AN/ Ascension of the Morning Star is an original work of fiction based on the Twilight Saga. All characters and plot, setting and existing characterizations are the property of the respective owners.
A/N This may not be what you have expected for this chappie, but I hope that you will take it in as more than fluff as it will factor into the future...oooooo..tease!
July 16: Relapse and Revelations
"Yes, I rather hoped you would say that, darling. We are already in the car," Esme said, with a sigh of relief, thankful he had agreed her mad dash from the house was not inappropriate. "Maybe 15 minutes…"
When Bella's cries rang out through the empty house, Esme rushed to her side, but a mother's soothing calm offered no relief from the dream that startled Bella into consciousness. Although she said she had no memory of the dream she was quite upset. Within minutes, a blinding headache slammed and it seemed to worsen with time. Given the horror Bella had endured only days before, Esme was terrified something was terribly wrong. With the cautions of the neurologist fresh in her perfect memory, quick action was the only course. Without hesitating, Esme scooped her up, bundled in the car, and tore down the road to Forks General Hospital. At blinding speed, she was thankful for the Jaguar's 12 cylinder power under the hood, which could outrun any police car for miles around.
"Yes, aspirin and caffeine….and cold compresses… yes, it seems to be both sides…well, I do think so, honey." Esme examined her charge carefully in the passenger seat, she remarked to herself how very small and fragile her little girl is. The conversation was not masked or hidden by being too soft to hear. Bella squirmed in the seat uncomfortable and upset to be causing so much trouble.
"Esme, I am fine, really," Bella whispered, the sound of her own voice echoed and the pain was excruciating. "…it's just a bad headache," she murmured, pawing her sunglasses and ducking lower in the hoodie. "We don't have to bother Carlisle. It'll go away soon."
"Bella, you do not have a choice in this, do you understand?" Esme barked, her words fueled by fresh anxiety and recent events. "I didn't listen to my heart last week. This time, we are doing it my way." The flash of fear rushed across Esme's face as the devastating details of the accident, Bella's insistence to delay seeking treatment, and the black guilt she felt for that choice. Among a mother's worst nightmares is to make decisions that ultimately hurt her child. Esme felt in not preventing the accident by seeking medical treatment for Bella's headache last week, she had violated this sacred trust.
"Please, Bella, do this for me?" she trembled, gripping the steering wheel with one hand and caressing Bella's wrinkled forehead with the other. "I need you to see Carlisle. I cannot bear it…"
Suddenly, the situation became clear.
"I didn't mean to make you upset, Esme. Of course I will go see him." Realizing how horrible it must be for Esme to worry about it happening again, tears begged to fall at the thought of hurting the woman who cared for her as her own, and Bella relented. "I am sorry I am a big baby. You always know what to do."
"Oh, I'm not upset with you, sweetie," Esme cringed with a new layer of guilt, "I know Carlisle will make you feel better since I cannot…I know he will know what is best." Her words were a plea and a prayer. Somehow, order must be made out of this chaos.
"Oh Esme," she sighed, "you always make me feel better, always," Bella took off her glasses and squinted in the effort to show sincerity. "I hope you know that I love you, more than I ever say."
"I love you too, sweetie," Esme murmured, emotion catching up on her. "That's why I am upset, baby."
"Everything will be all right, you'll see," Bella said, mustering up a squinty smile. "We'll be laughing in an hour and Emmett will tease me for a week!"
"Of course, he will tease me, too," she said, pressing the accelerator firmly, "…silly mommie's freak out, right?"
What Esme could not admit is she feared Bella's latest human experience could mean something much more than a bad headache. It could be a condition to threaten her life. The circumstances of her accident never made sense to Esme because it was so unexpected. Only moments before, asleep in Edward's bed, Bella seemed to be recovering from her headache, and then without warning, the crash of her terrible her fall rang through the house like a bolder avalanche smashing a river rock bed. Shaking the images of blood, helplessness, and temptation from her mind, Esme struggled to concentrate on the road. Trying to find the courage, she patted Bella's arm. "Close your eyes, baby," she smiled weakly, but with motherly affection, "we're almost there."
Esme made the ambulance lane at the General in seven minutes. Before she turned from the road into the hospital entrance, Carlisle stood outside, offering a warm welcome for loving wife. "You have made record time, my love."He whispered with vampire speed. "Did you put your foot through the floor?"he snickered, hoping to allay her anxiety. From the looks of her tension, that was a futile expectation, but that did not keep him teasing her. "I am entirely surprised you don't have a police escort. Or did you leave them in the dust?"
"Oh you be quiet," she grumbled, without a trace of humor. "You are just lucky the Sikorsky was not inthe back yard or I would have been here in three minutes!"Wielding a stiff finger at him, she dashed from the wheel to the passenger door at a speed that was just shy of inhuman. "That would have been something to explain, mister…"
"Yes, Formula One racing skills are one thing, but my sweet wife piloting a helicopter would have been a spectacle!"He chuckled as the image play out in his head and she smiled for the first time since the episode began, he took her into his embrace, and she whimpered both in grief and relief.
"Oh, Carlisle," she shuddered in his arms, "I am so afraid…" Smoothing her face with the palm of his hand, Esme relaxed as his touch eased her spirit just as it always has from the first day she woke in his arms.
"Don't worry, Essie, you both are safe now," he murmured, brushing his lips against her cheek. "Let's have a look at our patient, shall we?" he said, opening the door to find his favorite human hiding under her hoodie. "Why good afternoon, my Bella," he said, observing her being with every essence of his extraordinary senses. "Esme tells me you are not well," he said, scrutinizing her carefully. "How are you feeling?"
