A/N: Oh look. I managed to post two in one month. I'm so proud of myself. There was a SoA marathon on today and that inspired me to write. This takes place during 'Home'. I didn't watch that specific episode today so I didn't get any of the text right. Oh well. Wow, a lot of my writing for this recently has been on the sadder spectrum of things. Geez, I'm a killjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own SoA. Just Kelly. And this song is Bird on a Wire, which is played during that episode. I don't remember the name of the original singer but the one that inspired me and I listened to this entire time is the one from the show, played by Katey Sagal and the Forest Rangers. So we'll just go with that.

SONS OF ANARCHY

100 theme challenge

69. Shattered

Like a bird on the wire
Like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free

Like a worm on a hook
Like a knight from some old fashioned book
I have saved all my ribbons for thee

If I, if I have been unkind
I hope that you can just let it go by
If I, if I have been untrue
I hope you know it was never to you

Oh, like a baby, stillborn
Like a beast with his horn
I have torn everyone who reached out for me

-"Bird on a Wire", Katey Sagal & The Forest Rangers

There wasn't much noise going outside, but I knew that was because the guys were getting ready to ride out and get Mom. I sat at the bar, fiddling with my cellphone, feeling rather bored. It had taken a lot of whining and begging but I had managed to convince my dad and Jax to take me to see her. The past few days had felt really empty without her.

The door to the clubhouse opened a bit and Jax poked his head in. "We're going, Kel," he said before heading back out. I got up and headed outside. The guys were at their bikes, ready to leave at a word from my dad. I knew only Dad, Jax and myself would be heading out to my grandfather's; there was work for the others to do before hand.

I stopped by Jax and he handed me his spare helmet and his pack. I slung his pack over my shoulder before getting on behind him. It was easier if I rode with him instead of Dad, anyways.

A couple of minutes past and then the bikes all roared to life. Dad pulled out and Jax fell in to his side. I rested my forehead on my brother's shoulder, listening to the sound of the bikes. Somehow, it felt calming. But what was more calming was the hope I'd be with my mother very soon.

My dad and Jax pulled off onto another road as I watched the rest of the guys roar past us. They would split soon enough too. Dad pulled off on the shoulder, causing Jax to slow down next to him.

I didn't speak, only half paying attention as they spoke to each other. Dad's hands were acting up again. Jax had to get off and help tie his hands down. There was pain and annoyance on his father's face; I knew that meant he was thinking about how much longer he could lead the Sons. 'You can't ride, you can't lead' was one of their rules. And it looked like Dad wouldn't be riding in the near future. I bit my lip, mulling it over. I couldn't think of a SAMCRO without my dad in charge, even though I knew that had already existed. It just happened to have existed before I was born.

"Kel, you alright?"

I jumped slightly, looking up at my brother. Dad was looking in my direction too.

"Wha…?" I somehow mumbled out. Jax rested a hand on my shoulder.

"You're spacing out, sis," he answered. I stared at him blankly for a moment before nodding, understanding.

"Oh. Sorry." I shifted back a bit so Jax could get back on his bike without kicking me. I moved back in place afterwards before the two took off again. I paid more attention to my surroundings this time around, taking in the desolate environment. There wasn't anyone else on the road, giving it a lonely feel. I didn't like it.

What had felt like days later, but what must have only been less than an hour, we pulled up in front of my grandfather's house. I got off the back of Jax's bike and stared at it, void of feeling. I had never met my grandfather; didn't know anything about him. I would be surprised if he even knew I existed. All I knew was that he was going senile and he really didn't like my dad.

The front door flew open and my mother came out. The lack of feeling I had felt only a moment earlier dissolve into longing and wanting to be with my mom. While Dad and Jax were able to keep their cool in that moment, I wasn't.

"Ma!" I practically shrieked before running towards her. She stopped in her striding towards us and held her arms open, which I flung myself into. I held her in a vice grip, nuzzling my face against her shoulder. I could feel her rub her cheek against the side of my head.

"I missed you, baby," she whispered in my ear. I nodded, telling her the same. I didn't want to but I knew I couldn't monopolize her to myself. After one more squeeze, I released her and let her go to Jax and Dad.

I turned to Tig who had been behind her. He gave me a crooked smile before holding his arms out. I smiled slightly before hugging him. Really, as much of a freak and creep Tig could be at times, it just didn't feel right without him around.

"Tara's inside packing," he murmured to me before releasing me. "You should go help her." I nodded and he went to talk with the others.

As I started for the front door I saw someone in the garden, walking. I stared at him for a moment, realizing it was my grandfather. Mom didn't have a lot of pictures of him but I still managed to recognize him. I frowned. He looked so lost and … sad. It was easy to understand because I had already been told what we would be doing to him that day. I understood why we couldn't just take him to Charming with us. There was too much shit going down and Mom didn't want him to be caught in the middle of any of it. But, still, I felt bad for him.

