The Topology of Compassion

Disclaimer: Please see Chapter 1 for full disclaimer.

Chapter 14: Power

The rays of the morning sun crept their way into the confines of the motionless, silent apartment much before Near would have liked, the light carrying the looming necessity to begin the work day. There still seemed to be so much that needed to be done, the sheer number of things towered over him like an impassable mountain.

And yet as he watched the sun rise over the towering New York sky scrapers and subsequently cast the room in its soft light, his muscles seemed utterly paralyzed in place, lying in the bed he'd practically unwillingly shared with Mello.

But that fact too seemed to be just the thing which kept him rooted in place and feeling as though perhaps if he just lay still enough where he was the world would just forget his existence entirely.

The thoughts he'd allowed himself to entertain the night before were now, even with the dawn now haunting him and keeping him from getting any semblance of rest. His fingers threaded into his hair, gripping tightly to the strands and pulling until his scalp protested in pain, as though the meager action alone may wake him from the place that he'd put himself.

'How could I be so foolish?' He asked himself, for that was all his late musings proved him to be: a fool. It was a stroke of luck, or perhaps the mercy of God which had spared him from having Mello actually hear let alone respond to his question…

The very question he couldn't bring himself to speak about now. Even the slightest notion was far too ludicrous for him to consider and even in an inebriated state he felt he should have been able to distinguish such a thing. 'What happened to give us Michael was nothing more than a fluke, or an exception due to perhaps unforeseeable ignorance on my own part.' He told himself. 'That much can't be avoided. But a second is entirely out of the question. There's… too much of a quandary between the two of us; there's too much that we already struggle through just with Michael being involved.' He'd been entirely idiotic to even allow the thoughts to be given any sort of air.

He released the strands of hair that'd been locked in his vice grip, moving his look back out onto the cityscape as an entirely new question, one he'd wrestled with for perhaps the last five years reemerged in his mind.

The bed shifted suddenly as Mello moved beside him, the exhale of breath from his nose followed by a yawn alerted Near to the blonde waking up. "Morning." Came Mello's voice to breath the silence, though his own tone was quiet, as if reconsidering the word as he said it, a sign of second guessing that which he'd otherwise thought he knew.

Where was all that confidence Near knew him to harbor, or in the very least to show to those who didn't know better? Perhaps that was just it, maybe Near did know better. But therein lay the problem as that took so much of the fun out of it all.

"It is indeed." Near retorted to the simple customary greeting.

He heard Mello exhale a sigh, "You don't ever sleep, do you?"

"Of course I do. Sleeping is an entirely necessary function of human existence. It isn't practical to think or believe any less."

There was a shifting again and suddenly Near could feel Mello's eyes boring into his back. "What are you thinking?" The sureness and the calmness of which Mello asked, the lack of second guessing suddenly laying in his tone was what made him give the blonde his attention, turning over to meet that azure stare he'd become so familiar with and which painted the insides of his dreams. Or perhaps his nightmares…

"A few things." He admitted, for what was the purpose of being cryptic with the one person who possessed the ability to see beyond all of it? His look narrowed upon Mello, readying himself for the task of reading whatever it was that he decided to reflect back at him. "Do you think that we're what may be considered to be good parents?"

Mello's own look shifted from one that was ready to listen to whatever it was that plagued Near's thoughts to instead one that was taken aback by the directness of his questions, or perhaps at the very notion that that would ever realistically be a concern which flitted it's way through Near's thoughts when he'd already voiced so adamantly in the past that there were far better things that deserved their attention.

"Why are you asking?" He asked, genuine concern passing over his features.

"Does it matter so much why?" Near retorted, "I thought that that seemed to be the sort of consideration normally given."

Quiet passed between them where both individuals waited for the other to speak, as though for a moment they both were hanging off the words of the other, waiting for explanations, for justifications or the answers to things they didn't quite have ability to question themselves.

Mello's look narrowed on him, the look itself seeming to see straight past all that Near was trying to conceal from him. Their stand-off lasted but another moment before Mello broke their stare to turn onto his back, eyes closing as his hand moved through his hair, "It's too early in the morning for this, Near."

Near's look narrowed further on him, "You're unsure, then." He concluded.

Something in his tone brought azure eyes back to him, "You're worried about it?" He voiced, but he didn't wait for an answer. "You're not asking the right question. Or, rather it's inherently flawed. We haven't had that much time to say one way or another whether or not we're actually good parents." He began to explain. "We don't exactly come from the best of backgrounds to provide experience to us as to what we should be doing. That being said, I don't think we're doing so bad for what we've got."

He paused a bit. "Why are you asking? This… isn't the sort of thing you ever care about."

"Care about?" Near repeated. "How horribly obtuse of an assertion of you to make. There is very little that I care more for than Michael's well-being. I'm merely asking a simple question."