More than any feat of intuition, Carlisle's unique abilities offered him a diagnostic skill that exceeded a room of high tech instruments. Every cell seemed to focus on the task, relaying information to his brain at the speed of light. Before the question, he already knew the answer. Bella was in terrible pain.
"I'm sorry for all the fuss, Carlisle," she said, whispering, "Esme was so upset, I had to let her bring me in," she tentatively looked over the top of the sunglasses as if emerging from a cave into the glaring sun of the desert. "I have a bad headache. That's all. It'll go away."
Kneeling at the open passenger door of Esme's Jaguar, the director of emergency medicine, pen light in hand, scowled at his patient. "We've talked about this, Bella. Concussions like this are serious business, so Esme did right to bring you in," he scowled, cursing himself, wishing he had checked in on her this morning before heading out. "How else dp I get to do my magic?"
"I'm sorry, Carlisle," she said, shrugging, "I wouldn't want to keep you from your magic."
"Oh, Bella, you are the magic, my dear," he chuckled, thinking how this only this wonderfully strange woman could be so interested in entertaining him even though she was obviously suffering in pain.
"Is it like last time, do you think, hmmm?" he said, flicking the light to see her pupil response. She winced at the intrusion. "I'm sorry, baby," he murmured, tenderly cupping her cheek. "Does the light bother you that much?" Moving his finger from one side of her peripheral vision to the other, "…can you follow my finger…?"
"I don't really remember last time," she said, dutifully matching the movements without fault. Even though it was painful, it was hardly the worst pain she had experienced. Exhaling deeply helped. "…but I won't lie…it hurts…"
"Yes, of course, it does. I am sorry. We will get you something very soon," his warm bedside manner softened the tension she felt; just as it did for every patient lucky enough to meet him under the harrowing emergency that sent him or her to the hospital. "This morning did you see strange lights? Were things blurry? Were you dizzy or light headed? Are you having trouble concentrating? Did it just hit you like thunder—all at once or did it come on slowly? Are you feeling nauseous, Bella?"
The checklist alarmed her because each symptom he called were her complaints. A careful shrug was the only answer she could give as a wave of uncertainty washed over her, settling in the pit of her stomach, and rolling with some force.
"That's bad, right?" she said, biting her lip, suddenly sharing Esme's anxiety, suddenly remembering all the symptoms Dr. Gallagher said were warning signs of complications from the concussion, including bleeding in the brain. "…it's really bad, isn't it?"
"Not to worry, little one," he said, using his pet name for his only human child whom he loved with all his being. "Jim said that post concussion syndrome is very common, right? Headaches are almost to be expected." The crease in his forehead was not as convincing. "…but we will just take a look at the pretty brain of yours to be sure there is nothing to worry about, okay?" he said, tweaking her chin affectionately.
"Janet," Carlisle said, calling over his shoulder to the one nurse he had come to rely on to maintain her professionalism when dealing with his extraordinary family. Not one to gossip, Janet Reynolds was the one member of the nursing staff who didn't seem overwhelmed by the natural power the Cullen's have over most humans. Carlisle often wondered what about her personality could enable such discipline against nature, but it was a baffling mystery.
"Would you be so kind as to call Neurology and see if Jim Gallagher is on call. Ask him to meet us in Radiology. I would like to speak with him in any case." The look they exchanged hinted they spoke in code to keep from alarming their patient. The physician who had tended to Bella during the accident was important to the case and urgency for his consultation was apparent. "In the mean time, Miss Swan will require CAT and MRI to immediately follow," he said, tracing his fingers across her hand, comforting her overheated skin with his cool touch. "If you will clear our path to that equipment, I would greatly appreciate it." Carlisle was not the sort of doctor who pulled rank or pushed his way through the hospital services. It was a rare request to preempt scheduled testing for a case such as this…but speed was of the essence. Carlisle was concerned and would stop at nothing definitively determine his patient's condition—this patient most of all. In this case, should there be something amiss, it could be life threatening.
"Also a veni puncture is in order, Jane. Please order the tray, I will take it myself."
"Certainly, Dr. Cullen, straight away…" Nurse Reynolds said, quickly moving on speed dial to put the orders into action. The page overhead was almost immediate. "Dr. Gallagher. Ex. 204. Stat." Skating the stylus over the palm book, she verified the schedule for the equipment. In less than a minute, the orders were place, she nodded to him, and he nodded in gracious return.
"Carlisle, I know what a vein puncture is," Bella whined, under enthused about any needles. "Why do you have to do that?"
"It is standard procedure, Bella." He said, giving her wrist a squeeze, detecting the pounding pulse radiating through her body. "Don't worry," he twinkled with mischief, "I won't spill a drop!"
"But Carlisle…"
"No butts, Bella," Esme stood with her arms crossed and a stern expression.
"Don't worry, Bella," he said, "I promise it will be quick and I will not hurt you."
The possibility that any one of a number of other causes for severe headache could be at the bottom of this episode was unnerving to him. The length of time and scrutiny she had undergone only days before should have uncovered any complication, yet he wondered, "…could I have missed something?"
Bella could see the change in him. "You look worried now, like Esme..."
"Esme and I love you very much, Bella. Seeing you in pain is painful for us. We will all feel better when we prove this is nothing more than a passing event." Releasing the seatbelt and effortlessly collecting her in his arms from the front seat, he headed for the door to the emergency department. "Shall we, my princess?"
Bella looked at him, fear rushing to her face. "You think something is wrong, don't you, Carlisle." A hot tear rolled down her face, he brushed it away as quickly as it appeared.
"We must investigate any symptoms that appear after such a serious concussion, Bella," he said, lifting her chin to see the honesty in his face. "…but I don't know if something is wrong, that's why we need to make sure."
