Chapter Fourteen:
He slept in the guestroom and managed to get a couple of hours of sleep before he found himself awake again. He lay there now staring up at the ceiling. He jumped up when he heard the first scream. He bolted to her room and flung open the door. He recognized the dream. She was fighting for her life in that damn desert. She gasped for air and he began to shake her awake.
"Sara! Sara, breathe!" he yelled.
She gasped once more and then found herself staring into his face. She pulled herself up into the bed wrapping her arms around her legs.
"Old nightmare?" he asked.
She nodded.
"You used to have it a lot," he said. "It took weeks before you could sleep a single night without having it."
He watched as she struggled to breathe.
"When did it come back?" he finally asked.
"When I left."
"Are you okay now?" he asked.
She nodded.
"I could sit with you?" he offered.
She declined as she rolled over. She felt very tired as she closed her eyes and willed herself back to sleep. He left her returning to his own room. He was awakened again when he heard Matthew crying. He got up quickly and went to the nursery. He checked the clock and knew that he was probably hungry. He was surprised when she did not come. He tapped on the door and then entered the room.
"Sara?"
She slowly pulled herself up.
"Matthew wants to nurse," he said. "Are you okay?"
She nodded and reached for him. She placed him on her breasts and closed her eyes as he lay there with her. He started to walk away but stopped and felt her forehead. He sat back down immediately.
"You're not well, are you?" he asked.
She shook her head.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
"Chest hurts," she admitted.
He remained calm as he walked out but then found himself rushing down the stairs and grabbed the number for Mrs. Donner. He looked at his watch and knew that it was early but if she were a retired nurse, she would be accustomed to early morning calls.
He breathed easier the moment he answered the door and led her upstairs.
She sat on the edge of the bed. "You told me you were feeling better," she said.
"I was," she said between short breaths.
"Let me listen to your lungs," she said. She was quiet for a moment as she listened for several minutes. "You still have the pneumonia…sounds a little better. Sara, you're going to have to stay in bed…I know you don't want to do that…"
"But I have…most of the time."
"All of the time. I'm going to call Dr. Phillips and see if you could be given a regiment of injections…works faster in the system than the medication….he could allow me to give the injections or come by himself…he owes me a few favors."
"Shouldn't she be in the hospital?" he asked from the doorway.
Mrs. Donner glanced at Sara. "If she stays in bed, she could stay at home…someone just needs to care for Matthew."
"What about nursing him?" he asked.
"It would be good for him. Her system is building up antibodies to fight the pneumonia. It would be good for his system."
She left for a brief period of time and then returned.
"Dr Phillips is going to come by in an hour. Sara, I suggest you prepare to be chewed out…but don't worry his bark is worse than his bite…of course he has bitten a few…I'm joking," she said.
He arrived from the hospital and sat with her for some time as Grissom hovered at the doorway.
When he opened the door, he stepped out and practically ran into Grissom.
"How…"
"I've given her a shot. She's going to sleep a lot...but she actually sounds much better."
"But the fever…"
"Sara's pneumonia has been persistent but I think she's getting better. I don't think there is any reason we should make her return to the hospital. That woman has been in the hospital enough…first with herself and then with Matthew. I'll have Mrs. Donner check on her tomorrow and then I'll come back in another day. I think we can knock this out soon," he said.
Grissom escorted him to the door and then hurried back upstairs. He entered the room quietly and sat down on the edge of the bed. It had scared him. She was sleeping. He pulled up the covers and then kissed her gently on the forehead before starting to rise.
"Just home from a shift?" he heard her say.
"I didn't mean to wake you," he said softly.
"I've missed you," she whispered taking hold of his hand. "Come to bed."
It's the fever….
She doesn't know what she's saying…
He stared at her. His eyes shot to the door and then back at her.
He set the monitor down on the bedside table and then slipped into bed. It had been almost a year since he felt her body next to his. He pulled her tightly as he wiped at his eyes. He had missed her so much. From the first moment that he had let himself love her he told himself she would leave one day. He would wake up and she would be gone. With each shove and each hurtful action she remained constant. He thought for sure the sabbatical would send her running back to her apartment but when he returned, she was still at the townhouse.