Mello was quiet for another moment, "That's nowhere near a simple question. I don't know what to say about now, but there's no reason to say we can't be good parents to Michael." There was an underlying sound within his words which seemed to say, 'whether that be together or separate.'

Near could hear it within his words, and therein lay the problem which concerned the detective. What life were they giving Michael and what sort was he destined to have between parents that didn't love on the same side of justice? It worried him and kept him up on long nights pondering those points that, even still in the back of his mind he couldn't help the thought that were things that should not be taking up valuable time, and valuable mental space.

With that thought he exhaled heavily and pushed himself up from bed, "I thought you might say that." He commented, stretching out muscles that were sore from the pressure of all that'd kept him awake. "Never mind that now. We should go. We've already wasted enough time as it is." The younger readjusted the material of his shirt momentarily before exiting through the door without sparing the blonde even another look.

Though, blue eyes did continue to follow him, perturbed by both the suddenness of the question as well as the dismissal of the topic just as quickly. What had just occurred before him? What had happened within the tresses of Near's own mind that Mello had failed to entirely see?

The mystery of it all bothered him, but at the same time it was Near's frigid exterior which held his tongue and let him allow the younger to leave. For now it seemed he'd just have to hold his tongue and wait for the opportunity to investigate to present itself.

-:-

The limbs to Near's body seemed to drag as he crossed through the halls of his own building, the fatigue of his thoughts alone taking it's toll on him and his body. This was a new phenomena he wasn't entirely familiar with and for a moment he wondered what exactly it said about not only him but his own sense of priorities as well.

Either way, for the moment it would all have to wait for answers to be uncovered. The door to the living area slid open, the space itself seeming alight with morning rays that brightened everything but his own meandering thoughts.

Across the room sat Rester and Michael together at the bar eating breakfast together, though the moment Michael's gray eyes caught sight of Near a large smile plastered it's way across his face and he shot down from chair he'd been sitting in and ran over to him.

"Mama! You didn't come back last night!" He stated, practically bouncing up and down on the tips of his toes. "How did it go with Daddy? You didn't fight, did you?"

Near sighed, running his fingers through his hair as though the feeling alone would offer some sort of reprieve from Michael's onslaught of questions, "No, I suppose you can say we didn't fight." And it was true, they hadn't. But if they hadn't fought, then what was the more appropriate word for the time they'd spent the previous night?

"What'd you do, then?"

"Michael!" From the side of the room Rester piped in, the utterance alone betraying his own sense of embarrassment regarding the question.

"We just talked, I suppose." Near shot his commander a look, "Though I must say, it was my belief that you had better judgment then to follow the plans of a child, Rester."

The commander blanched momentarily, "Sorry, sir, but I didn't think there was too much harm that could be done through it."

"Be that as it may, consult me before carrying out anymore plans such as that." He stepped away from the still expectant boy, towards his own room. A part of him wanted to try and sleep for a bit, to make up for the hours lost within his own mind, but his own sense of work told him such feat would still be hard to come by.

The young boy ran back over to him, though, "Wait I wanna know more! What'd you talk about? Do you and Daddy love each other more now?" Michael pressed further.

Near paused a moment, "It's not that important to know the details, Michael. What's important is that your plan was carried out and only by waiting will any of us really discover any effects."

"But…" He stopped as Near reached the door to his room, the boy's gray eyes filled with a longing emotion that Near wasn't quite sure how to fix. What would telling the boy the details really solve? It would just raise more questions and there would be utterly no end to it…

"Not now. There's work that needs done at the moment." He paused but a moment more, suddenly seeing an opportunity presenting itself to gain information. "However… I'm sure if you talk to Mello, later, he'd be willing to tell you more."

A small, half-hearted smile cross Michael's lips, "Okay then… later it is!"

-:-

'Do you think we're good parents?'

Near's words played through Mello's head as if on a permanent repeat, his own response following after it within the purviews of the echo between the indiscriminate space of which it ended and began anew.

Despite whatever Near tried to back himself up with Mello could hear through the thick of it all to the uncertainty that had buried itself just beneath the surface. 'That's not like him.' He told himself. 'Even if he's suspicious for whatever reason, Near doesn't air things like that.'

But even as he thought the words, his mind took him back in time, to all the nights they'd spent together, to all the things Near had said to him back then, not necessarily with his words but through all the pauses, all the carefully chosen times in which he'd held his tongue, or all the times he'd allowed his actions to speak the words that neither of them quite knew how to properly formulate.

But now this… this admittance. What exactly did it say, what was Near trying to say beyond merely his attempt at directness. That was the question beyond which Mello couldn't yet see. But there definitely was something lurking beyond what even he was seeing. It was all a matter of finding it.

The sudden sound of ringing broke through Mello's pervasive thoughts, bringing him down to the investigation room he sat pondering over the questions. His phone continued emitting the bothersome sound as he dug it out of his pocket, reading upon the screen 'blocked number'.