"It could it be something very serious, Carlisle couldn't it?" she whispered, matching his pace stride for stride and she struggled to contain her emotion behind her carefree mask. "…an aneurysm or blood clots…?"
"Yes, Esme, I am afraid it could be serious," Carlisle glanced in her direction, meeting her eyes, but his words were undetectable by humans. "But we will know soon enough." He smiled to reassure her but she pursed her lips, sensing he was placating her fears, and he realized that after being married so long she could read any ruse he could offer up.
"Try not to worry, my love. You were right to bring her in, but I am hopeful it is nothing…"
"I must call Edward," she shuddered visibly, as the memory of finding Bella only a few days ago rushed upon her. "No doubt Alice saw my decision. He will be insane with worry."
"Yes, I am afraid you must call him and I think you should call Charlie as well. I would hate for him to find out from anyone else."
"What are you two talking about? You know I hate that." Frustrated to be left out of the voiceless conversation surrounding her, Bella huffed, but it did not take second sight to figure out what was going on in silence. "I know you have to call Edward, but please don't Charlie yet. I know it will make him so upset and he'll come rushing over here with his sirens blaring…make a scene…can't we wait a little bit to call him?"
Shaking his head, Carlisle muttered, "How will I keep any secrets, Isabella if you insist on reading my mind?"
"I guess you won't," she sneered, wondering for a moment how many secrets where hiding behind those unfathomable eyes. "You don't have to carry me, you know, Carlisle. I can walk." Tucking her head closer to his neck and shying away from the inquisitive faces staring, Bella was startled by the sight of the gawkers watching one lucky young woman being spirited away in the arms of a gorgeous doctor. "We are beginning to draw a crowd, you know. The paparazzi will be here any minute."
"How can I pass up the opportunity to embrace you, my Isabella?" he whispered softly, holding her as tightly as her little body would allow, measuring the pressure of her throbbing head. "Don't you like me holding you?"
"Of course I do," she said, smacking him gently across the breast, "what woman in her right mind wouldn't want to be held by the beautiful Carlisle Cullen?"
"She has you wrapped around her little finger, Carlisle…" Esme rolled her eyes with a snicker, knowing her husband's reaction to such a complement before he could register a smirk on his face. His chest filled with pride, his quiet vanity fed hungrily on her words.
"Why Isabella Cullen, are you flirting with me?" he whispered, his eyes sparkling with the sheer delight of possibility.
"No," she said smugly, "but I am certainly distracting you…you called me Cullen..." she giggled, pulling his collar close in her fist to whisper in his ear. "I love it when you get flustered."
"You are a vixen, Miss Swan, you know that, don't you?" he murmured, nuzzling his nose into her hair. "I don't know how my son will survive!"
Turning the corner into the Radiology department, Janet was waiting with a phlebotomist tray.
"Dr. Cullen," she said obviously enjoying the play of his name on her tongue. "Dr. Tucker is waiting in exam room 3. The CAT is waiting for you and Dr. Gallagher will join you shortly. Dr. Rafferty will meet you for the MRI."
"Excellent work, Janet; you are a blessing. Thank you for thinking to call Moira…it is possible that the sutures could be causing your discomfort, Bella," he said, "healing too quickly, pulling to tight. Dr. Rafferty was on the plastics team. You will like her."
The calm of the cozy front seat of Esme's car seem to evaporate with every step closer into the hospital world. The sights, the sounds, the smells, and most especially, the glaring lights began to overwhelm her.
"Carlisle," she moaned, her voice filtering through the din of the hallways in the ER.
"We are almost there, my girl…almost there." He pressed his lips to her forehead as his pace increased. Luckily, no one made notice of the lithe man carrying the young woman such a long distance, moving so very quickly, without losing a breath in the process. "I appreciate your help, as always, Jane." He nodded his deference to her, grateful for her help and her discretion.
"It's my pleasure, Dr. Cullen." The blush on her cheek was automatic and obvious. "I hope you are feeling better, Bella," she murmured. Again, Esme snickered, knowing the effect such a natural human reaction to his extraordinary attention had on her lover. The smorgasbord of praise from two women he cared deeply for would fill her lover's head for days to come.
"I'll go move my car," Esme said with a snicker, "…can I leave you two alone to fight off the harem?" With a cool hand, Esme traced the blushing cheek and a giggle escaped from the human in her husband's arms. "What's so funny, Bella?" she asked, inquisitively, glad to see her laugh.
"The Cullen men could rule the world, couldn't they, Esme?" she giggled softly, pulling in tighter to Carlisle's embrace.
"Darling, you have no idea!" Esme whispered, hiding nothing from the only pair of ears that counted, "you just remember, one thing, sweetie," she kissed her on the forehead, "they can look all they like, but they belong to us!"
"I promise you, Edward, all is in hand. We are on the way home. Testing was merely precautionary, but a justified follow up given the concussion…yes, I was concerned for that possibility, but that absolutely is not the case, both scans were unchanged from the original. There is no bleeding threat."
Glancing in the rearview mirror to gauge her reaction, Carlisle wondered if it would upset her to know that he had not been entirely forthcoming with Bella regarding the seriousness of their concern for her condition. Headaches after a concussion are common, but the severity was a strong indicator of a very serious complication. Esme's assessment was correct. Either possibility would have necessitated emergency surgery to save her life.
Bella sighed from the back seat, playing with the soft leather buttons of the upholstery. She knew, without a doubt, Edward was upset and berating himself for taking Alice to Seattle for some secret big mission with the florist. Dealing with him was inevitable, but she was not entirely looking forward to the captivity that would result after his return.
"…she may be asleep when you get home, Edward," he said, sternly, "… it has been a taxing afternoon."
