Frustration bled through the ink of his pen as it stained the paper before him. Crumpled letters laid spewed across the floor of his study. All his life Elijah had written letters, to old long dead friends, to his family, and even to himself.
But the fluidity and effortless candor that usual acquitted him was lost when he simply wrote her name.
Who knew paper and ink could be so vicious.
There was so much he needed to say, so many words he didn't even know how to use in addressing her.
The little details that usually meant nothing taunted him, should he begin with Dear Susannah, or something less classical and more bold, My Darling Susannah, perhaps even an opening of My Angel. Would Susannah appreciate an ending as simple as sincerely, or would his traditional ending of Always and Forever reign superior.
Inhaling a deep breath, glancing at the plethora of white roses he plucked from the garden that now sat at his desk in a crystal vase. The ones he had gifted to Susannah after their affectionate night of rest together.
The roses that were returned and no longer wanted.
Susannah,
If I could give you one last thing before I leave it shall be the truth.
You, Susannah, are the caretaker of my utmost affections.
Both my words and my conduct in our last correspondence were completely ungentlemanly- born of haste and high emotion, rather than friendship and high judgement.
I became a man ordered by want, and in that driven haze I hurt you.
As a selfish and self indulgent man, I cannot help but hold onto to what you bring to me. My blood- even as I write this-my blood, my muscle, and every fibre of my being, is listening for you. Listening for your heartbeat in my ever still but never silent room.
Even when we argue with heated words on the edges of are sharp tongues, I was still in your presence. Even when you have stolen from me so effortlessly, so gracefully. Even when you are the knife I would willingly turn into myself.
I can't help but imagine you reading this as I write. Your generously curved mouth lined straight as your face drained with an expressionless mask. Your eyes however, would say it all. Narrowed, rigid, cold, and hard- reflecting everything and seeing nothing.
There is much I want to say with no direction on as to how. This letter may simply be useless ramblings placed together in an attempt to show what I truly feel. It may, in the end mean nothing to you.
To truly give you not an excuse, but an explanation for my behavior in denying you the truth of my fondness, I must start from the time before I became the man I am today.
Love was something I placed on a pedestal, however pedestals are never safe. One wrong move and a far fall is sure to follow. I could give you the names of all I loved, but that wouldn't provide the clarity you so desperately seek. All I could offer is in that long list of names there has not been one to stay.
Needless to say, I no longer believe in the longevity of love as an endless, everlasting thing. It is only there for a moment and gone as quickly as it had come.
To speak of love was never meant to be the main topic of this letter, but I suppose some things can't help but fall back into it.
Any way is better than no way in reaching what I need to say.
This will be my quiet farewell.
I not only manipulated an innocent in order to draw out my mother in her wicked schemes, I involved you in something that you, my angel, had no place in joining.
I could hold you prisoner to this letter and list all the reasons I am doing this, but that would only be half the answer.
You have my deepest apologies and most sincerest regrets for the way I cannot do this face-to-face. But I do know how to write.
And I know, in a way, you will feel betrayed by my absence.
All I can say is you have my deepest apologies.
-Sincerely Elijah
He smiled faintly.
Standing from his desk, the items he needed already packed and ready to go, he left to the room Susannah rested in and placed the letter on the desk besides her bed. Her long hair spread out messily over the sheets, her lips parted as she sucked in breath after breath.
Her form fitting nightgown a pristine white, pooling around her body like liquid silk.
Using his knuckles to move a thick bundle of hair away from her face he leaned down and placed a kiss upon her forehead.
That was his final goodbye as he gathered his items and left, careful to not make a sound.
"What's your poison?"
The question was a dull repeat as the bartender cradled her head in her hands, leaning on her elbows as stared at Elijah with curious eyes. It had been hours since he left Mystic Falls, and he knew Susannah had already awakened to his letter. That was perhaps some form of torture to his already troubled mind.
Swiftly adjusting his cufflinks he spoke in a low voice,"Bourbon I suppose."
The drink had been one of the most popular ones in Mystic Falls, one he had no true feelings for or attachments. But he concluded that anything that linked to Mystic Falls, in a roundabout way, linked to Susannah as well.
