State of My Head

Inspired by these lyrics:

Oh, my eyes are seein' red
Double vision from the blood we've shed
The only way I'm leavin' is dead
That's the state of my, state of my, state of my head

Description: Hanji reacts badly to the news of Levi's death

Rating: T

Genre: Angst/Action

It hadn't taken long for the mission outside of the walls to turn to chaos; it never seemed to. So far Hanji had only lost one squad member, but she had no idea what had happened to the rest of the squads as everyone had been cut off early in the battle.

These titans were getting smarter, or more accurately, the person controlling them was getting better at battle strategies.

They would have to adapt more quickly. She looked at the exhausted faces of her team. Hanji knew it was time to retreat, but she would have to connect with the other teams first. They needed to refind the supply wagon. "Let's get to high ground."

All of the members blasted up to a nearby bell tower. Hanji looked over the town, seeing two pillars of smoke on opposite ends. She guessed that's where the other teams were. She turned to Connie, her new #2. "Spangler, have you heard any reports?"

The kid couldn't meet her eyes. "What is it, Connie?"

Connie bit his lip before finally looking at his commander. Hanji could see the hopelessness and fear. "Levi's squad took a hit."

"Who?"

Connie hesitated again, steeling himself up with courage he didn't feel. "Levi."

That got Hanji's full attention and her head snapped to look at Connie. "What?"

"Captain Levi is..." He couldn't say it.

Hanji's mind blanked for possibly the first time in her life. Her vision clouded with red anger and a primal scream escaped past her lips, drawing her entire squad's attention. Her legs couldn't support her and she fell to her knees.

Connie wasn't sure if he should try comforting his commander or just leave her be. He was the first one to notice the titan approaching. Probably drawn by the noise. He signaled to a few other Corps members. They prepared to take off since their commander didn't seem ready to battle anything.

But before they could even shoot their hooks out, Hanji rose and took off, killing the titan before her squad even understood what happened. She didn't stop, looking for her next target. Anger took her over, the emotion she had worked so hard to keep at bay in the name of science and discovery was fully unleashed.

She would kill them all, before Eren took her chance away. She would destroy the titans for what they'd done.

She would kill them all.

She was off to a pretty good start, killing two more titans. A buzzing noise penetrated her senses, her squad following her and yelling for her attention, but she didn't care. She just took down another titan, switched blades and kept sewing her path of destruction. If Levi was gone, humanity would need a new warrior anyway. Might as well be her.

She didn't care anymore. Who cares what makes titans tick? Who cares if humanity lives? Maybe humanity was just set for extinction? Who was she to stop the natural process of the world?

Who cares if she lived another day when so many had died? She was sick of being the veteran, sick of being the one forced to remember the names of fallen comrades.

A titan dived at her, snapping its jaws at her flying form. She ducked it, but it threw her off, and her landing on a nearby roof was rough. The titan followed her, ignoring the rest of her squad, trying to distract it to give her time to recover.

It was an abnormal with eyes only for her. She wondered if it had its own orders, it looked like a shifter. She knew she should be trying to get behind it, going for the neck, but as the titan stared at her, Hanji just stared back.

She'd always wanted to test this theory, no point in waiting anymore. She launched her grappling hooks into the titan's eyes, and as it scream in pain she launched herself into the titan's mouth.

Those who had witnessed it wouldn't be believed later. Who would ever launch themselves into a titan's mouth after all?

The titan closed its mouth after Hanji, snapping the cables. It looked satisfied.

For a moment. Then its face scrunched in pain, a hand coming up to its neck. It tried to roar, but something was caught in its throat and it couldn't get any sound out. It stumbled, falling into a nearby building, destroying it. The squad surrounding it, hopped back to a safer distance.

Connie noticed something weird about the back of the titan's neck. It was bulging. He'd never seen anything like it. He check his tanks, which were still half full, and then launched himself at the neck. He wasn't feeling the need for revenge to kill the titan that had taken down, just a curiosity about what was happening.

He got the best seat for the amazing thing that happened next. His voice would be hoarse the next day from telling the story too many times.

From the titan's neck, Commander Hanji Zoe burst forth, with a young woman in her grasp. The woman was screaming, "No!" She kept trying to bite something, but Hanji wouldn't let her. They dropped to ground, the woman still struggling against the commander.

Connie jumped off the disintegrating body. He kept his distance, but walked to Hanji in case she needed help.

She didn't. Hanji used her blades to pin the shifter to the ground, then resupplied her last blades to cut off the shifters limbs. Then Hanji placed her feet on the severed arms, causing a shudder of pain in the shifter who was crying now. Hanji turned the shifter's head so she met the eyes of the Survey Corps Commander. "Don't look so worried. I'm not going to kill you. Not soon anyway. You're going to be my test subject. I will learn everything there is to know about titan shifters from you. I get to dissect you time and time again. All those experiments I couldn't do on Eren, I'll do on you."