"I'll say," Bella muttered, rolling her eyes for emphasis, annoyed that such a simple thing as a bad headache was blown out of proportion by overly active imaginations, but also relieved to know that Carlisle was no longer worried. The idea that he was upset about her headache was frightening, but she put it out of her mind, discounting the event in the only way that she could without falling apart. He made sure she was safe, that is all that mattered.
"Yes of course, you may… here she is," he said, passing her the phone over the console.
"Hello, Edward," she said, closing her eyes for a quick prayer. There was little chance it would do any good; however, she could not help but try to ask for some divine intervention from the forces of the universe to help her control this conversation. To no avail, his plaintive cries at the sound of her voice bled through the phone transparently. He could not help but show the agony he felt at his absence and her pain.
"Look, please don't be upset, please, Edward, okay…I swear I am fine. I probably just slept wrong on my pillow or something. It doesn't really hurt that much anymore." The cold and dispassionate tone of his voice was more disturbing than any histrionic expression and it confirmed to her the depth of his distress.
"Yes, of course," she grumbled, squinting her eyes in frustration. "That's just what the CAT scan said—please tell Edward it is his fault because he wasn't home when you woke up screaming.
Carlisle looked away from the mirror to hide his amazement that a feisty human could best his son so easily.
"Please, do not start that nonsense, Edward; I'm not in the mood." His retort was speedy, but not as fast as here. "Yeah, well, you'd be grumpy too if you got a biggest needle in the world in your…! she hissed. "The damn thing hurt more than my head!"
A mischievous smile lit up her face.
"No, he didn't get a very good look, you pervy boy," she squealed, "…besides it was more like my hip…much less interesting than my butt, I am sure." Although she knew it was hopeless to hide in the confines of the car, she covered the receiver with her hand, whispering, "…maybe later you can kiss it and make it all better, how's about that?"
Carlisle shifted in his seat but it was obvious he was laughing without any chance of hiding it. "How you tickle me," he muttered, thinking once again what a lucky man his son was to be loved by this amazing young woman. She smirked back at him in the mirror and flashed her tongue in a snake-like fury.
"…but there's nothing you need to do, Edward," she sighed, wishing she could ease his worry. "I promised Carlisle I could go lie down for the rest of the day, okay? But… if you wouldn't mind bringing me some pizza for dinner…that would be great…"
The growl in her belly popped up on cue and she blushed to think Carlisle could hear it.
"…mushroom… of course, Vinnie's…" she huffed; shocked he would suggest anything shy of the best pizza in town. "…I know it is a little out of the way, but it is my favorite." The coyness of her voice was penetrating his every weakness. In fact, Carlisle had to resist the urge to turn the car around and procure it for her himself.
"Oh, that would be great, honey," she said, smiling at her victory, "…can you stop by the market, too?" His answer made her belly laugh, "…yes, Mr. Smarty Pants. Cherry Garcia. Do you think you could manage some red hots, too? You know those little cinnamon things?" She held her forehead with a firm hand and the gesture did not go unnoticed
"…how hard can it be to find them, Edward?" she muttered.
"Great! Oh! And don't forget to get me a surprise prize…." Scowling she grumbled, "…for going to the hospital, of course! Charlie always gets me a surprise prize," she whined pitifully, looking up to see if Carlisle was watching, but his eyes darted from the mirror before she could catch him in the act of spying from the front seat.
"Well, if you don't want to…" she teased, knowing that Edward would never allow anyone to fulfill such a sacred ritual, especially after she had asked him to do it.
"No, of course it's your job…I won't tell him, Edward. I promise," she bit her lip; sorry she had gone a little too far. "…but it has to be a surprise, it has to be a toy, and stuffed animals absolutely do not count. Alice will help you, I am sure."
Carlisle marveled at her, taking her in again in the rear view mirror. She caught him watching her and she shrugged. He knew what she was doing.
"…I love you too, Edward. See you in an hour. Be safe." The silver cell closed with a steady click and she sighed as she tossed the little machine in the front seat.
"That was a spectacular performance, Bella," Carlisle said, watching her with a keen eye in the mirror. She was not fooling him.
"Thanks," she sighed with a smile that was considerably lacking substance. "Rose says my skills are improving."
Looking out the window at the scenery whizzing by, a pang of guilt pressed on her conscious.
"It doesn't make sense to get him all riled up when he can't do anything…he'll be bad enough when he gets home," she said, a little yawn barely concealed behind her hand. "A little scavenger hunt in the Pigglie Wiggly will slow him down…I hope."
Hunkering down into the soft seat, she pulled the blanket throw around her more for comfort than for warmth.
"Why don't you close your eyes, Bella? Let the medicine do the work." His eyes were sad for her pain, wishing he could take it away from her. "I know you will want to be awake when Edward returns."
"I'm not really sleepy, Carlisle," she whined, playing with the fringe, picking at the wool nervously, "….I was thinking that since we are alone, maybe we should talk…" she hesitated only a moment before he interrupted.
"Are you upset about something, little one?" he said, anxious in that overhearing his conversation with Edward he had upset her. "The tests were all clear. There is no danger, Bella. You will be feeling better soon. I promise."
"No, it's not that…" she muttered, picking at the blanket in an unconscious tic. Biting her lip, she struggled to find the words to describe her problem in a way that he could understand. The wedding in less than a month's time could not be the only thing weighing on those precious hours of retreat and slumber, but the pieces of the grand event would have to be experienced before should could worry about anything else.
"Esme said you were crying out in your sleep, Bella," he said, gingerly trying to help. Although her acceptance was totally, is it any wonder that in her unconscious hours her subconscious would express the instinctive human fears of vampires and the horrors she has come to accept in their reality? "Do you want to talk about it, my dear?"
