So Much to Overcome
At this point Goku is experiencing the worst déjà vu. Once again he is securely tied—behind the cottage between two large trees where anyone approaching from the village will not be able to see—with many spells and tight bindings in place to ensure he doesn't escape once his true form is released. His only wish is that the déjà vu does not continue any further than this feeling of bound helplessness. He wants to recover himself and prove he can be strong.
Sanzo deserves at least that much for having to tie Goku up yet again, though at least there is also Kougaiji doing nearly as many bindings as Sanzo. Goku would take some comfort in the combined effort, but with more than Hakkai and Gojyo in the background watching—Dokugakuji, Yaone, and even Lirin present should anything go wrong—Goku is feeling a little put on display. And oh, does he not want to disappoint his audience.
"Sanzo…you're sure these'll hold, right?"
It is Kougaiji who answers, checking the bonds on Goku's right arm a final time and looking to Goku confidently. "There is no reason they shouldn't." he says. "We considered every possible angle and judging by your…nature…this kind of combination of spells should do the trick."
Goku looks to Sanzo, hoping to hear a following commentary from the monk. "I'm hearing a lot of 'shoulds.' Is this really a good idea?"
"You're the one who wanted this," Sanzo reminds the monkey, giving a final tug to the bonds on Goku's left arm. He holds Goku's gaze but waits until Kougaiji has turned and headed back to the others before leaning closer and saying, "If you want to chicken out, go ahead. I'll cut you lose right now." Sanzo's eyes flash with a reflection of the sun, making his violets as golden as his hair, if only for a moment. "I don't think that's what you want though. Is it? Do you want to give up when you've come this far? When we're so close?"
Close to the end, Goku thinks, but not close to winning. Not close to beating this. Deep down Goku knows this is more of a foolish dream than a real possibility, but he still wants to try. Because they have come far and they deserve to have something to show for it.
Seeing more than challenge or terse prodding in Sanzo's expression, seeing something akin to hope and true affection, Goku wants nothing more than to live up to everything Sanzo has ever wanted of him.
"I can do it, Sanzo."
"Then do it." Sanzo turns back swiftly to look at the many gathered behind him, spread out for a good area of coverage should Seiten Taisei manage to break free. Several of the onlookers seem anxious if not outright frightened, but this isn't for any of them, Sanzo reasons, this is for Goku. And though he admits it only as a passing thought, this is for him too.
He turns back to Goku and reaches for the shining coronet. The length of time it takes his arm to get there seems impossibly long and Sanzo has a series of flashes strike his conscious mind, varied images and ghost pains from past encounters. He can acutely recall every time Seiten Taisei has been before him, recall every smirk from the beast, every tease. Most memorably, he can remember how it had felt to be so powerless when Seiten Taisei pinned him to the ground with anything but honorable intentions.
He cannot afford to think of the past just now, though, and he advances the last remaining inches, grips the diadem and lifts it like the most inconsequential of headbands.
Goku's eyes, at first remaining wide and determined and so very much Goku…tightly close as the boy screams. When they open again, Goku is no longer present. The beast is there now, and he is not happy.
"Shit." Gojyo hisses, readying his weapon at the sight of Seiten Taisei madly lunging from his bonds in an attempt to reach Sanzo. There is such desperation in the creature this time it is truly frightening. Gojyo looks to Hakkai next to him and quietly says, "I'm gonna take a wild guess and say he remembers the things that happen when he's free. Coz…maybe I'm crazy, but…that sure looks like a monkey scorned to me."
"I think I have to agree," Hakkai replies, hands at the ready should the need for a chi blast arise. He does not look at Gojyo, eyes trained on the enraged beast between the trees and at Sanzo just in front of it. "I suppose he must be feeling betrayed by his…mate." Hakkai wrinkles his nose at the awkward wording, though it is actually quite fitting. "If those bonds don't hold…"
Suddenly, the pair remembers that they are not the only ones watching, and also that the others with them are in clear hearing distance. Currently, the three youkai with Gojyo and Hakkai are looking rather shocked at what they have just overheard.
