A/N: There is an A/N in my profile about my work schedule. In the meantime, thank you so much for the reviews, alerts, and favorites. Somehow it always seems to be Anders I channel well. Lol.

Disclaimer: Bioware owns Dragon Age...damn.

There were more blacked out entries.

You see, I kept myself from actively writing. I kept my thoughts to myself for fear of what I may write if I allowed my quill to touch the parchment.

The entries did not stop.

For three months I kept myself from the tome, kept myself from writing, but within its pages, there are still at least two dozen entries I have no recollection of. Each of them are furiously scratched out so I am unable to make out the words. It's a frightening thing.

Despite that, some good news reached us in the last few months. Carver, Hawke's brother and the insufferable brute I dislike, appears to have survived the joining. I never saw him as the responsible sort, but he is a Grey Warden now so responsible he must be.

I know I am not one to talk. I left the Wardens.

I had to...once they saw what I had become, they tried to kill me.

I slaughtered them all.

Their blood is on my hands.

This is why I must press on, healing the innocents that suffer in the city. Protect the mages that suffer continuously at the templar's hands.

That is what Justice and I wanted to do, why I offered myself as a host for his spirit. One thing I failed to realize then – Justice sees no grey, no middle ground, no thin lines. There is only black and white, good and evil.

But our world is full of grey, reasons why something evil must be done.

This is why I must be vigilant. Justice won't look for the reasons, he will only deal out what he sees as due punishment in his endeavor to hold true to what it is that he embodies.

This is where I sigh and roll my eyes as I've strayed off in talking about Justice once again.

What was it I had spoken of before? Ah, yes, Hawke's brother.

I was there with her in the Amell home. She had purchased it back from the slavers with the gold she'd gotten from the treasure in the deep roads. A present for her mother, she'd said. While Hawke could have cared less, having never lived in the manor, she'd wanted her mother to be happy in what used to be her old home.

As I was saying – the letter.

It was to the point and gruff, much like Carver himself. At least he lived.

She smiled, an actual smile, as she set aside the letter and turned to me. She said, "thank you, Anders. If it weren't for you, my brother would have died. If there is anything I can do for you, tell me and I will do whatever I can to assist you."

It made me wonder who it was I was speaking to. It was very unlike Hawke, at least in my experiences with her. I felt my heart turn over at her words.

Already she haunted my dreams. I could not let her haunt my heart next.

There is already so much blood on my hands.

I cannot taint her. She is far more than I had assumed when we met. Her tough and hardened personality seemed to be only skin deep.

I'd misjudged before, though.

It's best to keep my distance, no matter how deeply that small, honest smile draws me in.

Distraction. We wanted to set the mages free, did we not?

We cannot accomplish this Anders, if you follow this woman on her path.

Stay. Away.

The words...they were not blacked out this time around.

Justice is trying to speak to me through the quill and it very clear now what it is he thinks. He believes Hawke is a distraction and never more than now, I fear what those words could mean.