*A/N* I'm not going to bother you all with a lengthy introductory author's note... This is one of my favorite chapters... I've been told that I'm VERY good at chronicling the descent to madness... Thanks for all your reviews!
The Descent to Vengeance: Falling Inside the Black
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Anders felt shivers down his spine as he leaned back against the stone walls of the palace of King Alistair. Alone in his study, it felt like a tempest had settled all around him. He could feel his blood surging through him like acid, burning him from the inside out. His magic felt entirely outside his control and he watched as the marble heated to a deep red beneath his fingertips. He jerked his hands away, fighting back the chill within him. The solitude felt so complete – so enveloping that Anders was sure that no one would ever come to save him from himself.
Tonight I'm so alone
This sorrow takes a hold
Don't leave me here so cold
Never want to be so cold
Justice told him that he would never be free from his mission – that his little "vacation" with his wife and daughter had been nothing but a distraction – one that would soon be remedied. He wanted none of it. For the first time, his friend Justice felt like a demon – a possession – and Anders felt like an abomination. The marble grew cold beneath him as his magic surged through him again – uncontrollable and caustic.
Your touch used to be so kind
Your touch used to give me life
I've waited all this time, I've wasted so much time.
He closed his eyes and conjured images of his wife and daughter – of the life he'd created since Justice had become silent, but his vision became duller and more fade-like with every breath he took. Every breath brought images of mages in bondage and the horrors of templar domination. Vengeance was returning and he wanted to scream, but wasn't sure that anyone could hear him. Maybe the screaming was only inside his soul – if there was a soul left after the Taint and the union with Justice.
Don't leave me alone
'Cause I barely see at all.
Don't leave me alone I'm –
Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling to the depths can I ever go back?
"No." He whispered into his hands feeling the white-hot sensation of Vengeance's magic as it leaked through his own – tainting his healing aura with anger – lighting mercy afire with rage. "Please." He begged, tears escaping from his eyes as he tried to fight back the rage within. He didn't want it anymore – he cared only for the love of his wife and his daughter and was willing to leave the Anderfel circle as it was. He paused in his pleading, knowing that it was not true. He would always care about the plight of the mages.
Dreaming of the way it used to be
Can you hear me?
Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling to the depths can I ever go back?
Falling inside the black
Falling inside, falling inside the black
He wanted her there, his Champion. Her touched would push Vengeance away – at least for a while until he could figure out what to do with it. Beneath him, the marble had cracked from the magic he'd infused in it and he felt himself trembling. He tried to rise to his feet, but fell to his knees from the shaking, and buried his head in his hands and cried. He cried for the mages who were still falling victim to oppression and for the men and women who would die at the hands of Vengeance. He cried for his little Leandra – the sweet angel who might never be raised by her father. He was sure that Vengeance would rob him of the family he'd created. How ironic that he was to fight for mages to have the right to what Vengeance was stealing from him.
You were my source of strength
I've traded everything
That I love for this one thing
Stranded in the offering
Don't leave me here like this
Can't hear me scream from the abyss
And now I wish for you, my desire.
Behind him, he heard a gentle knock on the door as his angel came in. Her soul was so perfect that Anders could almost feel her light pulling the darkness from within him. His angel crossed to him and stood in front of him, wiping the tears from his face with soft white hands.
"My little Leah. How'd you get away from the nursery?" He asked, pulling the suddenly serious four-year-old into his arms and holding her there where Justice couldn't find them.
Don't leave me alone
'Cause I barely see at all.
Don't leave me alone I'm –
Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling to the depths can I ever go back?
"Daddy needed me." She whispered, putting her arms around his neck and squeezing him tight. "I could feel it." Anders smiled at her intuitiveness – a brand of magic that was evident of the bond that linked father and daughter. He watched as Leah sat up and placed her tiny palm on his chest, causing it to glow faintly green. For a couple of breathless moments, it was as if Justice had never become a part of him – the spirit had been chased back to the Fade, but when she removed her hand, Justice returned – urging him to chastise the child, but he ignored the belligerent spirit.
Dreaming of the way it used to be
Can you hear me?
Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling to the depths can I ever go back?
Falling inside the black
Falling inside, falling inside the black
"What did you do, Angel?"
"Chased the bad man away." She whispered, hugging him again and kissing him on the cheek. "You should come have lunch with me and Mommy."
"Of course, Leah." He replied, scooping her up in his arms. Was there, perhaps, some way to chase Justice back to the Fade? Had he just been given the solution by the most unlikely mage there was – other than Sandal? They were questions that would be discussed in the days to come, but for now, Anders was more than happy to hold his sweet Leandra – a child born a mage and free.
Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling to the depths can I ever go back?
Dreaming of the way it used to be
Can you hear me?
Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling to the depths can I ever go back?
Falling inside the black
Falling inside, falling inside the black
Falling inside the black
Can you hear me?
Falling inside the black
Can you hear me?
Falling inside the black.