Hakkai sports a very subtle blush. "Ano…perhaps we should talk less and pay attention more."
"Yeah." Gojyo agrees.
Deeply curious, Yaone cannot help herself. "So…Sanzo-san and Goku as well?" she asks, sporting her own minor blush.
Gojyo gives a short laugh, but Hakkai, obligated by his gentlemanly nature, is forced to nod in affirmation.
While Lirin maintains a look of deep confusion, Yaone smiles and nods in return. It is Dokugakuji and Kougaiji who simultaneously express their shock.
"As well?" the two youkai say together, instantly shameful of their blatant question and how forceful it left them. They pass each other equally uncomfortable looks and have a sudden need to avoid meeting gazes with anyone from the Sanzo-ikkou. Suspicions aside, neither was really prepared to hear such confessions.
Gojyo frowns, a surge of fury rising in him for how Kougaiji and his own brother have reacted, both very flush now and looking anywhere but at Gojyo and Hakkai. Gojyo had assumed a general nonchalance about the whole thing would make it easier, but now that the cat is out of the bag it doesn't seem to be going over as easily as he thought it would.
Before Gojyo can comment, however, there is a very loud and angry cry from Seiten Taisei. The onlookers remember where their attention is supposed to be and snap their heads towards the trees again. Sanzo is still positioned just in front of the beast, but Seiten Taisei is far from calming, looking wilder than ever in his attempts to reach the priest.
"It's dangerous for us to stay so far back." Kougaiji says, his voice near a growl in his frustration at wanting to take a more active role. The prince does not take any steps forward but there is clear desire to do so, his legs practically twitching with an urge to move, to act.
Shaking his head, Hakkai turns to the youkai redhead and is pleased when Kougaiji does not shy away from making eye contact now. "Sanzo asked for us to remain further back for a reason." Hakkai says. "He wants to do this by his own power. Or rather to aide Goku in doing it. I think it would be best to listen to him and give him the chance to do all he can before we intervene. After all, the bonds do appear to be holding and Seiten Taisei is certainly giving his all to break them."
This observation could not be more true. Seiten Taisei's struggling is reckless and savage. He means to get away, to break out and lunge straight for his great tormentor—Sanzo—but the bonds, though strained, are keeping him in place. The onlookers silently agree to keep quiet for now and address other issues later.
Up by the trees, a foot from Seiten Taisei's most accessible reach, Sanzo stands very still. He has no plans to reach for his gun or any other weapon. The sutra is not on him, the monk wearing only a pair of jeans and a simple black shirt he borrowed from Hakkai. He is purely casual, standing before Seiten Taisei with only the Sanzo mark on his forehead as symbol of his status and power. This is about more than physical or metaphysical strength, after all. Finally, Sanzo realizes that it isn't about strength at all.
Slowly, the monk's stern expression crumbles, because the harder he looks—silent—into Seiten Taisei's face the more he thinks he can see parts of Goku looking out through those slit eyes. Oh, they are dulled and trapped and so very angry, but they are parts of Goku. Seiten Taisei is Goku. Sanzo has believed for so long in their separateness but perhaps that has been his downfall all along.
Seiten Taisei's struggling lessens as he begins to realize his attempts are in vain. Instead, he allows himself to hang limp and stares hard at Sanzo, this golden being with violet eyes and pale skin. He remembers well what took place last time. This being that should have submitted to him would not and forced him to lash out. He would not have killed the being, for he finds it very beautiful and always has, but it is easy to become angered by it. By…Konzen. Yes. Konzen. Seiten Taisei growls the name, tasting copper on his tongue as it leaves him. Always blood. Always anger. Always Konzen.
Sanzo shakes his head. "Wrong guy, monkey. I wish you remembered me for once."
Another growl escapes Seiten Taisei's lips. Why must Konzen say such things? He doesn't understand why Konzen is so changed. There are so many things that seem wrong, different. But Konzen…there is always Konzen. He growls the name again.
