Chapter 14 – Painful Memories

Getting ready for school was a little harder that morning, Sakura concluded as she pulled her dark grey waistcoat over her usual long sleeved, white blouse. It seemed harder to force herself to keep moving and don't even get her started on how long it had taken her to get out of bed. It had taken her mother seven attempts before she had finally all but dragged she out of it. After pulling on a pair of knee high black winter socks, Sakura walked into her closet and slipped on a pair of dark grey boots that also reached her knee. It was much colder now, but at their school, girls never wore pants. she couldn't remember whether or not it was a rule, but she could remember that never had a girl ever worn them, instead choosing knee high socks or tights. The waistcoat she was wearing wasn't to keep warm though, she just liked how it looked with her uniform.

Not bothering with makeup, she quickly brushed and straightened her hair before sluggishly walking downstairs for her breakfast. Like every other morning, it had been waiting for her, but also like every other morning, she had had to force it down. Now, Sakura was sat in the car with her mother on the way to school, trying not to throw it all back up.

Her life felt like routine now, like she knew exactly what to do or what to expect.

It had been two weeks since what had happened between her and Sasuke. During that time, they didn't speak to each other. He didn't come over. She didn't ask him to. Perhaps they just needed some time? Sakura wasn't so sure. In English, when they needed to sit next to each other and discuss what they had done so far, they still didn't speak. They simply got on with the work. She could tell that she had Kakashi worried, but what could she say to him? "Oh, me and Sasuke had sex. Well, it was more like he seduced me, used my body to take out his frustrations and hasn't spoken to me once in the past two weeks." No… because it wasn't entirely true, was it? Sasuke hadn't used her at all. She had let him take her. Sakura had wanted so badly to take away all the pain she had caused him.

Sighing almost inaudibly, she made her way to her first lesson. Today, she had English first, since it was Monday and because it was Monday, it also meant they would be splitting up into their groups. Why did the Gods hate her so much? Hadn't they made her suffer enough with the things they had already thrown at her?

Also, since she had been over at his house, Gaara had been a littler warmer to her. Well, as warm as Sabaku Gaara could be. He didn't seem against spending time with her anymore. In fact, they met after school two or three times a week, sometimes even at the weekend, and spent the entire day together. They would go watch movies, go to Sakura's favourite café (the one where she met Azuki), or just hang out. Despite his whole 'I hate everyone' attitude, Gaara could actually be quite a nice person. Not that she'd ever say that to him.

It was ten minutes after the bell that Kakashi arrived, making her scowl at him for once again being late. In return, he gave her a sheepish smile and tried to use an excuse of him helping some old woman. She knew it was a lie, but couldn't help but laugh at his excuse.

"Still not talking?" Sakura knew exactly who he was talking to and who about, so simply shook her head. Kakashi sighed. "Sakura, nothing good will come out of ignoring each other."

"Thanks for your advice, sensei."

Again, he sighed before looking forward, apparently not going to continue his conversation.

She bit her lip. What was the harm in asking one person what she should do? But would Kakashi understand? Or would he tell her she was too young to be getting herself involved with boys like she was or had been? Damn it. Why was it such hard work being a teenager? It wasn't fair. "Kakashi." He turned his head to the side, regarding her silently. "I think… I think I made a mistake."

"What do you mean?" This time, he turned to face her fully.

It almost made her scream with annoyance when she felt those traitor tears fill her eyes. No matter how hard she tried to push them away, they just kept coming. "I might have made something worse t-than what it already is…"

Out of the corner of her eye, Sasuke was the most tense she had ever seen him before, most likely because he could hear the shake in her voice and what she was saying. At her other side, although Sakura couldn't see her, she knew that Hinata would be hesitating on what she should do. She hoped the Hyuuga would just ignore her and get on with her work.

"What makes you think that?"

She closed her eyes, a single tear slipping down her cheek before she wiped it away almost furiously. "B-Because it's me. I always make things worse than what they already are." Kakashi frowned, silently telling her to continue, but Sakura quickly looked around before looking back at him. "C-Can we go to your o-office? I… I don't want to talk about t-this here."

It only took one look for him to realise what Sakura was really saying.

Translation: I'm about to breakdown and I don't want the entire class to see.

Almost instantly, Kakashi was on his feet and grabbing Sakura's things for her. He gave a curt nod to Kurenai before guiding the pink haired teenager out of the class as quickly and as silently as he possible could. Sakura could feel everybody staring at her, just like they did every day, so kept her head down, hoping that her hair kept her face covered. The stare that got to her the most, however, with Sasuke's, but Sakura refused to meet his eyes.

The moment they were outside of the classroom, she was pretty much hyperventilating and seeing that, he forced her to lean against the wall, placing her things down onto the ground as he did. Her tears were coming much faster now, seeming much more alarming and it worried him. One moment, she had been… not fine, but definitely not like this and then the next, it was almost as though Sakura was having a panic attack.

"It's okay, Sakura," he told in what he hoped was a soothing voice, his eyes glued onto hers even though she was staring at the floor with wide eyes. "Nothing–"

"Don't," Sakura whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. "Don't tell me that nothing is wrong. It's a lie and we both know it!"

Trying to keep her calm as she was starting to raise her voice, Kakashi knelt before her and packed away her things, not even caring that he looked a little strange slipping a teenage girl's bag over his shoulder. Once he was done, Kakashi stood up straight again, forcing Sakura to look him in the eyes. "Why don't we–"

"No!" she all but screamed at him, leaning further back onto the wall and slapping away his raised hand like it was a venomous snake.

