4.1 (I am writing to tell you all that I am abandoning the Mega Man Loops and shall henceforth be writing about the drama that the Yggdrasil admins get up to instead.)
"You have to hide me!" Coyote heard before a thoroughly distressed and weeping female form tackled him back into his office, somehow managing to land them both in a compromising position. "My husband's after me with those horrid valkyrie hussies of his! It's so terrible! Booohoohooooo!"
'Aphrodite,' the trickster god mused, content to let a beautiful female form, no matter how distasteful the actual personality was underneath the pretenses, cuddle up to him while he mused over the situation. Hermes has put out a 'prank at will' hit on the love goddess recently and while the notion of 'trickster solidarity' was laughable at best, the loose-knit inter-pantheon group knew when another was being serious. And Hermes was very serious about this.
Apparently the goddess had tried a spiteful prank on her husband in the middle of a critical operation where such a distraction could have resulted in an entire branch of Yggdrasil collapsing. Coyote loved a good prank as much as the next trickster god, but even he knew there were lines you just didn't cross. Certainly not without expecting a world of pain in retaliation. A lesson he himself had learned from painful experience.
Plus, her husband Hephaestus was one of the smart gods. The idea of tricksters having rules might have been patently ridiculous, but staying on the good side of someone highly intelligent was always a sound idea. As was staying on the good side of the guy who made the best toys.
"Well, my dear," the old trickster chuckled to himself in a way that would have sent a more sensible being to running as far and fast as they could, "it's quite simple! Your husband and his cohorts are looking for the most beautiful goddess in the heavens, correct?"
"Yes!" Aphrodite beamed at him, utterly clueless as to what he might be planning. "You must save me from the barbaric ravagings they'll inflict on me! I'm too beautiful to suffer such indignities!"
"No worries, madam!" Coyote's grin grew wider. It was almost too easy. "If they are looking for the most beautiful goddess, then all we need do is make you the ugliest goddess! They'll never suspect a thing!"
Coyote cast a plethora of memory-to-photograph spells in rapid succession. The look on Aphrodite's face was going to be this season's best seller by a wide margin.
4.2 (Yeah, right! Now let's get on with some Megaverse April Foolishness!)
Roll grumbled to himself as he faced off against the president of the Percussions. This had been an aggravating Loop for several reasons. For one, he was a male model this Loop instead of a female one, originally built as a harpsichordist. An Unawake Rock, built for proctology, was similarly his sister instead of brother.
For another, all of the robot masters and their weapons and weaknesses had been flipped around without rhyme or reason. For example, Sheep Man had ended up weak to Spring Coil which had been gained from Hard Man during Dr. Wily's π(Pi)th invasion.
The latest crop had consisted of Picket Man, Turbo Man, Hyper Storm H, Centaur Man, Shark Man, and Ra Thor with their weapons being ugly unrelated to the houses looted by their names and appearances.
And then there was their president. The aquamarine and purple armor and the red shaded visor with the green helmet crest jumped an ensemble that slapped Quint. Except the president of the Percussions was female.
'Please don't secretly be Waltz...' Roll prayed as his opponent brought out the bulldozer/slinky hybrid known as Sakugarne to begin the battle.
"Just what do you think you're doing?" the voice of Hephaestus interrupted the admin using his terminal.
"Waiting for you to get back?" Coyote tried hopefully. Maybe if he played innocent, the God of the Forge wouldn't notice the contents of the dis–
"And fiddling with the Loop scenario parameters," the divine smithy crossed his arms challengingly.
'Worth a shot,' Coyote winced at being caught. He'd honestly thought he had more time. "Eh, heh... April Fool's?"
Hephaestus's scowl deepened. "You have thirty seconds to explain why I should not make an example of you."
"You wife came to me pleading for me to hide her from you," Coyote began.
"I care not for her imagined worries or current location," the volcano god snorted in contempt. "I am in too good a mood to let her, or you, ruin it with inane antics."
"Yeah, I figured you weren't actually after her for real. You volcano gods aren't exactly subtle when you're mad," Coyote allowed nervously before remembering that his grace period was dwindling fast. "But I told her I could help, since if you were looking for the 'most beautiful' goddess, then I would hide her as the ugliest goddess!"