"No." Sanzo says, and though part of him may long for anger in his own voice, he keeps it steady. This time things have to be different. "I'm Sanzo. You know I'm Sanzo. Somewhere in that monkey brain of yours you know me, and you know that whoever Konzen was…I'm Sanzo now. Okay? Try to remember…Goku." Sanzo adds Goku's name as a softly spoken afterthought.
It does not anger Seiten Taisei to hear the name as Sanzo imagined, but the creature does indeed look pacified if not thoroughly baffled.
"So…do you really want to hurt me?" Sanzo asks.
Seiten Taisei gives an affirming grunt. So much anger. Anger at Konzen.
"Would it matter if I asked forgiveness?"
Golden eyes narrow. Forgiveness? He isn't sure he understands.
Sanzo takes a small step closer to the bound creature. "I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you wanted." He says, his voice even and genuine, kind enough that he is glad he asked the others to stay back. But his own shields and masks cannot interfere this time. For Goku's sake he must remember that. "I'm sorry for whatever it is I've done that has you so angry with me. With this Konzen." He continues. "I'm sorry you feel you have to hurt others. I'm sorry for how sorry you are when the attacks stop and the only one hurting is you. I'm sorry it has to be this way, Goku."
Goku. There is that name again. Seiten Taisei tilts his head. This golden being, this Konzen…no…Sanzo, he's…something is so familiar about all of it. The more he tries to capture what seems familiar, though, the more his head starts to pound. He doesn't like this pain. This pain is persistent and throbbing. But he wants to remember. Why can't he…remember?
"Goku…" Sanzo says, very softly now. He is close enough to Seiten Taisei to whisper, their faces so near to one another Sanzo imagines his companions behind him are on high alert should the beast try and bite off a chunk of his face. Part of Sanzo fears just such a development, but for now he has Seiten Taisei's attention, and he is going to keep it for as long as he can. "Goku…you understood. You always understood but I wouldn't listen to you. This part of you and the part I know, you are both. You are the same person. I don't know why you're split or why this half is so angry and so bent on destruction. I don't know why…or how…any part of you could be so angry that you enjoy hurting others, because the other part…he…you…you're kinder than I…could ever deserve."
Sanzo dares to lean even closer. He knows what a great risk he is taking but finally he thinks he understands what he should have been doing all along. Something his dreamworld self knew instinctively.
"I hate that when you're like this you don't understand what you're doing." Sanzo whispers, bending closer to Seiten Taisei's ear and brushing his cheek against the very warm cheek of the beast. He hears a low growl start in Seiten Taisei's throat but the creature does not act. "I hate…that you allow yourself to rampage the way you do only to hate yourself later. I hate that whatever it is you remember of me…you're not remembering me. But for all the things I hate…" He trails, closing his eyes. Very gently he rubs his face against Seiten Taisei's again and this time…there is no growl. "For all the things I hate, Goku…I still…love you. Even like this."
Seiten Taisei's eyes widen. He is stunned, too stunned to move when Sanzo pulls away and looks at him to gauge the creature's reaction. These words, the name the golden being keeps using, it is familiar, he is certain of it. But why? Why does it matter? Why does hearing such words spread a warmth throughout his chest that is greater than the thrill of any hunt or attack? He wishes he could understand, he wants to, but the throbbing in his head is as insistent as ever. It will not tell him what he wishes to know.
He wonders if this…Sanzo…can.
"San--"
There is a noise like feet shuffling and Seiten Taisei lifts his head to stare past Sanzo. He remembers now. He remembers these others. Often have there been others, hoping to stop him, to entrap him. Has Sanzo brought these others along to trick him? That thought becomes prominent in his mind and he turns back to Sanzo with a fierce gaze and an angry growl.
It is a trick. Somehow it must be. Konzen. What of Konzen? What became of Konzen? So much is muddled in Seiten Taisei's mind he becomes angrier still and would lunge at Sanzo again if the man weren't looking at him with something close to…pity.
"You still don't get it, do you?" Sanzo says, eyes filled with sadness and defeat. "You know them too, you just don't remember. I haven't tricked you. I'm not out to hurt you in any way. I just want you to be you. Because that's what you want."
