The next few days could not have gone by any slower for Olivia or Fitz. They were both consumed with work; Olivia with going through her office, talking to her clients, and Fitz dealing with more unrest in the Middle East. Despite everything they had going on, both of them were consumed with thoughts of the weekend.
Olivia still hadn't told Fitz she knew about the article or Jake, and Fitz still hadn't offered the information. She hadn't talked to him about her decision to close OPA yet either. Not only was she feeling anxious about talking to him in person about all the things she had been putting off, but her stomach was in knots at the thought of seeing him again. She felt like she was in high school and her boyfriend had invited her over because his parents were out of town. It was not the ideal situation to be in at her age, but it was the situation she was being dealt right now. She would have to deal with it.
Fitz on the other hand, still hadn't talked to Olivia about his talks with Mellie, or any of his plans. He wanted to tell her about the article and about Jake, but not over the phone. Besides all of the things he knew he'd have to talk to her about, his mind was racing at the thought of finally being able to touch her and kiss her again. He felt so empty without being able to see her. But having her come to the White House wasn't ideal.
Knowing it wouldn't all be the amazing reunion he had hoped for, he asked Lauren to clear his schedule for another visit someplace better. She had re-arranged some things and figured he could get out of Washington in two weeks. The Secret Service were already setting things up. Hoping to soften the blow of being separated again, he at least wanted to be able to tell Olivia when they could be together next when their weekend was over. Hopefully she could make it work with her schedule, he thought to himself.
Mellie hadn't been by the Oval in days, and Fitz hadn't seen her much in the residence except for a few times in passing. In all honesty, he was grateful for that. He didn't want to deal with her bringing up the weekend. Though he had noticed a meeting had been scheduled for Cyrus, Abby, Fitz and Mellie to discuss her campaign on Monday morning.
By Thursday night, Mellie was on her way to Virginia. Fitz, meanwhile, was down in the Oval working by the light of the lamp on his desk. He had been up to read to Teddy, just like he promised, every night. But, this week, with the situation in the Middle East he was back in his office after he tucked his son in. By the time he was ready to head up to the residence, he was exhausted, and he still hadn't put in his nightly call to Olivia.
It was nearly midnight when her phone rang. She had been drifting in and out of sleep waiting for Fitz to call. Packing up her office was taking a toll on her emotionally, and she had been waiting all day to hear his voice. Part of that made her uneasy, she didn't like feeling she was waiting around for him. It felt codependent, and weak. But, she had to reconcile the fact that right now, his voice was soothing to her. She didn't always have to be the strong, put-together, unbreakable Olivia Pope. Sometimes it was ok to be Fitz's Liv.
"Hi," Olivia yawned out, trying not to sound as tired as she was, but not doing a very good job.
"Hi," he replied, his tone matching hers.
"You sound tired, Fitz," Olivia observed. "You should get some rest."
"Just talk to me for a little bit, you know I won't be able to go to sleep otherwise." Fitz's tone paired with his words told her just how depleted he was. Fitz hardly ever admitted to being tired.
"Of course," Olivia smiled. He needed her, just as much as she needed him. "How was your day?" she asked him, purposefully trying to keep the conversation light.
Fitz laughed at her attempt to ask a normal conversation starting question. For any other person that's not a difficult question to answer. But for the President of the United States, it's quite complicated. "Oh you know, same old same old, just trying to keep the world from imploding."
His tone changed after a small pause. "I cannot wait to see you tomorrow night, Liv. I just need some time with you." He was serious and intense. Though he had tried not to bring up their visit much, not wanting to scare her off, he was so exhausted and depleted from the day, his guard was down.
Olivia couldn't help but agree. "Me too, Fitz,"
"You know, you could come over here tonight," he offered knowing it was a long shot. They had agreed on Friday, and even when Mellie decided to leave Thursday night, they hadn't changed their plans for one reason.
"And you know I can't, Fitz," she whispered. Olivia Pope showing up at the White House during daylight hours was perfectly acceptable. But if anyone caught her being snuck in during the middle of the night, tabloids would be running with the story by morning. "But I want to."
"One more sleep," he said, brightening his tone. There was still sadness behind his words, but Olivia could tell he was trying to lighten the mood.
"One more sleep," she agreed yawning once again. Her eyelids were heavy. Tomorrow would be here before she knew it.
"You'll be here for a late dinner, just the two of us?" he asked confirming their plans.
"I'll be there. Good night, Fitz," Olivia breathed out. Her mind already heading off into a dream state, thinking of what tomorrow night would bring.
"Goodnight, Liv," he replied hanging up the phone. He took a deep breath, turned off his lamp on his desk, and headed up to the residence.
It was 7:30 when Olivia walked out of her apartment the next night wearing a white off the shoulder sweater and jeans that hugged her curves. She looked casual and comfortable. John was waiting for her, as always, and grabbed her bag from her. "Ready to go, Ms. Pope?" he smiled. Olivia nodded and the two headed out.
About the same time, Fitz was wrapping up a meeting with the Secretary of State. He had checked his watch a million times throughout the day, hoping he could sneak away to the residence early tonight. The thought of seeing Olivia again made him nervous and excited all at the same time.
But, his excitement came to an abrupt halt when just before eight, he was told of a roadside bomb that had blown up an American convoy in Iraq. His heart sunk. His mind went to the soldiers and their families. Three had been killed, more were injured. He would need to head into some briefings to receive all the details.
The weight of the world was sitting on his shoulders, and in moments like these he felt it was hard to breathe. These men would never come home to their families. A father, a son, a husband had been lost. It was a harsh reality of war and no matter how many times Fitz was told of a soldiers death it never got any easier. No matter the circumstance, he always felt partially responsible. It had happened on his watch. It felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him every time. He may have looked stoic and in control in the meetings, the calls, and the protocol that followed; but his heart could feel the loss, every single time.
