A/N Remember I said slow burn… it's so slow even I am getting frustrated! We'll get there. Eventually! I hope everyone is having a relaxing Sunday or Monday depending on where you are on the planet! Happy Earth Day!
Going home and leaving Daryl behind leaves Beth feeling empty. Being with him is the only place she wants to be. She's been thinking a lot about where this is going, where it could go.
Depending on another person to determine your happiness is pathetic, but maybe just maybe sometimes it takes another person to let you see that you can be happy, that you can feel things you never dreamed you could.
Her daddy is in the kitchen leaning against the counter his crutch beside him. When he looks up at her she can see the worry etched across his face. This is something. Because in the car she'd thought for a minute, but only a minute that the phone call about Maggie was a way to get Beth to come home because… But he had no idea where she was or who she was with. He does know something. Daryl is right about that. Her daddy isn't completely oblivious.
"Daddy?" setting her things on the counter she watches her father.
"She's been vomiting, says she thinks she has the flu, but she's having some pain in her stomach. She's trying to hide it, how bad it's hurting her. I'd guess it's her appendix, but, well I didn't ask her about the possibility of pregnancy..." He leaves off there and looks hopelessly at Beth.
"I'll go check on her." Resting her hand on his arm she gives him a small smile before heading up to Maggie's room.
Her sister is curled up on her bed, eyes closed, arms wrapped around her middle. Standing in the doorway Beth can see that she's shivering a little. Concern isn't something she needs to fake because regardless of everything Maggie is her sister and she loves her. That love has just become something complicated.
"Maggie?" Settling on the bed beside her she puts her palm on Maggie's forehead. Her sister is burning up.
"I, I don't know. Maybe the flu. It just kinda came on out of nowhere." Maggie says.
"How long?" Beth knows that if it is her appendix time is a huge factor.
"A couple hours maybe." Maggie moans and curls in on herself even more.
"Mags- is there, could you be pregnant?" Beth asks gently. Peeking up at her from the bed Maggie shakes her head but stops and really looks at Beth.
"I don't think so, I- there's always a chance but we're careful." When she says 'we're' Beth doesn't have to ask. It's Glenn. Who she knows very little about except that he makes excellent pizza and he's always nice to her when she goes into his restaurant.
"I think I should take you to the ER. Something's going on and you need to be seen." Beth doesn't ask and Maggie doesn't argue. She nods and then pushing herself up with more energy than Beth figured she had she makes it into the bathroom before getting sick again. And Beth, with no time for a proper shower she hurries into her own bathroom and cleans up with a washcloth.
When they get downstairs and their daddy is waiting by the front door. When Beth tells him Maggie has a fever too, he's more convinced now that it's her appendix.
"Take her in and call me as soon as you know. I can get a ride in if need be." Beth knows that he always feels like a burden. That's why he's staying home. His crutches and the fact that he's a lot slower make him feel that way.
"You can come, daddy if you want too." Because he really should be able to.
"No, you go and take her. Just let me know." Nodding she and Maggie head out to her car.
xxxxXxxxx
Once they're checked in at the ER everything goes quickly. A diagnosis is made based on the symptoms alone and Maggie's headed for emergency surgery. But not before she gives Beth Glenn's number and makes her promise to call him. It touches Beth's heart the way it's him she asks for. It tells her so much about her sister, things they haven't talked about, because, well they don't talk all that much.
"He can sit with you so you're not alone." Maggie is asking her to stay without saying so. And it doesn't make Beth feel special or privileged or any more loved. She doesn't even feel obligated. She was going to stay all along.
A nurse directs her to the surgery waiting room.
"It'll be about an hour and a half. The doctor will come out after the surgery to let you know how your sister is doing."
Now that Maggie's being taken care of and Beth's alone she lets herself feel what she felt walking into the ER. Anxiety. She's been here. This is where they brought her that day. A doctor stitched her wrist up another doctor asked her all kinds of questions. Those memories are vague like they happened to another person in another lifetime. But she doesn't try very hard to recall them. She'd rather not. Not now.
Maggie had been there then. Right beside her the entire time.
Pushing the past away she takes out her phone and makes the calls she needs to make. First, she calls Glenn who is off the phone and on his way before she's even finished explaining what's going on. The next call is to her daddy and she assures him that she'll stay until Maggie is moved into a room.
