Chapter 13 - Discoveries
Bella thrashed violently, bringing him out of the hellacious past to the fires of the now. She arched off the bed, her throat strained and swollen with the screams she tried to swallow. She should have known better.
He could still feel them.
Nerves ran like a current along his skin, jarring him so he felt that he'd come apart any minute. The emotions of the house got increasingly louder even as the noise dropped to near silence. Edward's human mate – no, she had a name and deserved to be thought of as an individual – Bella was going to die.
Not as in the philosophical, somewhere in the far distant future. No.
Soon.
And they all knew it.
Alice returned only minutes before the first shipment of books. Jasper made the decision to talk to her several times, once even imagining himself on his knees before her, begging her to forgive him for whatever he did to piss her off. And then, there were decisions and fantasies that brought him to his knees in front of her for a much more enjoyable reason. He'd had no outlet for the lust and love he absorbed from the mated couples for far too long. There was no doubt she'd seen (and ignored) his intentions. But aside from a peck on the cheek in greeting, she ignored him completely and pranced up the stairs toward the attic.
Her emotions were shifting too quickly for him to get an accurate read, but underneath the deceit, love, anger, frustration, and false joy, she was truly content, and it concerned him all the more. But he had never questioned her on her emotions before, and he would not start now. Their relationship had been built on trust and blind faith since the moment he took her hand and walked out of that old Philly diner. It didn't matter where she had been or how many slips he'd made over the years, their love was never in question. And he constantly reminded himself of the constancy of their affections to get his legs to not follow her and demand answers for her peculiar behavior.
She would tell him what he needed to know in her own time. He had to trust in that, in her. Because without that, what else did he have?
Luckily, he had boxes and boxes of musty books reeking of wax and ink to keep him otherwise occupied. It was a blessing to have something to focus on.
An incubus (nominal form constructed from the Latin verb, incubo, incubare, or "to lay upon") is a demon in male form who, according to a number of mythological and legendary traditions, lies upon sleepers, especially women, in order to have intercourse with them. Its female counterpart is the succubus. An incubus may pursue sexual relations with a woman in order to father a child, as in the legend of Merlin. Religious tradition holds that repeated intercourse with an incubus or succubus may result in the deterioration of health, or even death.
Jasper snorted. It seemed like that was the ultimate threat in the human world. A flu's symptoms include stuffy nose, fever, sore throat and, if left untreated, death. They should just tack on "And dies" to everything they do or say. It seemed such a waste to allow the constant fear of death to prevent you from living to the max.
Whatever happened to the "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil." Humans even feared the shadows. How absurd! It wasn't the shadow of a bus that killed you. It was the grill meeting your face at fifty miles per hour. But then again, he was an immortal.
In Brazil and the rainforests of the Amazon Basin, the Boto is a combination of siren and incubus, a very charming and beautiful man who seduces young women and takes them into the river. It is said to be responsible for disappearances and unwanted pregnancies and it can never be seen by daylight, because it metamorphoses into that kind of river dolphin during those hours. According to legend the Boto always wears a hat to disguise the breathing hole at the top of its head.
Of course, a helmet of bronze hair did the job just fine, Jasper thought. If these reports had been about a vampire it would make sense that he would want to avoid the sun. Primitive humans went straight for the torches.
According to the Malleus Maleficarum, exorcism is one of the five ways to overcome the attacks of incubi, the others being Sacramental Confession, the Sign of the Cross (or recital of the Angelic Salutation), moving the afflicted to another location, and by excommunication of the attacking entity, "which is perhaps the same as exorcism." On the other hand, the Franciscan friar Ludovico Mario Sinistrari stated that incubi "do not obey exorcists, have no dread of exorcisms, show no reverence for holy things, at the approach of which they are not in the least overawed."