Hephaestus continued to stand there impassively, but his lack of aggression despite Coyote's time expiring was promising.
"I have pictures," Coyote grinned, producing a respectable album. One quite professionally bound and designed. "On the house for you and your lovely companions if you can find it in yourself to forget this little incident."
Hephaestus looked interested in the trickster's offer, but he had a duty first. "If you have done no lasting harm, then deal."
"Cross my heart, hope to fry, stick a teatray in my eye," Coyote promised as he handed the album over. "I'll drop some more with your companions on my way out."
4.3 (Masterweaver)
"So what you're saying is, in order to have your weapon, I need to defeat you."
Ice Man rolled his optics. "Yes, you pathetic bundle of circuits! Honestly, why did Lightbright upgrade you?"
"I'm just trying to clarify here." Rock crossed his arms. "If I do not have your weapon, you have not been defeated."
"That would be a logical conclusion."
"So if I defeated you, I would have your weapon."
"You're very circular in your reasoning, but yes."
"Thus, if I have your weapon, I have defeated you."
Ice Man sighed. "Yes. That's exactly it Rock. That's it."
The blue bomber nodded, shifted his Mega Buster, and froze a portion of the wall solid.
Ice Man gaped in surprise, staring at the wall for so long he almost missed Mega Man walking away. "That... Hey! Wait, where are you going?!"
"I have your weapon, therefore you are defeated," Rock replied, fighting to keep a straight face. "Quod erat demonstrandum, as the Romans say."
"What-No! You're supposed to take my weapon, not just copy it!"
"You really want me to rip you apart to get at your icing mechanism?"
"Yes! Wait, no." Ice Man shook his head. "I'm not defeated! Walk away and I've won!"
"And yet you have demonstrably lost by your own logic." Rock shook his head sadly. "Don't throw a tantrum about it."
4.4 (Terrace)
Rock had found dealing with the various Robot Masters significantly easier over the course of successive Loops. His ability to recall the weapons he'd copied off of them in the baseline, without needing to fight them first, meant that even those who'd been an utter bitch to fight in the baseline, like the upcoming Airman, only required minor amounts of effort now.
What was really annoying were the variant Loops where the Robot Masters changed in some way. Dr. Light noted that many of those incidents might be the result of Wily Dreaming of info and technical schematics that he wouldn't ordinarily come up with for years. Shaking things up from routine might be mentally healthy to some, but Rock liked predictable opponents. They tended to be less lethal.
His first hint that something had changed came when he started hearing music on his approach to Airman. It was only when the Japanese lyrics started that Rock brought a hand to his face.
"Wily, you asshole." He was all but screaming to Rock that this batch of Robot Masters was upgraded...
4.5
"So Auto's been making his own robot masters this Loop?" Rock asked his father.
"Indeed he has," Dr. Light replied. "There have been some bugs of course, but the designs are rather interesting."
"Who's he made so far?"
"Let's see," Dr. Light pondered. "Surprise Man, a robot that can change appearance in an instant; Shake Man, a blender themed robot; Giga Auto, a 57-meter tall replica of Auto himself; Massage Man, a robot created to give massages; TV Man, who has a television as his head with a face shown in the screen; Watermelon Man, a watermelon-themed robot; the submarine-themed Submarine Man; and his latest creation who he's only told me is called Sexy Man. He's been showing them to Bass."
All of a sudden Bass stormed in, lipstick marks all over his face (Roll could be heard laughing hysterically in the other room), and stomped up to the father and son duo.
"You. Will. Never. Let. Auto. Build. Another. Robot. Master. EVER."
REATTEMPTING ACTIVATION OF LOOPER CANDIDATE 'BASS'...
ERROR: ACTIVATION FAILED.
BRANCH DESIGNATED 'MEGA' CURRENTLY UNABLE TO SUPPORT CANDIDATE 'BASS' AS LOOPER.
COMPILING LOOP MEMORY DATA FOR LATER ATTEMPT...
