First thanks for all your reviews. Some of you don't seem pleased with the last chapter, but hey! we need a little bit of drama! Don't worry our favorite bitch won't stay apart too long.
Just a little note. I supposed that most of you already do that but I'll tell for those who don't. When I put song lyrics in a story, I strongly suggest that you go listen to this song, it's all part of the soul and heart of the story. Txs.
Santana's POV
Quinn was in Kurt's room for about an hour now and I'm just there sitting on my fucking couch like a fucking coward. I should have went after her and try to explain what I meant. Instead I was just standing there like an idiot, watching her leave the living room with teary eyes. This sight torn my heart apart, I was the cause of all this hurt on her face. Damn I hate myself right now.
I stayed up all night watching Kurt's bedroom door hoping that by miracle Quinn would get out of there. I drank a beer or two and ate the bag of cinnamon lips candy that Quinn bought earlier at the grocery store, it reminds me of her lips…
The sun was going up now. I heard noises in Kurt's room. My body tensed, I got off the couch and made sure I was presentable. The door opened and Quinn got out, fully dressed with her bags in hand.
Wait her bags? Shit! She's leaving.
- Quinn?
She looked at me with red eyes full of hurt.
- I'm leaving.
She went as fast as she could to the main door.
- Wait! Give me at least a chance to explain myself!
- There's nothing to explain Santana. I get it, you want to keep it friends, you're too afraid to change things. I get it.
Her voice was hard, but she wasn't screaming like last night.
- Quinn, I want us to still be friends, but what I really mean is…
- No Santana! I've been waiting for you … for so long ! Five years ! You know how long is five years of waiting for someone ?! I won't stay there waiting anymore. So, NO, no, I don't think we can keep it friends. And if that's what you want then….
Kiss her.
For once I'll listen to you.
I don't let her finish. I palm her cheeks before capturing her lips with mine. This kiss was not like the one we shared last night. It was more tender and full of meaning. I wanted that kiss to say everything.
After a moment, Quinn lifted one hand to my face, dropping her bag on the floor. She was taking possession of the kiss now. My hands went to her waist, pulling her closer to me. We kissed until we couldn't ignore the need for air.
When we broke the kiss, she opened her eyes slowly and looked into mine. It was like two big hazel questions marks. I spoke first.
- I want to be with you Quinn. I just don't want to lose our friendship in this. What I meant yesterday is that I want you to be my best friend and my girlfriend.
- Are you sure about this?
I would lie if I say that I'm sure. Cause I'm not. I don't know if I'm ready to get into this. Yes I am over Brittany, totally, but am I willing to risk my heart? I think I am, but I'm not 100% sure.
- Y…No.
I let out in a sight.
- I don't want to lie to you Quinn. I don't know If I'm sure about this.
- I need you to be sure San. I need you to be sure you want to be with me, like in commitment. I don't say you have to propose to me but I don't want a fling… I love you San and I won't be able to stand a non-serious thing.
I'm totally afraid of that commitment thing. Why? What I have with Quinn is totally different than what I have experienced before with Britt… it feels like it's more real like in more serious. With Britt it was kind of … easy. We didn't talked much about us, we were just living it. Of course she was my best friend and my first love but it didn't worked that well between us. Maybe that's why I'm scared.
- Quinn I- I want to but…
- Look. I already have booked my train. I'm going back to Yale. Take the rest of the week for yourself, figure out what you really want, San.
I don't want her to go. It's only Monday…
- Quinn. Stay please. I implored her.
She shook her head.
- I have to go.
Her lips brushed mine in a short gentle kiss before she leaned to take back her bag on the floor and leave. And here I was again standing there like an idiot watching her leave. As soon as she left, it felt like everything was so empty.
I wanted her to stay. But she is probably right, I need to figure out what I really want and I better figure it out fast before I lose my chance!
First, let's eat. Thinking is better when your full they say. Thank god to Quinn for buying all this food, we usually don't have much too eat here.
Second, Kurt. I pick up my phone and send him a text.
S: Hey Lady Hummel! How's it going in Lima?
K: Hey you! You're up early! Everything's fine here. What about you?
I forgot it was only 7 in the morning.
S: Didn't sleep. Things are not that well.
K: ?
S: Quinn.
K: Have you told her yet?
S: Not really. But she kind of did.
K: What do you mean?
S: Quinn told me she loves me…
K: Oh! And why isn't that good?
S: I kind of freaked out. And I made her cry. And then I kissed her. And then she left for Yale saying I've got to figure out what I want.
K: Oh!
S: Yeah…
K: Call me.
I never was best friend with Kurt in high school, in fact he probably hated me for how mean I was with him. Moving to New York and living with him certainly changed some things, I feel closer to him now. He and Rachel are like a family for me and Kurt's like this brother I can talk to about everything. I told him about Quinn when we got back from the non-wedding of . He was surprised but always thought there was a somewhat gay vibe about Quinn.