There's one more person she wants to talk to.
Daryl.
It's been a few hours since she left him in the woods. She wanted to go back over to his place. She wanted to finish what they started in the woods. She wanted to thank him for letting her touch him, for being so brave, even though she doubts he'd see it that way. She can picture it, and it makes her smile, him shrugging like it's nothing when in reality it's kind of everything.
xxxxXxxxx
After a shower, where he stayed longer than he normally does, thinking of Beth and her fingers on his skin, on his scars and imagining it's her hands on his painfully hard cock as he jerks it fast and hard, bracing himself against the slick tile as he comes, his whole body shuddering, her name on his lips.
After that he's in jeans and a t-shirt, his hair still damp and he's staring into his empty fridge. It's not completely empty, there are a couple of bottle of beer. He really needs to run to the market so if she does come back he doesn't look like a complete idiot. NOt that she would judge him. Because she wouldn't. And eating with his brother and Carol every meal isn't something he dislikes. He likes it just fine. But he wants to settle in here. In his place.
Feeling his pocket for his phone he sits on the futon and flicks on the lamp. Carol brought it and a small table over. Caught him as he was coming back from the woods. She hadn't said a word about what a sweaty mess he was. She'd just carried the things up and mentioned she didn't need it cluttering up the garage. 'You've got some things in there too. Maybe something you could use here.' Then she'd looked around, given him a small smile and left. Merle probably told her a thing or two about their visit to Hershel's but Carol never pushed. Unless she had too.
The phone he was looking for suddenly rings where it's laying on the futon beside him. The name on the screen makes everything tense in him ease up.
"Hey, Beth."
"Hi Daryl, I'm sorry I didn't call sooner…"
"Don't gotta apologize." Her soft laughter in his ear makes him miss her, a feeling he isn't accustomed too.
"Knew you'd say that. My sister, she was really sick. I'm at the hospital now. She's in surgery getting her appendix out."
Well. Maybe her dad wasn't making excuses to get her home. And maybe he needs to not worry about that shit. She made it clear that what her daddy thinks isn't gonna change how she feels.
" 'M sorry ta hear that. She's gonna be okay now though?"
"Yeah, she is. But I, I'm gonna stay here for awhile. So I probably won't be coming over tonight."
The way she says it like the words aren't at all ones she wants to say, makes him miss her even more. He realizes he's nodding and she can't see him nod. She's on the phone for christ sake.
"That's okay. Yer sister needs ya. You start yer new job tomorrow?" He feels a touch of pride that he remembered and he has a feeling that will make her happy.
"Oh yeah, I do! I'm looking forward to it!"
It does.
"Okay then, maybe you can call or somethin' after. Lemme know how it went."
"Oh, okay Daryl." She pauses for a moment but he senses she isn't done. "I- I wish I was there."
"Mmmhmmm…" Me too, I wish you were here too, Beth. Is it gonna get any easier to say these things? These words that do little to convey everything that he's feeling. Probably not. But he'll try.
"Well, goodnight Daryl."
"Night Beth." He's sure he hears a small sigh before she clicks off. He keeps the phone up next to his ear for a moment longer as if he can hold on to her that way.
A knock at the door catches him off guard and he drops the phone on the cushion as he stands up. How the hell did he not hear footsteps on the stairs?
Beau is standing outside the door hands in his pockets looking like a mini Merle.
"Whatcha doin'?" he asks the little boy.
"Mama says ta come see if yer hungry cause it's tacos and can I see yer house?" Beau asks peeking around Daryl. Stepping aside Daryl lets him in. He walks around looking at everything, sometimes touching. It reminds Daryl of the way Beth had looked at his place when he brought her.
"Ya ain't got a TV?" Beau asks incredulously.
"Nah."
"Ya gonna git one? I could come watch movies with ya." This makes Daryl grin. Him and Beau hanging out.
"Ya wanna do that?" he asks and Beau nods his head. "Alright. Ima look in ta that." Beau continues his exploration.
"Ya ain't got stuff either?" Beau's craning his neck, looking into the kitchen at the table and chairs.
"Wha' the hell ya mean stuff?" Daryl scratches his chin.
"Ya know like pictures and a book, just stuff." Beau keeps wiping his nose which is looking a little runny.
"Go get a tissue." Daryl jerks his head towards the bathroom and Beau obeys shuffles past his uncle. While he's wiping his nose he talks to Daryl.