"Well, I did have a dream, but that's not what I…" Distracted for a moment, she hesitated as the random images flashed fast enough to be seen but too fast to capture in her memory. "…I mean, I have lots of bad dreams…"
For the first time in a very long time, Carlisle looked back from the moment and considered all that this young woman had brought to his family and how very much her gifts of unconditional love had cost. Forever isolated from her family and her kind with a secret so potent as to threaten her life from the moment she uncovered it. This terrible secret which, exposed to her an alien mythical world, would come to claim her life whether or not she considered surrendering it for her love of Edward.
A still greater milestone in her young life lay ahead and Carlisle knew if he knew anything about Miss Isabella Swan, she would insist on having her making be sooner rather than later. In a moment, he realized how much Edward's desire for delay made logical sense. Carlisle wanted Bella to remain human if for no other reason than to allow her family to show her how much her sacrifices meant to them. Before she became one of their kind, Bella Swan needed to know how they believed she was unique in all the universe of human. He would ensure it, but no doubt, he was not the only member of the clan hell bent on assuring the very same thing: proving to Bella, she was the white light that made their family circle complete.
"I am sure you must be feeling stressed, Bella. So much has happened to you …" he mused, running down in his imagination the wild string of events in the past 30 days alone. "As your doctor, I must insist you allow the Alice wedding machine to take over. Relax a bit. Enjoy this time. You deserve it, my little one."
"You mean, she hasn't taken over already?. God, that's a scary concept…" she muttered, rolling her eyes, and chuckling. It was impossible to imagine Alice taking any more control of anything as she had commandeered the wedding.
"Yes, I suppose she has," he could not help but chuckle, "…but I think you know what I mean, Bella…" Chiding her was not a common occurrence for Carlisle, except where medical matters were concerned. Certainly, in that capacity she was a remarkably compliant patient, however he was not at all certain how much weight that opinion would have in other matters. He hoped she would see herself as his little treasured child, but she was in fact a grown woman and an independent one at that and it was uncertain she would take his advice.
"I promise I will try to let her do the rest, Carlisle, but there's not a lot left to do, not really. Most all of the big things are done," she said, hoping to placate his concern and above all indicate to him that she would try to fulfill his wishes. She knew she was beginning to feel the stress looming over her, making her irritable and polluting her dreaming. Having an excuse she could allow herself to take care of the bride and groom above all else. Working through the checklist of Alice's' master clipboard list that had been etched on her memory, she felt she had more control of the insanity. "…dresses and photographer are all set. Alice is doing the flowers today…"
"Edward and I have secured the tuxes and the musicians," Carlisle smiled eagerly to let her know there was progress on all fronts of this logistical battle. "Esme and Rose are coordinating the ceremony…."
"The ceremony…" she gasped, sitting straight up, holding her head, as her eyes blared with surprise. "I can't believe it!" she said, in shock, "I forgot all about…we don't have anyone to do the…" she said, stuttering for the word that eluded her. "…leading the ceremony…the legal word…agh! What is it called?" she growled in frustration.
"Do you mean the 'officiating', Bella?" he said, smiling, hoping to offer her relief, "It is all in hand, my dear, I hope it is alright with you that I took the liberty..."
"You have?" Bella gasped, taken aback by the idea. "Really? Oh Carlisle, thank you! I was worried about that part and they it went out of my head and now with the stitches thing and everything…" she smiled in relief. No one could have been a better choice than he to be sure that the ritual aspect of the wedding was traditional and sacred.
"But I wish…" she said, blushing for the idea that had just occurred to her. "I wish that you could do it…marry us, I mean."
Carlisle's breath hitched in his throat and he could not blink for the sensation that suddenly enveloped him.
"Oh, Bella," he said, his voice trembling with the emotion that he felt. "…how you honor me…" he said, the memory of his father and his original vocation burst through the years of clouded memory and his thought was only of how proud she would have made him. The strength of his voice faded into the invisible tears that wrecked him with her sentiment. In the mirror, he saw her tears suffice for both of them. The love they shared with each other and for his son was a destiny they shared, yet, even without that bond; Carlisle knew he loved Bella in his own special way. She was every bit the child lent to him from heaven. Forever cherished and ever blessing him she was a reminder of the love of the divine in her eyes.
Drawing upon every iota of self-discipline he possessed, he tried to both savor the moment and transcend it before he drove the car and his passenger into the rock face of the mountain pass.
"I doubt I could possibly manage to serve as clergy, best man and father of the groom, do you?" he said, chuckling with the sparkling eyes of love shining on her. "…but I suppose it easier to explain Esme the helicopter pilot than trying to convince Forks how the famous 33 year-old Dr. Cullen managed to be Harvard trained as surgeon and cleric, simultaneously!"
'Oh," she said, brushing away tears through her laugh, "I didn't think of that!"
"I have asked a very dear friend to join us to offer the ceremony for your union. His is perhaps my longest friendship in this life." Carlisle bowed his head reverently, "Pere Fabian has been my spiritual guide for…many years, Bella. He is very dear to me…I think you will like him."
"Is he…our kind of people, Carlisle?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, he is…"
"Really? …wow…"
"Indeed. You see? Everything is well in hand. The Bride can take it easy from here on out."
"Yeah, I guess so… everything is ready…" A heavy sigh echoed loudly against the silence of the cabin and although Carlisle did not want to press her for information that could be of a highly personal nature, he was compelled to do so. As a member of their tight family, as a bride to a vampire, and as a child virtually alone in this quest, Bella faced unique challenges alone. No one in the history of the universe confronted these particular challenges. Not the least of which was painfully obvious to Carlisle, even if Edward had not already confessed his fears, Carlisle surmised Bella would share similar concerns for the steps they were about to take,
"Is everything ready?" he murmured in the mirror.