And because I'll never survive it if I have to kill you.
"Please, Goku…"
But Seiten Taisei does not understand. He growls again and strains at his bonds, not enough to get in Sanzo's face but enough to show how upset he is at being bound, at being caged, at being so hopelessly confused.
Sanzo sighs, deeply. He does not want to face those behind him. But even more…he does not want to have to face Goku when the boy wakes and discovers they have once again failed. "I'm sorry, Goku. You're just not ready."
And maybe you never will be.
Seiten Taisei stops growling when Sanzo moves to replace the coronet. But he is not concerned with the diadem itself. What he is most curious over and what had at first caused a resurgence of anger…is how he can hear this golden creature's thoughts like words said aloud, though the monk did not speak them.
And then Seiten Taisei is falling fast asleep with a rush of lost memories and comprehensions flying past him and all becomes darkness.
-----
Knees pulled tight to his chest, attention on the window leading outside and head bent with damp eyes, Goku sits alone in his and Sanzo's room. When he awoke he was relieved beyond belief that everyone seemed perfectly all right but he knew right away things didn't go as he hoped. If they had he would remember more, not just the anger and confusion he had felt. Details always evade him, leaving behind only emotions to fuel his curiosity. He can still remember having the urge to kill his own friends that first time because it had been such a shock to realize he would have happily killed Gojyo, Hakkai, or even Sanzo.
Goku is thankful it did not come to that this time and that his bindings held, but he had been hoping for so much more. He had turned away from the others' encouragement, and the worst of all was how Sanzo wouldn't even look at him. Goku couldn't escape up to the bedroom fast enough.
He isn't entirely surprised when after a good half hour of sulking there is finally a knock on his door. Really, Hakkai is overdue, Goku thinks with a somber smile. But when the figure enters, moves across the room, and sits next to him, he is pleasantly surprised to find it is not Hakkai…but Kougaiji.
The youkai prince says nothing at first, merely sitting, staring at the window Goku had been staring at, as if Goku's presence in the room is of little consequence. When he finally does speak, he keeps his gaze on the world outside. "And here I thought you were strong," Kougaiji says.
Much as he feels there is more than face value to Kougaiji's words, Goku is still hurt. He puts his head back on his knees.
"Goku…Do you remember the first time we fought?" the redhead asks, still facing forward.
Goku huffs a little. Of course he remembers. "You…kicked my ass." He admits.
Given full leave to laugh, mock, or boast at this point, Kougaiji chooses instead to speak on in a completely passive tone. "I won. We barely had any chance to truly fight, but still, I was clearly better. The next time we met though…" At last, Kougaiji looks down at Goku, eyes and head turned to give Goku his full attention. "After that first time there was never a question over who was stronger. In the end you always found a way to beat me."
"That's not true!" Goku protests, lifting his head from his knees and sitting up a little straighter with the force of his indignation. "It was a draw most times. We never really beat each other at all. That time I had my limiter off didn't count."
A small smile cracks Kougaiji's stiff expression. "Goku…you are strong. Form doesn't matter. Seiten Taisei or just Goku, you are strong. So you failed today where you hoped to conquer, that doesn't mean the cause is lost and it doesn't mean you should sit up here feeling sorry for yourself. Only the weak do that."
"But--"
Kougaiji's expression hardens and Goku closes his mouth tight in reflex. "No," the youkai says, "I don't want to hear any excuses. We are only beat when we allow ourselves to be beaten."
And I will not be beaten. Not by that man. Before this ends I will find a way to regain myself, and if I don't I will do all I can to undo whatever cruelty he plans. The trust and friendship you want, Goku, that…I want too…it won't be thrown away. I have to be strong as well, and I will be. But where I have failed, you will succeed. Nii won't be able to stand up to you, Goku. I know it.
Though Kougaiji cannot speak these last words, his eyes do their best to offer them to Goku in silence. When dissention rises in Goku, Kougaiji's constant stare banishes it. When Goku almost opens his mouth to curse himself again, Kougaiji's faith in him quiets the words before they can be uttered.