Spread across Carlisle's office were mounds and mounds of thick volumes, medical journals and a few of his own research journals. Jasper found the habit of journaling ridiculous for a vampire. Not only was it a waste of time, since one would never forget their findings or conclusions, but it was an unnecessary risk of exposure should they ever fall into the wrong hands. Just what they needed: more evidence of concealment, impropriety. Perhaps they would serve as fuel for their pyres. He reached for the nearest one, curious.
"'The Trauco, according to the traditional mythology of the Chiloé Province of Chile, is a hideous deformed dwarf who lulls nubile young women and seduces them,'" Emmett read aloud before laughing. "Well, that's one description I'll be putting to good use. Edwardo, the hideously deformed boypire with a dwarf between his legs – yep, it's fitting. He can't argue with history."
Jasper sent him a burst of humor, but otherwise kept his attention on the leather-bound notebook bearing the Volturi crest in his hand. It contained notes written in Carlisle's neat hand: Yada-yada, eukaryotic organisms, blah, blah, blah, humanoid chromosomes. The idea is that these organisms originated from parasitic or symbiotic associations between originally free-living bacteria-like ancestors.
Scribbled hastily in the margins was, "Spirit or biological?" Jasper assumed he was attempting to settle the origins of the vampiric virus itself during his research, a subject that had been debated and debunked for eons. If it was biologically-based then it was bound by the rules and logic of science. But if it was spirit-based, there was no rhyme nor reason, and no way to predict cause and effect or the evolution of such. There was evidence on both sides, but enough contradictory information to prevent a suitable theory from being accepted.
Any of these methods may permit a woman to become infected in a way that does not kill her immediately. Very dire problems might arise if a living woman infected with but a trace amount of venom were to later become pregnant. Consider that a very large proportion of human pregnancies, probably more than half counting from fertilization, abort spontaneously due to implantation failures or defects in the fetus. What happens if the dormant infection invades the inuterine fetus? Now a still-living woman is hosting something that, if it dies, will not stay dead. 64 cells, undead and hungry, might not become a problem. Be that as it may, it would behoove a woman in this situation to seek sterilization with all possible haste.
Recommendation: Once exposed to any amount of venom, a human must be changed or extinguished to thwart the risk of exposure.
The vampiric virus operates very much like conventional diseases. Among humans, some pathogens cross the placenta and affect the fetus while others do not. The outcome of the vampiric conversion of a pregnant woman would probably depend on whether or not the entity responsible for the infection does so. If it does, the fetus should be sustained by the infection quite as well as the woman would be. The fetus might or might not ever be born, but there is no reason to expect a miscarriage. If pregnancy progresses, the infant should be a vampire also. If the infection does not cross the placenta, a female vampire, almost certainly non-breathing, would be unable to support a still-human fetus. It would die, and, one hopes, miscarry promptly.
Recommendation: Avoid conversion of a pregnant female. If it cannot be avoided, remove unborn child in first phase of venom conversion.
"What was he up to?" Jasper murmured to himself, shocked by his findings. In truth, he shouldn't be. Carlisle had always loved a good mystery, but his compassion had reigned over his insatiable curiosity. Here he actually recommended the termination of life. It was logical, and that Jasper could respect. But it was also contradictory to the fundamentals he held to be true about their coven leader.
He'd have to pay closer attention in the future.
Hours upon hours passed but nothing new surfaced. The legends were so eschewed by time and superstition it was impossible to root out any modicum of truth. And with each passing minute, each spike of pain from Bella, each fresh wave of fear, he became more anxious.
"Dude, rein that shit in. You've got me bouncing my knee over here."
Jasper didn't bother responding, just did as he was asked. He wasn't aware he'd been projecting. He hadn't been to this emotional breaking point in a couple of years. He needed release something fierce. As the thought occurred to him, he heard her soft, nimble footsteps. Alice was down the stairs and out of the house before he could draw in the air to ask her for help. Again, he had to stop himself from chasing after her.
"Sorry, man. I don't know what's gotten into her lately. I guess this mess with Bells has affected all of us more than we thought," Emmett whispered.