«She's not gay, just another college girl experimenting. We were drunk and she choose to try me»
«Why are you sounding so disappointing? I thought you said the sex was good?»
«It was. The thing is I can't get her off of my mind now.»
«Do you have feelings for Quinn, Santana?»
«What? No! No. It's probably the lack of sex I've been experimenting for a few weeks…»
He looked at me with these incredulous eyes of him and I knew that I couldn't fool him.
«Maybe… I think I do» I told him, a hint of fear in my voice.
«Well that's something!»
Since then Kurt and I talked a lot about Quinn. He said to me that I should tell her but I couldn't. He said that he understood but insisted that I had to do it, whatever happens next at least I wouldn't be wondering, what if…
So, I dial Kurt's number and wait for him to pick up.
- Hello Santana.
- Hey Kurt.
- How are you feeling?
- Do I really need to answer that question?
- Tell me what happened.
- The past few days, Quinn has been kind of flirtatious I would say. I mean she was all touchy, and she took me to dinner and… well. Coming from any other girls the message would have been clear. But coming from Quinn I thought it was just friendly flirt or that she just wanted to make fun of me.
- Make fun of you for what?
- Because Friday I was drunk and I asked her to kiss me goodnight and because I sang that cheesy song on stage with her. Quinn mocking me was the only real explanation for her behavior you know. Saturday night before we went to bed she was the one to ask for a good night kiss.
- Did you gave her?
- No. I thought she was just making fun of me Kurt! To be brief, I ignored all those signs because I was too stupid to see she really wanted me. Yesterday we had a movie night and she asked me to play Truth or Dare. My last dare was to kiss her, and I was totally losing any control of the situation. After the kiss, I put on another movie and stayed as far from her as I could. And then, she exploded! She was like screaming at me and she seemed pretty angry. She told me that I was blind and that she was tired that I wasn't seeing her interest for me and that I kept pushing her away. I didn't really knew what to say, fear took upon me and the word I got out all went wrong!
- It's ok Santana, just breath a little. Don't cry please.
My voice was a little shaky and Kurt was trying to reassure me, which he is pretty good for.
- What happened next?
- I said something like I don't want it to change between us and I saw in her eyes that I just broke her heart. She left for your room for the night without letting me a chance to explain. This morning when she got out, her bags were ready and her train ticket was bought. I tried to explain myself but she wouldn't hear me out so I kissed her and she kissed me back. I told her that I want to be her friend and her girlfriend. She asked me if I was sure. But I couldn't say yes Kurt 'cause I am not, I'm so scared! And then she left, telling me to think about what I want, that she loves me and that she can't wait anymore!
Now it was too much, tears fell down of my eyes.
- Oh God… It's alright Santana. I don't think the situation is all bad. See, I think she is right. Not that you have to figure out what you want because I think you already know it. You just need to accept it, accept all you feel for her and accept that yes it could mean a broken heart but I think it's totally worth it. Don't you think Quinn worth it Santana?
- Yes..yes, she totally does.
I said between little sobs.
- So take some time to work on your fear and when your ready go get her for Jesus sake! Don't let her go Santana!
- Yes, you're right. Thanks!
- Anything for my roomie.
- Kurt?
- Yes?
- Do you really think, Quinn and I… this could work?
- I do.
- Ok. Enjoy your time in Lima.
- See you soon. Take care.
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears [oh my]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair [that's right]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
Am I the only one who thinks an impossible task?
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?
This song just came up to my mind and it seems like it's applying perfectly. So here I am, alone in this empty appartment singing my heart out. Singing always helped me with feelings and thinking clearer.
Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom
You say you care and I know you do
But this is from my experience
And my conclusion only makes sense
Just cause I love u and u love me,
It doesn't mean that that we're meant to be,
I can climb mountains, swim cross the seas,
But the most frightening thing is you & me!
Most circumstances I know my fate
But in this love thing I don't get the game
Why does it feel like those who give in,
They only wind up losing a friend?
Just cause I love u and u love me,
It doesn't mean that that we'll ever be,
Fly cross the ocean, sing for the Queen,
But the most frightening thing is you & me!
I'm not sure no, I'm not sure
But if we never try we'll never know
It's better to have loved than not to love at all
But trying is worst than to stumble and fall
And if what we do?
I'd rather it be with you
Cause at least there will be
Sweet memories
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears [oh my]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair [that's right]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
Am I the only one who thinks an impossible task?
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?
If we never try, we'll never know…
Song was Lions, Tigers and bears by Jazmine Sullivan.
Please tell me what you think and favorite/follow. :)