"We got a lot a stuff in the garage. I can ask mama-"
"Why ya so worried 'bout my stuff?" Daryl asks as Beau comes out of the bathroom, nose clean. He looks up at his uncle with his big blue eyes. The look makes Daryl profoundly uncomfortable.
"Cause if ya got stuff ya won't leave. I don't want ya ta leave again." The kid is being completely honest with Daryl and it hurts. The kids were so young when he left, they couldn't have understood.
But he's back. He's here now and Beau doesn't want him to leave. He wants him to stay long enough to have 'stuff'.
"Ain't goin' nowhere. Les' go eat and you can show me that stuff."
xxxxXxxxx
It's late when Beth finally gets home. The porch light is on, but everything else is dark. Her daddy most likely went to bed once he knew Maggie was out of surgery and settled in her room. Glenn had shown up and he said he was staying until someone kicked him out.
It was the first time she'd really ever seen them together. And she realizes there's so much she doesn't know about Maggie. Glen held her sister's hand and the smile she gave him was so genuine and so Maggie that it hurt to watch.
Maggie's in love and Beth didn't even know it.
She closes the front door and locks it behind her and silently climbs the steps. Dropping her purse on her desk she undresses and pulls on a t-shirt. She didn't realize how exhausted she was until now. And her bed looks so inviting but the afternoon in the woods and the hours perched on a waiting room chair in the hospital need to be rinsed off.
After a quick shower and a towel drying that leaves her hair damp but dry enough she crawls across her bed to the pile of pillows, she has to have to sleep. Reaching over she turns off her bedside lamp and stares at the ceiling. It's as familiar to her as the four walls around her. This used to be her sanctuary. She took comfort in its sameness. The bookcase with her collection of Little House on the Prairie books that she and her mama had read together countless times were propped up next to the poetry books and silly romance novels she'd added later. Ribbons from the fair when she was going through her 'horses are everything' phase and had tried to make Nellie into a show pony are pinned to her curtains. Needless to say, the red and yellow and even a couple of green participation ribbons are proof that Nellie wasn't horse show material. But Beth had loved her ribbons anyway. Even without the coveted blue ribbon.
There are pictures taped to her mirror above her desk. Her mama, Nellie, her and Maggie when they learned to french braid one summer and practiced on each other. Beth prided herself on the perfect straight braids she'd woven into Maggie's shiny hair. Her own hair was a study in how not to french braid. It had been hilarious to the girls and the picture of them laughing was that moment caught forever in a photograph.
The paintings on the walls of horses and a Ferris wheel were things her and her mama found in a second-hand store and she'd loved them, feeling very grown up with paintings painted by real artists hanging on her walls. Her bureau and desk are evocative of that long ago childhood.
She realizes with a sudden clarity, that these four walls that used to provide Beth with something she needed no longer seem comforting. She's ventured out into the world again and found that it's not so bad there, it's okay to be in it.
Especially because Daryl Dixon is in it too.
xxxxXxxxx
From the minute she walks into the library and meets a smiling woman who introduces herself as Olivia, just Olivia, the morning flys by. She reads "Brown Bear Brown Bear, What Do You See?" to a small group of younger children and their mothers. Afterward as the moms 'oo and awe' over the art activity the children do. And Beth realizes her fears about being looked at with a critical eye are completely unfounded. Everyone enjoyed what she did and didn't hesitate to tell her.
Even Olivia, who turned out to be the Children's Section librarian makes Beth blush with her comments.
"Are you a teacher during the school year?" she'd asked, completely serious. Which threw Beth for a loop because teacher? Really?
"No, I, I just enjoy children. I really haven't decided on a career yet."
"Well, I think you've found your calling!"
She needs to remember to thank Carol for this. It feels good to have a sense of purpose that she doesn't get at home. One where she isn't trying to right wrongs that really only exist in her head.
Before she leaves she thanks Olivia and as she walks out of the building she feels changed, stronger. She finds herself thinking more and more about a future that she isn't afraid of.
She makes a quick stop at the market for a few things she needs for her next day at work. Steering her car into a parking space she hurries inside.
It turns out stopping there just makes her day even better.
xxxxXxxx
"Uncle Daryl! I remember this! We got it at the farmer's market!" Sophia is holding on to a woven tapestry. The boys crowd around her to see what it is. They followed him out here earlier and Carol had just shaken her shoulders when he gave her a 'look'.