"It's fine." It wasn't. "You're probably right." Lie. "Let's just get back to work." Please.
Emmett, not as thick as he appeared, shrugged, acknowledging Jasper's deflection, and turned his attention back to the book in his hands.
Frustration, irritation, anticipation, excitement, a thin streak of pain. Another two hours passed and Jasper felt Alice approaching the house again. He set his book aside, wondering what she was up to. He listened to Rose and Bella talking downstairs.
"Um, Rose? What exactly is that supposed to be?" Bella sounded mildly alarmed, and Emmett started laughing, before barely breathing an explanation. The more he talked, the more Jasper understood his reason for secrecy.
"Rose decided that anyone could buy a ton of stuff for the tadpole - and she has, by the way – but making something with her own hands would be more special." Emmett smiled, shaking with silent humor. "Sh-she is trying to crochet!"
"They're booties, of course."
"For who? Yoda?" Bella asked, and all of Emmett's attempts flew out of the window. He laughed so hard the shelf he was leaning against lost its top two rows of books. Rose's face must've been something else because Bella's guilt spiked and she rushed to reassure Rosalie. "I was just kidding, Rose. I think the baby is going to love them! Plus, he'll get to wear them longer since they're a bit big."
"At least the left one," Emmett added.
"Thanks, Bells. I'm hoping to get better by the time the baby makes his or her appearance." Jasper felt Bella's stab of loneliness and longing, but her face must have betrayed her as well, because this time it was Rosalie rushing to soothe Bella. "Seriously, I wasn't offended Bella! Emmett's going to be performing solo for a while, but other than that, I'm not upset at all. Oh, what's wrong?"
Emmett swore at his bleak immediate future as Bella sniffled. "It wasn't you, Rose. Really! It was just that…" Jasper felt her desire and anxiety battle before determination took over. "Jake. He used to call me Bells. I miss him. That's all." And she did.
Jasper's nose crinkled remembering the smell and then his anger spiked remembering the scene at the wedding. That damn dog almost lost control with her in his oafish arms. The small growl from Em said his thoughts had travelled along the same lines.
"Oh," Rose huffed. Jasper could picture her nose stuck up high in the air with a look of disdain marring her beautiful features. Rose could be selfish at times, but she just didn't understand how much Jacob had done for Bella. As much as he hated to enlighten her, Jasper knew Bella needed someone to understand where she was coming from. She needed a friend.
"He was the only friend she had when we abandoned her. Not only did he save her life from Laurent and then again from herself when she went 'cliff diving', but he also held her together when she couldn't do it for herself. He loves her, and she loved him," Jasper finished quietly. He felt Rose soften, and smiled. She had her moments.
"Do you still love him, Bella?" Rose asked gently. Bella was startled, but sensing no judgment in Rose's question, she answered honestly.
"I'll always love Jake. He was my sunshine when I was alone in the dark. But I don't regret my choice. If I had to do it again, knowing everything I know now, I'd do the same. I said goodbye to him and the future he wanted long ago. I just wish I knew if he was okay. And I miss my Jacob."
Jasper felt Rosalie's confusion. And he couldn't explain this one. Her Jacob? He was under the impression that their relationship had never evolved, much to Jacob's chagrin. How one little human attracted the attention of so many supernatural creatures was beyond him. But then again, he was now counted among that number.
"Your Jacob? Edward's clearly planted his flag in you already."
"Not like that! Jeesh, Rose!" Jasper could feel her embarrassment but knew there was no accompanying blush. There hadn't been in the last couple of weeks. "It's how I differentiate between pre-wolf Jacob and Sam's Jacob. He changed-" Emmett guffawed, "in more than one way after he shifted. He became angry, more aggressive, but there were times when my Jake would shine through. Putting up with him the rest of the time was almost worth those little glimpses of my Jake."