"…No…" she replied. "I guess not…"
"I see," Carlisle's compassionate care colored his voice and in two words he invited her into his confidence. "Would you like to talk about it, Bella?"
"I don't want to, she chuckled, a wild blush raced across her cheek. " I mean, I'd rather not have to talk about it, but I need to I guess…."
"Oh, I like I understand," he said, gripping the wheel a little tighter. "I want you to know he cannot hear me, Bella …if you don't want him to. Our conversation is private unless you desire to make it not."
"Yeah, I guess I never understood how that whole thing works," she grumbled, thinking on the myriad of things she had yet to learn.
"You'd better not tell Edward you can read my mind, Carlisle. He will be very jealous."
"He would no doubt go mad," he nodded.
"…well yes, he really would."
"Alas, I am merely keenly observant, Isabella. However if I ever were lucky enough to possess such a gift, it would be our little secret."
"I have questions that I can only ask you, but they are…embarrassing questions."
"Oh, I see...are they clinical questions." Adopting his persona of medical professional, he hoped to offer her a bit of anonymous distance. Patients must speak freely with their physician, even if that he is their father-in-law-to-be.
"That's right." she said, coldly. "…very clinical…"
"Actually, it is time we talk about this." He said, straightening up in his seat. "It has been on my mind and I was not entirely sure how to bring up this need. I thought you might have questions about…things."
"Yes, that's a good way of putting it…" she muttered, defecting her embarrassment with sarcasm. "I don't know if you can help me though...everything is so…weird."
"I will try my best Bella, as your physician and as your friend. We can find the answers together, if you like…"
"I made a little list," she said, fishing in the pocket of her jeans. "I've been carrying it around for weeks, trying to work up the courage…I am so mortified to ask so I thought it would help…distract me or keep me focused, I'm not sure which! I don't want to forget anything. It is silly, I know, but…"
"No, it is not silly at all, Bella…it is brilliant!" Carlisle cheered, "I often instruct my patients to do that very thing. Organizes thoughts."
"Okay, so here goes…" she said, taking a deep breath for courage. "How much blood will there be… you know…when...?"
"When you have intercourse for the first time?" he murmured, and she nodded, blushing dramatically at the sound of the word and her mortification to be having this conversation with her soon to be father-in-law. Although Carlisle had been Bella's doctor in many situations sitting in the back seat of his Mercedes, talking about the technical aspects of losing her virginity was not something anyone could feel comfortable discussing.
"I have not had this experience as you know," he spoke quietly, humbled that she would be brave enough to trust him with such an intimate question. "…it could be none or scant, or it could be visible on the bedding, perhaps, on his body. I can arrange for you to see a doctor if you would care to…be examined perhaps to…"
"Yeah, I thought about that for like a nanosecond." The revulsion on her face made her feelings clear. "I don't want to go there, Carlisle, literally and figuratively!"
"That's entirely understandable, Bella." Concentrating on the problem if not the solution, he offered, "If you have other questions about that experience," he mused, knowing that many virgins talk about painful intercourse, "…perhaps, we should ask Esme?"
"Oh…" she sighed, as the idea suddenly dawned on her. Esme was indeed married and experienced this rite of passage to womanhood, yet her history made it such a taboo subject. Bella was ashamed to think of prying into such a personal matter. "…but I don't know if I could ask her …I bet I couldn't even ask Ren…" she murmured, glancing out the window at the river. Suddenly, a twinge of regret for the absence of her mother struck her and a tear welled up
"It's alright, Bella," he said, allowing her the privacy she needed, the tear fell without comment. "I could ask Esme if you like? Or we could ask her together?"
"I'm okay, Carlisle, I was thinking about Renee," she said, brusquely wiping her cheek to dispel the sign of her weakness. "…I guess these are things I should have asked her…and now…"
"I know Esme would be honored to help you Bella," he said, reaching around the console to pat her knee. "…I have told you before, but I want you to know, now more than ever, you are our daughter—Esme's and mine. We will do anything to help; you know that, don't you my dear."
"Yes, I do," she said, shuttering as disobedient tears raced down her cheeks. "It's just hard, Carlisle. I miss her."
"I know you do, Bella. I know…" Carlisle's face wore the weight of her distress and his heart was heavy for the one pain he could do nothing to cure.
The mystery of Renee's withdrawal continued to erode her confidence and yet no one could offer her the truth of Alice's vision outside of the hope that she would change her mind and decide to attend the wedding after all. Every day that lingered on without a word, made them wonder if this vision was one that had fallen short of completion.
"Shall we stop for a minute, Bella? There is a lovely view up ahead?" Carlisle's warmth shone through his words. He wanted to offer some lightness to what had become a very difficult day.
"I don't know, Carlisle, everyone's gonna be standing in the driveway waiting for us," she murmured, twisted by the idea of having to explain their extended absence. "Do you think it would be okay?" she said, hopeful for a chance.
"I know just the place," he said, twinkling with mischief in the rear view mirror. "How about a little lemonade? I hear everyone talk about Mitchell's brew. The ladies all bring it into the hospital."
"Sure, Carlisle," she said, smiling meekly, toying with the idea. "That sounds great, but what are we going to tell everyone? I am supposed to be rushing home near death or something and now we're making side trips for lemonade?"
"I will take care of that, my dear," he said, quickly thumbing a text in his phone. In a blink, a return message popped up. "There, you see," he said, triumphantly, tipping the phone to her view. "Esme says to enjoy ourselves and to bring some lemonade home if you enjoy it."