His eyes narrowed, 'River.'

It'd been about a week since he'd last heard from her. Due to the precarious nature of their mission as well as their own positions within it, communication was best left limited, thus they spoke every few days only, in order to relay information either of them had been able to dig up, or for Mello to give new directive.

"What?" He answered shortly as the connection was clicked on.

There was a brief moment of silence from the other end of the line before the voice that had become so familiar to him over the last month came across the other side. "Mello," she breathed out quietly, "They know."

Mello's heart fell from his chest, landing upon the floor with a dull thud as the life seemed out of every ventricle. The words, though, didn't quite seem to register to him. "What?" He repeated, bringing himself back to action, his form moving from the chair he'd been sitting in to stand and take a cautious step, as though the mere robotic actions may somehow help his own cognitive functions wrap their way around this new information. "What do you mean they know?" He shot out.

There was an exhale from the other end of the line, "Exactly what I said. They know."

"Who knows, River? What do they know?" With each word he took another forced step forward, into the open space of the room, the heart that had been abandoned on the floor had begun to exude a steady thump to circulate blood through his body that wanted nothing more than a clear evaluation of the situation that they were dealing with.

"I can't say for certain about either of those questions, Mello, but I was able to hear that some of the lower class members had overheard that you were making moves against them." She explained in a tone that was perfectly even and calm, as if her own life didn't also hang in the balance. "But if the lower level members are able to get away with spreading these sorts of rumors then obviously this is information the upper levels have, and are circulating." She concluded.

Mello was left within his own silence to process the vague levels of information he'd been given. It didn't answer anything at all. What did any of these people really think they knew? Where had any of this information or supposed rumors even originate? How long had these rumors been circulating among the Mafia members before it'd found its way into River's office?

"Is that all you know?" He asked; a resolute tone about his voice.

"That's all I've been able to gather at the moment." There was a tinge to her words of unease, one which silently asked, no, challenged Mello into what it was he planned to do about the situation now.

He absolutely abhorred that tone of voice upon her, the one that made it perfectly known and understood through her own reserved silence that she was entirely willing to hold her tongue and allow Mello to decide what it was they do, but likewise she was entirely willing to allow them to both fail in their endeavors. River was playing the hands and means of the operation that did little but follow the commands of the brains, for at the end of the day they both consciously knew that someone like River had everything to gain in this mission and absolutely nothing to lose.

Mello's fists clenched together tightly, "Then why are you calling me? Get back out there and get us more information. I need to know where these rumors originated and how much they really think they known, if this isn't just some petty rumor with no basis."

"Understood." River said simply, cutting the line of connection between them.

Even as Mello had spit the words he knew how ungrounded it was for him to even suppose such a thing. It would be entirely too convenient for such a rumor, something that was so realistically close to the true actions being carried out to just be a matter of coincidence. If Wammy's had taught him anything it was that coincidence didn't exist and there was always something more behind it, driving it on. It was all a matter of finding it.

'Fuck.' He thought, his own voice echoing through his head and seeming to seep out into the residual silence of the room which echoed the silence of this new information. 'What am I going to do?'

Standing alone within the dark, windowless room made it suddenly feel as though the world was encroaching in upon him. But from where? He'd done practically nothing and yet somehow the world was, again, closing in on him; sending a painful chill of isolation up through his spine and into his veins.

"Mello?"

From the other side of the room, just within the entrance stood Near, stopped in place by what may otherwise be seen a surprise but appeared more as curiosity, and above all else, suspicion.

Mello's look locked onto Near, "What?" He shot, feeling himself regress while the world encroached on him.

"What's going on?" The detective asked, merely the tone in his voice depicting his look into what was going through Mello's head.

Mello exhaled a heavy breath, everything falling away from the surface of his being. "Nothing. Just thinking. You're late." He countered.

Near merely shrugged, "There are other things that needed to be done. Regardless, let's work." He explained, moving past the blonde to go to the desk.

Mello's pale, azure eyes followed after the younger, all the while with the weight of the world descending down upon his shoulders once more. 'This is my investigation. This is my problem, my history, and my people. Near's just a means to the resources I need.' He thought to himself.

'There's no need for him to know about any of this. I'll handle it on my own.'

A/N: So I want to say that I apologize so much for the two week wait on this chapter… this chapter has been quite hard for me to put out because, even now, it just does not feel right, to me, but at the same time it needed to be done in order to progress to where this is going to go. Also I'd like to apologize for the quality of this, as well. I'm horribly sick at the moment and it really inhibited my ability to write and edit. Although I don't think any of that excuses things, I figured I'd say it anyway. So, hopefully you enjoyed this regardless, and I'd love to hear any of your thoughts.

Please review
-Forbiddensoul562