An Old Habit

I laid on my with my head phones listening to "please don't leave me" by P!nk. Listening to that was making think of Noah, hoping he wouldn't leave me, but I was also thinking about was this pain I was feeling, I haven't felt this pain scene my parents died and I was blaming my self for it and what I was doing was…

I got up and walk towards my older brother Matt's room, I opened the door and looked under his bed and got his pocket knife and went into my bath room and closed the door, I rolled up my sleeves and I open the knife and started cutting myself. I haven't done this scene my parents died, so I was punishing myself cause I was blaming myself.

By the time I was done I had made five cuts on both wrist. I just sat there with blood dripping from my wrists to the floor, It felt to so painful but in a way I felt better about myself but I didn't want to go back to this old habit. I got up and clean off my wrists and clean the knife and the floor. I look at my wrists again.

Bella: Guess I'll be wearing long sleeves for while

I put the knife on my desk next to my bed and sat on the end of the bed thinking If I should tell Noah what happen between Kyle and me, when all of the sudden my phone goes off. I open it up and saw it was a txt message from Noah saying "if I wanted to go down to the book store with him?" I thought to myself and this could be my chance to tell him so I txt him back saying "yes" then he txt me back saying he'll be right over, So I put on a black and white stripped long sleeved shirt so Noah can't see what I did to my wrist. I put some money in my wallet when I hear the doorbell ring, I slip on my vans and rush to the front door.

Noah: Hey

Bella: Hey

Noah gives me a kiss on the cheek and I smile back at him. We start walking towards town, I was hold Noah's hand the whole way there, but the whole way there I was think on how I should tell him? We stop at the curb waiting for the light to change, I kept look at my sleeves to make sure they showed nothing.

Noah: hey you ok?

Bella: ya I'm all right!

Noah: You sure? It looks like something on your mind?

Bella: um… Well…it's nothing really!

I let go of Noah's hand and quickly lean and move forward cause the light said we could cross but I saw that a car wasn't stopping!

Noah: BELLA!!!!

I feel Noah grab my wrist and quickly pull me back before the car hit me. I just stand their try to catch my breath because I started hyper venal ting. I could steal feel Noah's hand gripping my wrist but what I didn't know was my sleeve was down.

Noah: Bella what are these?

He just looks at me with fear in his eyes and I look at him with the same look in my eyes and I knew I had to tell him

Bella: Noah I have to tell you something….

This was an interesting chapter I had to do but still good I think, anyway sorry took so long to update I have not been feeling good lately but I'm better now so more chapters should be coming!