Olivia arrived at the White House and was taken up to the residence without being seen by the press, or really much of anyone. Even if she had been, with the news out of Iraq, no self respecting journalist would have questioned why she was there in that moment. She hadn't been told what was going on, only that Fitz had been tied up with other matters. Making herself at home, Olivia pulled off her brown leather boots and curled up on the couch. She wasn't upset, she would wait as long as she had to.
She flipped on the TV, and saw the news about the American troops. She knew immediately that was what was holding Fitz up, and she understood completely. Acutely aware of how hard the loss of a solider was on Fitz, she made a mental note to talk to him tomorrow about the issues that had been plaguing her. Tonight, he would have much more important things on his mind. It was hours later, when she heard the creak of the door behind her. "Fitz?" she called out instinctively.
But it wasn't Fitz, instead her eyes were drawn to a little boy in the shawdows. It was Teddy. He had tear stained cheeks, his dark brown hair a tussled mess. He was holding a book in his left hand, his other hand reaching up to the doorknob he could barely touch. "Is my Daddy here?" he asked innocently.
He was so much bigger than the last time Olivia had seen him. It struck her just how much he was starting to look like Fitz. She pulled herself out of her thoughts, realizing how upset the little boy was. "No, sweetie, your daddy had some work to do," Olivia answered. Teddy didn't budge at her response, he clearly wanted Fitz.
Sometimes Olivia was awkward around children. Given her family life growing up, that really came as no surprise to her. She was good with the children she had come across working at OPA, but that was different. This tiny person before her, clad in his green footie pajamas, needed her. Mellie was gone, and Fitz wasn't available to him. So, Olivia got up and crossed the room. When she got to the doorway, she bent down looking Teddy in the eyes. "But you can stay with me until he gets here," she offered.
Just then the nanny appeared. "Oh, Ms. Pope, I'm so sorry, I tucked him in, I didn't realize he had gotten back out of bed," the young girl apologized."I'll get him back to his room."
Teddy's eyes were wide, his checks still stained with tears, but what Olivia knew about him, she knew he wasn't going to object. He was easy going, and did what he was told. Her eye's went to the boy and then to his book. She recalled Fitz telling her he had been making it a point to read to Teddy each night, and she quickly realized what was happening. Fitz had serious matters to attend to, something there was no possible way he could leave, and reading to Teddy wasn't possible tonight. The boy was too young, though, to understand. It didn't matter to him if Fitz was the President of the United States. No, Teddy was too young to comprehend that. This was Teddy's world, and in his world, his dad wasn't there to read to him, plain and simple.
"Don't worry about it, I can take it from here," Olivia said dismissing Teddy's nanny. She turned her attention back toward the little boy. "I'm Olivia," she offered knowing there was no way he could remember her from the few times they had been in each other's presence. "And I can read to you tonight, if you like," she told him, adding "until your daddy gets here."
Teddy nodded in agreement and dropped his hand from the door knob, making the way over to the couch with his book still in his hands. He climbed up to the couch, and Olivia made herself comfortable next to the boy. Teddy wasted no time in cuddling up to Olivia, as she pulled the blanket around them with one arm and adjusted her other arm around Teddy. He was asleep before she was half way through the book.
Olivia took a moment to take in the scene. Here she was in the White House, Fitz's son sleeping in her arms. It felt so right and so wrong at the same time. She wanted this, all of this, even the pressures and pitfalls that came with being First Lady, but it still seemed so out of place. It felt like she was a little girl, dressing up in her mother's closet. As much as she wanted to have all the clothes and the jewelry, it just didn't fit. It wasn't hers.
She sat there with a sleeping Teddy in her arms, thinking about being more than the First Lady, she thought about being a mother. This little boy was so sweet and so innocent. He was so perfect, but he wasn't hers. Mellie would always be his mother, and she would have to settle for step-mother status. Olivia couldn't believe how far she was letting her mind wander. She couldn't help but question if she would ever get to marry Fitz, but she knew that she wanted to. With every fiber of her being she wanted to marry him, and have a family with him. Not only that, she wanted this family with him.
Jerry and Karen had gotten to know Olivia well on the trail. They spent a lot of time together, and she was fond of both of them. Though she didn't show it, it nearly broke her when Jerry died, not just because of the pain she knew Fitz was going through, but because of her loss as well. When the Grant kids needed anything during the campaign, there was Olivia ready with a sympathetic ear or an indulgent ice cream sundae. They mad thee trail fun and bearable. She knew they were amazing kids the moment she had met them.
Not only was it heart breaking that Jerry was gone, but it was sad she hadn't been around for Teddy in the same capacity. He didn't really know her, but she wanted him to. It was too much to think about tonight, she thought, as she closed her eyes, slipping off into a sound sleep herself.
It was midnight by the time Fitz found himself on the way up to residence. He was tired, and shaken. It had been a long, trying day. He couldn't help but be grateful that Olivia would be up in the residence waiting for him. He searched the residence for her, finally finding her in the living room. When he saw her, his heart leapt out of his chest. There she was, the love of his life, sleeping peacefully, with his son in her arms. The two of them together looked natural, and loving, the perfect pair.
He stood in the doorway, his arms crossed, resting against the doorjamb for a moment taking in the scene before him. It was the picture of perfection to him. Tears began to fill his eyes. He wanted this. More than anything in the world, he wanted this.
Lots more to come from Olivia's weekend at the White House, but I've been holding on to this chapter for a few days and I thought I'd put it out there.