you wanna laugh, Mills .. hmm?" Emma tickles her way up Regina's leg until she finds the sensitive spot behind her knee and the regal woman starts to squirm, laughing and thrashing about in vain as she tries to get away from Emma's tickling touch.
"Enough .. okay .. enough .. " Regina giggles, still trying to squirm herself out from Emma.
"Say the magic word, your majesty." Emma's bright eyes tease the woman as she begins tickling behind her other knee.
"Bite me." Regina hisses and Emma quirks her eyebrows up in response.
She innocently replies, "Okay, as you wish."
And Regina's eyes widen in surprise before she gasps, "Emma Swan, don't you dare - "
Emma smiles down at her as she moves her body over the older woman's and then Regina feels her hair being brushed to the side before Emma's lips latch onto the inner slope of her neck. A low moan scratches the back of Regina's throat as she feels Emma's tongue lick her flesh before teeth nip and suck down on it. It's been awhile since Emma has marked her and she had forgotten just how good the younger woman was at this. Just the right dose of pain mixed with pleasure hits her nerve endings.
"You ready to say that magic word yet?"
"Never .. like I said before, bite me." Regina smirks at her because she knows what Emma will do and really, it's a win - win for her as she leans her head back, exposing the other side of her neck.
But Emma has other intentions as Regina watches her fiancé shake a finger at her before saying, "As you wish."
Regina narrows her eyes at Emma before she watches her inch backward and then Regina's left leg is being bent and tilted to the side as Emma's lips brush along the inner sanctum of her thigh.
Sweet Jesus.
Emma continues to kiss the meaty flesh, trailing her lips dangerously close to where Regina feels herself aching before Emma stops her movements, seeming to have found a desired spot and then a delicious shot of pain seethes Regina's flesh as Emma sinks her teeth into the exposed skin.
Regina arches up into the biting touch, letting her fingers find purchase in blonde curls as she rakes her scalp. Brown eyes catch a dark green gaze and Regina can't help but bite her bottom lip before nodding her head forward, silently urging Emma to place her mouth somewhere else entirely now.
"Magic word, Regina." Emma hums those three words into her bitten flesh before sitting herself back away from her.
She groans in annoyance as she gives Emma her most menacing glare. But then, a thought, an idea takes root inside her calculated mind and Emma watches as a magnificently bright smile beams up at her before Regina spreads her legs while whispering two words up at Emma. "Eat me."
Emma has to bite her tongue because, damn, Regina just checkmated her ass. She takes a glimpse at the television and watches as the closing credits scroll across the screen. She turns back to the other woman, annoyance lacing her voice as she states, "You made me miss the rest of my show." She pouts and Regina's face feigns innocence as she crooks a finger; beckoning Emma closer.
"No, I'm mad at you."
Regina's eyes sparkle in mischief as she shuffles herself forward and straddles Emma, whispering in her ear, "If I recall, you started this, Em-ma .. now what do you say about finishing it, hmm."
Emma takes a page from Regina's book and brings her lips to the older woman's ear, asking quietly, "Mm, are you wet, baby?"
Regina's eyes darken as she feels her body hum with anticipated pleasure. She answers back with her own rush of words against Emma's lips. "Find out for yourself."
"Say the magic word, and I will." Emma grins at her, that sheepish smirk that makes her dimples poke through and Regina smacks her arm for good measure.
"You are insufferable."
"It's okay, you don't have to say it, but no action for you tonight."
She pats her bottom before trying to stand up but Regina leans her chest forward, pinning Emma against the back of the couch. She slips her hand underneath Emma's boy shorts, cupping her in the process. Regina feels her penis begin to grow hard inside her enticing touch as she leans in close to Emma's ear. "How about I wrap my mouth around your cock .. would that be an adequate amount of magic for you, Emma?"
"If you say the magic word, baby, I'll bury my face between your legs and eat that pussy like it's a nine course meal."
"You need to stop watching porn with August."
"But it's a great way to play the shot game." Emma grins at her and Regina finds herself smiling back, nodding her head in agreement because this is true.
"I know what you are doing, you're trying to ruin the mood because I won't concede." Regina releases her and stands up, smoothing her t shirt down in the process. "And, congratulations, it worked." Regina winks at her before rounding the couch and with her head held high; she marches out of the room.
"One word, Regina! One word is all you had to say!" Emma calls out after her.
"Not gonna happen, Miss Swan!"
She hears the bedroom door shut but then it quickly opens again and a whoosh of something hits the floor before the door is shut again. She gets up and looks down the hallway to see a pillow and a couple of blankets staring back at her. A lock clicks into place and she rolls her eyes at the sound.
She doesn't give Regina the satisfaction of yelling at her through the closed door; she knows it will just fuel it all on so she graciously scoops up the bedding and makes her way to where she will be spending the night. Back onto the couch that started this whole mess to begin with. She sticks her tongue out at it before making herself as comfortable as can be.
~sqsqsqsq~