LOOP TITLE:
4.6
AWAKENING:
Hotaru blinked as she Awoke in a strange place. It... looked like one of her father's labs, but fairly different from what she was used to. Shaking her head, she realized she was in some kind of alcove with wires feeding from the wall into various points of her... oh.
Apparently she was a robot.
JOINING THE TEAM:
Hotaru: So we're all robots?
Usagi: Seems like it so far. It's weird. Luna's a robo-cat and has actually been tolerable. It's my 'dad' that's been on my case about my study habits.
Hotaru: Who's your dad?
Usagi: Some Dr. Light fellow. Like that video game from the Hub. Which would be a cool change of pace really. I could have super-awesome lasers to shoot youma with! Pew! Pew!
Hotaru: *giggles* Well, any problem with me joining the senshi early again? Assuming that's what we are this time?
Usagi: Not at all! Watching Beryl soil herself when she sees the 'senshi of death and rebirth' never gets old!
CUT TO: SCHOOL.
Usagi: Why do I still have to go to school?! I'm a robot!
Hotaru: I'm more worried about why I can't clearly remember anything between you saying I could join the team and ending up here.
Usagi: But Hotaru! It's schoooooolll... Boring, boring, I've-had-these-dang-lessons-for-foorreevveerr school!
Hotaru: And now you're reminding me why I didn't hang out with you more in the baseline.
Usagi: *chagrined* Sorry.
CUT TO: AFTER SCHOOL.
Usagi: *confused* I see what you mean about not clearly remembering things between certain points. I just skipped school while still going.
Hotaru: I know, right?
Rei: *sighs* Another messed-up Loop with the meatball head. How did we even meet this time?
Ami: No clue. I'm more concerned with the fact that we're all robots.
Makoto: I'm not! I wanna see just how strong I am! I bet I can punt a youma through three walls, no senshi powers needed!
Minako: I hope I've got some cool lasers! Pew! Pew!
Usagi: That's what I said!
CUT TO: DOWNTOWN
Usagi: *eyes bugged out while looking at a display on her arm* Holy cow! Is that my allowance?!
Minako: *looking over Usagi's shoulder* Holy boiled ravioli! What does your dad make?!
Ami: *confused* Weren't we just leaving school...?
Hotaru: Yeah, that seems to be a thing this Loop.
Usagi & Minako: Shopping Spree!
Rei: Someone stop them!
{Sudden explosion heralds the arrival of a new character}
Rei: Not exactly what I meant, but I'll take it.
Jadeite: BWA-HAHAHAHAHA! Tremble in fear, ye mortals! For I am Jadeite of clan Wily!
Makoto: That explains that 'W' crest on his uniform...
Jadeite (ignoring interruptions): General supreme of the Dark Technocracy! Surrender your spiritual energy to power our mighty machines of war now or be crushed under the mechanical might of my youma masters!
{Civilians run screaming}
Makoto: Wait, I just realized. None of us have our transformation pens yet, do we?
Usagi: Doesn't really matter. We can just get them out of our subspace pockets.
Hotaru: Wait a second on that. I think I found something in my data banks.
Jadeite: Go and show these humans why it is foolish to resist! Jeweled Woman Morga!
{A robotic youma appears, what looks like jewels sticking out of her body in various places}
Hotaru /accesses her databanks
Hotaru's databanks /Experimental Public Defense Transformation Protocols 'Silver Millenium' online.
Hotaru /begins transformation subroutine
Hotaru's databanks /Acknowledged. Transformation to Saturn Woman commencing.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
BIRTH OF A HEROINE:
{Hotaru's form is consumed by a flash of light and when it subsides, reveals that she is clad in armor designed in the style of her baseline senshi mode complete with Silence Glaive style polearm}
Hotaru (jumping defiantly in front of the robotic youma): Halt!
Jadeite: Ah, it appears some sport has arrived.
Hotaru: You have no right to terrorize the people of this fair city, nor any claim upon their spiritual energy! Cease your actions and leave, or be punished accordingly! So say I, Saturn Woman!
Jadeite: Jeweled Woman Morga! Destroy the interloper!