As he has so often found with Sanzo, Goku sees how much can be spoken in silences and how much can be gained by listening to the quiet.
Both Goku and Kougaiji are so caught by one another's stares they almost miss the knock, knock, knock on the still open door as Sanzo steps across the threshold. They turn towards the door at the same time, and while Kougaiji manages to keep a straight face, Goku bursts out laughing at the sight before them. Sanzo, arms tightly across his chest, is scowling and with good reason. Atop his shoulders sits a very content looking Lirin.
"If you two are through, could one of you please take the time to remove this offending brat from my shoulders?"
Grumbling with brotherly obligation, Kougaiji rises and looks at Lirin critically. "Lirin…"
"I'm just making friends," the girl defends quickly, wrapping her arms around Sanzo's head as if she has just found the most marvelous doll to tote about. "We're friends now so we should be nice, right?"
"Lirin…"
"Quit trying to steal my boyfriend." Goku finishes, rising from the bed at last and wearing a very large and knowing smile.
Little does he realize the knowledge of the Sanzo-ikkou's new sleeping arrangements has already reached Kougaiji and his group. Of course it still results in a fiery look from Sanzo, who earlier gave Gojyo quite the reprimand with the fan for having let the information slip. Hakkai somehow managed to escape a similar punishment.
Lirin giggles at Goku's use of the word 'boyfriend' but hops off Sanzo's shoulders as asked. She tries to act offended but is so amused by the idea of Sanzo and Goku as boyfriends—Gojyo and Hakkai's slip earlier hadn't been nearly blatant enough for her to understand—she laughs herself silly and has to be dragged from the room by Kougaiji. As for the prince, he has come to accept the development and just asks that he not have to witness anything too obvious. The idea of Sanzo and Goku kissing or something—or Gojyo and Hakkai for that matter—is just too weird for him to handle just yet.
Dokugakuji is another story.
Left alone, Sanzo holds his place in the doorway, glad to be free of Lirin but also anxious since this is the first time he has been alone with Goku since the limiter practice. Sanzo still feels that somehow he has let Goku down, and damn it if feeling that way doesn't really piss him off.
"Goku…"
"I know. I'm being stupid and I should just suck it up and move on." Goku rambles, smile fading and head suddenly bent again as he stares down at his feet rather than his lover. "I'm sorry I'm such a pain and that I'm up here being so…weak, but…but it just makes me so mad that I…" Goku closes his eyes and says very softly, "…that I let you down again."
At this point Sanzo wonders if he and Goku have a direct channel between their brains. Sometimes their connection really is ridiculous. "We're both idiots. I've come to accept that fact." Sanzo moves quickly to stand in front of Goku and lifts the monkey's chin. Goku keeps his eyes closed but Sanzo speaks on anyway. "You didn't let me down. And…since I know you'll tell me the same if I try to say otherwise…I didn't let you down either. It just…happened. Or didn't happen. And if there's nothing we can do about it…"
"Yeah…" Goku nods.
"Goku."
Slowly, Goku opens his eyes. He knows not to mess with this particular tone of Sanzo's. Since his chin has been lifted, Goku meets violet the moment his eyes are open and they look strangely young and very, very lost. "Sanzo…?" Goku says, concerned. But then, he thinks he understands why Sanzo looks so…scared. "Sanzo, if…if something happened and I ended up as him…what…what would you do?"
How many times has Goku asked Sanzo this question? Neither would really like to think about it. It shouldn't have to be asked. They wish it never had to be asked again. But it does.
And Sanzo has the same answer he has always had, and always will have.
"I'd kill you."
The words are the same and spoken without wavering, but the tone, the expression on Sanzo's face as they leave his lips is so heartbreaking Goku is afraid he might weep. Sanzo has always been able to say it looking so stern, so serious. Only now does the future scream so much of the possibility of the worst outcome actually coming to light. And what scares Goku most…is leaving Sanzo behind.
Goku doesn't say anything, and Sanzo cannot think of anything more to say on his end either. When Goku leans forward, Sanzo meets him with such a surge of desperation it is a wonder he doesn't knock them both to the floor. They kiss for a long time, feeding off each other's desperate, frightened love.
