Hey. This is basically a bit more intense RxD, not rating changing or anything, just emotional

It's 3 o clock in the morning so if you don't like the chapter then that's why

This is dedicated to two people Emma 'EePee' Paige because I get her name wrong in the last chapter, and LovingVA because I promised her I would

I also give the usual disclaimers, Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy and all of it's awesome (and sexy Russian) characters

Enjoy :)

Roses POV

Dimitri walked me to my room like a proper Russian gentleman. We spoke very little and I knew we were thinking similar things.

I was worried about how this would affect my training and if Lissa would be able to feel it if I …

Dimitri was thinking about disembowelling Adrian with a spoon and using his empty body as a sports bag … Or something along those lines.

The sun was setting as we walked across campus, making the blue sky blaze bright orange and the clouds a delicate petal pink.

I sighed and coughed; Dimitri looked down at me worriedly and I smiled up at him.

He wrapped his strong arm around my waist protectively and I leaned into his chest, breathing in his calming smell.

I was barely aware of him nudging on the small of my back to get me to alter my direction slightly, nor where we were now heading

The cabin.

Ever since Tasha had stayed there it had become a place that Dimitri and I frequented; usually separately but we sometimes ran into each other. I guess it was a bit like our Chapel attic. Just a place we go when we need time to ourselves.

Sure our rooms do that too but seeing as now the entire school knows where my room is and often make uninvited visits, it's nice to go somewhere where no one can find you.

Especially with a totally hot Russian mentor.

As Dimitri gently pushed me over the threshold I saw the dints in the bedcovers where he had been sitting yesterday and on the bedside table I noticed a battered Western novel.

I smirked slightly and walked over to the couch. Dimitri followed suit and we both collapsed.

Dimitri put his arm around me and I snuggled into him; I felt him kiss the top of my head and I smiled

Half an hour later found my head in Dimitri's lap and him absentmindedly stroking my hair. We still hadn't spoken but I knew there wasn't much to say. The silence was comfortable and familiar and I knew Dimitri was trying not to force an uncomfortable issue; which wasn't like him. Hell he was notorious for that kind of thing, but now I knew he just wanted to pretend, as I did, that it was all a dream and it was just a normal day where we could just be together; in secret of course.

I would have been happy to lie there forever but Dimitri had other ideas and broke the silence first.

'So…' he said. I swear I could hear the dot dot dot at the end of that word.

'So what Dimitri?' I snapped; sitting up on the couch I glared at him, irritated that he ended my fantasy. 'What is there to say? That I'm dying?' he flinched 'Newsflash I know!'

Dimitri looked down. And he looked so … cute that I couldn't stay mad at him

'Look.' I said gently; he raised his head to look at me and I tried hot to melt under his gaze 'I'm here now, and so are you. Lissa will probably come around soon' Ok so that might be a lie 'and I'm pretty sure that things will go back to normal soon' right so that was definitely a lie; but hey, Gods need comfort too.

He smiled sadly but didn't contradict me.

'Roza, I promise you that I will do everything I can to help you. And I promise that I won't leave you to …' the sincerity in both his voice and his face was so intense that I couldn't even think of a witty comeback. I just leaned in and wrapped my arms around his neck as I brought my lips to his for a second before I leaned back and grinned at him

'I can think of worse ways to go' I said, before I kissed him again, longer this time, and our tongues danced together. I closed my eyes; this was better even than Lissas endorphins, nothing could compare to the Love I feel for this man, my heart was thumping in my chest, it felt like it would burst, but in a good way.

'Roza' he breathed against my lips

That's when I felt it

Warmth shot down my spine, splintering the Ice accumulating there.

It was such an odd sensation that I gasped and drew back, my hand going almost automatically to the back of my neck.

'Rose?' My eyes shot up to meet his.

'I… I can feel' I whispered, I let out a breathy laugh 'I felt warm.'

He stared back at me, eyes confused, hopeful and sad.

As soon as his expression changed from complete and utter devotion, the Ice rebuilt, stronger than ever; my smile faded and my hand dropped to my lap.

'I… I thought…'

'I know' he said 'I know' He drew me to him again, not to kiss, but to comfort. I leaned my head back against him.

'I promise I'll protect you Roza.' He murmured.

I didn't doubt his intentions but I did doubt his words

'Even you can't save me from myself Comrade'

We both sighed simultaneously and lapsed into silence again, both lost in our own thoughts.

'About Adrian…' he began, Jeez what is with him and his silence phobia lately?

'Don't' I said 'Just don't'

'Look, Rose, I can't just let him get away with this! He hurt you.'

I gave him a look that said who's sharing the family brain cell right now? And he smiled wryly before dropping his eyes.

'You didn't see you Rose… it was terrifying' he mumbled

Anger flared up; probably Spirit induced

'No' I said hotly 'I just saw and felt my worst nightmare coming true! You had it so much worse!'

He had the grace to look ashamed and I shook my head at him. I took a deep breath and apologized to him.

'Lessons will be starting soon' I remarked as I stared out of the tiny window. The stars blinked in the navy sky, there was no moon tonight, making everything seem less magical than the night before. Just another day at St Vladimir's.

Dimitri shifted beside me, unintentionally jolting the Ice and making me wince.

'What's wrong Rose?' God he knows me so well. His cheek rubbed against mine as he rested his head on my shoulder and reached around to twine his hand in mine. We fit so well together that I felt so absolute oneness that I didn't reply for a moment. A flash of heat down into my lungs allowed me to breathe easier for a moment, as I looked out at the sky my mouth opened and the words tumbled out of their own accord

'I'm thinking that if I die tomorrow, my only regrets will be that Lissa, Christian and Adrian will think … well you know. I will never be able to tell you that I love you enough, and that Mason died. Oh and I guess that I never really got to know my Mom. But yeah, that's it.'

Dimitri's arms tightened around me.

'Well that's not many'

'No' I agreed, 'I guess I always did live for the moment.' I joked,

Dimitri didn't smile

'Do' he corrected

'Huh?'

'Do, not did. You're still alive Roza. And you still have time to figure this out and fix this' His face was hidden from me but I could sense his determination

'But what if we can't?' I breathed

'We will'

He sounded so sure, so certain that he could help me to fix this, but I still wasn't convinced

'But what if we can't?' I repeated

He sighed, and just that breath sounded so desolate, so full of sorrow and suffering that I didn't like to say what I said next, but I guess I owed it to him.

I steeled myself, turned around to face him, took a deep breath and spoke; the two words reverberated off the walls of the cabin, echoing back to my ears, making me inwardly cringe at the admission.

But he understood. Of course he did. He understood me.

'I'm scared.'

So, there you go ... I guess hours of listening to quite depressing songs took it's toll.

Like it? Hate it? Carrot cake?

By the way I was thinking of rewriting this in DPOV as a seperate story

what do you think?

let me know :) all ideas and comments appreciated

Special Thanks go to those who messaged me with ideas, LovingVA and MaggieChauvin, THANK YOU! :D

Love you all

Love Tibbins xx