"What about Edward?" Guilty of some unbidden crime, she bit her lip, thinking that perhaps it was wrong to hide this conversation from him. "…if he beats us home, he'll be furious. I am sure Alice is driving a million miles an hour as it is…"
"Oh, Esme will take care of him, Bella." Carlisle chuckled, rolling his eyes, "…she is his mother after all!"
"Well," she sighed, "I guess I don't much feel like rushing home just yet…I have a pretty long list, I mean."
"It's settled then…we are off to find Mitchell' Country Store." his exuberance was contagious and Bella giggled for his boyish charm. "I do love an adventure!" he said, diverting the car off the highway to a country road. Mitchell's was one of those gems just far enough off the main path to retain its hometown charm and well known enough by locals to survive the influx of chain store convenience.
Bouncing along the gravel road, admiring the view of the log homes and wild flowers, she mused on the questions rolling around like marbles in her head. It was almost impossible to catch each one, slippery and fast as they were. The list helped, but it was harder and harder to make her way down the topics, as the subjects became harder and harder to share.
"Is it different—from regular blood, I mean," she blurted out, as if she was unaware her thoughts took sound.
"Blood is blood, Bella…" Carlisle murmured, bringing the car to a stop. The pea gravel pattered against the floor of the car like a little melody and he was suddenly reminded of a drive not so long ago with Edward answering entirely different concerns, but yet equally important.
"Is he worried about it?"
"Have you spoken to him, Bella? What I mean is, have you asked him if he is worried?"
"No, I don't exactly know how…"
"Worried is a strong word, Bella. I am sure he has considered it. After all, you have …why shouldn't he? I am sure any young man would, but you are worried that it will be a problem?"
"Yes, I am."
"I am convinced with his power to control daily interactions...you should not worry about it too much because he has already been exposed to the presence of…"
"My period, right? Well, we did have a little problem with that…recently."
"Yet, that was under certain emotional conditions that he had never experienced, yes?"
Well, won't there be new emotional conditions on our wedding night.
"But now he understands more, Bella. And like every other piece of information, it only strengthens his resolve. It shant be a problem again. I am sure of it."
"Okay, what about during...I don't mean the breakable Bella thing, I mean for him...will he...I mean is he going to…aghhh…"
"Experience intercourse as other men would? Yes, that is my understanding and my experience."
"Okay, now I want to throw up…I am so embarrassed."
"I can understand that, Bella…truth be told; I am a wee bit embarrassed myself."
"So, is that a danger for me, I mean about, well…will it hurt me?"
"I wish I could read your mind in this instance, Bella. I am afraid you must tell me or give a more specific hint…"
"I know. …I guess what to know if when we have…sex… will his…would it make me change just like biting me would?"
"Bella…"
"Does it have venom in it? In the…semen…God I want to die."
"Oh, I can assure you, venom is not present in semen, Bella."
"How do you know? That didn't come out right; I didn't mean to sound…"
"I will say I have determined for myself it is the case. This was a question we shared."
"You and Edward?"
"Others have expressed this concern, Bella. We all wanted to be sure..."
"Okay, I really don't want to know about all that…If it is not venom, and it is...regular…? I mean, what about birth control? Do I need to go on the pill or something?"
"Semen may contain sperm, it is true, but they are not motile."
"You mean, they are dead..."
"Well, essentially, yes."
"Okay, that's pretty gross…"
"Not to be indelicate, but it is impossible to tell the difference, Bella. Except under a microscope.
In any case, pregnancy is not possible."
"Okay, good. But what about…the stories of it happening?"
"They are stories of the incubus, vampires preying upon humans, females for reproduction. However, as far as I am concerned Bella, it is not possible. And if it is true, I believe it would not be possible that he…"
"…Resisted having sex all this time…?"
"Have you given that fact some consideration, Bella?"
"About?"
"Do you have any feelings about not having children? It is a strong human calling…"
"No, Carlisle, I am really sure. I have told Edward, I never thought of myself as being a mother…I am happy to have a family to love. Besides, Emmett is worse than a two-year old, what could I be missing?"
"Okay...thank you for making it easy for me, I was so embarrassed, but I am not now."
"Excellent. I am glad for that and I am very proud of you for coming to me, for trusting me with your concerns. It is very responsible of you. I hope you will always feel you can be free to come to me like this...in the future."
"You mean about changing. I guess it's time to start thinking about that again…almost forgot in all this chaos…"
"Yes. Do you have anything on your mind?"
"About changing? I don't have a list yet."
"This conversation will only be our first, I hope. The list can wait."
"Well, mostly I wonder about how Edward will feel. How did you feel...after, I mean...I am sorry. I should not have asked…you see, I should have had a list. Forget that I asked."
"Sometimes I wonder if it is you who is the mind reader, Bella. I cannot deny that is a painful question for me, Bella. I have long struggled with conflicting feelings. ...in fact, it often comes back to me often, whenever Edward struggles with our life. I have struggled with the question of whether I did the right thing. One can easily do the wrong thing for all the right reasons, my dear."
"I am sorry…I am sure I made that all worse…"
"No, Bella, I had regret in my heart from the moment Elizabeth asked for my help…"
"Edward's mother?"
"Yes, I believe she intuitively knew exactly what she was asking. Perhaps she possessed a gift. Or in death…she was given clarity to see something others cannot."
"You think she was clairvoyant?"
"Yes, or perhaps some other form of the gift of sight. Remembering…I will never forget the calm of her voice, the determination, and sympathy she had for me in her eyes. I believe to this day that she knew exactly what she was asking from me. It was very strange, as if she saw right through my defenses. When I did not acknowledge her intent, she begged me to show him mercy. In the end, I could not deny her."
"Maybe that's why his gift is so strong now…that he had it…before he was changed?"
