"Forgotten"—A TFP Fan Fiction

Summary: the harassment drawn towards Gira by the school bullies further breaks her wall, and her only way to deal with it is infliction.

Rated: M overall for violence, some future gore, and sexual content.

**This chapter is rated T for moderate, sensitive material**

Transformers characters © Hasbro

Gira © Me

PART TWO: REMEMBER

Chapter 14— The Pain Feels Good…

I walked with Onny to our history class one morning. As always, I hugged his arm with one and held my data-pads with the other. He was extremely nervous about the report on various species of Predacons that we had to present. He and I had been helping each other memorize our assignments. But I assured him repeatedly he would do well, and that if he didn't I would help him.

"But, that is cheating," Orion said.

His innocence was as charming and adorable as always. It made me giggle. "It's not cheating if you don't get caught, silly," I told him. "But even if I do get caught and get in trouble, I wouldn't care, as long as you do well. That's all I care about."

Orion blinked at me, then chuckled. "I don't think I've ever had someone so devoted as you, Gira."

I took it as a compliment and hugged him tightly. And I was glad he said so. I didn't want anyone to be as devoted as me. I wanted to win his spark and have him for myself. I had a dream one night of us being together, starting a family. We had five beautiful sparklings, including a set of twin femmes. I was the strong-headed, yet loving mother, and Onny was the hard-working, playful sire. I didn't want that dream to end. Of course, to put that dream into fruition, I had to make him mine and mine alone. And I would by being as devoted, caring, and encouraging as I was.

We were about to enter our class when something struck the back of my head. I fell forward and hit the ground, spilling my text-pads everywhere. "Gira!" Orion exclaimed. He helped gather my things and helped me up as I clutched my head. "Are you okay?"

I struggled not to cry as I nodded. I wanted to show enough of my pain so my Onny could comfort me, but at the same time I didn't want to embarrass myself and him. Laughter came from nearby—and I knew whose obnoxious laughs they were.

"Direct hit!" Firearm exclaimed.

Gunner pumped his fists as he tossed and caught a second pad in his hand. "Kind of hard to miss, though, since she such an easy target! She's too dumb to move out of the way!"

I was stung by their taunts but didn't say a word. I feared if I did it would result in me lashing out. Instead I rested against Orion and swallowed my sobs. I then looked up as he spoke in a harsh tone towards the two. "Back off!" he said.

"Ooh~! Her precious knight is going to save her~!" Gunner mocked. "You two are so gross together! Why would anyone want to be with trash like her?! She'll infect you with her stupidity!"

"I said, back off!" Orion barked, a little harsher. It was very rare for him to get this agitated. I always hated it whenever it was directed towards me—even when I assumed it was—but I loved it when he did it to protect me. It was one of the many things I loved about him.

"What is going on out here?" Sir Hydrotron stepped out, speaking sternly. "Orion. Gira. Get in here. You two" —he looked at Firearm and his sidekick— "get moving to where you need to be!"

The two pests scampered off while we entered our class. Orion continued to ask if I was okay, which I continuously answered with the same reply. "Yes, I am okay." I was still blushing from him defending me the way he did. To me, it showed he deeply cared about me. Maybe even enough to…love me?

Soon, it was time to give our reports. One by one, students stood in front of the class, explaining their report based entirely off memory. No one dared cheat; they feared the consequences since Iacon High was such a revered, strict school. Some performed well, and others struggled to stand, let alone talk.

I gave my report and presented it with no sign of falter. Sir Hydrotron commended me as I sat down. Then he called up Orion for his turn. I glanced at him; he was still antsy, worried about embarrassing himself. I believed he had stage fright; while extremely humble, he never desired much attention. But I smiled as he walked up. Being placed near the front, but out of sight from Hydrotron, gave me the upper hand to help him out.

When we studied together, we used hand gestures to help each other on any part we got stuck on. And me having a brilliant memory, not to brag, I knew every gesture I used to aid him in finishing his report. At first, he didn't want my help, wanting to get out what he could on his own. But the instant he started to go blank, he briefly glanced at me from his spot at the front of the class, and I flashed him the correct gesture. He then looked relieved and went on reporting. It warmed my spark that I had helped my Onny with his goal; he deserved it for doing so many wonderful things for me. The best part: Hydrotron never noticed.

After class, as we entered the hallway, I hugged Orion tightly. "See? I knew you'd do great!" I told him, slyly winking.

He still looked a bit concerned, glancing over his shoulder. "A-Are you sure no one saw us?" he whispered.

"I am positive," I stated firmly. "If someone was, I would have stopped. But I'm sure they must have thought I was just fiddling around."

