A/N: Thank you CraftyTink529, xXParieceXx, x0allisonqt0x, ThatGirl54, extremechaingangenigma, WalkingAllOver, Miss Magic 101, nikki1335, Cena-holic8 and XoJLRoX for reviewing the last chapter, you guys are fantastic!
Seeing as you were all so great at leaving feedback, I thought I'd fit in the next chapter of this before I leave to go on holiday tomorrow. I don't get back until next Saturday, but because I already have a bit of this written, I'll update it as soon as I get back – that's if you all leave reviews!
I hope you enjoy this one.
Chapter 14 – Idiot
"You and John... are, well, spending an awful lot of time together again."
I groaned, knowing full well that this conversation was going to come up sooner or later. It was like Julie had a six sense; she knew everything about how I felt. But right now, I really wasn't up for talking to her about it.
"Look, can we leave this for another time, please? I'm kinda tired..."
"Hmm, of course we can hunnie..." Julie nodded with a smile.
I frowned to myself, wondering if I had heard my friend correctly. She didn't usually give up this easily. Perhaps it was a method of hers to get me to talk?
And strangely enough, as she stood up and began to walk away, it began to work. I wanted to talk to her about my problem... I needed her advice.
"Julie, wait... I need to tell you something."
I looked down at my hands, wondering just how I was finally going to admit my feelings for John out loud. I knew that once this was out, it was going to create a large number of problems.
But it was for the best. Someone would eventually find out the truth, so I might as well talk to Julie about it first. She always had some sort of advice to give me about my troubles. She was like my own personal shrink.
"Okay, what is it, hun?" She asked, walking back over to me as we both took a seat at the front of my tent.
"I... I love him, Julie. I'm in love with John."
As the words left my mouth, I felt relief wash over me. It was like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I wouldn't have to keep it from her anymore, I could talk to her openly about my feelings for John, and she'd most likely have something to tell me to help me along the way.
But that didn't mean that I'd not have this burden the rest of the time. I'd still have to hide it from John, and I now spent the majority of my time with him. Would I really be able to keep my mouth shut? Would I really be able to keep my feelings at bay when we were such close friends now?
"I thought as much," Julie sighed beside me, shaking her head, "Does he know?"
"No," My eyes grew wide as I turned to look her way, "You know, I'd love more than anything to be able to tell him, but that isn't gonna happen, is it? If I told him now he'd probably just freak out and never want to speak to me again. And I wouldn't blame him, either."
"You really haven't noticed, have you?" The dark haired woman asked with a small smile.
"What?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What are you talking about?"
"I'm not saying that you should mention anything to him now, because that would most definitely be the wrong thing. He's still grieving for his girlfriend, it's apparent, and it's totally normal... but that doesn't mean that he'd freak out if you did tell him the truth. He likes you too, more than you know."
I eyed her speculatively, wondering how she had all this knowledge. Then again, knowing Julie, John probably went to her for help with relationship issues too.
"He... does?" I asked, slight shock present in my tone.
"Of course," She chuckled lightly, "Haven't you noticed the way that he looks at you? Or that the only time he ever really smiles is when he's spending time with you? And do you really think that if he wasn't interested in you too, that he'd be spending that time with you in the first place? He is a guy, remember," She grinned at me.
I smiled back, realising that what she was saying was actually making the slightest bit of sense to me. But, even so, I couldn't tell him how I felt. My smile disappeared, and was quickly returned with a frown as I remembered the situation I was in.
"That didn't help, you know," I groaned, placing my head in between my knees, "Now you're telling me that John likes me too, but I still can't tell him that I love him."
"I didn't say you couldn't," She shrugged lightly, "Just not now, that's all."
Right, not now. But when would it ever be the right time to tell him? How would I know if he had ever really gotten over his girlfriend? Maybe he never would. Maybe we'd be stuck on this island forever, and I'd never get the chance to tell him how I felt because he would always be grieving. Or maybe... I sighed, my mood growing even dimmer as another possibility came to mind.
"Julie, what if we get rescued? What if tomorrow, some plane flies over and spots us all here and I never get the chance to tell him?" I asked her, my voice quiet.
"I really doubt it, hun," She smiled at me comfortingly, before patting me on my knee and getting up to leave me alone.
I sighed to myself, realising that Julie was probably right. Chances were that we weren't going to get rescued; we'd been here for a few months now... it was pretty obvious that we'd be here forever.
But then again, my chances had always been terrible. Knowing my luck, we would get rescued tomorrow, and I'd never get to see John again. The one man that I had only ever truly loved and he'd be taken away from me in a blink of an eye.
I lifted my head to look out at the other survivors on the beach, my eyes landing on the man who I couldn't get out of my mind. Despite my mood, I smiled ever so lightly as I watched him helping some of the other men on the beach to move a bunch of large logs over to the fire area. He picked them up over his shoulders with no problem at all, while the others struggled to carry one between them.
Why did things always have to be so complicated? Out of the entire population of men on the planet, why did I have to fall for the one that had only just lost his girlfriend? Why did I have to fall for the one who I couldn't admit my feelings to? Why was I such an idiot when it came to love?