I turned away as Mom started walking towards him and went into the house. I had never been there before but I managed to navigate myself to the hallway with the bedrooms. In one, I found Tara. She looked up when I entered.

"Hey, Kel," she said with a half-hearted smile. I gave her a matching one before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Tig told me to help out," I said. Tara brushed her hands off on her pants before picking up a box and a wad of newspapers.

"Can you take this into the other room then?" she asked as I took the stuff from her hands. "Gemma wants to pack up all the important and sentimental stuff."

"Yeah, sure," I replied before heading out. I passed Jax in the hallway as he went into the room I just left. Unlike what I normally would do, I didn't hang around to eavesdrop on them.

The car ride to the home was one of the most awkward car rides of my life. Tara drove, seeing as it was her car, and I sat in the passenger's seat. Mom and my grandfather sat in the backseat, holding hands. Dad and Jax had left us to meet up with the others and deal with some shit on their end.

I sat cross-legged on the seat with my head leaning against the window. No one was talking the entire time and it felt like the air was thick with everyone's sorrow. I hadn't spent the last day or so with them, didn't know the full situation and so I felt like it wasn't my place to say anything. Fortunately – or unfortunately, I couldn't tell – no one else felt like speaking either.

The home seemed to loom towards us, feeling like a graveyard. As Tara parked the car, I could just feel the atmosphere getting worse. Nate knew why he was here and it was upsetting to him, that much was clear. And it was upsetting my mother too. I could count on one hand the amount of times I've seen her that broken up.

Walking to the door, I stayed ahead of the others as they walked side by side, almost wishing I was able to have left with the guys.

"I'll check him in," Tara said before walking towards the door. What seemed subconsciously, she took my hand and led me to the door. I didn't know if she did it for me or if she did it for herself. I turned to look over my shoulder to see Mom and Nate sit on the bench.

I stood by as Tara talked with the people there. Feeling useless, I sat in a chair by the door, kicking my feet like a child would. I glanced up when Tara and a doctor went outside to fetch Nate.

"No! I don't want to go with him! Take me home, Gemma! Please, take me home!"

"I'm sorry, Daddy. I can't…"

My heart sunk, hearing their voices outside. I stood up and looked out the glass door. One look at the sight and I couldn't watch anymore, instead staring at the ground. My heart couldn't take seeing my mother like that.

The door opened and Tara, Nate and the doctor came in. Tara nodded to me and I followed, shuffling my feet and watching the floor.

The doctor got Nate all set up and left us alone in his new room to say goodbye.

Again I felt awkward. Nate sat down on his bed with a rather blank expression on his face. Tara kneeled in front of him.

"We have to go now, Nate," she said, resting a hand on his knee. He didn't respond to her. She stood up and gave him a loose hug. Again he didn't respond. She went out the door then. I stood there, watching him for a brief moment.

"Bye Grandpa," I murmured quietly. As I turned to leave, I heard a soft, "Bye Kelly". I choked slightly, like a person did when they were trying to stop themselves from crying. I didn't say anything else before half jogging down the hall. I needed to get out of there. It just felt like a bunch of people waiting for their deaths to come and I didn't want to be there anymore. It was making me cry over someone I didn't even know.

The doctor said a goodbye as I passed him on my way out but I didn't respond. I headed outside with my head ducked down.

"Kelly!"

Tara's voice caused me to look up. She stood in the parking lot, alone. I froze. Where was the car? Besides that, where was Mom?

"Where's Mom?" I asked, running to stand with her. Tara shook her head frantically.

"I don't know," she answered. "She wasn't here when I came out."

I cursed under my breath as Tara paced in our now empty parking space. It was slowly starting to drizzle and there was no one for us to go. I sat down on the curb, fidgeting as Tara continued to pace.

Long moments later, the sound of many motorbikes coming down the road came. I stood up and jogged to stand next to Tara. The Sons pulled up and there was a brief pause of realization before Jax started demanding to know where Mom went.

I didn't listen to their quick conversation. The only words I caught were Jax saying "she went to be with her family". My heart dropped to my stomach and it appeared the same happened to everyone present as the realization that she had gone to see Abel hit everyone.

Instinctively, I went to Juice as the guys started leaving and Tara got on the back of Jax's bike. Quickly, Juice gave me his helmet and I got on behind him before we took off.

The rain got a little harder as we approached Charming. Night had fallen and everything was dark. I couldn't focus on the current situation, knowing what was going to happen once Mom discovered Abel missing. Instead, I focused on the coolness of Juice's cut against my cheek as I also tried to keep myself from hyperventilating. The day was happening so fast.

Dad seemed to know exactly where he was going. His first stop was the clubhouse. As we drove up into the lot, the bikes' headlights illuminated the figure of my mother as she collapsed to the ground.

My mouth opened to scream but my throat was too dry and no words came out. The second Juice stopped his bike I was off it and running. Jax and Dad beat me there but I dropped onto my knees inbetween them. The rest of the guys came up behind us but I didn't pay any attention to them. The sight of my mother on the ground blocked anything else out.

/END