"I understand, Bella. I'm sorry you miss him. Maybe someday he'll stop chasing his tail and come to make amends. He'll have forever after all."
"Thanks, but I'm not sure that would be a good idea." Jasper could smell the fresh tears, and he hated the dog a little more for them. "I-I'll be no-nothing more than a bloodsucker, a l-leech, to him. He once told me that it would be better for me to d-d-die." She broke down, but recovered fairly quickly. She shouldn't add worrying about the pup's sanctimonious opinions of vampires to her already heavy load. "I'd rather him remember me the way I was."
If Jasper thought she had any such feelings toward them, he might be a tad offended by her derogatory comments. He shook his head. No, he wouldn't. To be offended by someone's words, you had to care about that person and their esteem of you.
Still…her spewing the word bloodsucker with bitter vitriol was not something he wanted to hear directed at him. She had just been sharing Jacob's thoughts.
When Alice opened the front door, he made his way down the stairs to catch a glimpse of her. Judging by the smell, she did not return empty handed. Accompanying her sweet scent was the putrid smell of dead animal, some kind of grain based human food with a strong vinegar sauce, and the distinct scent of one –no, make that two humans. He could barely distinguish their individual scents, but the fact that he could tell them apart at all was a recent development. Usually when he concentrated, the bloodlust overtook him and he became too busy resisting to examine the varying intricacies.
"Hey, Alice," Bella smiled weakly from her place on the hospital bed that had replaced the couch. Carlisle wanted her to be as comfortable as possible and he needed to have quick access to her. The spare room upstairs had been turned into full-blown med suite. He'd been filling in for a few doctors at the local hospital as a "favor" to a colleague and had been smuggling home the supplies he couldn't get online on a daily basis. To soothe his conscience, he donated three times the cost of the supplies to the hospital anonymously. Her skin was thin and yellowing slightly with a waxy appearance. Jasper idly wondered if it would tear beneath his fingers easier than paper or if she would melt away like a candlestick past its prime…
"I haven't seen you around much."
"Sorry, Bella. The baby keeps blocking my vision. With distance, I can see around you but the effort takes its toll. I brought you a goodwill offering though! It's General Tso chicken from a little shop in the mall."
"Alice," Jasper warned quietly while Bella began to argue. Alice brushed them both off.
"Look. If you're going to just puke it up anyway, you might as well have something you like." Bella didn't look convinced. But why should she? They'd been down this road a few too many times. However, Jasper could feel Bella's gratitude and her eagerness to spend more time with Alice. If that meant throwing up chicken chunks and rice in half an hour, then so be it.
Alice had less tolerance for the messy parts of humanity than Rose, than any of them, if Jasper was honest. He couldn't fault her, though. She couldn't remember anything of human life before her change, so she had only a vampire's perspective. It was nice to see her breaking away from her own concerns and making an effort with Bella.
"Thanks, Alice. Will you help me sit up?" Alice skipped across the room, depositing the bag of disgusting Chinese food in the dining room along the way. Everyone seemed relatively happy – on the surface.
A spike of wanton desire tinged with hunger hit Jasper hard as Alice lifted Bella. He was across the room before another thought could register. "Alice, put her down," he said sharply, irritated by the extra lust. Alice looked up, shock playing in her golden eyes, as Em and Rose flanked her.
Wait, golden eyes!
"What's going on?" Rose asked quickly.
"I know I felt-" bloodlust. It was getting stronger again, but it wasn't coming from Alice. He focused on the source and his eyes shifted to Bella who had her face buried in Alice's shirt. She was confused, famished and ready to- "Alice, move back please."
Alice pulled away from Bella, uncurling her fists from her shirt one at a time as Bella sat there in shock with her mouth closed tightly. She had no idea what had just happened. Embarrassment.
"Bella, I want to try something." Curiosity.
"Sure, Jasper," she mumbled to her lap, refusing to look at any of them. He fetched the repulsive food Alice had brought in and made a quick plate for Bella. Then he sat it in her lap. She gagged, covering her mouth as she looked for Rose, who shoved Jasper aside and took Bella to the bathroom.