Kakashi frowned. Where was this coming from? Although it didn't hurt, Sakura had never raised a hand against him. It was against school rules for her to do so and since returning, she'd followed them more or less religiously. That wasn't the part that concerned him, though. It was the look in her eyes, the look that seemed so far away. She wasn't even aware of what she was doing. "Sakura–"

"Leave me alone!" she suddenly sobbed, clutching her head and sliding down the wall.

He knew for a fact that everybody had heard that.

Kurenai was suddenly popping her head out of the classroom and as the door opened, Kakashi heard the class talking to one another, talking about Sakura. The look on the woman's face was a mixture of shock, wariness and concern. "Kakashi, what's wrong with Sakura?"

Not having any idea how to answer the question, Kakashi simply ignored her and knelt in front of Sakura. The girl was trembling, her eyes squeezed shut and her head in her hands as she sobbed loudly. What was going on? What had been the cause of this sudden mood swing? Lightly, Kakashi placed his hand on her shoulder, but he immediately let go of her when he felt her entire body tense, as he saw her close in on herself even further.

"Kurenai-sensei, what's–"

"Get back in your seats, all of you," Kurenai snapped at her class, giving both Sakura and Kakashi a concerned look before entering the room once again, shutting the door behind her and biting her lip with worry.

It was almost five in the morning and yet Sakura had only just returned home. She was limping, her body was bruised, cut and bleeding and she had had to all but drag herself home.

The lights were all off and her parents' cars were both gone, which told her that they had either left early for work or didn't even come home. Unless the cars were in the garage, of course. Whatever the reason, Sakura was grateful. She couldn't risk waking them up, not looking like this. They would jump to conclusions; they would judge her and yell at her. She wasn't sure she could handle something like that, not now and maybe not ever.

When the door was locked and bolted and Sakura had finally made it to her bedroom, not even bothering to switch the light on, her resolve broke and she fell to her knees.

Her insides shook with each sob as her hands gripped at her ruined dress, all but tearing it from her body, which left her feeling quite surprised that she even had any strength left, since she was feeling so weak. Her eyes continued to pour tears down her cheeks until they stung and burned, until dehydration kicked in, but even when she thought she had done crying, Sakura continued to cry and it felt like she was dying with each tear. Clenching her fists tightly, she slammed them into the wooden floor until her knuckles burned, until they split, cracked and bled. Between her hysterical sobs, she coughed from trying to take deep, pathetic breaths. She screamed her desperation, her pain and her sadness until she couldn't even whisper, until she couldn't even make a sound.

The pain was too much and it felt like it was killing her.

Eventually, the trembling eased up slightly and when Sakura slowly released the hold on her hair, lifting her head to look around the hallway, Kakashi sighed with relief, only to tense when green eyes snapped to his, wide and scared.

"K-Kakashi?"

"Come on, we'll go to my office."

She stood on shaking limbs and hesitantly, Kakashi reached out to help her stand and walk. Thankfully, this time, Sakura didn't flinch away from him, if anything, she seemed grateful and had no problem with leaning on him, with keeping a tight hold of him.

"How are you feeling, Sakura?" Kakashi asked as he guided her towards his office.

She was still trembling and had a thin layer of sweat covering her body as she raised a hand to her face, rubbing her eyes. "What happened?"

"What do you remember?"

Once they were inside the office, Kakashi sat her down and opened the window behind the sofa a crack, letting a soft breeze enter the room and cooling down the girl, who still looked rather shaken up. A soft frown settled on her features, like she was trying to remember what had happened. "We were talking in class… about a m-mistake that I had made." Kakashi nodded, grabbing a bottle of water out of the miniature fridge under his desk and handing it to her. She took it gratefully, uncapping it and taking a large gulp before reluctantly continuing slowly, "…We left the class, but then… I-I don't remember what happened."

He knew she was lying. He could tell by the way she was suddenly avoiding eye contact and how her hold tightened on the bottle. However, while he knew that he should make Sakura talk about it, Kakashi didn't want her to have another episode such as that. Yes, he would be more prepared for it this time (even though he should be prepared all of the time), but it would still be a strain on her body and mind, which would be pretty dangerous due to her condition, her illness. "I believe you may have had a panic attack, Sakura." At her startled look, he sat down beside her, softening his tone somewhat to a comforting one. "It wasn't as bad as it could have been, although you did become rather distressed and wouldn't let me help you."

"W-What do you mean?"

"Well." Kakashi leaned back in his seat slightly, his eyebrows knitting together. "I put my hand on your shoulder, but you completely tensed up, almost like…" For a moment, he seemed to be thinking his words over carefully, like he wasn't even sure if he should say them, before sitting up straight again, looking her in the eye. "It was a little like how Gaara reacts to being touched."

Sakura's eyes widened. "Did I attack you?"

He shook his head, giving her a small, unseen smile. The only reason she could tell that he was smiling was because of the way his eyes creased. "You only tensed up, kind of like how Gaara does. You didn't get angry, you just tried to get away from me."

She looked down at the ground, once again refusing to make eye contact. "…Oh."

"So what did you want to speak about, Sakura?"

"It doesn't matter now," Sakura told him a little too quickly. "I'll be fine."

Again, Kakashi could tell that she was lying.

Sakura was not going to be fine.

A/N – Since you were all so generous with your reviews last night, I decided to update again! You must think I have no life, hahaha. Yeah... I don't have a life.

So, I gave you all quite a few clues in this chapter. If you haven't already worked them out, though, then you're just going to have to wait. It will all be revealed soon enough but for now, it's just going to be little things like in this chapter.

OH! One of my absolute favourite characters will be coming into the story next chapter. Originally, they weren't going to be a part of it, but meh. I love him!

HOPE YOU ENJOYED AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! :-)