"They want to know who you are Daryl, you're a mystery. And they can carry everything up to your place. Free labor!" She'd handed him a carrot from the bowl she was cutting them into and smiled.
So here they are in the stuffy garage going through his boxes.
"You can hang it in yer room, by yer bed Uncle Daryl," Beaus says as he reaches out and traces the wolf hidden in a dark forest of trees.
"What are ya, my decorator now?" Daryl growls but he's got a crooked smile on his face so they know he's just messing with them.
"Oh, can we?" Sophia jumps up and starts searching other boxes. Shit now what did start?
"Hey, hold up now. I gotta see if I even wanna keep all this shit!" Daryl didn't realize just how much he'd had and it surprises him and makes him feel a little sad that Merle kept it all. Just sitting here in boxes waiting for him to come back.
"Is this you and daddy?" DJ holds a framed picture out towards Daryl and he doesn't even have to look to know that it is. It's one of the only pictures of them together when Daryl was really young. He'd been about four or five at the time so Merle had to have been around twenty.
"Mmmhmm." Kneeling down next to him he watches DJ's face as he looks at the picture.
"I kinda look like you," he says, " 'cept ya ain't got a scar like me." Daryl doesn't know what to do with that because if DJ only knew.
"I wasn' half as tough as you neither."
"Beau says I'm soft." This seems to irritate DJ, Daryl can see it on the little guy's face. And he can relate.
"Yeah, yer daddy said that ta me too. Still does. It's cause we're tougher than them. Tha's all."
"Yer still gonna teach me ta fight ain't cha? For school starts?" DJ is watching him, waiting for an answer. How in the hell is supposed to answer that?
"Hey whas' going on out here? Y'all 'er makin' a big ole mess or what?" Daryl stands up as DJ sets the picture back in the box. Saved by Merle but Daryl doubts the boy will let this one go. He's going to have to deal with eventually.
"We're helping Uncle Daryl. He needs stuff to decorate his place," Sophia says trying to heft up a box full of lord knows what. Daryl reaches over and steadies it for her.
"Decorate? Oh yeah? Gettin' that place all purrdied up for Beth huh?" Merle laughs.
"Shut up Merle." Daryl mumbles.
"When's Beth coming to yer house? She can watch movies with us!" Beau's discovered a stash of old biker magazines and Daryl snatches them out of his hands. They aren't dirty magazines but there's always a few topless women in them.
"Yer uncle and I gotta go see Mr. Hershel, get his truck and bring it back. Git them boxes or whatever ya got moved so's we can take off," Merle says and with Daryl directing them, they manage to get a bookshelf and a couple of boxes up the stairs and into his living room before they load up in Merle's truck to head over to the Greene farm.
Daryl chews on his nail the entire drive there and he's glad Merle made the boys stay home and help Carol. He's not necessarily worried about going to the farm. It's just uncomfortable. And Beth won't be there so he doesn't even have that to look forward too.
"Y'all right?" Merle asks and Daryl straightens in the seat and nods. He's fine. He can do this because it doesn't matter what the old man thinks. That's what he tells himself anyway.
Turns out it wasn't such a big deal although Hershel did mention Beth and her first day on the job and something about how Daryl probably already knew that. Merle winked at him as they followed Hershel into the shop where the pick up was parked. The parts were in the back and Hershel had given Daryl an appraising look.
"I appreciate this. Take your time. However I am getting fitted for my new leg on Friday and getting behind the wheel is, well I want to drive again." Daryl nodded, looked down at his hands clasped in front of him. Looking back up at him he says,
"I'll have it back here before ya get home." And he will.
They get back to the house and Daryl parks the pick-up in the garage. Carol and the kids are gone. Grocery shopping or something and this reminds Daryl that he needs to grab a few things too. In case.
So that's how he ends up walking into the little market in town just as Beth is walking out.
"Daryl! Hi…" She's smiling of course, but there's something more, something else. She looks different.
"Hey, Beth." He shoves his hands in his pockets. Being here in in the market with her is throwing him off. Maybe that's what's different. He's coming and she's going. Maybe he could just leave with her, come back later. He'll go wherever she's going.
"I had to grab a few things. You?" she asks.