The final insult to injury is that when they break apart they realize their kiss felt far too much like a goodbye.
-----
"Well, I got the neighboring cottage setup for our new friends. Yaone-san went with me, so as far as the owner knows it is just another group of perfectly tame humans." Hakkai's smile is its usually bright and blinding self, the healer slipping in to his and Gojyo's room with all intention of getting to bed. Tomorrow is a big day after all.
"Another group of tame humans, huh?" Gojyo echoes, lounging back on their bed, sans shirt, headband, and shoes and socks.
He watches Hakkai cross the room and open the window. The healer looks down to ground level a moment and a second later Gojyo understands why. Hakuryuu, who had been lazing about with the other dragons, flies up and in through the window. Hakkai closes it behind him.
"What's with the parrot?" Gojyo asks, following Hakuryuu's flight pattern until the dragon lands ever so gently next to him on the bed and looks as if he means to make himself comfortable. "Hey…does this look like your bed to you?" he asks the small creature.
Hakuryuu chirps in clear affirmation.
Hakkai, changing into his bedclothes now, laughs good-naturedly, but Gojyo doesn't find it all that funny. "Hakkai, what'd you let him up here for? At least make him a bed out of your sash or somethin'. He's getting way too comfy over here."
"Kyu!"
"Shut up, you."
"Now, Gojyo…" Hakkai says, shifting into animal-protector-sensei mode. He has successfully changed his pants and has his shirt half over his head. He lifts it off and lays it carefully down by the rest of his clothes but doesn't bother reaching for his nightshirt. "Hakuryuu is more partial to the cold than Kougaiji's dragons. He is only a little thing, you know. I couldn't very well leave him to the elements." Hakkai heads for the bed, dressed much like Gojyo now, and sits on the edge. He pets his dragon rather than his kappa which causes Gojyo to grumble indignantly.
"Hey…me or the parrot. You can't sleep with both."
"Can't I?" Hakkai's smirk really is quite aggravating from Gojyo's perspective.
"Somehow I don't think he'll appreciate what I plan to do with you before bedtime." Gojyo explains.
Hakkai's expression doesn't even waver. "Oh? And what do you plan to do to--"
Gojyo sits up, grabs Hakkai by the back of the neck and kisses him harshly, cutting off the healer's words. Hakuryuu, between them on the bed and quite upset over this, squawks and ruffles his wings.
Within their kiss, Hakkai moves a hand to gently stroke Hakuryuu's spine, hoping to pacify his pet. It seems to work but when they pull from the kiss Gojyo once again realizes the dragon is getting stroked instead of him.
"He's gotta go."
"Well…I suppose there is that whole other bed."
"Kyu?"
"Get moving, small-fry." Gojyo tells the dragon, who despite being very offended at such a sendoff, looks at Hakkai, seems to think better of protesting, and flutters off to make himself comfortable on the unused bed. "Now…where were we?" Gojyo asks with a grin, turning back to reach for Hakkai once more.
They kiss slowly and happily, trying not to think that this might be their last chance to be together intimately. At the moment they would much rather praise that they have gotten passed the stages of lingering butterflies and can be intimate at all.
Before pushing Hakkai down onto the sheets, Gojyo has a fleeting thought of his brother and how the older youkai had reacted when he calmly explained the finer points of his and Hakkai's relationship. It had been while Goku was still unconscious, at the first opportunity he could get his brother alone.
"I take it you can already guess what I'm gonna tell ya, bro." he had said.
Dokugakuji nodded, only slightly uncomfortable with the whole thing. "Can't deny I'm a bit surprised. What's all this I've heard about you being such a womanizer?"
"Oh, it's all true." Gojyo said with a haughty grin, "But Hakkai and I…what we got…it's…something more than a good roll in the hay. It's a long story how it happened like this, but…I really love him. And I hope you don't have a problem with that."