Even Connie took a step back from Hanji, the cold tone and the frightening words almost making him feel bad for the scared shifter. The shifter had pissed herself in fear. Hanji stepped back. Without looking at Connie, she said, "Keep her down and don't let her transform." Another titan appeared at the end of the street. "I'm going to get another test subject." She walked toward the approaching titan, seemingly in no hurry.

That almost frightened Connie more than Hanji's words to the shifter. He followed his orders, staying with the shifter, making sure she didn't escape or transform.

The titan had started to charge but slowed at the sight of the shifter pinned down. Hanji wasn't sure if this one was another abnormal, as it seemed to understand what was happening. She found she didn't care. Didn't care if it was mindless or if there was a conscious human trapped in there somewhere. The titan's eyes danced between the still smoking commander and the pinned down shifter.

Commander Hanji Zoe grinned, removing her blades from their scabbards, "Hello, test subject #2."

The titan then did something that would never be forgotten in the memory of humanity. It turned tail and ran away. A titan feared a human, for possibly the first time ever.

Humanity's Strongest had been replaced by Humanity's Scariest. Hanji's legend exceeded Levi's that day – the human who scared titans.

It took hours before the squads were able to regroup. Capturing a titan shifter had been a boon, but the logistics were difficult. The shifter had been chained, its arms pinned away from its mouth.

The fight seemed to have left the shifter. Hanji watched it with a careful eye, and everyone else kept their distance.

Most weren't sure if it was fear of the shifter or their commander that kept them away. Both now terrified them.

This was the quiet camp that Levi's squad returned to, Levi heading the group. He noticed the stares as his horse trotted in, but had long since learned to ignore such things. He spotted Connie, Hanji's second, and hopped off of his horse. "Oi, you." Connie's eyes widened in surprise at the sight of the short Captain. "What the hell is going on here?"

Connie's eyes were still wide, "You're alive?"

Levi scoffed. "Of course I'm alive. Are you an idiot or something?"

"The report…" Connie trailed off, now fearing his commander's wrath at the false report. Hanji wasn't the kill the messenger type, right?

He wasn't sure about anything when it came to the commander any more. After all, she apparently was the type to let herself get eaten to capture a shifter.

Levi ignored Connie, walking around him to get to Hanji. She was looking at some human who was tied up tightly. Levi wasn't sure he understood. That couldn't be a shifter, could it? Even Hanji wasn't that crazy.

Right?

"Hey Hanji," he stood next to her.

Hanji barely reacted. Her stare only shifted from the girl in the cage to the man standing next to her, "Are you really here?"

"Yes," Levi frowned. "What is wrong with everyone?"

Hanji's eyes went back to the captured shifter. "There had been a report of your death."

"Well, I'm not dead." He nodded to the cage. "What the hell is that?"

"I captured a titan shifter."

"Didn't realize that was the mission."

Hanji said nothing. It honestly scared Levi. Hanji was never this quiet, this disconnected. He looked around the camp. Almost everyone was staring at them. Even his squad, who'd gathered around Connie, stared at him and the commander.

What in the hell had happened?

Levi hadn't seen Hanji for nearly a day. He'd heard what had happened and knew the commander was setting up a new lab to begin testing her new subject. Levi had cornered Connie, asking after the commander's health.

The kid didn't know much, he was no Moblit. He didn't look after the commander the same way, assuming that she was a grown woman and knew what she was doing.

Levi would have to train the kid better. Hanji might die if no one made sure she ate and attended to her basic human functions.

Levi found Hanji, unsurprisingly, in the lab. She was looking over the titan shifter, who was still fairly listless. Hanji was pouring over notes and preparing some knives. Levi watched her work for a moment. She clearly hadn't even changed clothes since their mission outside of the walls. He doubted she'd slept or eaten either.

"Why did you do something so stupid?" Hanji jumped at the voice, as Levi's gaze focused on the shifter. It was dangerous to keep it here.

Hanji shrugged, going back to her work, "I had a theory. I've been meaning to test it for a while."

"So why now?"

"You were dead," Hanji answered.

Levi didn't understand. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I knew it was risky and would most likely end up with my death. That's why I couldn't have anyone else test it."

Levi approached her. "But what does that have to do with me?"

"You were dead. I nothing left to lose," she whispered.

Levi's eyes widened. He leaned back from her. She continued to focus on her notes.

Eventually, Levi sat down next to her. He could smell the titan residue on her, it brought back a wave of terrible memories. "You smell like titan shit."

Hanji smiled, glancing at him, "We've been over this, titans don't shit."

Levi nearly smirked, happy to be back in comfortable territory. "Whatever. You need to shower, eat, and then sleep."

"Let me just finish this up."

"No," Levi stood. "Let's go, Commander."

"You know, my rank means I get to order you around, short stuff." Hanji jabbed a finger into his chest.

Levi crossed his arms. "Try me, shitty glasses."

Hanji obeyed without a fight.