Usagi: Quick! Figure out how Hotaru did that or we're going to miss out!
FIGHT SEQUENCE:
While Usagi and the others are figuring out how to trigger their native transformations, Hotaru as Saturn Woman duels the youma master Jeweled Woman Morga. Jeweled Woman Morga unleashes fell energy from the jewels in her body which Hotaru deflects with her polearm. Eventually seeing an opening, Hotaru rushes her opponent and cleaves her in twain. Outraged, Jadeite vanishes from the scene vowing revenge.
CUT TO: SHRINE LABS.
Rei: Shrine Labs? Really? My 'grandfather' is some sort of scientist who studies shinto mystic energies? I'm supposed to be an experimental robot that uses them? How in the world is that supposed to work?
Ami: You really need to check your Loop memories earlier on.
Rei: How? We keep skipping around everywhere and we didn't have enough time at any of them for me to take a few moments!
Usagi: Geez Rei, take a chill pill. The important thing is that we learn how to do what Hotaru did today or we're going to miss out on all the adventure!
Minako: Yeah! And we should also find out where Mamoru, Haruku, Michiru, and Setsuna are hiding. I bet they're just like us this time, even if they aren't Awake.
Makoto: No idea about the first three, but my Loop memories recall a newspaper article on something called the Chronos Institute where they study the possibility of time travel. How much you want to bet Setsuna's holed up there?
4.7 (Hubris Plus)
Rock was never quite certain how to deal with the rare variant Loops where Wily was handled without him having to do anything. On the one hand, it wasn't often that he got a genuine vacation. On the other, those Loops were almost always among the strangest, not to mention the odds of Wily picking up a new trick or a new threat replacing him.
This one, he thought he was going to like. The point of divergence seemed to have been that Blues had never had a faulty power core, which had led to the military putting in an order for robots with full AIs instead of the stripped down versions they usually ended up with. All that had led to a very different news report on the morning following Wily's first attack.
"For those just joining us, last night the newly unveiled Light Laboratory Robot Masters were hijacked by former business associate Dr Albert Wily and used to seize control of vital facilities across the city." The screen showed footage of the six Robot Masters in action as they terrorized the citizenry. "Possessing top of the line capabilities, advanced AI, and impervious to conventional arms, this attack would have been devastating were it not for the speedy and heroic actions of the Sniper Joes.
"Also created by Light Laboratories, Sniper Joe is the code name for America's elite, highly advanced special robotics force. It's purpose: To defend human dignity and freedom against all who would oppose it." A window popped up next to the reporter, displaying various shot of Sniper Joes in action. "While primarily designed as an anti-terrorism unit, Sniper Joes have frequently been deployed in relief efforts across the globe thanks to various environment adaptation equipment." The window switched to Joes operating at the sites of landslides, shipwrecks, and even high altitude storms via jet packs.
"Yes, fighting for freedom wherever there's trouble, over land, and sea, and air, you can rest assured that Sniper Joe will be there." The window switched to much more recent footage of a group of Joes leading Wily out of his base in handcuffs.
"Sniper Joe: A real automaton hero." The various Joes noted the cameras observing them, nodded to each other, and pumped their fists in the air.
"YO JOE!"
4.8
Blues looked around himself as he strolled along what appeared to be the bottom of the sea. Surviving underwater wasn't that big a deal for him, but the surroundings were strange. It looked as if there were dwellings down here, houses, stores, and... was that a pineapple with a front door in the distance?
Shaking his head, he walked up to the sign at the edge of the submerged town and began to read.
Welcome to Bikini Bottom
Underneath it, there was what appeared to be a recent addition.
Also known to Loopers as the Tenth circle of Hell. Leave now while you have the chance. If, for some incredulous reason you decide to stay, avoid the Pink One and the Yellow One. If you have further questions or concerns it is not my problem, go bother someone else.
- Squidward, local Anchor.
Blues blinked as he processed that, and then turned away from the town and began walking. Saving the world was one thing, but he had a very strong feeling that such services weren't needed here.