"Okay, i-if you say so."

I couldn't help but giggle at his stammer; I always found it cute whenever he was nervous and was quick to point it out. As usual, he blushed and gave me a pouted look.

Eventually we parted ways and headed for our second classes. I tried to hide my worry; without Onny to defend me, I felt more vulnerable to attacks, and I always knew I'd encounter more than one throughout the day. However…that day was a bit different. Usually, the attacks are easily noticed, earning the attentions of nearly everyone around. But not that day. As I made my way to my second class, I was knocked to the ground by a cube smashing against my back. "Freak!" a voice laughed.

I paid no attention to who said it; I was frozen in place, for the attack was all too…familiar. It nearly brought back horrible memories of my time with them. I could hear their voices screeching, slowly creeping up on me. They pounded at the back of my mind, trying to coax me into a meltdown. But I willed myself not to collapse and ventured onward, collecting my things.

I then made it to my science class just before the final bell tolled. I slid into my desk, absentmindedly rubbing the back of my head. It was a bit difficult focusing on studies; I was too busy reminding myself that I was usually targeted every day by the same persons. Those days came so frequently that I barely miss the ones where I am not assaulted in any way. I eventually got distracted by my self-reassurance that I could make it through the day.

But it wouldn't end easily.

As I made my way to each class, an attack or two would strike me; I would try to expect the unexpected but it always stunned me. I nearly burst into tears on my way to lunch break. But I had to keep myself together. As much as I loved having Orion's attention, I didn't want him to worry about me…too much. He might get involved, which could result in him getting hurt. I could never let that happen. I'd ki—stop anyone who'd dare hurt him again.

He noticed I was shaking a bit as I sat down. I always gave him the same answer when he asked me what was wrong: "I'm okay, really." He still looked at me like something was wrong. I was glad that he worried about me because he knew how…unpredictable I was. (Unpredictable was the more appropriate word back then.) He even put a comforting arm around me, giving me his warm, affectionate smile. I forced myself to look away so he couldn't see my tears. I wanted to prove to him—and to myself—that I was strong. Teacher's words played back in my mind. I mustn't be too clingy, too dependent on others.

But having done it most of my life, it was incredibly hard.

I was afraid to leave my last class. I knew what was waiting for me down the hall, around the second corner. I could never predict what they would do, it's something new every week. But I had to walk this way; it was the only way to get to Teacher's office and assist him. I had to do good and show up on time, to show Teacher that I am okay…

My spark pounded as I neared the corner. I swallowed a massive lodge in my throat and tried not to shake so visibly. This hall was nearly empty with few students passing through, for not many classes were on this floor. This meant practically no traffic since I am usually in a hurry to reach the bottom floor to get to Alpha Trion's office. However, it also meant not very many people to call for help when I needed it.

I cringed and shut my optics as I stepped past the corner; I expected Firearm and Gunner to spook and taunt me like always—but the corner was empty. That only made me feel worse. I didn't know where they were. They could have been anywhere…!

Beginning to panic, I hurried down the hall, constantly looking over my shoulder as I reached a door that led to a flight of steps. Normally, when the doors opened after classes ended, the steps would slide out from the wall, but only when the door was first opened. When I stepped through the door, the steps were already in position. Before I could stop myself and think about it, I heard a loud roar in my audio receptors. I instantly shrieked, stumbled back, and felt myself falling and tumbling down the flight of stairs to the next floor. I hit my head, my shoulder and hip joints, felt my ligaments bend in ways they were not meant to, and was dizzy from the world spinning faster than I could analyze. When I hit the floor, I just laid there motionless, a morbid, terrified look on my face as sudden flashbacks pounded in my brain. Above me, I could hear Firearm and Gunner laughing uproariously.

"Did you see her face!" Gunner laughed.

"Have a nice trip to the office, freak!" Firearm taunted, then the two fled.

I began to cry and gripped my head as I tried to force the memories away. Dark thoughts of Beryllium shoving me and kicking me to the floor while screaming into my face shook me deeply, and Ironhammer teasing me for my weakness and pitiful behavior whenever I was scared. Quickly, I became more terrified and scampered to a corner, hugging myself tightly, shoving aside my data-pads. I was back to being that petrified child who thought she would die by the hands of her parents. I hugged absently for my Nina doll, fiercely running my hands and fingers up and down my arms while grunting for the memories to dissipate.

"Go away! Go away! Go away! GO AWAY!"

I was brought back when I felt a stinging pain in my arms. Looking, I saw that I had scratched the metal alloy of my arms raw, causing them to leak. It began to hurt after a while…

But I noticed something.