"It is possible, Bella. She passed in my arms, as if my promise gave her relief that allowed her to release her spirit.
However, as I look back, the moment she asked, I knew what I would do, but I hesitated when the time came, but only for a moment. It is that decision that troubles me most…that I chose to take a life, no matter what the reason. I had to live with the fact that no matter what I promised Elizabeth Masen. Ultimately, it was my decision."
"He was too young to die. You were compassionate; I can understand that, Carlisle. Are you saying he didn't feel it that way?""
"No, Bella. I wish that could be the case. I was selfish I must admit. I had desired a companion for a very long time and her invitation was…"
"…permission..."
"No, Elizabeth's request was justification, but I never had Edward's permission. I assaulted him Bella. I took his life just as any random person a vampire would hunt…"
"But Rose and Esme…Emmett?"
"In a way, that was no different Bella. I could justify changing them, but I never had their permission. Certainly, Rose…"
"Yeah I guess…are you saying he felt like a victim?"
"Although he did not express it, I believe so. He doesn't blame me...anymore...but there was a time he did."
"Really?"
"In the beginning, yes he did. He couldn't understand that in taking him I tried to alleviate his suffering…but in fact, it was my loneliness and suffering I tried to salve."
"But you saved him from dying, Carlisle…"
"His soul was too young; he was not able to see the gift, only the loss."
"That's why Edward doesn't want me to change yet. He was talking about it a lot recently."
"I am glad to hear that. He has been troubled…so many things changing for him after being so static for so very long. "
"He is changing, isn't he…but you think he still feels "
"Unconsciously, perhaps. There are the other reasons he has expressed, but I think it may boil down to that very thing."
"I am choosing. I want it more than anything. I always have."
"I don't know what effect your version of permission will have on your psyche, but I have hoped it will be a positive one."
"I will not feel like that, never."
"That is because you have a wise old soul, Isabella."
"I want to be with Edward…with you forever, just like I said when I promised, when I vowed…it's my destiny. I know it."
"I know you do, Bella. If I didn't believe so I would not allow it no matter what Alice's vision predicted."
"Did she really know…about me and Edward…even before I came here?"
"Yes, it is true. Alice came to me. You can imagine her excitement."
"I bet…"
"But we didn't tell him. He had no idea until…"
"…until he came back, right? She must have told him then."
"No, in fact, Alice told him when he announced his decision to leave after the accident. The thing cemented his choice. I believe he thought if he left you…"
"It would alter the future."
"Yes."
"But it didn't…"
"No, it certainly did not. You have no idea how much I regretted that choice, Bella. I wonder if I had not allowed him, if…"
"But he couldn't change the future no matter what he did…because it wasn't his decision, right? It was mine."
"Are you certain you are not clairvoyant, Miss Swan."
"No," she giggled, "I'm just observant."
"Indeed. It was a stellar event; Bella-- this vision was as strong as her vision of Jasper."
"No…really?"
"Yes, she swears it is so. When she shared it with Edward to convince him to stay…"
"But then he had to leave…"
"Because it convinced him it was true, that in the future you would be changed. Maybe that is why he was eager to push you…"
"To choose Jacob…so I would change the future…"
"Again, we have not discussed it directly, but I can see his opinion and I believe that is the case. I cannot express to you how the family feels to know you would come to us and change our lives so much. You are a gift from God for all of us."
"Wow"
"So, you see, I have a list myself, if you please, I wonder if you would not mind entertaining me…"
"Sure, I guess that is only fair."
"How did you come to this decision? To come to live in Forks."
"It just seemed right…my mom was so happy when she found Phil…and he was the first man she dated that really made her…whole, I guess. And when they married and he was on the road so much, I knew she wanted to be with him, but couldn't because of me. I just I wanted her to be happy all the time."
"Yes, I can see your care for her, but why not wait until you finished high school? Why leave your friends and come to this far away place you never knew…and to live with your father…"
"…whom I didn't know? I guess it was just because I thought it felt right…For as long as I can remember I would have dreams about Charlie and I was so happy when I visited him…and one day, I just realized what I had to do."
"It wasn't easy leaving Arizona and at first I was homesick, but I had to do it for Renee and when I thought about it, it just felt like I was going home, I guess. And now I know…I am home…"
"Yes, Bella. I believe more than anything, you belong here with us."
As the garage door opened with a groan, Edward appeared, pizza box balanced on his head, ice cream pint cooling between his palm, and a multi pack of sparkle play dough tucked under his arm. The look on his face made it clear: he knew exactly what they had been talking about.
"I think you need to work on your mad masking skills, Carlisle," the corner of his quivering lips turned up, "apparently, you are not as focused when you are blushing…"
A/N Bella and Carlisle...what a wonderful pair...and NO there is nothing in the subtext to indicated that something is going to 'happen' between them! EEEW GROSS! Their love is unconditional, conventional, and eternal. If they hadn't been related by marriage, they would have been the closest of friends, perhaps. In the future chapters exploring many aspects of Bella's life, he will play a major role. Without him, it may have been an entirely different story.
OKAY READERS U GAVE A BOO BOO HERE: Until today I had the wrong A/N here. I have corrected it now in the note that follows. I made the mistake because I changed the order of two chapters and didn't correct the AN introducing it. Sorry.....Many thanks to patient reader who discovered it! Check her out and say thank you for me!
Thankyou to: favludo
Her Profile: .net/u/2056932/
BUT FOR THE REAL NEXT UP: July 18: The Postman Always Rings Twice Charlie has some surprises in store for Bella when she returns home after the stay with the Cullen's after the accident.
THE MISTAKE WAS: CORRECTION: ...so check out: July 20: "The First Time" and see what kinda ride Edward will take Bella...