4.9
As Rock blasted his way into the robot master's lair, he reflected that he wasn't sure what to think about this new set of Wily bots. They weren't variations on familiar opponents like some of the 'new' foes he'd faced before in the Loops. Instead they were completely new designs he'd never seen before. Dr. Wily appearing on a hijacked broadcast to issue his challenge in a sombrero hadn't happened before either.
"¡Damas y caballeros, the challenger!" a voice called out as Rock was blinded by a spotlight in his face. "¡El Bombardero Azul! ¡Defender of humanity and slayer of innocent robots! ¡MEGA MAN!"
Rock halted to let his optics adjust to the glare of the spotlight on him and noted from the gathered audience of cheering robots around a wrestling ring that Dr. Wily's creations were apparently also completely crazy.
"¡And the defending champion!" Rock's masked Guts Man-sized opponent continued the introductions. "¡Dr. Wily's supreme unarmed combat model! ¡The finest luchador ever assembled! ¡NACHO MAN!"
Good circuits, he could smell the cheese from here...
Rock had to admit that the newest female robot master was rather elegant. In addition to the obligatory mexican skin tones and facial structure characteristic of this set of robot masters, she had a lovely and colorful dress that flowed along with the salsa-style dance moves she was named af–
The super fighting robot's eyes widened as the fabric of Salsa Woman's dress sliced through a solid steel pole and he barely managed to duck and slide out of the way of the unexpected weapon. He really needed to stop admiring his opponent and start disabling her.
Rock stared at the robot master across from him. He wore a sombrero over his mustached face and a mexican-style poncho designed to look like a taco shell, the layered tassels appearing to be taco fixings from a distance.
"You must be Taco Man," he stated.
"¿Taco Man...?" the robot master replied dangerously. "¡¿Taco Man?!"
Rock backed up a little in response to the sudden mad ferocity the previously calm robot master was displaying.
"¡I am Taco Man SUPREME!" he yelled, pulling an arm-mounted shotgun from under his poncho. Rock wasn't sure, but the way the poncho hung, it looked like that might be the robot's only arm. "¡And this is my Boomstick Supreme!"
Rock's eyes widened as he dodged a blast that took a chunk out of the wall the size of his torso. He really should have been expecting something like this after Salsa Woman. Why did so many of Dr. Wily's silliest creations also have to be the most dangerous?
Rock tore down the corridor while doing his best to avoid the flames from the robot master with a pepper for a head.
"¡HAHAHAHA! ¡Run, run as fast as you can! ¡You can't escape from the red hot Chili Man!"
Rock stared as he jumped back from the cloud of corrosive gas. Did the cylindrical Burrito Man just fire that from his...?
Snorting in disgust, he switched to the Red Hot Chili Flame weapon and took aim. Coming from there, the gas had to be flammable.
"Very funny Wily..." Rock muttered as he worked his way through the priest-like, gourd-shaped Pozole Man's area.
A robot master themed on a ritual dish made with a base of maize at the center of a maze. He probably should have seen that one coming.
Rock dodged frantically as the rotund Pan Man's Sugar Death Bombs exploded around him. He'd puzzled over the meaning of the X-shaped design on the robot master's torso for a bit before his dad had told him that sugared bread with a cross pattern was a traditional dessert served on Dia de los Muertos, or the Day of the Dead.
The robot master was certainly doing its best to add him to that list.
"So, you're Guacamole Man?" Rock asked the... giant robotic avocado.
"¡Indeed, I am!" the fruit-based robot master declared proudly. "¡You may have beaten the others, but I shall not fall so easily! ¡GUAC CANNON!"
Rock narrowly avoided the surprise attack and returned fire, only for his shots to splash harmlessly off the robot's thick pliable skin.
"¿How do you like my all-natural defense?" the robot master taunted as he continued to blast green goo at the blue bomber. "I'm practically impervious to your Mega Buster, ¡but my Guac Cannon will have you rendered helpless in short order!"
"Not if I change things up!" Rock declared as he switched weapons and dove for the suddenly panicking Guacamole Man trailing lengths of razor-sharp 'cloth'. "Salsa Slicer!"