He had his doubts when he found her in the locker room just before he left for the airport. He could tell she was hurting and yet all he could think to say was "I'll miss you" and he did. He slept little during those weeks tossing and turning. His arms were always in search of her body. He had even sat down and written a letter but then never mailed it telling himself it was pointless because he would return and she would be gone. It would be over.
He tucked the letter inside his book of poetry and told himself the sabbatical had prepared him for her departure. He found himself wrapping up the course much sooner than anticipated and he jumped on the first plane not even bothering to unpack but came straight to the lab. He said his hellos as he searched through the lab and felt his heart leap the moment he set eyes on her. She retreated as he advanced telling him she had been in the field but he didn't care. He would have gladly jumped into the garbage bend with her if it meant he could hold her.
He seemed excited when he saw her lips curve into a slight grin followed by a smile. He felt a bit self conscious when she commented about the beard immediately running to the restroom after he had chased her into the women's showers. He stared into the mirror and saw the grey.
I look old…
Much too old…
Maybe she finally thinks I'm too old…
He had let her shave the beard with the straight knife. He still remembered her words.
"Trust me?" she asked.
"Intimately."
It had not been the use of the knife she was questioning but rather his trust in her regarding their relationship and he knew it. The sabbatical had been difficult for both. As she stood there and meticulously shaved him, he saw the dark circles, the sadness beneath her eyes and her clothes fell loosely about her body. And yet, she loved him. She had waited for him to return keeping the townhouse spotless and clean and their bed was as if he had never left and he wondered if she had slept in it at all.
He did what he always did when he knew he had hurt her. He made love to her. He filled himself in her as he felt her own release. He kissed her telling himself that he should trust her that she accepted him faults and all and she did. There were no harsh words nor any guilt but pure acceptance. It made him love her more. He followed her those first few weeks lavishing in the feel of her body as she gave herself to him over and over despite the fatigue from the double shifts and her inability to bounce back like she normally did.
He screwed up again when he did not bother to call her the night he stayed with Heather. He knew she had always felt insecure when it came to Lady Heather. She had intrigued him and once he had given himself to Heather when he was sure he would never have Sara. She ignored the rumors and the gossip mongers and clung to her hope that someday they would be together.
Even after they had become intimate, Grissom was reluctant to share himself with her completely and Sara chose to hide her wants or needs or fears as their relationship progressed. Those things she kept to herself not wanting to chase him away when her true nature was exposed. She was convinced he would run the first time things became difficult. She gave and gave while he continued to test and push and test and her worst fear taunted her when there was no phone call and she listened to the gossip mongers as they spoke of Heather's alibi, Grissom.
It had been innocent but he knew the way he chose to do it hurt. Brass had told him to expect the worse, warning him that Sara knew how to use a weapon and was a fairly good shot. From the moment he entered the exam room in the lab, he could feel her hurt and yet she did not yell or give him an ultimatum but had gone home after shift and waited for him. He stepped into the house to find it had been cleaned from top to bottom and Bruno sat there smelling clean and groomed. She had tried to make dinner but had let it burn. Its remnants were in the garbage can while the recently delivered Chinese sat on the counter waiting for him.
She sat outside on the deck and he watched as she swiped her arm across her face when she heard the door open. He had said nothing but came and sat down next to her. Neither looked at each another but his hand slipped into hers. He felt her tremble as she rose and offered dinner. The Chinese had remained on the counter and was reheated later after he had pulled her into the bedroom and made love to her.
He pretended not to see the puffy eyes telling himself it would hurt her more to point out she had been crying. He now saw the fallacy of his actions and he prayed for another chance to set things right. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the feel of her next to him because he knew that she would not allow him to do this once the fever broke. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he closed his eyes and slept.
She dreamed a marvelous dream. She felt his body close to hers and she lavished in the warm feel of skin to skin. She had longed to feel that again. She woke suddenly and heard his even breathing beside her. She tried to remember how they had managed to wind up in bed but at the moment she did not care. She lay there and let herself enjoy the feel of his body next to hers again.