Dokugakuji said that he of course had no problem with Gojyo loving anyone, and then promptly asked to hear the whole long story of how things played out. Gojyo decided to leave the dreamworld out of his explanation and just told the tale more generally, but Dokugakuji got the point and by the end was nodding his head to the story.
He didn't mind at all that Gojyo had found love with a man, "But that doesn't mean I'll get used to it any time soon."
Now, in the moment, languidly kissing Hakkai, Gojyo doesn't think he minds that things are strange or even different, as long as he and Hakkai can stay like this.
"Gojyo…?"
Hakkai is concerned since Gojyo has slowed and is staring hard at him now like the healer might poof and be suddenly gone. Gojyo decides that rather than ease Hakkai's worries with words, he would much rather act.
Really, Hakkai doesn't mind at all.
-----
You won't win, you bastard. If it costs me my life, I won't let you get away with this.
At the other cottage, further into the night now and very dark, Kougaiji sits at the window of the group's shared bedroom. This remaining cottage is not as big as the Sanzo-ikkou's, but Kougaiji and his companions don't mind having to share. The girls are curled together on one bed with Dokugakuji on another. Kougaiji had refused the second bed, saying he probably wouldn't sleep anyway, and though Dokugakuji had offered to share it, Kougaiji was too distracted to really listen.
The others are asleep now, but as he expected, Kougaiji cannot follow suit. There is too much at stake in the hours ahead. He has so little time to think of a plan, to try and come up with some way to let the Sanzo-ikkou know the truth before it is too late. But hard as he tries to think of something, anything, nothing seems to be coming to him. He feels so weak, so helpless, and if it is the last thing he does he longs to wrap his clawed fingers around Nii's throat and squeeze the life out of that man for making him feel this way and do these awful things.
In his anger he scratches his claws against the window, finding it is the only release he can imagine that won't make enough noise to wake his companions.
"Kougaiji-sama…?"
Yaone's whisper startles Kougaiji. He had thought he was being quiet, but perhaps not quiet enough. He turns from the window to see that she is standing not far from him, her long nightgown gently flowing and her lavender hair free from its usual style to hang about her shoulders. "Yaone…" Kougaiji breathes, surprised to find her awake, at how she has snuck up on him, and…at how lovely she looks when presented before him so simply.
"Are you…all right, Lord Kougaiji?" Yaone asks, taking the smallest few steps closer to him and expressing her concern with the only words she can.
I wish I could say more, Kougaiji-sama, but Nii…the spell…oh, I hope you understand how much I worry over these things as well. We are all pained but what he is making us do.
Kougaiji turns away from Yaone to once more look out the window. From here he can see the Sanzo-ikkou's cottage. His new friends will not understand what happens tomorrow. They will think themselves betrayed and there may be nothing Kougaiji or his fellows can do about it.
"You know I'm not. You know why." Kougaiji says, clenching his hands into tight fists. "If only I could…but…I can't even…even…" he cringes at the effort to say his true thoughts, to speak of the deeds they will be forced to do, but the spell prevents it. In his frustration it would be understandable if Kougaiji did not at first feel Yaone's hand gently touch his shoulder, but he feels it the moment it is there and turns to look at her.
She is so close now, lit by the moonlight with the softest of shadows over her face. She does not speak again, but her expression says more than enough. Kougaiji lifts a hand to cover the one on his shoulder. He holds Yaone's gaze a little longer than he thinks he should, but when he looks away again and turns back to the window, he is not at all upset that she remains with him.
All they can do is wait for morning and hope that the worst can be overcome.
tbc...
A/N: And tomorrow begins the downward spiral. Hahahaha. Well, I had to post since I'll be gone all weekend, so I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If Sanzo seemed at all OOC, he should have. He WAS acting out of character, which is why he had the others stay back. He figured it was the only way to reach Seiten Taisei. He tried to be more himself when he and Goku were alone later, but he just couldn't do it quite as easily as he should have. Things are getting pretty close to scary for all of them. You'll get to see just how scary things get soon. :-) Glad you're all still with me and so honest and wonderful in your reviews. Keep being that way so I can keep keeping things...err...good. ;-) Love you! Be back with the next chapter soon.
Crim