Rock checked his weapon energy levels as he waited for Dr. Wily to bring out his latest Wily Machine. Bean Gas was running low, but at least he was able to shoot it from his arm cannon rather than some other part of his body; Salsa Slicer was as well, but that was mostly due to it being so dang useful against many of the robot mooks; Nacho Libre was nearly full, but the wrestling-style maneuver was situational at best; Blessing of Maize was similarly almost untouched; Guac Cannon and Red Hot Chili Flame were both about half full; and he'd only had to use a few shots each of the Sugar Death Bombs and Boomstick Supreme.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Wily laughed as his mechanical war machine descended from the ceiling. "You may have beaten my Mexican Masters and my fortress guardians Mega Man, but even you can't hope to defeat... this!"
Rock fought the urge to facepalm. Dr. Wily's ultimate war machine this time was...
...a giant piñata.
4.10
Rock sighed. "I think it says something that with everything we've tried to reform Dr. Wily, this is the only one that's worked."
"I know what you mean," Roll sympathized. "Sure, he's been a pretty decent guy some Loops, and he usually cares about his creations at least a bit, but he still always ends up the villain and tries to take over the world. It's actually kind of depressing if you think about it."
"Which is precisely why we shouldn't," Dr. Light declared. "At least not too hard. Let us instead enjoy the affirmation that Albert does possess the capacity to be a hero and have some fun with our chosen roles. Now, what points of the city should we send our forces out to seize this time? Careful planning of our next reign of terror is a must. We don't want anyone actually getting hurt after all."
4.11 (Leonite)
Rock awoke and looked down at himself. All he saw was that instead of his blue, his body seemed to be decorated in greens... he seemed rather short too... and was that? Oh... "You've got to be Mega kidding me."
4.12 (OathToOblivion)
"Rock?"
"Yes, Roll?"
"Why are we playing soccer?"
"...I have no idea. But, hey! It's fun at least, right?"
4.1) April Fool's! Okay, tally time. How many of you actually fell for this?
4.2) Fun with Mad Libs. The uncompleted version is included on as a bonus below.
4.3) Get Equipped with Logic Bomb!
4.4) The music playing is "Airman ga Taosenai" (aka "I Cannot Defeat Airman").
4.5) Dr. Auto's robot masters are from one of the manga. They're... Patently ridiculous is a nice way to put it. Also, Auto's not Awake. He's naturally this crazy. Bass isn't Awake either yet, not that he'd *want* to remember this...
4.6) The Megaverse gets some visitors. Done in Shadowjack's style.
4.7) Well, they *are* Government Issue...
4.8) The sign was written for the Misc Loops by AbZHz101
4.9) Mexican night in the Megaverse. Thanks to EdBecerra, BadHabits, and OathToOblivion for the initial ideas.
4.10) It's the most peaceful hostile takeover ever!
4.11) Ah, there he is. Now where did Garbage Man get to?
4.12) "Yes."
BONUS: The uncompleted Mad Lib from 4.2
Roll grumbled to himself as he faced off against the [position of authority] of the [Word ending in a 'shun' sound]s. This had been an aggravating Loop for several reasons. For one, he was a male model this Loop instead of a female one, originally built as a [job]. An Unawake Rock, built for [different job], was similarly his sister instead of brother.
For another, all of the robot masters and their weapons and weaknesses had been flipped around without rhyme or reason. For example, [Robot Master] had ended up weak to [Master Weapon] which had been gained from [second robot master] during Dr. Wily's [number from 1-10]th invasion.
The latest crop had consisted of [third robot master], [fourth robot master], [fifth robot master], [sixth robot master], [seventh robot master], and [eighth robot master] with their weapons being [word ending in 'ly'] unrelated to the [noun]s [verb]ed by their names and appearances.
And then there was their [same position of authority]. The [color] and [second color] armor and the [third color] shaded visor with the [fourth color] helmet crest [verb]ed an ensemble that [verb]ed Quint. Except the [same position of authority] of the [same word ending in a 'shun' sound]s was female.
'Please don't secretly be Waltz...' Roll prayed as his opponent brought out the [construction tool]/[child's toy] hybrid known as Sakugarne to begin the battle.