The bartender offered a sad, small smile. Even if he didn't show pain, men like him only came around to escape such things. Pushing herself up she nodded and made her way to the back.
"If it isn't the noblest of the original family." Her voice purred from just behind him, thicker with forced seduction and false charm.
He didn't turn to face her, Katerina would have wanted that.
Instead he felt her slide into the chair besides him, her scent layered with perfume that made his nostrils burn with how sweet it was.
"How odd." She whispered as if she were playing a secret game.
Casting a sharp glance her way, to see the same face that tortured him for centuries. She was clad in an outfit obscenely inappropriate but garnered the attention she seemed to be seeking.
The smile that was on her face immediately fell when she met his eyes.
"Who is she?" Her voice was higher pitched than normal, catching with some emotion, jealousy perhaps. Elijah almost laughed at the notion.
He remained silent, as the bartender sat down his drink in front of him. Picking it up he took a long drag of the liquid, almost sighing at the lovely burn in the back of his throat. That burn accompanied with the sight of the bottom of the glass reminded him of the night he had lost control.
"I know there is someone."Katerina sounded so sure as she flipped her dark hair, her arms crossing.
Elijah cracked a smile,"What right do you have to know of any aspect of my life, Katerina? Or is it Katherine now?"
He watched her flinch at his cool tone, her hand immediately clenching around the side of the bar table. "You don't look at me the same." Her voice was quiet even though her words were bold ones to utter. She sounded sad in a misguided kind of way.
Katerina inhaled in deeply,"I should have known this would happen soon enough."
"Why do you say that?" Elijah said tapping his fingers against the wooden bar.
"You call me Katerina but you see me as Katherine." Licking her lips she continued in a dull voice," Katherine is nothing like your darling Tatia. There is hardly anything you can use to compare me to her any longer...so you don't.
Elijah opened his mouth to speak but Katerina raised her hand, holding him off.
"You pursued me because of my resemblance to Tatia, now that hardly matters because of this girl you refuse to speak of."
"I pursued you because I thought you were fascinating." There was no lie to his words as he finished he drink, waving his hand to alert the bartender. This time when she returned she left the bottle.
"I may have been infatuated with you but I was not blind Elijah. You were fascinated with my resemblance yes, but never with me."Taking a swig of Elijah's bottle, Katherine shook her head. "Now both of those things mean nothing."
There is silence.
A silence that is jittery and nothing like the silence he has with Susannah.
"Who is she?"
The question is one Elijah knows he can't answer. Who is she? Susannah. A name is not enough, just a simple title.
"It no longer matters." Elijah says simply, but his words are decorated with steel, warning Katerina to turn back. Almost more of a warning then his hand gripping her heart.
"Has she died?" Why couldn't she stop pushing? What was this obsessive need to know. To know who has removed her so easily from Elijah's heart and mind. Who branded her nothing more than a fleeting memory.
Elijah chuckles at that. An image of Susannah smiling and laughing, her hair falling over her eyes before she settles it back behind her ear once again. It's the best smile he's ever seen. The dimples that indent her cheeks, adorable.
He couldn't imagine her faded from existence. His fallen star wouldn't burn out. Running his hand over his chest where the edges of his tattoo lay he continued in his path of silence.
"You have left her." Katerina concluded, licking her lips she smirked. "What a cowardly-"
Her sentence was broken when Elijah's hand crushed her throat. The same hand that once reached to her in desire wanted to currently rip her apart. There was no gentleness in his touch, there was only the coldness in which Elijah regarded all enemies.
Wheezing out a terrible sound she dug her nails into his hand, trying to pull him away. Her eyes growing desperate and wide.
Releasing her roughly, he watched her collapse to the floor. The dirty and stained floor.
Katerina, a movement born out of desperation, stands and swiftly kisses the original. The kiss is cold and clammy, as she claws at him, begging him to respond. But Elijah remains unyielding. The kiss is nothing.
And when Katerina pulls away with tears in his eyes, he can't find it within himself to truly care.