"Yeah me too. Went by the farm and got yer dad's pick-up."
"Oh? I'm heading there now, I have to bring him back into town. He's doing a procedure on a cat at the office today." Okay, maybe he can't just go with her. She looks so pretty, kinda dressed up and he remembers the job. First day.
"How was yer first day?" Her face lights up then and he realizes this is the change. The job.
"Oh! Daryl it was, it was perfect. It was, well, it was good." And good for you, he thinks.
"Thas' great Beth. Knew you'd be good at it." Now, what can he say, to keep her here talking in the doorway of the market?
"Yeah. I guess I did okay. I, um maybe I can call you later or something?"
"Yeah, you can." He watches her bite her lip and it almost looks like she wants to say something else or do something, he can't be sure. He knows what he wants to do. He knows what her face feels like against his hand, his lips, his chest.
"K, well I'll let you finish. I'll talk to you later." She turns and walks out and he's torn. How do they do this? And exactly what is it? Aren't they at the point where they've established that they are something? Fuck.
Turning, he heads into the store where fans stir stale air that smells like produce and meat. Grabbing a basket he mindlessly fills it with the basics, bread, eggs, cheese, because he likes cheese. Beer and milk and a few other things before he waits at the check out for a harried looking woman who is probably close to his age ring him up.
"That'll be $25.80." Taking his cash she hands him his change and bags his items. "Have a nice day," she says. He was having a nice day, or at least a nice few minutes until Beth left.
Back out in the heat, he shoves the groceries in the saddlebags on his bike.
"Daryl?" Her voice is soft and sweet directly behind him. When he turns to look at her she grabs his hand and pulls him into an alley. The alley between the market and the hardware store. He's been here, but that was a different time, a different world really because in that world he was never holding the hand of a beautiful girl as she laughs breathlessly and pulls him into the shadows.
"Beth what are ya-"
"I wanted to kiss you, I wanted-" He doesn't make her wait, leans in and takes her face in his hands and opens his mouth against hers.
"Girl, ya read my mind," he breathes against her lips and she whines softly pulling him until her back's against the brick wall of the store and he's pressed up against her. She nips at his bottom lip and he groans because it's good, it's so good.
"So it's ok then that I…" She's leaving a warm little trail of kisses down his jaw and her lips are on his neck and she's never done that and it's- too good. At least for right here where they are. In an alley. But he can't stop, doesn't want to. Her mouth finds his again and he presses her back against the wall, kisses her hard enough to take her breath away. And then forces himself to slow down.
Pulling gently away he looks into her face and it's flushed and her lips are swollen and she's his, all his and he wants her to know that, to know he knows it too.
" 'S more than okay. 'M all yers Beth can kiss me whenever ya want.. it's jus', here…" Waving his hand he sees the smile and can't help but lean in and kiss her again. Quick and light before stepping away and taking her hand.
"I know, I just, I wanted to…"
"Ain't even thinkin' 'bout sayin' sorry!" He gives her what he hopes is his best glare, although it's hard. She makes everything in him soft, well almost everything.
"I'm not!" They stop beside her car and she runs a finger down his chest. "I'm glad I saw you. I, it's silly but I miss you." She said it in an offhand way on the phone too and he doesn't get it, not one bit but he'll take it. Because he missed her too. The difference is he didn't say it. Not then.
"Miss you too," he mumbles, hoping he doesn't sound like an idiot, that she can hear how much he means it. "Maybe we can go do something tomorrow?" He reaches down and opens her car door for her.
"Yeah, I'd like that. I'll talk to you later okay?"
Not goodbye. Nope, not ever goodbye.
"And Daryl?" He looks down at her and she's squinting up at him, the sun shining full on her face. "I'm all yours too." Closing the door she drives away and he figures if his milk is curdled and his cheese is melted, it was worth it.
A/N A couple of things, first Beau wasn't supposed to have much to do in this chapter. Beau decided he wanted to have a bigger part! His character, as well as DJ kind of write their own story and I, feel compelled to share it! I'm sure you have all already figured out that the boys represent what I think Merle and Daryl would have been like as little boys raised by a loving parent. Second, Beth, her dad and sister, and brother, do have a fierce love for one another, but they've all made mistakes and they're working through them. Just know that. Thank you again for all the love! I have the next chapter pretty much written and I think it's my fave so far!