This pain made the memories go away…

Would more of it make them disappear…?

Orion was sitting on a balcony, enjoying the peace and quiet and using it to his advantage to complete his assignments. He looked so content, studying his notes and answering questions. His relaxed expression was always so…soothing. It made me feel calm whenever I saw it.

And at that point, I needed it.

"O-Onny…"

He perked up, hearing my voice. When he turned, his smile quickly became an expression of concern and shock. I stood under the threshold, trembling, with deep scratches and cuts on my arms, legs, abdomen, and face. Tears ran down my face as I hitched sobs and fidgeted to every sting and throb I felt quake my body.

"By the All-Spark, Gee!" he exclaimed, running towards me. "What happened to you?! How did you end up like this?! D-Did Firearm and Gunner do this to you?!" He gently gripped my raw hands. "'Please, tell me what happened!"

I hyperventilated, struggling to support myself. I barely had the strength to speak. I could feel myself becoming heavier and heavier, like gravity was dragging me down. My vision began to darken. "I…I just…w-want the memories…go away…..."

Then I blacked out. Often, I barely awoke, feeling like I was flying while feeling my Onny's warmth, hearing his spark pounding and his breath panting. Then I would sink back again into darkness. When I awoke again, my wounds were treated, and I was in the medical center. I was slightly drowsy from some medicine I was given, so my vision was blurred for a while, but I could hear normally. I heard Ratchet's and Orion's voices in the next room, speaking in hushed voices.

It was obvious they were talking about me, and that my wounds were clearly self-inflicted due to the rawness of my hands. Ratchet and Orion sounded deeply puzzled and worried. I sighed to myself, closing my optics. I had tried my best to be strong, independent; but in the end, I still had to call for help.

You're so weak…

I snapped open my eyes and looked around. Though my vision was still hindered, I saw that I was still alone in the room. Then, Orion and Ratchet entered, and I had forgotten about what I heard for the moment. "How are you doing?" the medic asked me.

I didn't answer. I only lowered my gaze and meekly shrugged. But I perked up when I felt Orion grip my hand, making my blush. "Why would you do this, Gira…?" he asked, his expression full of concern.

I couldn't bring myself to answer him. I couldn't admit that it felt good because it stopped me from having a mental relapse. They would look at me like I was crazy.

I am not crazy.

I suddenly began to cry and lunged at Orion, wrapping my arms around his waist. He jumped in surprise, but quickly acted and comforted me by rubbing my back. "I-I just…w-want it to s-stop!" I sobbed. "T-They won't l-leave me alone!"

"What do you mean?" Ratchet said. I eventually told them how Firearm and Gunner startled me, which led me to falling down the steps. Orion winced unhappily and lowered his gaze. "Those scrap mongers," he said. "I still don't know how they even got into this school…"

"I will inform Alpha Trion of the incident. I am sure he will understand if you do not feel like assisting him tomorrow afternoon," Ratchet said, then headed for his office.

Onny resumed rubbing my back. I rested my head in his lap, starting to relax as he continued to comfort me. "Onny?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you…for helping me."

"You don't need to thank me," he said. "It's the least I could do. I hate seeing you get hurt. You've been through enough as a sparkling."

I turned my gaze up to him. Tears flooded my optics, sitting at the brim, ready to flow should I blink. "You make me so happy…" I told him, speaking barely above a whisper. "If it weren't for you…I probably wouldn't be alive today…"

He blushed and had a hard time speaking for a moment. "Y-You're exaggerating…" he mumbled.

This hurt my feelings. "You don't think I mean it…? You think I-I'm lying…?"

Seeing that I was about to cry again, he quickly acted again. "N-No, I believe you! It's just…I didn't really think I was this important to you. It's nice to know I give you comfort and…a chance at life, apparently; but it's also strange. I feel like I am being worshipped, and it's awkward."

I lowered my head. "I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable…" I whimpered. "If you want me to, I could leave you alone…"

"No, no, you don't have to do that," he told me. "I doubt that would really be a good idea. Just…don't overdo it, okay, Gee?"

I pretended not to know what he meant by 'overdoing it' and merely nodded. Even with him so close to me, I still felt he had no idea how much he truly meant to me, and that saddened me.

While the scratching pain was the good kind of hurt, I could not say the same for the dark, cold feeling starting to blossom in my spark.

A/N: so sorry for the extremely long hiatus. Kind of lost interest for a while but got some back, especially since we're getting to the better parts of the REMEMBER chapters :3 Hope you enjoy!