He slipped out of bed right before Matthew began to stir. He took the baby downstairs with him and placed him in the highchair as he introduced the cereal again to the baby. He spit it out and then giggled sending bits of cereal into the air. It made Grissom chuckle. He played with him until he became fussy for a feeding. They entered quietly and stood to see if she was awake.
"Matthew?" she asked.
He placed him beside her as she took him to her breast and began to nurse him. She kept her eyes closed and nodded off. Once he released the nipple, Grissom started to pick him up but she stopped him.
"He needs to nurse on the other side," she said weakly.
He sat there and watched as she stroked his cheek and found herself drifting off again.
"I'm sorry…so tired," she said. She did not feel him take Matthew from her once he was done. He whimpered when he picked him up.
"Ssssh, mommy needs to sleep," he whispered. He closed the door slightly and then carried the baby downstairs. Once burped, he sat and played with him. He heard the knock at the door and was surprised to find Brass standing there.
"How are things? We've haven't heard from you in awhile?" he asked.
"Sara still has the pneumonia. They're trying a different approach…she receiving injections. She's just so tired," he said glancing up stairs.
"How is this tyke?" asked Brass looking down at Matthew.
"He's learning I'm his father," said Grissom proudly.
"Has she thought about coming home?' asked Brass.
"I'm working on it," he said.
"Have you told her about Sofia?" asked Brass.
He was quiet.
"Tell her. Don't let her find out through someone else. It would hurt her."
He nodded.
"Got it yet?" asked Brass.
Grissom stared at him.
"Boys tend to …"
"First diaper…it was also our first shower together," announced Grissom.
Brass chuckled. "What are kids for?"
He fixed a light meal and took it upstairs once he put Matthew down for his nap. He nudged her awake.
She pulled herself up and sat there forcing herself to eat.
"I don't think I've ever seen you eat so much…motherhood is good for you."
"I have to in order to breastfeed…it wouldn't be good for Matthew," she said as she yawned.
"What time is it?" she asked.
"He's taking a nap."
"I've slept all morning?" she suddenly asked.
"You've needed the sleep. Dr. Phillips said you would feel drowsy."
She nodded. She slipped back down into the covers.
"Wake me when he gets up so I can nurse him again," she said. He sat there and watched her fall back to sleep. He kissed her on the forehead and then took the tray away.
She drifted in and out for the next few days. He waited until putting Matthew down each night before sliding into bed next to her. It had become a routine for him one he was sure she would stop as soon as she was better. He would no sooner position himself next to her than she would curl her body up next to his and kiss him tenderly. He would return the kiss before drifting off to sleep. Her actions did not give him any hope since he was sure she was dreaming of another time when she had loved him and he had not lost her.
She stayed awake more on the fourth day and even more so on the fifth day. He wondered how long he would be able to get away with sleeping in the same bed with her. He slid up next to her and was surprised when she asked, "Is he asleep already?"
He froze.
"Grissom?"
"He was very tired tonight. I think we played too much today," he finally managed to get out.
"He's not sick, is he?" she asked rising a bit out of the bed.
"He's fine Sara. How are you?" he asked as he kept his distance in the bed.
"Better," she said now wishing she had remained quiet so that now she would be feeling his body next to hers.
"Good," he said as he slowly inched closer. She did the same until finally she placed her body on his. He wrapped his arms around her kissing her gently on the lips when she tilted her head slightly to look at him. He deepened the kiss and then suddenly he was stripping her of the nightgown and then she felt his hands dip into her panties as she arched her body toward his giving him permission to enter her.
He took no time in ridding himself of his clothing and felt his senses go on overload as he slipped into her. It was quick and yet she had felt like it had taken so very long to have him inside her again as she had always wanted. Their lovemaking was slowed as he took the moment to reacquaint himself with her body. She was quick to climax and he joined her before pulling her up close to him.
"In case you didn't feel it just then," he whispered, "I love you."
She gulped down the lump in her throat as he kissed her on the forehead.
"Night," he whispered as he pulled her close.
"Night," she whispered back. "I love you too…in case you ever doubted that."
He swallowed his own lump as they slept.
Note from author:
Here comes some fluff…so enjoy it. Please be sure and leave a review for each chapter…I really do appreciate it. Take care! Penny