"What's going on, Jasper?" Emmett asked.
"When Alice leaned over Bella, I felt a spike of lust-"
"Well, Bells has been without for a while." Emmett wiggled his eyebrows salaciously.
"Not that kind-of lust, idiot! Bloodlust." Bella's words from earlier came back to him.
Bloodsucker, bloodsucker, bloodsucker, leech. There really was one of them, inside her, sucking the life from her slowly. It was hard to think of the tadpole as a leech, but that's what he was – or at least, half of him. He was half vampire. And what did vampires want, crave, desire, above all?
Blood. Human blood.
They'd been treating this pregnancy like a human pregnancy but what she was carrying was not human. Perhaps if they addressed the vampire needs of the baby, then it would remove some of the stress from Bella and allow her to recover. How had they missed this?
Rose had apparently reached the same conclusion. She spoke, carefully choosing each word, as she carried Bella back to her hospital bed. "Bella, you remember how that stupid book said that you would start to have cravings? That they were your body's way of seeking the vitamins or minerals it needed to support the extra life?"
Bella laughed uneasily, but nodded. "Yeah, that was the same chapter that said not to eat dirt or rocks, no matter how appetizing they appeared."
"Well, it didn't say anything about blood," Emmett muttered, but not quietly enough.
"What?" Bella asked, panicking. The tadpole gave a one-two combo and not only did Jasper feel her pain, he watched as the little guy reared up for another go. The sheet covering her stomach, shifted quickly, reminding him of a scene from Aliens. He was aggravated and he was hungry. Jasper gave Bella a strong dose of calm.
"Bella, calm down. We just want to talk to you about something." He waited until she agreed before he continued. "Now, what did you smell when Alice leaned over you?"
"I smelled her natural scent - honey and cherry blossoms – and," her nose wrinkled, "the Chinese food. And there was something else…A musky smell. I'm not sure what it was, but-" she hesitated.
"But what, Bella? It's okay."
"I wanted it," she whispered.
"You smelled a woman who brushed up against me with her wide load and the overly friendly cashier at that charming little baby boutique Rose and I were telling you about. He hugged me when I finished my order and set up shipping." Alice giggled. It was strange to Jasper that he didn't have any reaction to this, but then he brushed that aside. He didn't need to be jealous. They'd always been attractive to their prey. He was just secure in their love.
Bella sat shocked while Rose called Carlisle. It was actually convenient timing. Esme and he had been chasing down more blood to pad their supply for Bella.
"I know the thought and smell of blood disgusts you, but would you be willing to try just a sip for the baby?" Jasper asked, carefully monitoring her emotions. She was briefly horrified but then her desire flared followed rapidly by disgust before she settled on acceptance.
"Of course I will. It will be my first act as a real member of this coven!"
Emmett laughed and beamed with pride at her resilience. A thick, new hope mixed with relief swelled all over the room, and Jasper couldn't help but feel the same. It was too soon to think that this could be the turning point in this tragedy that she was starring in, but if they didn't hope for a miracle now, there might not be time for it later.
He'd been a damn fool. To worry over the trivial, missing the complete picture because he focused solely on the crooked frame. If he hadn't, maybe she wouldn't be this way…
As he siphoned as much of her pain away as he could, he curled around her writhing body.
But then again, I wouldn't be this way either, he thought as the pain claimed his attention and he tried to lose himself in the past once more to distract from her present.
A/N: Big thanks to my beta, Stitchcat, and my prereader, Hammerhips, for their general awesomeness and for helping me every step of the way with this fic. *Mwah*
Again, review please! I like to know what y'all think. Plus, it's for the ninjas! (And I promise not to use their new stealth against you *winks*)
BTW- A lot of the quotes Jasper's reading were taken from my online "research". I just twisted a few for my own nefarious purpose.